Thirty Tales of a Swordsman
by Velkyn Karma
Summary: A collection of 30 fics featuring Zoro for the 30 onepiece LJ community challenge. Fics range from K-T and angst to comedy, and may guest star other characters as well. Nakamaship only, no pairings. Complete.
1. Not Your Average Death

Hey guys! Back with some more _One Piece _writing. This is a little different than my usual stuff though. Recently I've been participating in 30_onepiece's prompt theme challenge, where they provide 30 different themes and challenge you to write 30 different character fics centered around said themes with a time limit.

The character I picked was **Zoro**, so this'll be a collection of 30 different Zoro-centric fics (with plenty of other Straw Hats too, of course!)

Because they are individual stories bundled together, this'll have a **blanket PG-13/T** rating (this is the highest it gets), but they can vary from **G/K **to **T/PG-13 **(and from here on out I'm using movie ratings). Also note that **all stories are nakamaship only and contain no pairings, **and that the **genres can vary from comedy to angst, **so read all the individual warnings before each fic to know what you're getting into. And unless otherwise stated, **all fics take place between Thriller Bark and Sabaody.**

And now, without further ado, the first fic!

**Title:** Not Your Average Death**  
>Theme: <strong>#4: Wings**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>4,983**  
>Rating:<strong> PG-13, mostly for foul language and some morbid themes.**  
>Warnings:<strong> Set after Thriller Bark, so possible minor spoilers. The aforementioned foul language. Also, character death...sort of. But not exactly. (It makes sense in context, okay!)**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, One Piece or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>Zoro woke in a dark, misty emptiness. There was no ceiling, no walls, no stars, no sky, no <em>nothing.<em> He was reasonably sure there was no floor either. He could feel himself laying flat on his back on some sort of surface, and yet inexplicably he also knew there was _nothing there._

The train of thought was confusing as hell, so he abandoned it, and tried to decide just where the hell he was and what was going on. The last thing he remembered was an enormous full-scale battle, with the entire crew at his side. He'd leapt into the thick of the fight to try and protect one of them and had taken a positively enormous axe blade straight through the gut despite all his efforts to block it. No, wait, he had that wrong; there hadn't been time to block it. That was right.

He considered the emptiness, and came to the fairly reasonable conclusion that he must be dead. Or close to it, anyway. Well that sure as hell sucked.

Zoro unexpectedly became aware of a second presence near him—or more like, the presence suddenly faded into existence out of the blackness and the nothingness. Zoro sat up with a groan and regarded the figure standing or sitting or floating or whatever the hell it was doing nearby skeptically.

It was like nothing he'd ever seen, and Zoro had seen a hell of a lot in his few months on the Grand Line. The figure wore a dark, tattered cloak, so black it looked more like it was made out of night than an actual fabric, which made no sense at all when Zoro thought about it, but it was the truth all the same. He just...knew it, somehow. The same way he knew there was no ground beneath him but he was still sitting on something. The figure's head was shrouded in the hood, making it impossible to really make out a face, although as far as Zoro could tell that face consisted more of cloudy, literal shadows than skin, anyway. A pair of rotting, half-skeletal hands extended from the wide robe sleeves, although that was about it for what Zoro could make out of its body—the cloak, even ripped, seemed to billow around the rest of the creature. But perhaps its most striking feature was a pair of enormous tattered black wings. Half the feathers were ripped out, making the appendages look rather lackluster and bony, but what did remain was folded carefully forward and around the creature's shoulders, forming a sort of rotting feathery mantle.

Zoro supposed under normal circumstances the cobbled-together collection of rotting and generally creepy parts would have made the creature look formidable and possibly even terrifying (but he'd fought zombies before without flinching, so what the hell did he know). But the ancient, frightening image was sort of ruined by the fact that the creature appeared to be sitting back casually on a not-actually-visible chair, legs crossed under its billowing robes while it casually flicked with dexterous rotting fingers through pages of a bright-pink tabloid magazine with _The Undead Enquirer_ stamped in bold letters across its front.

"Um," Zoro said, because even he was sort of at a loss as to how to respond to this one, "Hello. I'm guessing you're Death. Or something."

The figure looked up (Zoro thought—it was sort of hard to tell without seeing a face), and there was a sigh of obvious exasperation from the creature as it glared at him (or at least, Zoro was reasonably sure it was glaring at him). "Dammit to hell, Zoro, can't you _try_ to keep yourself alive for at _least_ one battle? Do we seriously have to play out this scene _every_ time you get into even a minor fight?"

Huh. Not exactly how Zoro expected Death to react. He kinda figured there'd be more...gloating. Or something. "I've never met you before in my life," he said instead, figuring it'd probably be best to not belittle Death or...whatever. Honestly, he really wasn't sure how to play this one.

The figure snorted. Somehow. "Like hell," it growled in exasperation. Dexterous corpse fingers deftly folded down one page in _The Undead Enquirer_ before placing it carefully to the side in thin air, where it stayed perfectly in place despite not having anything to sit on. "We meet at _least_ once a month, usually more, and I give you the _same goddamn warnings every time._ Frikkin' near-death experience laws. If you'd just _listen_ to me once we wouldn't be in this mess all the frikkin' time."

"Um," Zoro said intelligently. Dying was not, apparently, doing anything for his ability to process what the hell was going on. "You..._are_ Death, right?" He asked after a moment, giving the figure a shrewd look. With his luck it would actually turn out to be a zombie, or a Devil Fruit user, or whatever.

The figure_ tched_ in disgust, and his rotting wings unfolded from around his shoulders long enough to flutter in agitation, like an anxious bird when it was grounded. Or, considering the thing's obvious irritation, maybe more like someone who gestured violently when they were mad. "Do I look high-end enough to be Death? Please. Hell, if I was Grim Reaper status I'd have life much easier than I do now. Relatively speaking anyway." The thing snorted (Zoro thought) and then added flatly, "No, just like I tell you _every time,_ I'm just your personal angel of death. Or just Zoro's Death, if you prefer."

"You're...my personal death."

"That's right."

"Named after me."

"Hey, I didn't get to pick my name any more than you did, jackass, so don't get me started on _that._" The creature—his death—waved wings and rotting claws wildly, gesturing in irritation. "You react the same way every time, it's_ really_ starting to piss me off, you know? You're so goddamn _predictable._"

"You're real mouthy," Zoro shot back, fast growing irritated with his death.

"You better fucking believe it. I envy that stupid shit-cook on your crew, at least he can kick you." The death snorted again. "Me, all I get to do is give you the same tired lectures over and over that you never remember anyway when you wake up. It's like beating my head against a brick wall."

Zoro grit his teeth and finally stood up to face his death head on. Strangely enough, it was exactly his height (he thought, anyway). "Okay. Fine. You don't like your job. What exactly—"

Zoro's Death held up one rotting hand to forestall him, and said with obvious boredom, "No, let me guess. 'What exactly is a personal death.' I got it, right?"

"No," Zoro said stiffly. Actually the thing had, but he sure as hell wasn't going to admit it.

"Uh huh. _Sure._" The thing was eyeless as far as Zoro could tell, but still managed to roll its eyes anyway. Somehow. "I'll just cut to the chase. I'm a personal death. Every human being has one. Everyone's slated to die at some point. That's just the way the world works." Zoro nodded in acceptance. The thing seemed satisfied, enough to fold its rotting wings back around its shoulders like a mantle, and continued, "So, everybody's got a death. Death's the most intimate and final thing a human can, or will, ever have. After that, you're done, you know?"

"Brook wasn't," Zoro pointed out, mostly to piss off his death more than to be clever.

"And wasn't Brook's Death ever confused over _that,_" Zoro's Death droned, with a tired sigh. "Poor bastard. Met him just before he joined your crew. He was totally at a loss how to handle _that_ one. Not much precedent for it, that Devil Fruit hasn't been used in a damned long time. Nobody really knew how to handle it, least of all that guy. There's still a lot of kinks in the works there, too. I mean, hell, how are you supposed to decide when an animated skeleton is supposed to die? None of the usual factors are in place at _all._"

"So that's what you do? Decide when we die?" Zoro asked, hastily cutting off a rant before it could actually start.

Zoro's Death gave him a sharp look—Zoro thought, anyway, and damn this was weird—but said, "No, jackass. I already told you, I'm not a Grim Reaper. I don't get to _decide_ when you die. I'm just your personal death, for when it finally happens."

"You lost me on that one."

The thing shrugged, fluttering its rotting wings as it spread its skeletal hands wide. "Basically my one and _only_ job is to stick around you until the moment you finally, _actually _die, and then bring you to wherever you go next."

"Which is?"

"Trade secret, pal. Can't tell you. Be breaking all sorts of rules if I did. Besides, what the fuck do you have to be scared of, you're a goddamn atheist."

"Asshole."

"Damn straight. Probably the _only_ good part about these visits—I can yell at you all I want." The thing appeared to be scowling at him now.

Zoro shrugged. "So, you bring me to wherever when I die. And then what?"

"That's it."

"That's it?"

"Yeah. That's it. The end."

"What, you don't...get recycled, or something, as somebody else's death?"

The thing scoffed at him, like he'd suggested that Luffy had suddenly decided to go vegetarian. "What are you, stupid? I'm Zoro's Death. That makes me _Zoro's Goddamn Death._ I can't just magically switch to being somebody else's death. I'm yours."

Zoro shrugged again. "Okay. Fine then. So am I dead now?"

"No. Thank fuck. You're just _mostly_ dead at the moment. Incidentally, nice job _dodging,_ jackass."

Zoro glared at the thing, and decided his imminent death was more obnoxious than frightening. "So, what...I'm going to live?"

"Probably. That Chopper kid is damned good at his job. I mean, if they just _left_ you laying there, then eventually yeah, sure, you'd die. But they won't. That's a tight-knit group if I ever saw one."

"So, this is..." Zoro waved his hand around once, gesturing to the emptiness around him.

The thing spread its wings and hands simultaneously. "This, my friend, is a near death experience. Honestly, I'm shocked as hell you don't remember this already. I mean, geez...once or twice, sure, I'd understand. But you figure if you do this enough and it eventually becomes routine, you'd start to _remember_ a thing or two."

"I've _been_ here before?"

"All the fucking time. Pretty much, every baddy you've ever fought that inevitably left you laying on the ground bleeding to death, gave you a one-way ticket straight here."

As he started mentally counting all the dangerous fights he'd been in since encountering Luffy, Zoro realized uncomfortably that was actually quite a lot of trips. Okay, so maybe he could see why the thing was pissed off. A little.

Wasn't going to make him treat the thing any nicer, but yeah. He could understand. A little.

"So if this is a near death experience," Zoro said slowly, "Then where's the light at the end of the tunnel that everyone talks about?"

"They turned it off due to budget constraints," the thing sneered back at him sarcastically.

"Real witty."

"Bite me."

"Doesn't exist, huh?"

"No, it does. They just stopped giving a shit enough to turn it on for you since you do this _all the goddamn time._"

"Somebody's bitter."

"Can't exactly blame me, can you?"

"So," Zoro said, turning the conversation back on hand. If he was floating around in near-death-experience limbo, he'd probably be out for some time yet, and he might as well spend it figuring things out since his death obviously wasn't going to let him take a nap. "How will you know when I actually die?"

Zoro's Death shrugged, and said almost civilly, "Dunno. I'll just know."

"You'll just know."

"Hey, don't give _me_ any crap, pal. You're the one who listens to rocks _breathe_ in his spare time. Y'know. When you're not busy _trying to get yourself killed._"

"For a death, you're awful uptight about me dying," Zoro snapped back, finally losing his temper. "I figured you'd be happy about getting your job over with. It must suck to tag around behind me all the time, waiting for me to die."

For the first time, his death actually looked almost terrifying. The creature leaned in close, and despite the fact that they were nearly the same size Zoro's Death seemed to tower over his human counterpart. His rotting wings spread wide, feathers straining to make him appear much larger than he actually was, and for the first time Zoro was aware of a deep, rattling breath from inside the confines of the cloak. Zoro actually ducked back a little in surprise before he could manage to stop himself. Okay, so maybe all the myths and stories about Death weren't _total_ bullshit.

"Uptight?" the thing hissed, low, angry, and this close Zoro could actually feel the pent up rage and frustration seething just below the surface of the creature, contained all within that cloak. _"Uptight?"_ it repeated furiously. "You think I'm uptight? You know what happens to a personal death when their human _dies,_ pal?"

"Uh," Zoro said, drawing a blank. He hadn't actually thought about what happened to death at...well, at death. He just sort of figured he'd stop working on earth, and that was that. "You go to death-afterlife?" He offered.

"Asshole," Zoro's Death snarled. "Real witty. We don't exist anymore. We just _stop._ After I drag you off to wherever the hell it is you're destined to go, that's it for me. No more Zoro's Death. You're dead, so obviously you don't _need_ me anymore. No more purpose for poor old me!"

"Oh," Zoro said, because really, what the hell else could one say to that.

The figure jabbed one rotting finger into Zoro's chest, flapped the bony wings on its back angrily. "You think it sucks to have your friends die? Hey, at least you've got an afterlife to think about, pal. What was it you said? Oh yeah. World's greatest swordsman. So strong your name reaches up _to the heavens._"

Zoro paled. Oh no. His death really wasn't going to bring_ that_ up—

"Yeah, that's right," the death hissed sharply. "Our mutual friend Kuina. Well, you can appease her spirit all you want, but what about Kuina's Death, huh? Yeah, she was a friend of mine, too, and she's gone _forever._ Do you know how long _forever_ is, pal? Let me tell you. It's really. Fucking. Long."

Zoro waited quietly. There was really nothing else he could say to this, nothing he could do, except let his damned death have its piece.

"I am not going out like that," Zoro's Death said sharply. "You can wait for whatever, and maybe _you'll_ be happy if the end for you is just that: an end. But I only get one shot, because I can only be Zoro's Death, and not anybody else's death, and once you go and get yourself killed it is fucking _over_ for me. And you know what? I kinda like living!"

"You're a death," Zoro pointed out tentatively. "Aren't you sort of dead already?" Shit, he'd definitely been around Brook too long when he could practically hear the _yohohoho_ing after that ironic point.

"Fuck you, asshole," Zoro's Death growled at him, although its anger seemed to be dissipating now. "You know what I meant. I'd like to at least _have_ my shot at reaching a ripe old age before I go off to oblivion, okay? But you're not exactly pitching in on your half of the deal."

"Deal?" Zoro snorted. "What exactly are _you_ doing, 'cause _I'm_ the one doing all the fighting and not-dying."

The figure promptly smacked him in the face with one feathery wing. Zoro spat out feathers. _Disgusting._ "Jackass. Why do you think you _always_ manage to bull your way through ridiculous amounts of damage that should kill any other human being?"

"Training."

"Sure, in part, but I'm doing my part too. And let me tell you, I have never, _ever_ heard of a personal death working so damned hard to keep their human alive before." Zoro had the feeling the thing was rolling its eyes again, and it waved one rotting hand in exasperation. "I wish I'd been lucky enough to be some normal human's death. When the most dangerous thing they have to worry about is stepping outside to get run over by a carriage or something. Or hell, even anybody else on your crew. I'd even trade with Brook's Death. That guy's got over eighty freaking _years_ and it's not like he's gonna go down any time soon. I'd take the stupid fruit issues over you any day. Hell, I'd even take Sanji over you. At least he has the common sense to fucking _dodge_ most of the time."

"I've got to be better than Luffy," Zoro said, sounding a little insulted despite himself. "And boy do I feel sorry for _that_ bastard if he's as whiny as you are."

Zoro's Death shook his head in exasperation. "Are you crazy? Luffy's Death is just as crazy as Luffy is. Goddamn daredevil. But it helps that his human at least has Devil Fruit powers for some extra insurance."

The thing folded its arms across its chest, and said with a sarcastic lilt, "I could have belonged to _anybody else_ in the _whole world_. But no, _nooooo,_ I've got to be Roronoa Freaking Zoro's Death, the guy who makes a goddamn _game_ out of seeing how much blood he can lose in a single sitting while still hanging on long enough to get help."

"I...uh. Sorry?" Zoro offered. Really, this was just the day for not knowing what the hell to say.

"Sure," Zoro's Death said. "You say that every freakin' time you visit, and yet here you are again."

"It's not _my_ fault I forget," Zoro insisted. Well, okay. He supposed it was, in part, but damn...he was dying right now, he was sort of preoccupied with other things!

"No," his death agreed sullenly. "I guess it isn't. Just...please, _please_ try to dodge a little more often? For me? Personally I'd kinda like to see a little more of the world before you go off yourself, and I can't exactly go do that on my own. I'm sort of stuck with you, for good or for ill, you know? There's plenty of time for you to die later."

This was possibly the most civil the damn thing had been to him since he arrived. Zoro almost felt bad for it. He supposed it had to suck, being eternally chained to a person without asking for it. "I...uh. Well. I mean. I'll try, I guess. No promises, though. I have to protect the others if they're in danger."

Zoro's Death sighed. "Not exactly the response I was hoping for. Although a few other Deaths on the crew are more than happy to hear it, I guess." And at Zoro's raised eyebrow, the creature's rotting wings seemed to flutter, as if shooing something away. "Nami's Death. Goddamn harpy. For some reason it's _always_ my fault when her human comes close to dying. Hell only knows how _I'm_ supposed to fix anything. I'm just a death, not the meatshield."

"Thanks," Zoro said dryly.

"You asked."

"I didn't, actually, but who's counting." And since he couldn't think of anything else to talk about, he offered, "I'll try. Promise. If you can figure out a way to help me remember, that'd be even better. If you've been following me around my whole life, you know I don't break my promises."

"Yeah," the thing said with a shrug. "I know. I'll see if I can manage. Somehow. For both our sakes."

Silence for a bit, and then Zoro asked irritably, "Am I going to wake up any time soon?"

"Let me check." The death craned its neck sideways, fluttering its wings for balance as it peered through seemingly nothing to do...whatever. After a moment it withdrew its head and folded its wings around itself again like a mantle, and said, "Fight's over. You guys won. Big surprise. You're on the surgery table right now, looks mostly finished though. Getting sewn up. Probably still be a while though, even by time's standards here."

"Standards?" Zoro asked, surprised.

His death seemed to smirk. Somehow. Despite not having a face. _So weird._ "Time moves different here, yadda yadda. Y'know, like dreams. You know a dream might feel like it's lasted hours, but it's only a minute or two long?"

"Um. I guess."

"Yeah, well, things move faster there. Battle and surgery and all, it's been going on for a couple hours now, and we've only been talking for what...twenty minutes? Thirty?"

"Oh. Great." Well, what the hell was he supposed to do now, twiddle his thumbs?

"Bored?" his death asked, and offered him the hot pink _Undead Enquirer_ with rotting fingers.

"Uh...I'll pass."

"Suit yourself." Apparently satisfied with its ranting, the death sat back once more and pried open the pages of the magazine.

Having nothing else to do, Zoro tried sitting back—to his surprise, he was able to effectively sit on nothing, just like his death currently was—and asked, "So. Luffy's Death is nuts, huh?"

"Certifiably. They go together like two peas in a pod. Not often you see that sort of shit around here." The death turned the page of his magazine, and gestured absently between them without looking up. "Case in point, you're borderline suicidal and I'm paranoid about living."

"You're _still_ dead."

"Shut the fuck up, jackass."

"And I'm not suicidal."

"Keep telling yourself that."

"And Brook's Death had some confusion over the whole Yomi Yomi no Mi thing," Zoro recited, "And Nami's Death is a harpy."

"Without question. Those two go together pretty well too, although Nami's Death really wishes she could beat the whole 'willing to risk her life for gold' thing out of the girl's head. Can't say as I blame her."

"What are the others like?"

Zoro's Death shrugged. "Usopp's Death is sort of nuts. Thank fuck his human has more sense then to chuck himself at swords and what have you bare chested." A not-so-subtle glare from the creature, and it went on. "Sanji's Death is pretty chill. Honestly, I find that kind of surprising considering he gets himself into almost as much trouble as you and Luffy do. I expect the nicotine from all those cigarettes the bastard chain smokes is making his death totally high."

"You guys can get high off cigarette smoke?"

Zoro's Death snorted and turned another page. "Think about it, dumbass. It's a leading cause of death, isn't it?"

"Oh." He supposed that made sense, in a weird, twisted, completely morbid sort of way.

"Chopper's Death is still sort of new to the business. Animals don't have personal deaths, you know. We're only for sentient beings. That fruit of his sort of messed up the whole thing and made it way more confusing. Poor kid, he had no idea what he was doing, and he still mostly doesn't. The rest of us look out for the little brat."

"Deaths looking out for other deaths? There's something new."

"You're one to talk, jackass. Besides, you're often the cause of his anxiety, you know? Personal deaths, especially young ones, are usually pretty empathetic with their humans. You're a cause of panic often enough for the poor kid, so the kid's death gets all bent out of shape over it too."

"Oh. Uh. Sorry."

"Sure you are. Liar." Zoro's Death seemed to be rolling his eyes again. "Robin's Death is pretty relaxed. She's been around the block a few times, very experienced, not too worried about her human seeing as Robin usually knows when _not_ to do something stupid."

"You're never going to let this go, are you."

"Hell no. And you deserve it, too." The creature seemed to consider, and then said, "Oh, but that reminds me, Robin's Death _is_ awful grateful to the rest of you for that whole Enies Lobby mess. Suicides really are the worst."

"Um. Tell her no prob, I guess."

"Yeah, whatever." The death shrugged, flicking his mantle-wings a little as he did so. "And Franky's Death is...uh. Well. _Overconfident_ would be an understatement, I think. He told me he freaked the hell out when his human started stuffing himself full of metal, and I can't say as I blame him. I mean, hell, one wrong cut or infection or whatever and it'd have been over. But now that Franky's, like, mostly metal, well...let's just say Franky's Death is absolutely positive he's never going to die."

Zoro snorted. "Yeah. That seems a bit overconfident."

"People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, jackass," Zoro's Death said casually. It turned another page.

"So...you don't mind being stuck with the rest of them?"

The death shrugged. "Do you mind being stuck with your crew?"

"Not really, but I mean, we had a choice in the matter. You're sort of stuck with us, aren't you?"

Zoro's Death smirked. "Clever, aintcha? You're right, but no, it's not really that bad. You just sort of learn to live with it. And make sure Luffy's Death doesn't goad his human into doing anything _completely stupid._ But you're probably familiar enough with _that_ on your end."

"Like you wouldn't believe," Zoro said with a groan. Then he blinked in surprise. His vision was starting to blur at the edges, and his brain suddenly felt awful foggy, like his thoughts could barely get anywhere without being hampered. "Woah...what's...what's happening?"

The death looked up, and then craned his neck again curiously before settling back into place. "You're waking up," it said with a shrug. "Been a couple hours since the surgery now."

"Already?"

"I told you. Time flies. So nice to know you listen to me."

"Asshole." Zoro frowned down at his hands, which were appearing fainter now, more transparent. "So...this is it, then?"

"That's right. Try not to forget this time, _please._ A little dodging wouldn't kill you. In fact, it'll pretty much do just the opposite of that."

"Right," Zoro said. His voice was starting to get echoey now. "I'll, uh, try to keep that in mind. Uh...see you later?"

"Fuck, I hope not," Zoro's Death shot back. "I'd be more than happy to never see you again in this context for the rest of our lifetime, but that's probably too much to hope for."

"I'll say. You're _still_ already dead."

_"Asshole."_

"Well...thanks for keeping me company, at least. Sort of boring here otherwise..."

His personal death shrugged. "I'm always nearby. Happy to help. Now get the hell out."

Sort of a disturbing thought, that, when he really thought it through. But he wasn't able to contemplate it much after that, because by then he'd faded away completely, leaving the emptiness and the blackness behind.

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><p>"Zoro!" Chopper said wearily. "Oh, good, you're awake!"<p>

Zoro managed to peel his eyes open slowly with a groan, and glanced at his surroundings, trying to make sense of his blurry vision. For the vaguest fraction of a second, he could have sworn he saw sixteen forms crammed into the tiny little infirmary on the _Thousand Sunny,_ dark shapes mixed with bright-colored ones that seemed inherently different and yet inherently connected. Seconds later his eyes actually focused, and he noted with relief he wasn't seeing double anymore; just eight crew mates in varying stages of worry and concern, gathered around the infirmary cot and staring down at him anxiously.

"What the hell happened," he managed to slur.

"You got yourself stabbed, idiot marimo," Sanji supplied. "One of these days you need to learn to dodge, shit swordsman, or you're really going to do yourself in."

That sounded oddly familiar, on the very edge of his brain, like he was almost-but-not-quite remembering something. He scrabbled after the thought for a moment, but it was fleeting, slipping away like a dream when one just wakes up, when little scraps of details flow away no matter how hard the dreamer tries to hold onto them. Zoro frowned, shook his head, and growled back wearily, "Shut up, curly-brow. I really don't need you lecturing me."

"But he is right, Zoro," Chopper said anxiously. "You could have been killed! The impale wound was very severe...you mean you really don't remember anything?"

Very, very vaguely, at the fringes of his memory, Zoro could remember the faint traces of pain as the axe blade slammed into his stomach. But after that was nothing but blackness. He'd passed out, and hadn't come to until just now, from the sounds of it.

"No," he said finally. "Don't remember a damned thing after that guy took a swing at me."

The others started to fill him in, voices crowding over each other as they competed over who could tell the story the fastest and the best. Zoro found the cacophony oddly soothing, but there was one voice that didn't quite mesh with the others; a voice that came disjointedly from his left, a voice that tickled once again at his memory but didn't quite jog it. The voice sighed, and then said with long-suffering irritation, _Asshole._

He twisted his head to the side, searching for the source, but there was absolutely nothing there.

"Zoro?" Usopp asked, looking curious. "What's wrong?"

Zoro frowned, and then said slowly, "Nothing. Nothing at all."

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><p>Inspired in part by <em>The Golden Compass <em>series. In one world, humans can see their own deaths as figures that follow them around, and take comfort in knowing exactly where their death is at any given moment. They even get on friendly terms with them. I rather liked the concept of a personal death and decided to play with it a bit.

As per usual these are **all completed** so posting will happen on a fairly regular basis.

~VelkynKarma


	2. Lost and Found

**Title:** Lost and Found**  
>Theme: <strong>#26: Garden**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>7,319**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> Set between Alabasta and Water 7. Little bit of language, minor violence, nothing serious. Sort of longish because I got too into it lol.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>The island they'd arrived at that morning wasn't exactly thrilling—in fact, considering it was on the Grand Line, it was downright tame compared to some of the other places they'd been. Zoro would have expected to see this place back on the East Blue, not on the infamous Pirates' Graveyard. It was apparently a huge center of trade for all manner of plants and fungi, and if it didn't grow there somebody was sure to import it from somewhere else to sell it. It also had a rich cultural history and was the site of a lot of medical discoveries, and the place was known for treating anyone regardless of background, marine or pirate. Zoro supposed that granted the island some sort of immunity or something.<p>

Several of their crew had been excited to visit. Chopper had been positively ecstatic, rushing off almost as soon as they docked to speak to the traders about rare medicinal herbs and other natural remedies. Robin had been calmer, obviously, but had expressed a lot of interest in visiting the island's historical district.

Not everyone was quite as excited as those two, though. Luffy, in particular, was troublesome—he was very rapidly becoming bored, and when Luffy got bored, bad things tended to happen. Robin suggested checking out the island's world-famous gardens, which stretched on for miles. Luffy, convinced that it would be like exploring, agreed enthusiastically, and Zoro, Nami, Usopp, and Sanji went with him, mostly to babysit. Zoro was just interested in finding a nice, quiet corner where he could get a good nap in undisturbed, and a huge garden seemed like it'd be just the place for that.

They were pleasantly surprised to find that the gardens actually _were_ pretty spectacular, and even more impressively, they kept Luffy's attention for quite some time. He and Usopp rushed back and forth, looking at the brightly colored flowers and smelling the scents, which ranged from oddly pleasant to downright bizarre. A lot of the species had been imported from various other islands with different climates, and most of the arrays of flowers had placards posted on the protective guard rails to explain what the species were, which Nami usually read out loud to the others for their benefits. They walked through several greenhouses for special summer-island plants that needed more heat, and there was an enormous building set up for winter-island plants, with extremely cold air continuously being pumped through it. There were even some strange varieties of plants that appeared to be alive, with odd snapping jaws or wiggling vine-like arms; these were kept in enclosed display rooms with very thick-paned glass, like a zoo, and viewers were warned to not disturb the subjects.

But the attraction that really caught their eye (or more specifically, Luffy's) was the hedge maze they stumbled across a little before noon.

_"Awesome!"_ Luffy proclaimed, looking up at the towering, neatly trimmed bushes with bright eyes. The hedges had to be at least twenty feet tall, and were extraordinarily thick, more like leafy green walls than plants. A large wooden arch proclaiming 'Entrance' was placed over one of the wide openings in the hedge, and another marked 'Exit' could be seen a little further down the way. A large signpost was set up in between the two entryways, with a list of information about the maze.

"These hedges are Cretan Whitethorn," Nami read off the informative sign, as the rest of the pirates gathered behind her. "It says they grow naturally into mazes even in the wild, but if cultivated carefully they become more creative. I wonder what _that_ means...oh, wow! This one has over ten miles of track!"

Luffy had that gleam in his eye that said he was about to get up to mischief. Sure enough, seconds later he grinned and said, "Let's do the maze!"

"Wait just a second, Luffy," Nami said, reading over the sign still. "There are rules listed here too. It's a caution. _'Cretan Whitethorn is a very idealistic plant. It loves to create a challenge, respects rules, and detests cheating. Players should make note of this before entering the maze.'_ Huh, what a strange warning for a hedge maze..."

"C'mon, let's _go_ already!" Luffy said delightedly. "Zoro, I'll race you—"

"Absolutely _not,_" Nami said, before Zoro could even open his mouth to say...well, pretty much the same thing, although maybe with a curse in there somewhere. "Zoro is not allowed _near_ that maze. If he can get lost going in a straight line, there is absolutely no way we will ever find him again if he goes in there."

"Excuse me? I'm not _that_ bad!" Zoro protested with a splutter. "It's always _you_ guys that move around, anyway."

"Are you calling Nami-san a liar, shit-swordsman?" Sanji growled warningly.

"And what if I am, curly-brow?"

Sanji looked ready to charge, and Zoro started drawing one of his katana in preparation, but before either one could make the first move Luffy collared Usopp and said, "Okay, you can come with me then, I bet I can beat you through it!"

"_No one_ can beat the Great Captain Usopp in a maze race," the sniper declared, as the two jogged over to the entrance of the Cretan Whitethorn hedge. "Why, one time when I was three I came across an enchanted maze that shifted the walls and floor and ceiling whenever you moved! But there was a princess trapped within it that I had to rescue, so I went into it with nothing more than a packed lunch and a magical flute that legend said calmed the labyrinth!"

"Really? What happened next?"

"Well, I played the flute to make the maze stop shifting, and left myself a trail of ketchup from my lunch..." The voices faded away as the two went further into the maze, and after a moment they were gone completely.

Nami sighed. "Well. If Usopp is with him, this shouldn't be too bad," she said. She, Zoro and Sanji walked over to the 'Exit' portion of the maze, and waited.

And waited. And waited. And _waited._

After half an hour, Zoro finally got tired of standing around, and walked over to a nearby bench. It was long enough for him to stretch out fully on, and he did so, folding his hands behind his head to make it a little more comfortable. He allowed himself to doze, just barely aware of his surroundings.

"Where the hell _are_ they?" Nami growled from over by the exit, a little while later. "It's been an hour since they went in! It can't be _that_ difficult to figure out."

"Nami-san is simply gorgeous when she's worried," Zoro heard the love-cook whimper delightedly.

"I'm not worried, I'm annoyed," Nami shot back. "I don't want to stand out here all day waiting for them!"

"Allow me to go in after them for you, Nami-swaaaaaan!" Sanji offered. "I'll find them immediately and drag them right out for you! I'll make sure to punish them for wasting your precious time!"

"You might as well," Nami said with a sigh. "I don't think it'll waste any more time than is already being wasted. You could probably catch up to them easily enough."

"I'm so pleased to have your confidence, Nami-san!" Sanji trilled. "I'll have them out in only a few minutes!" Zoro heard the quick thumping of dress shoes on dirt as Sanji ran into the hedge maze, and that, too, faded away after only a few moments as the cook disappeared inside.

_At least it'll be a little quieter now,_ Zoro decided idly as he dozed. The love-cook's tendency to start rambling over anything either of the girls said or did was downright annoying, but with him absent it'd be a little easier to catch some shuteye.

Or not. He felt more than saw a shadow fall over him as his nice, comfortably warm sunlight was blocked, and cracked an eye open to see Nami standing over him. "Scooch over," she ordered. "I might as well sit down while we wait."

"There's at least three other benches," Zoro said, and closed his eye again. "Go sit on one of those."

"This one is closest to the exit."

"Yeah, and I'm sleeping on it."

"Argh! You are so..."

She fell silent, and Zoro thought for a brief moment he'd won—until he felt himself being unexpectedly shoved off the bench and onto the concrete path that lead the way through the garden. "What the hell was _that_ for?" he growled, as he rolled to his feet.

She smirked at him, now sitting smugly on the end of the bench that he had been occupying until just recently. "This is the best place to wait for them, at the end," she said. "So I'm waiting. Now that Sanji-kun's in there looking for them, this shouldn't take too long—you won't have time to nap anyway."

Zoro begged to differ—catnaps were still pretty decent, even if they were short. But he had a feeling Nami was getting into an argumentative mood what with all this waiting, and he _really_ didn't want her chalking up his fines any further today, so for once he decided to play nice and just ignore her. He sat down on the other end of the bench, cupped his chin in one hand, and let out a bored sigh as he waited for the rest of his crew to emerge from the maze.

And waited. And waited. And _waited._

"I don't _believe_ this," Nami finally said, fuming, an hour later. "This is ridiculous! Luffy I can understand getting lost, and Usopp can get easily distracted, but Sanji-kun, too? It's been over two hours since we found this maze, and they've been in there for most of it!"

Zoro shrugged, and said dryly, "It _is_ a maze. It's sort of meant to get you lost, isn't it?"

"As if _you_ would know anything about it," Nami shot back. "Argh, _fine._ If you want to get something done, sometimes you just have to do it yourself." She stood up from the bench, brushed off her skirt, and whirled on Zoro, gesturing with a warning finger. "I'm going in to find them. Do not go in that maze, or I swear, I will raise your interest by five hundred percent. After all this, there is no way I want to go looking for _you_, too!"

"Whatever," he snapped back. "As if I want to go in there, anyway. Waste of time if you ask me."

"Good. Then stay _put._" She pointed sharply at the bench, as if to emphasize her point, and then turned on her high heels and marched determinedly into the Cretan Whitethorn maze.

Zoro rolled his eyes, shrugged, and stretched out on his bench once more to get back to his nap. Without the witch or the love-cook there to yammer at him, it was surprisingly simple to fall into a nice doze, and before long he was out like a light.

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><p>Zoro woke with a yawn some time later and idly stretched on his bench. Despite being made of stone it had been quite comfortable, and the garden was peaceful and quiet; combined, it had made his sleep quite relaxing. The temperature was starting to drop now, which had probably prompted him awake. It felt like it was getting close to nightfall—<p>

Wait. What?

Glancing up at the sky, Zoro was surprised to see the sun quite low; it probably wasn't much more than an hour before dusk. It had been around two in the afternoon when Nami had gone into the maze and he'd finally dozed off. Had that much time really passed? Why was he still here?

For a moment he thought that perhaps the other Straw Hats had just left him there and gone back to the ship. But no, that didn't make sense. For one thing, he was reasonably sure that they would have woken him if they were leaving the gardens. For another, he was _never_ so deeply asleep that he became completely unaware of the world around him. In this day and age that was just flat-out dangerous. He would have sensed if any of his fellow pirates had snuck past him to head back for the _Going Merry._ But he was still here, and it was getting close to sunset—that didn't make sense, either.

His gaze swung to the towering, twenty-foot-high hedge maze. They couldn't seriously still be lost in there, could they? An hour or two was one thing, but all afternoon? That was a little weird.

Well, maybe they were close to the edge. He strode over to the 'Exit' sign and waited by the opening in the bushes, listening, but he didn't hear any of his friends yammering on the inside or arguing with each other. "Luffy?" he called, frowning a little. "Hey, witch! Curly-brow! Usopp, you in there?"

Nothing. Stranger still, his voice seemed to fall oddly flat as soon as it hit that little opening in the hedges, like it wasn't even making it into the maze. Something about this was starting to unsettle Zoro. He could feel a cool prickling at the back of his spine, his usual early warning that something wasn't quite right, and that he would need to take action soon.

Of course, there wasn't much else that he could do other than go in after them, which could cause problems all on its own. Primarily his own grief when Nami inevitably jumped up his interest. By five hundred percent. _Five hundred percent._ That was ridiculous just for a stupid maze!

He debated it in his head. Follow his instincts and go in after his crew, only to be in debt up to his eyeballs for eternity. Or leave them be, and hope they found their way out before they died of old age...or whatever else might be in there.

Instincts won out. What the hell. It wasn't like he would ever be able to pay Nami off, anyway.

Decision made, he strode forward towards the 'Exit' opening, intending to go in backwards and find them that way—after several hours, they'd still likely be closer to the ending than the beginning. But as soon as he tried to take his first step between the hedges, the temperature seemed to drop significantly, until he almost felt like he was walking into ice-water, and the bushes rustled alarmingly even though there was no wind.

Frowning, Zoro took a step back. Almost immediately the air warmed again, and the bushes stopped moving, although Zoro could swear the maze was_ glaring_ at him somehow. There was a heavy sense of pressure coming from the plants, a barely suppressed anger that Zoro could feel nonetheless thanks to his recent training in Alabasta. It didn't want him to go in this way—that much was obvious.

He remembered rather suddenly the information Nami had read off of the signpost for this maze earlier. _Cretan Whitethorn is a very idealistic plant. It loves to create a challenge, respects rules, and detests cheating._ Technically, going in the back way was cheating, and Zoro was very aware now that he didn't want to piss the plants off, not with his friends still in there somewhere. "Sorry," he apologized to it, keeping his voice level. "I made a mistake. I'll go in the right way this time."

The Cretan Whitethorn seemed mollified, and the angry presence seemed to vanish. Zoro frowned, but walked over to the entrance this time instead, and stepped unhindered into the maze.

Almost as soon as he was surrounded by the enormous hedges the world seemed to grow quieter, like everything else outside the hedge existed very far away. Frowning, Zoro turned around to glance behind him. The path and benches and displays of flowers were all still there, only a few feet away, but his ability to sense the rhythm of the world told him those same things were miles away, unimportant.

Okay. That was a little strange.

Zoro was aware of the presence again too, in the confines of the hedges. There was no human being, no ghost, just a sense of..._aliveness_ that didn't fit naturally into any other category. It was the same sort of feeling Zoro got from his cursed sword, Sandai Kitetsu, although with significantly less malice—something not aware, but sentient none the less. This time the hedge wasn't angry, not like before when he'd inadvertently tried to cheat. But it was watchful, patient, waiting, and Zoro was acutely aware that unlike Kitetsu—which grudgingly accepted him as its master and was subdued as a result—this Cretan Whitethorn _had_ no master to temper its violence if it was made angry.

Zoro thought of the warning Nami had read again, and determined that he would not try cheat under any circumstances. No climbing the hedges, no cutting through them, no matter what. He wasn't sure what this thing would do if he made it angry, _really_ angry. But while he was pretty sure_ he_ could handle it, he had no idea if the rest of his crew in here could, or what their conditions already were. So he'd play nice, for now.

So he took a deep breath, and without any further hesitation, plunged his way into the maze.

The first path lead straight for several moments, long enough to lead him fully into the maze and make the rhythms outside sound even more deadened, and then abruptly split into five paths. Zoro supposed this was a real stumper for most people, but to him it was painfully obvious that the second from the right was the one that was supposed to be taken, and take it he did without pause. The next fork he came to was just as obvious—the one closest to the left was the answer. And the one after that as well—middle path, clear as day. Left, second right, third left, farthest right—this wasn't hard at all, why did people make such a big deal of it?

He was still aware of the Cretan Whitethorn's presence. It appeared to be following him how, and seemed politely puzzled every time he never bothered to slow down and study the next series of turns and forks. Zoro could tell it was scrutinizing him carefully to see if he was cheating somehow, but Zoro was quite confident that he wasn't—the maze was just too easy. Then it seemed to pause before growing excited, when Zoro approached the next three branching paths, as though a challenge had finally been presented.

Zoro wasn't sure exactly what the thing's excitement was for, until he reached the paths themselves. It was painfully obvious that the one on the far left was the path he was supposed to take. But a niggling feeling at the back of his consciousness insisted that the far right path was just as important to head down. It was the same insistent feeling Zoro got every time one of his crew members was in danger and he was pushing himself to protect them in time. He glanced at the left-hand path once, and then turned and strode casually down the right one.

A few twists and turns later, and he was suddenly aware of a voice cursing the bushes ahead of him, sounding extremely frustrated. Turning the corner, he was unsurprised to see Nami standing there with her Clima-Tact out, beating at the Cretan Whitethorn furiously with the metal poles. "Let me _out_ already, you stupid plant!" she growled furiously, taking another swipe at the hedges, but not even a single leaf was torn off of the towering plants from her attack.

"That's not going to work," Zoro said dryly, crossing his arms. "Didn't you pay attention to the sign you read?"

Nami squealed in surprise and whipped around, Clima-Tact at the ready, but relaxed when she recognized him. _"Zoro,"_ she hissed, "I told you not to come in here! This maze is crazy enough already without adding _your_ sense of direction to the mix." She sighed, and said with exasperation, "How long have you been in here?"

Zoro shrugged. "Not sure. Ten minutes, maybe?"

Nami looked surprised. "No way. You've got to be lying. It took me two hours to find my way to this point!"

"Can't see why. This maze is pretty easy. I'm surprised you guys have been in here this long."

She grit her teeth. "Easy, huh? I am one of the best, if not _the_ best, navigators on the Grand Line, and not even I can find my way through this stupid thing." She took another swipe at the hedges with her Clima-Tact, and the pole bounced off like it was hitting a wall.

"Stop that," Zoro told her sharply. "That's not going to work."

"I'd like to see_ you_ do better!" Nami hissed at him in frustration.

"Alright," he said, and turned back the way he'd come. "Let's go, then."

"No, Zoro, don't wander off—argh, don't leave me here alone, either!" She trotted after him, hesitantly putting the Clima-Tact away after a moment, but that didn't stop her from lecturing. "You'd better not get us even more lost. It took me forever to get this far, and I don't want to be trapped in here all night."

Zoro rolled his eyes and said, "It'll be fine. Just don't cheat, and don't wander off like you guys always do." Nami spluttered and looked about to protest, but Zoro kept going before she could. "Have you seen any of the others in here?"

"No," she said, after grinding her teeth a little more. "I thought I heard Luffy once, but when I finally found my way to where I thought the sound was coming from nothing was there. It must've been a fluke."

Zoro shrugged. He'd made their way back to where the original path diverged now, and turned back to the proper path on the left, with Nami grudgingly following. The presence of the maze seemed satisfied—it had offered a challenge, and Zoro met it successfully, which seemed to please it.

They walked on for another ten minutes, with Zoro choosing the paths. Nami stalked behind him, grumbling for the first few minutes, but eventually she fell silent, and finally said with bewilderment in her tone, "Zoro...we haven't hit a single dead end yet."

"Yeah? So?"

"So..._you're_ leading the way."

Zoro scowled at her over his shoulder, and was just about to protest when they heard a frantic yelping coming from somewhere to their left. It sounded suspiciously like Usopp—a very terrified Usopp—and Zoro was suddenly aware of the Cretan Whitethorn's anger at almost the same moment.

"It's coming from that path," Nami said, and darted towards it.

"No," Zoro said sharply, and grabbed her wrist. "Not that one—it's this one." He tugged her towards a path near the one she'd indicated, which appeared to lead away from the scream, but Zoro knew instinctively that this was the correct one. Nami protested for a moment, but then they were already pelting down the pathway, turning several corners at breakneck speed.

Usopp came into view suddenly—what was left of him to view, anyway. He was half buried in the thick hedge walls, and sinking into it faster with every second. Zoro didn't hesitate: he threw himself forward and plunged his hands into the hedge on either side of the crew's sniper. The bushes scratched at his arms angrily with thorns that he was pretty sure weren't there a second ago, but he managed to fasten his hands around Usopp's upper arms all the same, and held on gamely. Then it was his strength against the hedge's, and they effectively came to a stalemate.

"Zoro!" the sharpshooter blubbered. "Get me out, get me out, get me out, helphelp_help!_"

Zoro grit his teeth as the hedge tugged at Usopp again. The stalemate wouldn't last for long, and Zoro was acutely aware of the Cretan Whitethorn growing angrier. So he raised his voice and yelled to the presence, "I'm sorry my friend tried to cheat! I'll make sure he doesn't do it again if you let me have him back, I promise."

"Zoro, what are you doing?" Nami hissed from beside him. She looked like she wanted to help somehow, but with all but Usopp's head buried in the hedge by this point, and most of Zoro's arms as well, there wasn't much for her to grip. Usopp watched Zoro as well with wide, frightened eyes.

Zoro ignored them for the moment—he was still listening to the presence. It was still angry, but at Zoro's words it seemed to consider, waiting. After a moment it finally seemed to calm down, and forcefully spat Usopp out of the hedge, as if to say, _fine, take him then._ Zoro grunted as the sniper crashed down on top of him, and shoved Usopp off roughly.

Nami helped the two of them to their feet, and as one the trio glanced at the hedges that Usopp had been nearly swallowed by a second before. They looked perfectly normal once again, and Zoro was unsurprised to note that the thorns were gone as well, although his arms were still scratched up pretty good. He glanced over at his friends next. Nami looked worried, and Usopp was trembling violently while thanking Zoro profusely for the save.

"Alright," he said, "What'd you do to piss it off?"

"I c-ouldn't find my w-way out," Usopp stuttered, "So I t-tried to use a flame star to b-burn some of the hedges so I c-could esc-cape..."

Now that he mentioned it, Zoro could see Usopp's slingshot laying on the ground not too far away. He picked it up, handed it back to the sniper, and said with a note of finality, "Put it away, and don't take out any of your weapons again."

"Okay," Usopp said. "Are you going to cut our way out instead?"

"No," Zoro said, very firmly. "That's cheating." He could feel the presence watching him, and it seemed pleased with his answer. "C'mon, let's go." And once again he led the way back to the original path.

He led them on for another twenty minutes—this maze might be easy, but it was sure as hell long. Nami _did_ say there were miles of track in here. Most of that was probably dead ends, but the correct path would still be pretty extensive. He walked on ahead, calmly taking the most obvious paths every time they came to a fork, and occasionally glanced back behind him to make sure his two crew mates hadn't wandered off and, more importantly, were behaving themselves. It allowed him to overhear their conversation—they were whispering to each other, but he could pick it out whenever he turned to keep an eye on them.

"We haven't hit a dead end yet."

"I know! He did the same thing before we found you, too. And he picked the right path to get to you in time on his own."

"That's...are you sure this is Zoro?"

"It has to be, but I don't know what all of this is about. I figured if we set him loose in here we'd never see him again."

"I can hear you," Zoro groused, glaring over his shoulder. They fell silent after that.

It was starting to get darker when they came to another diverging path, this one with five forks. Usopp and Nami waited expectantly, and Zoro paused in the middle of the branches for the first time, considering. He was getting that niggling feeling at the back of his mind again, the same one he'd gotten for Nami earlier.

"Don't tell me you've lost your...whatever it is...that's getting you through _now,_" Nami said, almost helplessly.

"No," Zoro said after a moment. "That's the right path." He pointed at the second one from the left. "But I think somebody else is down this way," he added, gesturing to the middle fork. "I'll go check it out."

"Don't leave us!" Usopp yelped, and the two scrambled after him. He rolled his eyes, but they were probably safer with him, anyway.

They went through several more twists and turns, and then came around the corner to spot Luffy, sprawled spread-eagled on the ground. For one horrified moment Zoro was afraid the Cretan Whitethorn's presence had grown angry enough with Luffy to kill him somehow—he wouldn't put it past his captain to do something to piss it off, accidentally or no. But the captain looked up when they called his name frantically, and rolled into a cross-legged sit after a moment, looking very forlorn.

That was when Zoro realized his hat was gone—probably the reason for the extraordinarily unhappy expression he was wearing. Zoro glanced around quickly, and spotted the straw hat perched delicately up in the highest branches of one of the hedges, at the very top of the natural wall. It looked like a gust of wind would blow it off easily, but Zoro knew better, and suspected the maze was playing a lively game of keep-away with his captain.

"Luffy!" Usopp said. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"This stupid maze stole my hat," Luffy whined, glancing up at the hedges where his most valued possession was being held. "It won't let me have it back."

"Luffy, that's barely twenty feet," Nami said in exasperation. "You've stretched farther than that before. Just grab it."

"I _can't,_" Luffy said, sounding too tired to be angry. "Watch." He sprang to his feet, wound up his arm for a particularly spectacular stretch, and shot it upward. Almost immediately the hedges began to grow, stretching higher and higher, just outpacing Luffy's rubber fist and keeping the hat barely out of reach. Luffy finally hit his limit, and his arm twanged alarmingly before snapping back with such force that the captain was smashed back into the ground.

"Stretching plants aren't fair," he whined, once again spread-eagled on the ground, as the hedges returned to their original height. "And I tried punching the bushes down for stealing my hat too, but they don't fall over, and they won't listen to me when I tell them to give me my hat back." Well, that explained the fatigue—he'd probably gone into one of his classic rages when his hat had been stolen, but with the plants being impervious, he'd likely worn himself out.

Zoro crossed his arms and said flatly, "What did you do to piss it off?"

"Huh?"

"You must've made the maze angry somehow by breaking the rules. What'd you try to do?"

"Oh." Luffy considered, and then said, "Well, I got bored of wandering around, and I was hungry, so I tried to climb the hedges to see how to get out. But they kept stretching like that and knocked me off, and then I realized they stole my hat..." He looked forlorn again. "I can't leave Hat behind!"

"I'll get it," Zoro said with a sigh. Striding over to the spot just below the hat, he addressed the hedge, and more importantly the presence. "Look, can I have my captain's hat back? It's very important to him."

He could feel an edge of angry satisfaction from the presence, like it was enjoying getting a little payback. It didn't like Luffy—Zoro could tell that almost immediately. He was tempted to find a way to beat the crap out of it for offending his captain, but quelled the urge almost immediately. It wouldn't do any of them any good at all. So instead he said, "I'm sorry. He's sort of an idiot, but I'll make sure he doesn't break the rules again. So. The hat?"

Once again, the presence seemed to contemplate Zoro's words. He had a feeling he was starting to get on the thing's good side—it appeared to trust him, after everything he'd done so far. After a moment it seemed to accept his apology on behalf of his captain, and the leaves rustled as the hat was plucked from the top of the hedge and passed, neatly and carefully, down to Zoro's eye level. The branches offered him the straw hat peacefully, and he snatched it free, handing it to his captain.

"Ah! Thanks, Zoro!" Luffy said, accepting his beloved hat back with enthusiasm. He checked it over quickly to make sure it wasn't damaged and then planted it back on his head, grinning once more. "That was really cool! How'd you do that?"

"I followed the rules," Zoro said. "Let's get out of here now."

"What about Sanji-kun?" Nami asked.

"What _about_ him?"

"Sanji's in here too?" Luffy said. "Then we've gotta find him! I'm hungry after all this maze stuff and he's gotta make us a pirate dinner!"

The captain made to dart off into the maze once more, and Usopp barely managed to collar him, dragging him back. "No, Luffy," the sniper said, "You can't just wander off like that again! We've got to stick with Zoro. For some reason he can get through this creepy maze really easily."

"Zoro? But he _always_ gets lost!" Luffy said with a laugh.

"You really aren't any better," Nami said dryly. "But it's true, this maze seems to like Zoro, and we haven't hit any dead ends as long as he's leading. I think he's our best bet to escaping."

"Okay then," Luffy said. "Zoro, find Sanji, and then we'll go eat!"

Great. Find the love-cook...just when he had the perfect excuse to leave the annoying bastard behind, too. "Sure," he said, "Whatever. I'll do what I can," and led them off again.

Finding Sanji proved more difficult than Zoro had expected...mostly because the idiot appeared to have gotten farther than any of the others, somehow. Zoro continued to lead them along the correct path for another twenty minutes—he'd been in the maze for at least an hour now—but he hadn't had that feeling at the back of his mind that told him he was near one of the others, or that he had to hurry. Presumably, the love-cook was just lost, and not endangering himself somehow. The Cretan Whitethorn's presence seemed to be laughing at him, congratulating itself on stumping him for the first time.

But then he felt it switch from amusement to rage a moment later, and that presence seemed to shift across the maze, focusing more intently on some point elsewhere. Alarm bells went off almost immediately in Zoro's head, and without warning he turned around, darting through the rest of the group to double back towards the one path he was pretty sure would take him in that direction.

"Zoro, what's going on?" Usopp yelped, as the three of them rushed after him.

"Somebody else pissed it off bad," Zoro shouted back, as he ducked around a twist in the hedges. "Probably that idiot curly-brow."

They ran through the maze, Zoro leading with the rest careening after him, and when he skidded around a leafy corner five minutes later it was to be greeted with the sight of a full-scale battle. One of the hedges was on fire, and Sanji, lighter gripped in one hand, was kicking at the burning mess angrily. He managed to put a sizable hole in the thick plant, enough to pass through to reach the other side, which the cook immediately tried to take advantage of by diving through. But before he could make it so much as an inch, long, thorny tendrils sprang from the hedge-wall on the opposite side of the path, twining around Sanji's legs and torso. The cook grunted in pain as he was slammed violently into the ground, and then the thorny vines began dragging him back towards the hedge-wall, presumably to swallow him like it had tried to do earlier with Usopp. Sanji struggled violently, but every time he tried to kick the vines wrapped around his legs grew tighter and wound higher, and he was left clawing at the dirt to try and pull himself free.

"Idiot," Zoro swore, and darted forward immediately. He slammed one foot down on the stupid love-cook's back to hold him in place—Sanji swore and cursed him vehemently—but Zoro ignored him and shouted to the maze, "Knock it off already! I'll keep an eye on him, let him go!"

Promises weren't going to do it this time—the Cretan Whitethorn was still furious, and Zoro could feel the rhythm of its sheer, unbridled _rage_ at Sanji's attempt to both kill it and cheat simultaneously. It tugged more insistently at the trussed-up cook, clearly determined to exact violent revenge, and Zoro was nearly thrown off balance as his foot shifted.

_"Sanji!"_ Luffy called angrily, and wound up his arms to attack.

"Luffy, _don't,_" Zoro snapped at him warningly. "I got it!" The last thing he needed was Luffy getting involved—the maze already didn't like him as it was. Luffy obeyed, though reluctantly.

The presence was still furious now, and underlying it Zoro could feel something that was probably the creature's perception of _pain._ It regarded the hedge still burning hatefully, and Zoro realized it was especially angry because of the fire. Come to think of it, it had tried to eat Usopp for the same reason—he'd tried to burn the hedges to escape. "Nami," Zoro ordered sharply, gritting his teeth as he put more weight down on Sanji's back to hold him in place, "Put out the fire, fast!"

"What—oh!" Understanding, she drew her Clima-Tact free again, and had a small rain-cloud hovering over the burning flames in a matter of moments, drenching the hedges. The Cretan Whitethorn's presence relaxed ever so slightly now that it wasn't effectively being tormented, and the vines wrapped around Sanji loosened just slightly. The cook gagged, and Zoro realized a moment later that the vines had been constricting him like a python, cutting off his air flow.

But the presence was still wary, and bore a definite hatred for Sanji. Zoro couldn't say he blamed it, but he had to convince the thing he was in control enough of the situation that it was okay to let the cook go. He spotted Sanji's lighter, still gripped loosely in one hand, and crouched down long enough to snatch it up.

"Hey," the cook hissed dazedly. "What are you—"

Zoro ignored him. Instead he tossed the metal contraption into the air, and for the first time since he'd entered the maze, drew one of his swords. _Wadou Ichimonji_ lashed out sharp and quick, and the lighter fell in pieces.

"What the _hell,_ marimo!" Sanji spluttered, half coughing. "Burn the shitty plants, don't destroy my lighter!"

"Shut up," Zoro told him, and then said to the Cretan Whitethorn, "I've got it, okay? Let him go." The presence still seemed wary, reluctant, and tugged insistently with its tendrils at the cook Zoro was still standing on to hold in place. Eyes narrowing, the swordsman growled, "It wouldn't be breaking the rules for me to cut up those vines of yours. They're on the path. Don't push me, got it?"

The presence grew cold, and Zoro felt its frosty irritation with him. But rules were rules, and he knew the maze would respect that. A few seconds passed, and then the vines slowly uncoiled from the last Straw Hat member in the maze, lashing out only once to scratch at Sanji's hand where the lighter had been, leaving deep scores in his palm before withdrawing into the hedge wall.

"Shitty plant," Sanji snarled, as Zoro let him up. "I ought to—"

"Leave it," Zoro ordered sharply, and dragged him protesting to the group. The love cook looked like he seriously wanted to pick a fight, but Zoro couldn't be bothered. The presence was on his mind heavily now, exuding a good deal of pressure, and Zoro could tell they were no longer welcome. "We're leaving now. Don't touch anything, don't bring out any weapons, and don't break _any_ rules, got it?"

Sanji swore. Nami smiled at him sweetly and very deliberately agreed to Zoro's terms, and almost immediately the stupid curly-brow's mood changed. Usopp and Luffy just nodded.

"Good. Follow me," he said curtly, and led the way, leaving the others to explain to the love-cook, since they inevitably had to question his ability to get them out of here every time a new member joined the party.

It took another fifteen minutes, but Zoro led them back to the original path, and continued to follow the obvious route. He didn't have to worry about finding the others anymore, now that they were all trailing behind him like meek little ducklings, and that let him put all his focus on finding the way out as fast as possible. And he definitely wanted it to be fast—the presence was dogging him angrily now, waiting for the tiniest little excuse to attack. It wouldn't unless he or one of the others broke the rules, though, and Zoro kept a _very_ careful eye on them all to make sure it didn't happen. They were on their best behavior, even Luffy, for which he was extremely thankful.

At last they poured out the exit to the hedge maze, each of them breathing an audible sigh of relief as they finally made their escape. The last rays of the sun were just disappearing over the horizon now, and Chopper and Robin were probably already back at the _Going Merry,_ beginning to wonder where they were. That had taken longer than even Zoro had expected.

"I can't believe the _marimo_ got us un-lost," curly-brow said with a scowl. He placed a cigarette in his mouth, reached for his lighter, and then glared balefully at Zoro when he realized he didn't have one anymore.

"I'm just glad we're not in there anymore," Nami said tiredly. "That was the weirdest hedge maze I've ever seen."

"Agreed," Usopp said, shivering. "That is not a maze I would _ever_ go through again!"

As if in response, the leaves of the hedges behind them rustled angrily. The pirates turned around and discovered the exit they had just walked out of no longer existed—several hedges had sprouted out of nowhere, filling the spaces as effectively as any wall. The entrance to the maze was similarly blocked, and the signpost that explained about the Cretan Whitethorn appeared to have been absorbed into the hedge walls as well.

"I guess we're not allowed back in, anyway," Nami said, shuddering slightly.

"It doesn't matter," Luffy said. "It was a mean maze anyway for stealing my hat. Sanji! I'm _hungry!_"

"Fine, Luffy, but I've got to stop at a market first and pick up a book of matches or something since _somebody_—" a pointed, single-eyed glare "—decided to _wreck my lighter_ for no reason at all."

"I saved your life, curly-brow," Zoro shot back. "But just remind me and next time I won't bother." Sanji continued to glare at him, and Zoro broke the gaze, continuing, "Anyway, I've wasted enough time here, so I'm heading back to the ship." And he strode off down the path, vaguely irritated with the day's events but satisfied, at least, that his crew was okay.

"Er...Zoro?" Usopp said, sounding almost apologetic.

"The _Going Merry_ is in the opposite direction," Nami said, exasperated.

"Dumbass," Sanji finished with a smirk.

* * *

><p>When I first saw the prompt 'garden' my first reaction was 'hedge maze' and then I was like '<em>OhDamn<em> Zoro + Hedge Maze = Instant Win" and then I just had to roll with it.

Every time Zoro listed left or right, chances are, half the time it probably wasn't even that if Skypiea is anything to go by. "I go right." (He turns left).

~VelkynKarma


	3. Plummet

**Title:** Plummet**  
>Theme: <strong>#17: Gravity**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:)<strong> 988**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings: <strong>Liddle bit of blood, liddle bit of language...nothing major.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>He was falling.<p>

He was plummeting from thousands of feet up, with the ocean rushing up towards him, faster and faster, darker and darker, waves crashing on jagged rocks like sharp fangs, white foam swilling wildly like from the jaws of something rabid. If he hit he would die. If he hit he would die _violently._ If he hit there probably wouldn't be any pieces left.

But he knew he wouldn't. Things might be rushing up at him with alarming quickness, but he knew he would never touch those rocks.

He wasn't afraid. There was no reason to be. They'd never touch him. He just had to wait.

The wind whipped past him, stung his eyes, razored at his face, sharp, scratching, insistent, and he could hear it whistling in his ears like a banshee. Almost he was inclined to think he could hear words in it, a wild screaming that insisted over and over and over that he was going to die.

_You're going to die. You're going to smash on the rocks, be torn to bits, dashed to pieces, impaled like when the cook skewers meat. You're going to die. You're dying already. You're dead._

He ignored it. It was lying. He wasn't afraid. He wouldn't die. He just had to wait.

He could see the sheer rocks just off to the side, tauntingly out of reach and too smooth to catch, a flat stone face that would never let anyone save anyone else, much less themselves. The stone was red: warm red, red like blood, indistinguishable from the splatters he left on it as he plummeted, left the splashes behind, so far above.

But he was fine. He didn't need to save himself. He didn't have to worry about those spatters. He wasn't afraid; he just had to wait.

He was aware of the presence tumbling alongside him, a body, a man, shrieking frantically, writhing desperately, trying to claw its way to the useless cliff wall to save itself. Pointless, really. But then, he had very little sympathy for the man; the bastard had tried to kill his nakama, after all. The man deserved to be afraid.

As for himself, he wasn't afraid. Unlike the man, he had no reason to be. He'd be fine. He just had to wait.

His thoughts drifted idly above, so far above now, as his body fell further and further below. They were fine. They were definitely fine. He'd never call himself a believer, but he had faith in his nakama. He knew they could handle it, even without him. He'd gotten rid of the real danger, anyway. That was why they were falling together, down towards the jagged, hungry rocks below, still further but coming up fast now, faster than before.

They were taking a damned long time, but he wasn't worried. He just had to wait.

A more pressing concern was his swords. There was no real reason to worry; he didn't see them falling with him, he could only assume they'd been grabbed before he went over. He trusted his nakama well enough to look after them for his few minutes of falling, but he'd be much more reassured when he had their comforting weight at his hip again. He knew that he could handle things with them there, that he'd be fine—

But what was he worried about? He'd be fine anyway. He just had to wait.

Not that it wasn't _obnoxious_, to be plummeting like this, faster and faster with the wind screaming obscenities and the man screaming prayers, and only have the option of crossing his arms and waiting. If he'd had his swords he could handle this by himself—

But if he'd had his swords it'd mean their navigator would also be dead, because the bastard tumbling alongside him would have had her, so he supposes it's a good thing he doesn't, after all. Besides, that's what being on a crew was about, wasn't it—give and take, not ever having to handle everything by yourself.

It was fine. He'd be fine. He just had to wait.

But those jagged rocks were coming up fast now, far, far too fast, wet, glittering fangs in the moonlight as he plummeted through the darkness; and even if they didn't tear him to pieces, he'd heard in the past that after a certain height even falling onto open water was fatal, effectively like smashing into concrete. There wouldn't be anything left of him, not anything recognizable anyway, not after he hit—

He closed his eyes, breathed out once, opened them again. Calm. Relaxed. No fear. No worry. He wasn't going to hit. He just had to wait.

As if in answer to his patience he felt something warm and elastic wrapping suddenly around his waist, shoulders, arms, felt himself slowing, heard the other man go tumbling past him, still screaming, scratching frantically for aid. Then he was rocking away from those hungry, stony jaws and the white, rabid foam beneath him, shooting up and up again, and the wind wasn't screaming and clawing at him anymore, couldn't whisper obscenities, promise him death, because it wasn't true any longer.

Only he knew it had never been truth to begin with.

He shot over the rise, high up, snapped back at the pull of the elastic wrappings around him, and smashed into his captain, flattening him (for once) into the stone. He rolled off, lay on his back, breathed deep. He was alive, exactly like he knew he'd be.

"Sorry," Luffy said cheerfully. "These guys were more stubborn than we thought! It took longer than I figured to beat'em so I could grab you." His grin grew wider, and he taunted, "You weren't scared, were you?"

Zoro snorted, collected his swords from where they'd been placed carefully on the ground, re-sheathed by his nakama from when they'd been scattered, and said truthfully, "Not for a second, captain."

* * *

><p>I wanted to try writing something short-ish at least once, to try and force myself down to simplicity. I can never seem to write anything short. It didn't quite work like I wanted it to (it still doesn't really qualify as a drabble) but it is under 1,000 words, so that's a start I guess...<p>

This would have been up a few hours ago, only the site was being picky and not letting me upload.

~VelkynKarma


	4. Icewater

This version is slightly different than the one that was submitted for the original contest, thanks to some interesting Devil Fruit facts that **Callosum **pointed out to me. Thanks for that!

**Title:** Icewater**  
>Theme: <strong>#28: Frozen**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>3,290**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> Couple swears, little bit of blood, nothing serious**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>It's a winter island that they've been on for several days now. Zoro isn't sure why exactly they've been puttering all over it through the snow. He isn't really inclined to care, other than the fact that Luffy's ordered it. Something about treasure on the island hidden in a cave, or something. Whatever. He just does what Luffy orders.<p>

They've been searching the island for days, poking around in the wilderness, bundled up against the cold. Chopper is in his element, delighted, and goes back and forth between lecturing the crew on staying warm and dry, and enjoying himself playing in the snow. He darts around the crew in his fleet-footed pure-reindeer form while the rest of them are forced to trudge through snow several feet deep.

There doesn't seem to be any particular danger here—there aren't any monsters or bad guys to face, there's no marine base stationed here, and hell, the townsfolk are even friendly. Zoro isn't really expecting much to happen, but he's naturally always on his guard, and keeps himself at the ready always, just in case.

He's glad for it, because four days after they land, something big happens anyway.

There's a network of rivers on the island, flowing down from the mountains. Most of them are frozen over almost year-round, but the villagers living here warned them to be careful anyway; it's their spring season, warmer than usual, and the ice tends to thin out some, making it treacherous to cross or walk on. Chopper takes the warning seriously, knowing the dangers, and the rest of them pay attention as well—all but Luffy, who is too excited at the prospect of a snowball fight at the time of the warning to care.

So Zoro isn't surprised that Luffy darts across the rivers as they explore with no qualms, or that he doesn't seem worried about the slight creaking as he darts over the ice. Most of the crew members, including himself, ream Luffy out the first few times it happens, but after the sixth river with the same dull-but-uneventful creaking and the same unmarred, frozen-over surface, they start to get a little careless. Maybe the villagers were just confused, or maybe they were referring to the parts of the rivers closer to the ocean, where it was warmer.

The villagers were not confused, as it turned out. Zoro discovers this himself when Luffy darts across river number ten, a particularly wide specimen dusted lightly with recent snowfall, and tips suddenly and alarmingly to the left as the ice shifts under him. Chopper's ears perk suddenly and he frantically shrieks a warning, and Luffy spins to launch a rubbery arm towards the nearest tree—but he's too late, and with a sudden almighty crack and a violent splashing noise, Luffy has suddenly vanished from their view, and there is a dark hole where he used to be. The nearly black water underneath rushes and chuckles cruelly, like it's played some sort of nasty joke and enjoyed it.

The others shriek in a panic, and Chopper calls frantically, but Luffy doesn't resurface. Which is unsurprising; even though all the Devil Fruit lore in the world says they're only affected by seawater, the crew has been around Luffy long enough to know that _anything_ more than a little rainwater or a storm-wave on the deck is enough to freeze him up. And even if his powers weren't affected by freshwater, Luffy's had them since he was seven—he never learned how to swim even before he ate his fruit. In that rushing current, especially with the ice coating, even a person _without_ Devil Fruit powers would be in deep trouble if they didn't know how to swim.

But Zoro does know how to swim, and his captain is under the ice. He doesn't even have to stop and think about what needs to be done. He pauses only long enough to unbuckle his sword-belt and drop his katana into the snow next to Chopper before diving forward, using brute strength to bull the thick snow mounds aside to get to the river and its now gaping opening, slashed into the ice like a black wound.

"Zoro!" Chopper calls frantically, "Wait!" and he can hear several others calling his name as well.

But he can't wait. His captain doesn't have a shot at all under the water—at least he does. And he did some swimming in winter waters before, on Drum Island. He'll be fine. He chucks his heavy winter coat and gloves aside—they'll only drag him down—and before anyone else can protest, dives into the gaping hole in the ice. It's more of a crumbling fall than a dive, actually, seeing as more of the ice gives way under his weight, but he's in.

The cold hits him like a violent punch to the gut, and he can feel his limbs seizing up frantically as the icy chill seeps directly through his skin and muscle into his bones. For one moment he panics when he finds himself paralyzed by the cold waters, frozen in place as he's dragged along by the wild current underneath the ice. He can't move, he can't breathe, he is utterly helpless, lacking control of his very person._ This,_ he thinks, in a moment of strange lucidity in the midst of his mindless panic, _has got to be what it's like to be a Devil Fruit user in the ocean._ It is a terrifying feeling; he doesn't envy his captain or Chopper or Robin or Brook for it in the slightest.

But he isn't a Devil Fruit user, and he doesn't need to submit to nature, to the water, to the frigid power of the current. _He_ is in control here, and he is _not_ going to let this _thing_ take his captain, either.

He seizes control of his limbs, forces them to move. Even the most minuscule of movements hurts, burns like fire and yet isn't comforting in the slightest; his chilled body doesn't want to obey him, and it hurts so much to force it to. But he won't give in, and wrenches his eyes open, ignores the burning sting as he tries to see through the gloom.

There—a dark shape ahead of him, dragged along by the current, flowing like a loose ribbon through the water, completely relaxed, sinking fast. Zoro forces his screaming, freezing muscles to work and pushes himself forward through the water towards it, using the current to help him. He can barely get any reaction out of his body, and the water seems to sap more and more of his strength and mobility the longer he is underneath, but it doesn't have to work forever—just for a few seconds, enough to get his captain to the surface.

Luffy is ahead of him now. Zoro can just barely make out his eyes, vividly white in the dark water, though they are half-lidded, unfocused. Maybe the shock of the cold knocked him out, or maybe he'd inhaled some water by accident—whatever the case, he was out cold, possibly literally, and is unresponsive when Zoro closes in on him. Bad, very bad—Zoro would have to move fast, faster than his pleading, freezing-over limbs would allow for.

He reaches out, barely manages to snag his captain's coat sleeve. The body resists, heavy and dragged by the current, and for a fraction of a second Zoro's frozen fingers start slipping, almost lose their grip. He grits his teeth, narrows his eyes, and absolutely refuses to let go of his captain, not when he's finally caught him. He forces his fingers to dig in tighter—it feels like they'll snap off with so much pressure, like they're made of ice themselves—but he does it anyway, tells the pain to get lost, and drags his captain back towards him, until he can wrap one frozen arm securely in place around Luffy's torso. The limb is all too willing to lock in place once he's accomplished his task, and Zoro knows he's running out of time now, _very_ fast. He has to hurry—he's running out of air, and his limbs are quickly becoming unresponsive, no matter how much stubbornness he puts into his movements.

He can't give up yet. Not until Luffy is above the ice again.

So he forces himself upwards, kicks with everything he has, doesn't waste time fighting the sideways current—too much energy would be burnt on that, energy that needs to be put elsewhere. His head hits the coating of ice above him, at the surface of the river; and damn, the locals might have said it was thin, but from his position it sure as hell looks _and_ feels pretty thick. It might be better to go back to the hole he knows is there, but he doesn't know if he could fight the current and make it in time. He's pretty sure he's been dragged far by now, too far, and he doesn't have that much energy or oxygen left to get back to it.

There is only one other option. He summons the very last of his strength reserves, draws back his arm, and punches the ice above him as hard as he can.

For a moment it seems like it won't give, but then the ice cracks and shatters, splintering away above him. The water blossoms with light and seems to grow so much brighter, and he hastily catches the edge of his newly made hole before the current can sweep him and Luffy away. The jagged ice slashes his palm and arm pretty damn badly, and he can see rivulets of red staining the ice above him, but he doesn't care. He forces his head through the small hole he's managed to make and sucks in air, beautiful, amazing _air,_ air still cold enough to make his breath cloudy and yet it feels so, so much _warmer_ than where he's just been.

He gasps once again, and then with what tiny slivers of strength he has left, manages to drag Luffy up with him, wriggling his own shoulders to widen the hole just slightly so he can flop his captain up over the ice. Luffy _splats_ on the powdered snow like a wet doll, and slowly begins sliding back into the hole almost immediately. Zoro struggles for breath, forces his aching, exhausted, frozen limbs to push Luffy up again, and tries to scrabble for purchase on the slippery, iced-over surface of the river. The ice is unrelenting, cruel, useless—it cuts viciously into Zoro's already exhausted limbs but affords him no place grab on, no place to pull himself to safety, no place to put _Luffy_ so the captain won't be right back where he started.

Zoro groans, sinks a little deeper as he pushes Luffy up out of the hole again. His vision is starting to go black around the edges, and he's getting tired, far too tired for this little level of exercise. He knows it's the cold affecting him, knows he has to fight it, but he is ice all over and his body is barely responding now and he can't even_ feel_ anything anymore, and fuck it's so cold—

He hears voices now, shouting frantically, although he can't make out what they are saying; only that they are nearby, probably on the bank near his position. He tries to scrabble for a grip again, and the ice slips underneath his fingers once more, sends him a little further back into the water. The current tugs at him maliciously, relentlessly. Luffy starts sinking back in as well, and Zoro struggles to force his unresponsive arms to push him back up again, keep his captain alive, because that was his job, but he can't seem to focus properly any more or remember what he's supposed to be doing—

A hand sprouts from the ice, and grips Luffy firmly by the collar, just underneath where his straw hat has miraculously remained still tied around his neck. Luffy stops sliding, and Zoro feels a vaguely warm sense of relief shiver through his frigid body almost at the same moment that it stops moving completely. The warmth is too late—pity. He starts going under, feels something grip his wounded arms, and realizes in a haze of confusion that the river is now sprouting hands that are holding him up by the wrists.

_Make up your damned mind already,_ Zoro thinks to the river firmly. It seems to be trying to kill him _and_ save him at the same time. Really, that was no way to live, going back and forth like that, you had to have resolve, passion, decision—

Apparently the river hears him, because he feels something catch at his legs suddenly; a branch, maybe, or seaweed, or a creepy fish, or hell, maybe even some strange ice-river monster. It drags at his trailing, frozen legs in the water, and the ice hole he made breaks further, shattering abruptly around the edges as it pulls at him. The last thing he hears is frantic screaming, and the last thing he feels is the strange tug at his wrists as the river's arms lose their grip, and then he's under again, plunging into the cold and the dark.

_Fight,_ something tells him, something primal deep inside, and he isn't sure if it's a voice at all, or if it belongs to somebody, or if it's a man's or a woman's or if he even hears anything at all; all he knows is that the voice or the feeling or _whatever_ it is has a point. It is freezing, so cold, and his body feels so dead, so heavy, so unresponsive, but he tries at least—raises his leaden arms and scratches at the icy surface, trying to claw his way through, but it's impossible, and the pressing current is dragging him down, away from the surface, away from the lighter parts into the gloom—

He sees something dark through the bright ice, something that slams down into and through the thick covering, and he can feel the concussion of the blow even from here, so deep down in the dark water. The black thing smashes through, plunges down, snags him by the wrist. From very far away, Zoro realizes it's having the same dilemma he'd had, earlier; stubbornly refusing to let go even though the current tugged violently, trying to steal away the body being rescued. Only now his position has changed and he's being saved, not doing the saving.

Hah. Funny, how the world could work like that, could switch up so suddenly. He starts laughing right then and there, only the cold makes it so hard for him to breathe, and the frigid water presses in against his chest and his mouth and fills his lungs and oh _fuck_ he's freezing inside and out, it's so wrong—

The black shape has a tighter grip on him now, an arm around his chest, and kicks them to the surface. Zoro doesn't fight back, just waits patiently, dull and sleepy and so cold with the world so thick around him, and still dark, even though they're getting towards the bright ice again, and awareness seems to be slipping away through his fingers—

Then it is warm, just slightly warm, as their heads break the surface of a third hole, and the frigid-but-still-not-quite-as-cold-as-the-water air slaps them painfully in the face like needles. It jars Zoro just enough to make him to flinch slightly, and although his vision is still black his hearing has re-aligned itself enough for him to hear the black shape that has grabbed him yell, "Franky, I got him, pull me in!" and to register the sudden rapid clanking of metal that is probably chains, and then a less loud, but no less frantic hiss of, "Fucking _hell,_ marimo, you'd _better_ not die after pulling that damned stunt or Luffy will kill you!"

Something about that doesn't really make sense, and Zoro tries to tell his rescuer—which he _thinks_ might be Sanji, but it's sort of hard to tell—but his mouth and tongue feel thick and unmoving, and all that comes out is a flat slur of noises that don't make sense even to him. He groans, and coughs, and remembers suddenly that Luffy is in the water and he has to be saved—struggles frantically against his captor, but Sanji grips him firmly and snarls, "Stop fighting or you're going to fall back in! Everyone's fine!" And that's when he finally gives up and allows himself to go limp. Everyone is fine. That's all he needs to hear.

The last things he remembers are Chopper's frantic instructions that they need to reach the ship immediately to warm up, and several people bundling him up in thick coats, more than just his own, which is a little weird. Then he finally submits and lets himself fall asleep, because everyone is fine.

When he wakes again he is _warm,_ wonderfully, amazingly warm, and more surprisingly in the galley on the _Thousand Sunny._ The room is boiling, probably thanks to the oven and who only knows what else, but it still feels infinitely preferable to the frigid waters from earlier. He's stretched out on one half of the couch under piles of blankets, and Luffy is sitting on the other side, wrapped in a number of his own and grinning cheerfully at his first mate. The rest of the crew are sitting around the table, except for Sanji, who is bundled up in several thick sweaters instead of his usual suits and stirring an enormous pot of what smelled like soup—very _hot_ soup—carefully by the oven.

"Oh good," Nami says, when he sits up. "You idiot, what were you thinking, chucking yourself in like that? Do you know how _worried_ we were? Sanji-kun almost didn't get to you in time, and it was only thanks to Robin's eyes we were able to find you with that current at all!"

"Sorry," Zoro says with a shrug. "Instinct. Had to get to Luffy in time. Did one of you grab my swords?"

Brook gestures to the nearby wall, where all three swords have been carefully propped. Zoro tosses back the blankets after discovering he is dressed in a new pair of warm, dry pants and a sweatshirt, and moves to retrieve his weapons, buckling them back into place.

Nami is still yelling at him for being stupid. "Are you aware that you could have almost _died?_ Don't you even care?"

"It's hopeless, Nami-san," Sanji says, shaking his head in disgust. "He's probably forgotten about it already. Memory loss, you know. I hear trauma does it, but _my_ guess is he just never had enough brain cells to begin with."

"Watch your mouth, shit cook."

"Make me, shit swordsman."

"Thanks for saving me, Zoro," Luffy interjects cheerfully, grinning widely from the depths of his enormous blanket cocoon. "It was real cold down there!"

"No problem," Zoro says, because it isn't, and he'd do it again in a heartbeat, regardless of the temperature. "Er...thanks to you guys too for pulling me out."

"Tch. _Thanks_ isn't going to replace my best tie, marimo," Sanji mutters, but he shoves a warm bowl of soup and a spoon at Zoro all the same. Zoro smirks and digs into the tasty, but more importantly _warm_ meal, assured that all is right in the world again.

After all, everyone is fine once more.

* * *

><p>The last one was pretty short, so I'm uploading this one a day early.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	5. The Dinner Party

**Title:** The Dinner Party**  
>Theme:<strong> #15: Etiquette**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>7,474**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> Couple of curses...I think that's it. Also set post-Timeskip, but no real spoilers other than the new appearances...and only referenced once to boot.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro stared down at the needlessly complicated place settings before him. He could not for the life of him remember the next part of his instructions, so with a shrug he decided to wing it, and reached for the fork closest to his plate to start eating. Almost immediately a six-inch chef's knife slammed into the table point first directly between his fingers, barely missing taking his ring finger clean off. The stupid love-cook leaned forward with teeth bared and, hand still wrapped around the handle of the knife, growled, "Wrong again, marimo!"<p>

"Hell," Zoro said in angry irritation, and folded his arms almost petulantly across his chest. "What did I manage to do wrong _this_ time?"

"That is a dessert fork, shit swordsman," Sanji grated, with barely contained impatience. "Does it look like I've served you dessert yet?"

Zoro glanced at his plate, a mass of greens with the occasional bright-colored fruit or vegetable mixed in. "Not unless you started serving salad for dessert."

"At least you've got enough basic education to tell the two apart," Sanji growled. His eyebrow was twitching, which created a sort of hilarious swirling effect every time it moved. "That, or you've got more empathy with plants than you thought, marimo. If it's a salad, here's an idea: try using your damned _salad fork._"

"A fork's a fork," Zoro said in exasperation. "Why the hell does it matter?"

"Because it's basic dining etiquette, you idiot, and even a lummox like you ought to understand that!"

"Hell," Zoro hissed again. "Why am I doing this again, anyway? This is a waste of time."

"At least we can agree on something," Sanji drawled. "But Nami-san asked me to beat this into your head, and I will do it entirely _literally_ if I have to. You know how important this is!"

Zoro did actually know how important this was. That was why he'd restrained himself from slicing the cook into bits for so long. Much as he hated to admit it, he _did_ need to learn the art of fine dining, and fast, or their entire crew was going to be in a lot of trouble.

Landing at Melenarra Island hadn't seemed so bad, at first—they'd had to sail through a number of harbor locks to get to the docks proper, but it had seemed a decent enough sort of place after that. The one major port on the island was friendly towards pirates, and they'd been able to get a hold of all the necessary supplies needed for continuing their voyages easy.

Unfortunately, leaving was _not_ easy. When they'd tried to sail out two days later once the log pose had set, it was to be informed that they needed written permission from Lord Garrick Arrington, master of the island, in order to have the harbor locks opened so that they could leave. Luffy had been all for busting their way out anyway, and likely would have tried it if some nearby fishermen hadn't warned them to the contrary.

It was then that they learned the situation they were in. Lord Arrington was accepting of both marines and pirates alike, as long as they played by his rules. He was very much a merchant at heart, the fishermen reported, and had a thriving monopoly over the entire island. He was very concerned with reputation too—no one who came to the island was allowed to leave without Lord Arrington assuring himself that their reputation would not taint his own. Those that tried to leave without permission always found themselves beset by sudden storms and vicious waves, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. The fishermen weren't sure if it was a Devil Fruit, or some sort of technology, but the fact was Lord Arrington was _very_ much in charge here, and they would have to play by his rules.

Fortunately, the fishermen told them, as long as they were the good sort, that wasn't so hard at all. All it took was a simple meeting arranged with Lord Arrington, a formal dinner in which the man would meet with the officers or captains of marines or pirates alike privately and determine if he would allow them to leave or not. Lord Arrington was a bit of a frightening man, and a stickler for manners and etiquette, very much an arrogant noble—but the people liked him well enough, and he could apparently be reasonable if approached non-aggressively.

Of course, the Straw Hats were still sunk one way or another. A private, formal dinner was one thing, but a private, formal dinner that _Luffy_ was forced to attend? If the man was as obsessed with rules and etiquette as the rumors said, Luffy would doom them in under five minutes when he inhaled the entire meal in one shot. It went without saying that they couldn't send their captain to the meeting, arranged to take place in a week's time, not if they wanted to get on this Lord Arrington's good side so that they could leave.

Sanji was the ideal choice for the encounter—as a former chef for a high-class, gourmet restaurant, his knowledge of fine dining outclassed anyone else's on the ship. Unfortunately, he also wasn't a possibility. As Robin pointed out, Lord Arrington would take it as a great insult if Luffy not only supposedly declined his invitation, but didn't even bother to send someone of authority from his ship to dine in his place. Not that the Straw Hat Crew worked that way, with ranks, but Luffy's way of running things was sort of far from the normal. Even if it wasn't meant as an insult, old-fashioned Lord Arrington would certainly see it that way, and that would put them right back at square one—on his bad side, where they didn't want to be.

In the end, Robin had also provided the solution. As long as Lord Arrington's invitation was accepted and met by someone of considerable authority on the ship, they would be able to make it through the encounter safely. The first mate, she had said with a small smile, would be acceptable, especially if the navigator accompanied him.

"It won't look like a slight to him at all, then," the archaeologist had assured. "The fact that two other people on the ship viewed as authority figures by outsiders are being sent to his meeting should appease him. We can simply claim that our captain was unfortunately unable to attend, but sends his most trusted vassals in his place."

"What's a vassal?" Luffy had asked, finger in his nose.

That had pretty much ended the discussion.

It was a good plan, for the most part...the best they could hope for. There was only one problem with it, and that was that Zoro didn't know a damned thing about fine dining, either. Most of his life had consisted of simple meals at the dojo, or roasting fish over a campfire, or fighting tooth and nail for his meals at the _Sunny's_ dinner table.

That was where Sanji came in—he'd officially become a crash-course instructor on dining etiquette. Nami had asked him for the lessons at first—she'd claimed she needed to brush up on it, as her skills were rusty. After Sanji had enthusiastically agreed to teach her, she'd slipped Zoro into the lessons as well. The cook was _not_ happy about it, and neither was Zoro. But everyone agreed that Zoro probably had a better shot of learning how to be presentable at a meal in under a week than Luffy did, and it had to be done so they could get the hell off this island. So Zoro resigned himself to a week of utter torment as he submitted to Sanji's curse-filled lessons.

Only, Zoro hadn't counted on their being so many_ stupid rules_ for something as ridiculous as eating dinner. And three days into the extremely tedious lessons, he still felt like he hadn't learned a damn thing.

"You really are hopeless, marimo," Sanji said in disgust, finally wrenching the chef's knife out of the table. He glared at the small hole in the wood and growled, "And that's your fault."

"_My_ fault? I'm not the one who stabbed the damn table, curly-brow."

"Shut up, marimo, and get back to your damned dinner. _Salad fork._ You work from the outside in, always. Even somebody like you ought to be able to remember _that._"

Zoro made a disgruntled looking noise, and was sorely tempted to use the wrong fork on purpose. But that wouldn't help matters any, or make this ridiculous ordeal end any faster, so he picked up the correct fork and started eating under Sanji's sharp-eyed scrutiny. It was possibly one of the most awkward meals of his life.

That wasn't the first, either, and Zoro had the feeling it wouldn't be his last. Ever since Sanji had been roped into giving etiquette lessons, Zoro had been stuck eating meals separately prepared from the rest of the crew, in courses, in order to get the feel of the dining process. Sanji complained foully every time about 'having to waste good ingredients on an unappreciative moss-head,' but insisted all the same that the only way to really get used to the dining process was to do it. Zoro found it boring as hell in addition to annoying, since he couldn't eat with the rest of the crew—Luffy was bound to inhale his practice meals otherwise.

And of course there was the constant barrage of criticisms, curses, and several other instances of nearly losing fingers as Sanji berated him every time he did something wrong.

"Idiot! That napkin isn't there for show—you fold it lengthwise once like _this_ and place it in your lap, and for the love of all things holy, if you shake it even once I _will_ kick your ass!"

"Marimo, if you try to slurp that soup, so help me God, I will_ kill you._ Use the damned soup spoon—_no_, not like that, you uncultured barbarian! Away from you, you scoop with the spoon moving away from you!"

"If I catch you putting that silverware on the table again, shit swordsman, you are in for a world of hurt. You started eating—if you need your hands free, put it on the side of the dish. No, you moron, not like that! That signals the server that you're done with your meal!"

And on and on. The number of stupid rules for every little thing were ridiculous. Would people seriously take offense if he cut his food a fraction of an inch larger than was acceptable, or folded his napkin just wrong? If they did, they needed to go out and get a damned life already.

A fourth day passed, and a fifth. Zoro was not any closer to remembering any of these rules and was seriously beginning to wonder if Sanji was just making shit up to mess with him. Only the curly-brow's obvious exasperation and irritation was enough to convince him otherwise—the cook was clearly just as pissed about the situation as he was.

It was during the fifth evening at dinner—a joint effort today with Nami, in an attempt to get used to dining with somebody else—that Sanji finally threw up his hands in exasperation. "My deepest apologies, Nami-san," he said, and he really did sound sorry, "But I'm afraid I simply cannot fulfill this task you've given me. The marimo is absolutely hopeless."

Zoro looked up, scowling, and realized after half a second that he actually _was_ fucking something up—his hand was wrapped around the bowl of the wine glass he was attempting to get a drink out of. He hastily shifted it to the stem and growled, "I'm not_ that_ bad."

"You are very _much_ that bad, shit swordsman," Sanji snapped back. "It's been five days and you still can't tell the difference between a salad fork and a dessert one!"

"I _still_ think there's no need for _this many_ forks."

"I'm sorry, Nami-san," the cook repeated with a sigh. "If I had a month, maybe I could beat enough into his head that he'd look insufferably rude instead of downright ignorant, but as it stands..."

Nami smirked from behind her own wine glass—held neatly by the stem, of course, Zoro thought with irritation—and said, "Oh, I don't think he did _too_ bad, all things considered. At least he's not eating with his hands."

Zoro glared at her. Sanji beamed at what he'd probably chosen to interpret as praise for his teaching efforts.

"It's just hard to remember all this stuff all at once," Zoro grumbled. "It's stupid. Who cares about the shape of the napkin or what fork you use? I can sort of remember when I get a reminder, but trying to remember everything on my own is just...why bother?"

"You _have_ to try to learn, Zoro," Nami said, more seriously. "We've only got two days left. You might remember if Sanji-kun starts cursing you when you do something wrong, but it's not like we can bring him with us to the dinner—"

"Erm...actually...maybe you can?"

Zoro, Sanji and Nami turned in surprise. Usopp was standing in the doorway, wringing his hands apologetically. Sanji scowled and looked like he was about to start reaming the sniper out for interfering with the dinner lesson, but Usopp raised his hands hastily to cut him off.

"Wait, I know I'm not supposed to be in here right now, okay? But, um...I overheard the conversation, and if getting Sanji into the dinner might help Zoro do better, there _might_ be a way."

The three of them regarded him quizzically for a moment, and then Nami said, "Explain."

Usopp shut the galley door behind him before saying, "Well, back on Syrup Village, whenever Kaya or her parents had any special functions to go to, Klahadore always went _with_ them, even for dinners."

There was a pause, and then Nami said dryly, "Usopp, I don't know if you've forgotten, but Klahadore was _Captain Kuro._ You know. A dangerous madman of a pirate captain that almost killed us all?"

"I know that!" Usopp said defensively. "But for three years everyone thought he was just a really good butler. Kaya and her family have always been familiar with all that rich-people stuff, and they always thought he was just a butler, so everything he did must be acceptable, right? Including attending dinner engagements as a servant?"

There was another pause, and then Sanji said flatly, "You want me to be a _butler_."

"I just think it's your only chance to get in on the dinner, and still have a chance to give Zoro cues, you know? If you're there as a servant you could probably get away with a few things that you couldn't as a guest. Plus, I bet making this guy think we've got a butler would make Luffy look all distinguished, and I bet he'd like that."

"I think it's a great idea," Nami said decisively. "Maybe we'll still have a chance to salvage this disaster yet. Sanji-kun, you talk with Usopp, and Robin too—they might have some input on good butler etiquette."

"Nami-swaaaaan!" Sanji trilled happily. "I would be _delighted_ to serve you for all of eternity! I'll be your humble butler for the rest of my life!"

"You'll be Zoro's butler too for the disguise, remember," Nami pointed out.

The cook deflated almost instantly, and his curled eyebrow visibly twitched. Zoro smirked. The whole situation just got a lot more amusing than before.

* * *

><p>The remaining two days were a blur of activity as the crew prepared for the private dinner with Lord Arrington. Sanji continued his etiquette lessons with Zoro, and continued to insist the swordsman was hopeless. Zoro didn't really care. This whole dinner thing still made no sense whatsoever, but at least he didn't have to be <em>perfect<em> at it now—just make it look natural enough for Sanji in his servant guise to steer him back on track, should he start messing up. They grudgingly worked out a few cues here and there, but mostly Zoro had a feeling they'd be winging it.

In addition to the dining lessons, other preparations were going on. Sanji frequently spent his spare time not cooking or teaching with Robin and Usopp, trying to figure out proper servant etiquette. He was familiar with serving and dining, and could certainly _dress_ the part well enough, but that was it. Fortunately Usopp remembered enough about Kuro's pre-evil-revealed days to know some of his actions, and Robin was a wealth of instructive information.

While they did that, Nami took Zoro shopping. _Clothes_ shopping. Apparently fine dining was more than just knowing which stupid fork one was supposed to use at what point—you also had to look all dressed up. Which meant suits. Zoro didn't think he'd even worn a suit in his life, let alone _owned_ one (well, there was that Shiki incident, but he'd tossed what was left of that three-piece as fast as he could when everything was over). Initially Nami had been hoping for him to just borrow something from the love-cook, but that hadn't been possible—Zoro was too broad in the shoulder, and his arms and torso much thicker, making the jackets tight and uncomfortable. In the end Nami was forced to drag him to the nearest tailor on the island and have something made specifically to his measurements. It cost a fortune, moreso with the rush, and put their navigator in an extremely bad mood by the end.

"This had better be worth it," she growled at him, as they accepted the formal wear several hours later, and she was separated from a ridiculous wad of bills. "You'd better not mess up. And this is being added to your debt."

"Figures," Zoro muttered under his breath. She smacked him.

And finally, all too fast, the day of the dinner had arrived.

They were as ready as they were ever going to be, and Zoro just wanted to get the whole mess over with now so he could go back to wearing his haramaki and eating things with his fingers. They assembled on the deck when it was time to leave, and Zoro grit his teeth as the rest of the crew joined them to see them off.

"Wow, Zoro!" Chopper said. "You look totally different!"

He _felt_ totally different too, and not in a good way. The suit felt ridiculous and constraining—fighting in it would be close to impossible, although he'd make it work if he had to. Not that he'd really have much of a choice in the matter, since Nami insisted he leave his swords behind on the ship. He really hoped this Lord Arrington guy didn't start trouble, or he'd be forced to defend his crew with dinner knives, or let the cook take all the glory (and the latter was not an option). Nami had been forced to do his tie for him—he hadn't the faintest idea how to put one on, and there was no way in hell he'd ask curly-brow for help on _that_—but it still felt constraining, like a noose around his neck. Even the comfortable, familiar chime of his earrings was absent; Nami had forced him to remove them for the night, insisting he looked too much like a punk otherwise. The end result was something entirely _not_ him, although the others seemed to think he looked snappy if their comments that they didn't even _attempt_ to conceal were anything to judge by. Even Sanji nodded with grudging approval, insisting that 'at least he didn't look like a moss monster that had just stumbled out of a dank cave.'

He was so going to kick Sanji's ass when this was all over.

The others were dressed up as well. Sanji didn't look all that different in a finely-pressed, jet-black suit, although he was now wearing a pin on his lapel that was apparently an indication of his butler status. Nami was wearing an evening gown and heels to match Zoro's suit, and had done her hair up, although the illusion of elegance was shattered when she started her high-pitched shrilling at Luffy for some comment the captain had made.

But eventually they were ready to go, and they set off in order to arrive at Lord Garrick Arrington's manor in a timely and fully appropriate fashion.

Zoro was hating it already, and they hadn't even gotten there yet.

Still, the arrival went off without a hitch. They made it to the manor on time and were politely admitted by a servant, who seemed mildly surprised for a fraction of a second upon seeing them with their own butler but held back that shock pretty well. Zoro supposed that meant he was well-trained. The servant backed off almost immediately and allowed Sanji to attend to his 'masters,' waiting politely to lead them to Lord Arrington.

"May I take your coat, madam?" Sanji asked Nami first, as charmingly as he could possibly manage while still playing the part of a servant. Nami handed it off absently, unconcerned, and Zoro could tell from the tension in the cook's frame it was all he could do to keep himself from noodling in place. Seconds later Sanji turned to Zoro, and although it was probably killing him to do it, he added, "And yours...master Roronoa?"

Zoro had to admit, he was actually quite impressed with Sanji's self-control on that one. He could just barely hear the grit in the cook's voice at having to defer to _Zoro_ like that, but it was something that only those familiar with him, like his crew mates, would recognize. To the waiting servant, it probably sounded completely normal.

Not that he didn't plan to have _fun_ with that. He turned his head just enough, so that the waiting servant couldn't see his face, and smirked in amusement at the curly-brow as he held out the coat. If he could have, Sanji would have been glaring daggers, but he couldn't drop his facade, and was forced to merely accept Zoro's coat with proper servitude.

Okay. This part was kinda hilarious.

The coats taken care of, the servant lead Zoro and Nami through the manor to a sitting room, with Sanji trailing along obediently behind. Their host, the Lord Garrick Arrington himself, was seated in the room, patiently awaiting their arrival. He was a well-dressed man, looking in his late forties or early fifties, with some gray beginning to touch at his brown hair.

"Welcome," the man said immediately, as his guests came into the room. He swept to his feet and offered a short bow to Nami specifically before moving forward to shake Zoro's hand. A bit belatedly, Zoro began to realize that all the crap Sanji had been telling him for the past week about the proper way to treat a lady at a dinner party might not have just been his usual love-cook sensibilities. Shit. Now he sort of wished he'd paid more attention to that after all.

Lord Arrington gestured for everyone to sit after the introductions were complete. Zoro and Nami chose chairs near enough to each other that Sanji could hover near both of them, behind and out of the way but ready to present himself at a moment's notice, like a proper butler. "I must admit," their host said, "It was a bit unfortunate to hear that your captain would not be attending the dinner. But I see now that his subordinates are still more than capable of representing his interests."

Well. So Robin had been right after all. At least they'd scored a few points there.

"I will admit I am even surprised to see that you've brought your own servant," Lord Arrington added, with an absent wave to Sanji. "Though I am shocked you allow him to appear so...un-groomed...in public."

Even with Sanji a few paces away, Zoro could feel the heat rising from the cook, and he could tell it was all the pirate could do to restrain his temper. For his part, Zoro couldn't figure out what the hell Arrington was talking about. Sanji was usually the most well-dressed among the crew...even Zoro would admit most of the others, including himself, were far more 'un-groomed' on a regular basis.

"The hairstyle is very popular back in the North Blue," Nami responded hastily, doing her best to take control of the conversation again. "Our servant hails from there. We always keep up to date with the latest fashions."

Oh. The hair. Zoro had gotten so used to Sanji's one-eyed mop style he'd sort of forgotten about it, but he supposed that made sense. And also explained the cook's rage. He was always very particular about his hair.

"I see," Lord Arrington drawled. "Well, I suppose that is acceptable enough, although personally you give him more freedom than I typically accept from my own servants—"

It was definitely getting hotter now. Arrington would be able to feel it soon enough himself, and that would definitely blow their cover. Besides, much as Zoro loved to take the piss out of the cook for pretty much everything he did, he wasn't so fond of letting this arrogant jackass do it, especially when Sanji really couldn't fight back. That was a crew-only privilege. So he cut the man off, and said curtly, "We're not here to discuss our servants."

Lord Arrington raised an eyebrow. "Roronoa Zoro, you said your name was," he said. A statement, not a question. Zoro nodded, and the man gave the vaguest trace of a smile. "Right down to business, I see. I can appreciate that. Shall we move along to dinner, then?" He rang a little bell, and instantly other servants appeared to lead them to the dining hall. By the time they were on the move, Sanji had managed to cool down enough to follow them without causing further trouble, although Zoro could still tell he was pissed—just hiding it better. Nami gave Zoro a grateful look for the save, that also simultaneously seemed to say,_ don't screw things up any more than you have to._

Such trust they had in him. Great.

The dining hall was a lavish affair, all expensive woods and columns and one polished table set with real silver tableware. Nami's eyes glittered in appreciation for the pieces. Zoro just hoped she restrained herself from slipping an extra fork or two into her dress somewhere. He kept himself from rolling his eye and started to take a step forward to sit, but Sanji grabbed the back of his suit jacket warningly, managing to conceal the move from the servants, and glared at him when they weren't looking. Oh, right. You were supposed to wait for your host to seat himself first.

Lord Arrington did so a second later, gesturing for Zoro to sit on his right, and Nami across the table from him at the lord's left. After pulling back the chair for Nami, Sanji placed himself unobtrusively at the end of the table with his arms folded behind his back, the image of a butler waiting to serve either of his masters. With the earlier reminder from Sanji, Zoro now also remembered that he was supposed to wait for the Lord to move his napkin before putting his own in his lap. He really hoped he'd folded it right. Sanji didn't seem to be freaking out, so he supposed it was good enough.

The Lord Arrington called for dinner next, and the servants wheeled in carts with the courses. Sanji was in his element almost immediately—even if he didn't cook the food himself, he was still an expert when it came to serving it, and attended to the meals of his 'masters' with great skill. As far as Zoro could tell he was pulling out all the stops to make the disguise work—the swordsman hadn't been at the _Baratie_ all that long, but he distinctly recalled Sanji swearing at and beating up his clientele there, which meant he was still being on his best behavior _here._

Not to mention using it as an excuse to get messages across to Zoro. Back on the _Sunny_ the cook had claimed it would be impossible to prepare Zoro fully without knowing Lord Arrington's exact planned dinner menu; apparently there were dozens of additional rules depending on what foods were served, and how. Now, as Sanji delicately placed martini glasses with a red sauce and fat shrimp curling over its edges in front of Nami and Zoro, the swordsman was starting to see why. He would have been sunk, but for the fact that Sanji's hand hovered almost imperceptibly over the fork on the far right of the table settings while he appeared to be attending to Nami, as if to say, _this one_. Zoro got the hint, and once Lord Arrington had lifted his own fork to start eating, Zoro grit his teeth and threw himself forward into what would probably be a disaster.

It wasn't as much of one as it could have been to start, though. Zoro thought he did decently enough with the appetizer. And although the _three_ different wine glasses threw him at first, that was remedied easily enough when Sanji poured the wine for them, effectively taking the choice out of his hands. Lord Arrington didn't seem suspicious, and was presently explaining the logistics of day-to-day merchant affairs to a much-less-interested-than-she-appeared Nami, who was holding his attention. So far, so good.

The second course was a salad. Sanji cleared away their original plates and with a flourish replaced them with the small mound of greens that Zoro supposed were meant to look artful, but to him just looked unappetizing and _definitely_ like not enough for a single person. Hell, he didn't think a serving this size would be enough to satisfy Chopper, and the kid was the smallest one on their crew. But declining to eat would probably qualify as rude, and besides, as soon as they were out of the manor Sanji would try to kick his ass for wasting food, so he resolved to just get it over with. Without wolfing it down, which was also, apparently, rude. Fine dining needed to go to hell.

Sanji appeared to be trying to indicate something, the way his hand hovered again as he set down their plates, but whatever it was, it wasn't a signal Zoro recognized. Oh well. Winging it, it was. He reached for his fork—

A shooting pain burst abruptly in his shin, and shivered up his spine in a hot, crawling sensation. He managed to keep himself from jumping and barely restrained a curse in his throat. He couldn't keep his eye from twitching in reaction, but thankfully Lord Arrington hadn't taken into account Zoro's blind eye when he'd arranged his table settings; it was the eye closest to the host, and the nerves in it were shot, deadening the reaction. He clenched his teeth and shot a glare at Sanji out of the corner of his good eye. The cook had somehow managed, with surprising flexibility, to give him a warning kick under the table while remaining perfectly stationary from the waist up, where he was visible to the host. Sanji gave him a quick warning glance, and his eyes flickered to the forks for the barest second before facing forward again.

Zoro blinked, and realized he'd been reaching for the wrong fork again. Outside in. Right. He managed to correct the motion smoothly without it being terribly noticeable, and the rest of the salad course passed smoothly. But damn he was going to kick the cook's ass later for that. It _hurt._

Things went a little more smoothly after that, and they managed to make their way through the soup and sorbet courses with little trouble. Sanji was mostly able to communicate the how-to's of eating to Zoro via a few of their previously worked out cues, and Zoro managed to stumble through without looking like a complete idiot, at least. He would have grudgingly admitted that Sanji's skills were making up for his own lack of them, except for the fact that Sanji had kicked him twice more for other almost-transgressions, in the same spot as before, and _fuck_ it hurt, so he wasn't exactly feeling gracious. His shin was going to be a mass of bruises tomorrow—he really wished he could stab the cook back with one of the dinner knives, but he was reasonably sure that would be inappropriate. Nami did her part in the dinner as well, subtly and tactfully distracting the Lord Arrington with conversation and being her most false-charming, keeping the Straw Hat Pirates on the man's good side. They had now moved on from the economics of the island, and were more enthusiastically discussing weather patterns, something Arrington appeared to also have studied in his youth.

But it was in the middle of the fifth course, a tiny portion of rib-eye steak, yam wedge, and a tomato rose (Zoro was still not even remotely feeling full, and who wanted to eat flowery looking vegetables anyway) when things started to go bad. Lord Arrington had, until now, been content to speak with Nami alone, but after delicately cutting another perfectly-sized piece from his steak he addressed Zoro. "So. Mr. Roronoa. You are the first mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, yes?"

"That's right," Zoro said curtly. He didn't actually consider himself the first mate, personally, but it would take too long to explain that.

"Your epithet says you are a pirate hunter. As I understand it, you once had some fame back on the East Blue as a bounty hunter, is that correct?"

Zoro shrugged uncomfortably in his suit jacket. He almost stuck a piece of steak in his mouth, but Sanji had that warning look that said he was seriously considering another underhanded kick, so Zoro held off until the question was answered. "I never really considered myself a bounty hunter. That's just what everyone else called me. I just caught bounties to pay the bills."

"I see," Lord Arrington said delicately. "Still, I am impressed by your strength. Even unintentional, it isn't often that a man can make a name for himself so young. Tell me, was the business interesting?"

Zoro shrugged again. "Catch bounties. Turn them in. Nothing special, really." Nami was glaring at him over her plate with a look that clearly said _do not mess up all my hard work buttering him up,_ but really, how the hell was Zoro supposed to answer the question any other way?

"I see," their host said again, although this time with less fake warmth. "Forgive my questions; I simply do not dine with bounty hunters often. More often than not my guests are marines. I am on very good terms with the marines," he told them with a tone that suggested confidentiality and was anything but. "I have dined with many pirates before, too, but never before with pirates that have _quite_ such enormous bounties on their heads."

Zoro didn't like the way the man said it; his tone was too fake, his smile dripped with venom. "That sounds an awful lot like a threat," the swordsman growled low, placing his fork and knife on his plate with sharp, abrupt _clinks_ as he turned to stare the man in the eye. He could feel Nami glaring at him again, and Sanji gave him another sharp, warning kick under the table, but Zoro ignored it and kept his gaze from flinching as he stared at their host.

Arrington raised an eyebrow, and there was that false smile again. "Not at all, Mr. Roronoa," the lord said. "I simply find it intriguing that even your captain's _subordinates_ could be worth so much." He met Zoro's gaze without a hint of fear, and Zoro was reminded of a bully, one that knew he had power, had influence, had no need to worry. "I appreciate strength, Mr. Roronoa. Having lived in the New World for over fifty years, I appreciate it _quite_ a bit. I certainly would not mind having someone of your caliber on my payroll for...insurance."

"No," Zoro growled. "I'm not looking to be recruited. I have a captain."

This time both of Arrington's eyebrows shot up. "I said nothing at all, Mr. Roronoa," the man said cooly. "But I would certainly not say no if you were interested. I pay my soldiers and bodyguards extremely well—as I said, I know the worth of strength. I am sure I could offer you anything else you desired, as well."

_"No,"_ Zoro growled, more insistently. He could feel Nami and Sanji nearby now, tense, worried about more than just the meeting going poorly, now. "I'm not going. I have a captain. And let me assure _you,_ that if Captain Straw Hat Luffy were to learn that you tried to tempt his crew members away from him, he would be angry. _Very_ angry."

Now it was Arrington's turn to narrow his eyes, and he met Zoro glare for glare. "My, my, Mr. Roronoa," he said slowly, voice grating, "that _did_ sound like a threat."

"Not at all, Lord Arrington," Zoro hissed, parroting the man's earlier words very deliberately. "I'm just reminding you that we're here for dinner, not job offers, is all." And again, very deliberately, he turned back to his dinner and cut himself another piece of steak, popping it into his mouth and ignoring the glares of both their host and his crew members alike.

Their host made an annoyed _tch_ sound, and said lowly, "Your captain must be quite confident for you to have so much faith in him."

Zoro shrugged. "He's going to be the Pirate King," he said, as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

Lord Arrington's eyebrows shot skyward again. "Ridiculous," he snapped. But at Zoro's unconcerned expression the man said with surprise, "You really believe it, don't you?"

"Without a doubt," Zoro said cooly. Then he lifted his wine glass and very deliberately glanced in Sanji's direction. He was pretty sure this was technically a no-no, but Sanji only smirked, and poured the wine anyway.

Lord Arrington glared furiously at Zoro, and the tension was suddenly thick enough to cut with one of the dinner knives—Zoro didn't have to be a swordsman to feel that much. Nami looked frustrated, like they'd gotten themselves into trouble, but at the same time Zoro could see her just barely hiding an amused smirk—so clearly she was okay with Zoro putting the man in his place, too, on some level. Sanji said nothing, and still played the servant to perfection, but Zoro could all but feel his malicious satisfaction at Lord Arrington getting one-upped, even if it wasn't him doing it. Although he still kicked Zoro under the table again once he was finished with the wine. _Damn_ that hurt!

The tension increased, and now, although Zoro didn't regret sticking up for his captain for a second, he _was_ starting to regret the way he'd worded things. They did still need Arrington on their side after all, and the man looked pissed enough now to decide to sink their ship anyway—

But without warning Lord Arrington threw back his head and laughed, long and deep, and this time it sounded genuine—not his fake, entertaining-host laugh from earlier. He laughed for several moments, and when he turned back to the Straw Hats there was a genuine smirk there too, one of deep amusement. "So _this_ is the Straw Hat crew, is it? Well, if you are a valid representation of your captain, I am sure I have seen enough of you to get the measure of you all."

Zoro raised an eyebrow, and Lord Arrington smiled wider, saying, "Such confidence you have. I am sure you think you could win any battle. Maybe you even could. Perhaps you could even escape _me._ And yet you come to dine with me anyway. It doesn't seem like submission—that is a different sort of power entirely. Your captain is certainly a very interesting man." A pause, and Arrington studied his wine delicately, swirling the liquid around in the glass before finally saying, "The Pirate King, yes? And such confidence, for such a lofty goal...I must admit, I would not mind my reputation being tied to that in the slightest."

"Is that so," Zoro said, his voice flat, wary.

"It is indeed," Lord Arrington said. "Of course, you cannot actually achieve that goal in my harbor, so I shall have to let you go. I will have messages sent to my harbor masters first thing in the morning to let you pass." Addressing Nami, he added, "You will want to wait until afternoon, my dear, to allow our peculiar tide to finish its business. I would hate to see such a ship smashed to pieces."

Nami's eyes widened, and she nodded, managing to suppress an enthusiastic cheer with surprising skill. Sanji managed much the same (and, Zoro suspected, also barely kept himself in check from attacking their host for the 'my dear' comment). Zoro just smirked.

"Your captain is very lucky to have such loyal subordinates," Lord Arrington added, looking Zoro directly in the eye. Zoro met his gaze firmly, with no hesitation, and after a moment the man turned away, addressing both his guests with, "Though I must confess, it is unfortunate to let such skill go to waste on a pirate ship. Now then. Shall we carry on to dessert?"

"Please," Zoro said curtly, and was _very_ happy to know this whole mess was almost over with.

* * *

><p>An hour later, after the meal was completed and the required small talk and pandering was over with, the trio were on their way back to the <em>Thousand Sunny.<em> Zoro and Sanji had managed to restrain themselves until they were out of the manor's sight before hurling themselves at each other for a long-overdue fight, with heated yells of, "May I _beat your head in for you_, Master Marimo!" and "If you _ever_ kick me under the table like that again I will slice you into _pieces,_ you damned curly-brow!" Nami had allowed them to fight for a few minutes, and then broken them up, shrieking that any damage to the suit Nami had paid for would be covered by them.

Once they had managed to cool down, though, they were able to fall into a relatively normal conversation. "I'm still hungry," Zoro complained. "There was absolutely nothing to that meal, and it still took hours."

"Welcome to fine dining," Sanji said dryly, lighting his third cigarette in a row—under his butler guise he'd had to go without for the duration of the meal. "Although he had a decent enough cook...I couldn't taste-test to be sure, but the aromas and presentation was acceptable, and the menu was varied enough—"

"Whatever," Zoro cut him off. "There was nothing to it. I felt like I sat there and ate _air_ for three hours."

"But I'm surprised, Zoro," Nami said. "I didn't think you would handle that as well as you did."

"You didn't need as many cues as I thought you might," Sanji admitted. "Although the salad course was a nightmare."

"The bruises on my leg sure as hell agree with you."

"Not just that, though," Nami said. "How did you know you could challenge Lord Arrington like that and get away with it? I thought for sure he was going to call up his marine buddies and try to have us arrested...or that he'd sink our ship then and there."

Zoro shrugged. "You heard him. He appreciates strength. Nothing is stronger than the Pirate King on the seas, right? Besides," he added as an afterthought, "The guy's a bully. I just showed him we wouldn't take it, is all."

"Well, whatever you did, it worked," Nami said with a sigh. "We'll be out of here tomorrow, and good riddance."

"Damn straight," Zoro agreed, and mentally promised himself that tomorrow at breakfast he would deliberately break every single rule he'd learned for the past week, just to piss the love-cook off.

* * *

><p>Actually did tons of research on course meals and dining etiquette. And it is a big confusing mess. Also, lots of stupid manners relating to women, so I'm suddenly much less surprised at some of the things Sanji does.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	6. Baroque Works Saga: HitMan

This is part one of a five-part series, exploring what would have happened if Zoro joined Baroque Works when he was asked to ages ago. Because I like AU speculation like woah.

**Title:** Baroque Works Saga: Hit-man**  
>Theme:<strong> #21: Solitude**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>3,199**  
>Rating:<strong> PG (mostly for safety's sake)**  
>Warnings:<strong> AU-ness. Some islands and events are mildly different. And a meaner Zoro than usual, 'cause he was kinda gruffer before Luffy recruited him and obviously that didn't happen here.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro frowned in irritation as something tingled at the back of his mind. His senses, always on full alert even at the calmest times, were especially heightened while he was running through his katas, and he knew with absolute certainty that someone had entered his home. He scowled. He hated when his training was interrupted. The intruder had better have a good excuse, or they were going to find themselves at the business end of his katana.<p>

He looked up impatiently, staring in the direction he knew, without a shred of doubt, that the intruder would be entering from. He was standing in the small courtyard-like garden of the house that had been given to him ever since he'd climbed the ranks in Baroque Works, where he usually did his training, and there were only two ways to get in or out. The intruder wasn't by the back gate, so they were obviously walking through the house. He'd see them at the door in just a moment.

Sure enough the intruder walked plainly into view seconds later, and Zoro let out an annoyed snort, dropping the points of his precious katana slightly—but only slightly. Miss All Sunday might technically be a co-worker, but he didn't trust the woman as far as he could throw her. Something had always seemed off about the woman to him, like she wasn't completely devoted to the organization they worked for. He wasn't exactly a people person, but he was pretty good at reading opponents—or potential opponents—and she had that distinct, ruthlessly cold feel to her that said clear as day she would do whatever she had to to benefit herself. Or at least, it was clear to _Zoro._ He suspected she had her own agenda and her own reasons for joining Baroque Works.

But then, he wasn't exactly one to talk. After all, he'd only agreed to join Baroque Works after killing three of their messengers and making it perfectly clear that he had his own agenda, too. They desperately wanted his strength, and he had eventually agreed to give them it, at a steep price: the moment it started boring him, and he was no longer given tough opponents to test his strength against, he would kill them and leave. He was only with them at all because Baroque Works promised encounters with a slew of dangerous pirates, and assignments to defeat or kill those pirates—more often the latter than the former—would only push him to get still stronger for the moment that he would finally take that title for himself and Kuina. Plus, rumor had it that the mysterious Mr. 0 had a wide network of connections, including at least one contact with the Shichibukai, which would give Zoro a chance to find the infamous Dracule Mihawk—the greatest swordsman in the world.

So Zoro had agreed, and Baroque Works had enthusiastically absorbed him into their organization. They gave him almost anything he wanted, in exchange for his massive strength: difficult, challenging battle missions, a pair of high-quality _ryo wazamono_ grade swords when his old, nameless pair finally shattered, an extremely generous allowance that provided for all the booze he could possibly want. They had even supplied him with a house on an abandoned island only one over from headquarters, so that he could spend his free time in the solitude he frequently craved, sleeping or training without obnoxious underlings tripping underfoot—the house he was in now.

It was a pretty good deal, but Zoro didn't hide for a second that it didn't buy his loyalty, just his strength, and the pansy-ass higher-ups knew it. They kept him satisfied with his fights, and knew the fine line they were walking by keeping him on the payroll. So he couldn't blame Miss All Sunday for having her own agenda either, and didn't begrudge her that, nor did he care enough to go tattle on her to her superior. It wasn't his problem, and he wasn't going to do the office's job for it. He'd just keep an eye on her for his own reasons—after all, people with their own agendas were dangerous, and Miss All Sunday didn't get her current rank by being a pacifist.

She walked delicately down the back steps into the garden now, approaching him without a shred of hesitation or worry. There was a hint of an amused smile playing at her lips as she drew nearer, high heels clicking on the stone slabs set out neatly as a walkway. He let her come, watching calmly but remaining alert as ever, and his only concession to her approach was to remove _Wado Ichimonji_ from his mouth and sheathe it.

"Mr. Bushido," she greeted, as she finally came within speaking distance, and folded her arms casually across her chest. She too possessed the same calm alertness that he did, and Zoro had to respect her for that. Miss All Sunday had always been intelligent enough to know when someone was dangerous, and when caution was necessary. She was definitely a skilled fighter, unlike some of the other battle-crazed idiots down the chain of command who didn't know when to give it up.

He nodded in recognition of his Baroque Works title. He was a bit..._unique,_ in the Baroque Works organization; something of a lone wolf, separate from the rest of the pack, acknowledging that he was a part of them just barely but always working alone when he could. His rank was one of the many ways he'd established that. Technically, it was somewhere between Mr. 0's and Mr.1's—Zoro had fought his way up the ranks _very_ quickly upon being inducted, including a vicious defeat of Daz Bones and his blade-like Devil Fruit that had put both of them in the infirmary for a week. But although he'd managed to effectively establish his level of strength in the company, he'd flat-out refused to take a ridiculous number code name, or have that corresponding number tattooed into his skin or sewn into his clothing like all the other idiots did. The office had tried to convince him on that point, but he'd refused, and after he'd finally started resorting to violence to make their incessant yapping stop they'd backed off. They _had_ insisted on a code name, however—it was vital to the way the company worked, they'd stated—and ended up labeling him after his swords. He'd relented—at least Mr. Bushido wasn't a stupid number name.

"All Sunday," Zoro said curtly in response. "Company business, I'm guessing?"

"Of a sort," the woman answered cooly. Her brown eyes watched him carefully from the cast shadow her purple cowboy hat threw across her face. "There have been some...difficulties...with some new arrivals in the Grand Line. A small pirate crew is assisting the princess Nefertari Vivi, escorting her back to her homeland of Alabasta. They caused severe problems on Whiskey Peak very recently."

Vivi...that had been the rat, if Zoro recalled correctly...the girl who thought she'd snuck into the company undercover with that servant of hers. Zoro wasn't really clear on the details. Politics had never mattered to him much. "Let me guess. Those idiots at Whiskey Peak got themselves trashed."

Miss All Sunday looked the tiniest bit amused at his blunt statement. "In essence, yes," she answered. "They tried their usual scheme, but it seems their navigator, at least, does not succumb as easily as they expected in drinking contests. I suspect she could give you a run for your money, Mr. Bushido."

Zoro snorted. He doubted it. He finally sheathed his other two swords, snatched up a towel from the bench nearby, and began drying off; he had a feeling an assignment was coming. "It figures. The morons stationed there are all small fry, anyway. If they have to resort to trickery in order to catch pirates, they shouldn't be bounty hunters to begin with. They'll get themselves killed in the end."

"Some of them did," Miss All Sunday answered cooly. "You are blunt as ever, Mr. Bushido." He shrugged, and she continued, "I spoke to the crew as they escaped the island—"

"You spoke to them? Why didn't you finish them off?" Zoro narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously.

Another hint of a smile, like she found speaking with him amusing, like she knew something he didn't. "Call it curiosity. The captain is a _most_ amusing man. Straw Hat Luffy, his name is...captain of the Straw Hat Pirates." There was a small flurry of petals as a third hand blossomed from the woman's side, delicately plucking an object from the bag slung over one shoulder while her two natural arms remained folded across her chest. Zoro willed himself not to react when she used her Devil Fruit power—it unnerved him, because he still hadn't found a way to counter such a potentially lethal ability with his own swordsmanship, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let her know that.

The arm offered him a rolled up piece of paper. He took it, and the arm vanished in another swirl of petals as he unrolled the scroll. The crisp parchment still felt new and sturdy, and he realized after a moment that it was still a fairly new bounty poster. A picture of a relatively young looking man was plastered across most of the page. He was grinning ear to ear as he waved at the camera, and there was an old-looking straw hat perched on his messy black hair. The kid didn't_ look_ like a menace—if the photo was any indication, he still looked like he ought to be playing with the local village boys or just earning his first job or apprenticeship somewhere, not being a pirate. But the _dead or alive_ warning at the bottom of the page, and the thirty-thousand beri bounty, was enough indication that he was still dangerous—however idiotic he looked.

Zoro eyed the bounty again. Thirty thousand. That was actually pretty impressive, for a newbie pirate out of one of the four Blues. "How'd he earn that kind of reward?"

"He defeated Arlong, of the Fishman pirates," Miss All Sunday answered calmly.

Zoro whistled. Now he was_ definitely_ impressed. The kid didn't look like much, but if he could take down Arlong, that was pretty noteworthy. Based on what other people on the Grand Line had told him, the guy had ravaged the first half of it for years before finally disappearing to settle somewhere in the East Blue.

"Not bad," he admitted finally. With that admission he could feel his blood starting to run faster, feel the tingle of excitement shiver up his spine at the thought of how much strength that kid had to possess. Someone who could beat Arlong was definitely a fighter. Zoro'd had some good fights in the Grand Line since he'd joined Baroque Works, but a fight with this...Straw Hat Luffy...that definitely promised to be good.

"I thought you might say that," Miss All Sunday said. "The rest of his crew seems decently strong as well, though none of them possess bounties as of yet. They are very...interesting. The crew is exceedingly loyal to their captain, and the captain himself is unusually headstrong."

"So he's stubborn." Admittedly a good trait for a potential opponent, but Zoro was starting to get tired of all the idiots who insisted they were the best and didn't realize just how completely outmatched they were. It was funny how fast a pirate could go from bragging about their skills to begging for their lives here on the Grand Line.

"I would say more...willful." Miss All Sunday smirked again, just barely, and said, "When I spoke to them, I told them their Log Pose was leading them to Little Garden. I even offered them an Eternal Pose to Nanimonaishima, as a way to avoid it."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. Clever. Although he'd never been there himself, Nanimonaishima had a very large outpost of Baroque Works agents—not unlike Whiskey Peak, the only difference being these guys actually _knew _how to fight. "Did they take it?" If they did, they'd be sailing right into a trap.

Miss All Sunday chuckled softly. "No. The captain refused to let me, an enemy, dictate what he and his crew did. They sailed to Little Garden anyway."

Zoro didn't show his own surprise often, but his eyes widened at that. "Is this guy insane?" he hissed, shaking the bounty poster in his hand. "He'd better be _damned _good or he's already dead." He himself wasn't terribly afraid of the island—he was quite confident in his abilities and had nothing to fear from the place—but most people who went there, pirates and marines alike, tended to never leave it.

Miss All Sunday shook her head. "I warned them. They did not appear terribly afraid. I have a feeling they are still safe, however. Mr. 3 was sent to dispose of them on Little Garden, but his most recent transmission was very...unusual, to say the least. I was ordered to dispatch Mr. 2 to the island to dispose of Mr. 3...my partner suspects foul play. The reports say the Straw Hats are dead...but having spoken to them, I suspect otherwise."

Zoro pulled on his shirt and began tying his bandana around his arm once more. "So I'm being assigned to take care of them, then," he summed up. He was fine with that. A captain that could defeat Arlong...and his crew had to be at least somewhat decent in order to be under this Luffy kid's command. It promised a series of very spectacular fights.

"That is correct." Miss All Sunday nodded. "Mr. 0's plans will be jeopardized if the Straw Hats are allowed to arrive in Alabasta."

As if Zoro cared about the boss's plans. As long as he got a good fight out of it, a way to test his strength still further, he was happy. "Fine. Who am I being assigned with? And it sure as hell better not be Bon Kurei. I'm real tired of dealing with that nutcase."

Unlike most Officer-level Baroque Works agents, Zoro didn't actually have a female partner to work with. The company had once again tried to instill a few of their rules on him, and had cycled him through a number of assignments with supposedly strong female partners, but they'd learned very quickly that he didn't exactly do the whole 'teamwork' thing, or cooperate well with others. More often than not his various partners had gotten in his way, ruining a perfectly good fight at exactly the wrong moment, or getting themselves into trouble by getting into a fight with an enemy way over their heads. Zoro got tired of babysitting them—it was a hassle to try and keep them alive. Even if he wasn't particularly loyal to the company itself, he _did _sort of feel somewhat responsible for the people that decided to follow him around, enough so that he didn't want to accidentally cause their potential deaths.

After several dangerous encounters the Baroque Works assignment officers finally gave up on giving him a permanent partner, and officially recorded him as a lone agent. Now they merely resorted to sending him a minor official to navigate to the assignment itself and point him in the general direction of the target. They had insisted on this part after a number of terrible directions they'd given him, resulting in him ending up six islands away from the pirate he was supposed to subdue, but that was hardly _his _fault.

Miss All Sunday shrugged. "There is no assigned officer this time. Instead, I think I will join you personally."

Zoro raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have better things to do with your time? Zero keeps you on a tight leash, doesn't he?"

The corner of Miss All Sunday's lips quirked, although this time Zoro couldn't tell if it was a smile or a grimace. "I am quite sure I know how to take care of my own business, Mr. Bushido...or should I say Roronoa Zoro?"

He shrugged. He didn't really care if anybody knew his name. It wasn't like he considered it a big secret, personally.

"I am currently not needed back at headquarters," Miss All Sunday continued, "and I believe the Straw Hats are more of an issue. This time I will personally accompany you to see that the deed is correctly done."

"This isn't an official assignment, is it," Zoro observed suddenly. "The boss up top doesn't know about it."

Another quirk of the lips. "Mr. 0 does not need to be troubled with this. He already has enough things to deal with as it is, now that his plan is beginning to come together. I think my talents are better served taking care of miss Vivi and her supporters."

Zoro shrugged. "Fine. Whatever. Long as you get me there and don't get in the way of my fight, I don't really care about whatever the hell it is you're up to."

Miss All Sunday just barely smiled. "Of course, Mr. Bushido. I would not dream of involving myself in your fights. That _is _the nature of your contract. Naturally this is why I thought of you, instead of Mr. 1 and Miss Doublefinger. Straw Hat Luffy seems to exactly fit your qualifications."

She was definitely up to something, Zoro could feel it. He still didn't trust her...but as long as she kept her (way too many) hands to herself and stayed out of his battles, then just like he said, he'd let her get away with whatever the hell she wanted. He couldn't be bothered to care. "Fine. Whatever. Give me a few minutes to shower and pack a few supplies and we can go."

"Of course, Mr. Bushido."

"Oh," he added, stopping suddenly as he reached the steps leading from the garden into the house. "One more thing."

"Yes, Mr. Bushido?"

He turned to look her squarely in the eye and said, "I ain't callin' you 'Miss All Sunday' every time we need to talk. Especially for addressing you in front of non-company people. It's just too much of a mouthful."

She smirked, just slightly. "Understandable, Mr. Bushido. It is a bit of a long code name."

"So?" He eyed her patiently, waiting. "I've never worked a mission with you before. What do you go by besides that?"

She paused, seemed to consider for a fraction of a moment. Her eyes seemed oddly distant for a moment, but when she answered she sounded in control as ever. "You may call me Nico, if you must call me something else at all, Mr. Bushido."

"Nico," he repeated, committing it to memory. "Fine. Works for me. I'll be back in a bit. You can sit inside if you want." And then he strode inside to take care of business before leaving his painfully empty not-quite-home for a very promising battle.

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><p>I've had this idea in mind for <em>months<em> now, but never had a way to get it done. Hooray 30 Pieces for finally giving me an outlet for it!

~VelkynKarma


	7. Baroque Works Saga: Meeting

Part two of a five-part series, exploring what would have happened if Zoro joined Baroque Works when he was asked to ages ago. Because I like AU speculation like woah. Aw yeaaaah.

**Title:** Baroque Works Saga: Meeting**  
>Theme:<strong> #9: Determination**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:)<br>Rating:** PG-13 for fighting and language.**  
>Warnings:<strong> AU-ness. Some islands and events are mildly different. This piece assumes there were other islands in between Drum Island and Alabasta and that the group stopped at one on the way for supplies or whatever.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro would give Miss All Sunday, or Nico has he'd been calling her for the past two days, credit where credit was due: despite her suspicious nature, she was definitely good at getting a person exactly where they needed to be at just the right moment. He suspected her navigational and tactical skills were the reason they were standing on the unsettled island of Folgasse now, watching several of the Straw Hat pirates from the cover of the trees as the crew gathered supplies and water for the remainder of the journey.<p>

Zoro was not terribly concerned that any of the opposing crew members would spot him or Nico. They were on a short cliff-like rise above the rest of the crew (the island was covered in such protrusions) in addition to being hidden within the outskirts of Folgasse's forest region. They were too high up and too deeply in the shadow to be seen properly unless one of the agents leapt out and waved their arms around. Zoro wasn't inclined to do so, and he knew Nico was clever enough not to (which was more than he could say for half the idiots that "qualified" as officers). He didn't even have to crouch to remain unseen; he was leaning comfortably against one of the thicker tree trunks, staring down at the group contemplatively.

Vivi was the only one Zoro recognized. Pictures of her had been circulated amongst the officers recently, with strict, unrelenting orders to kill her on sight if she was spotted. She didn't particularly look like a menace, nor like a particularly strong fighter, now that he got a real-life look at her. That made his stomach twist unpleasantly at the kill order, but he quelled it quickly. He didn't like being used like some hired thug to slaughter a girl who couldn't fight back. He wouldn't hesitate to fight and, if it came to it, kill a woman regarded as a strong or at least capable fighter—he owed Kuina nothing less, after all the troubles she went through. But mercilessly killing somebody who was, if not innocent, at least way over her head...that didn't quite sit well with him. That was one of the reasons he preferred more challenging combat missions—so that when he was labeled the infamous demon Roronoa Zoro it was for the right reasons, not the wrong ones.

There were others present, too, presumably members of the Straw Hat crew. A woman with short orange hair was yelling orders loudly to the others, or more like _at_ the others. Although she appeared very insistent on getting their final round of supplies onto their ship, a small caravel with a ram's head, she wasn't doing an ounce of the lifting work herself. Zoro snorted. What a witch. He couldn't believe the crew was even taking orders from her.

There was also a kid with an unusually long nose and dark curly hair, sort of gangly looking. Zoro would have dismissed him, until he spotted the slingshot stuffed in the kid's back overalls pocket, whereupon he decided to keep a cautious eye on the long-nose in the future. Based on his scrawny muscles and slightly jumpy appearance Zoro figured he wouldn't be much of a problem, but it was always stupid to underestimate people on the Grand Line, and the kid was clearly a ranged fighter. That was dangerous to him simply because he hadn't found a way to counter it with his close-ranged swords yet.

Long-nose appeared to be having an animated conversation with what was, Zoro observed with more than a little bewilderment, a deer. The deer appeared perfectly sentient, responding to long-nose's wild gestures with excited all-too-human nods, and as Zoro watched it expanded into something that looked more like a yeti. Probably a Devil-Fruit user, then. Zoro resolved to take care around him, too. The yeti-deer helped long-nose tie several heavy-looking barrels to the back of an extremely large riding duck that Zoro recognized as native to Alabasta; probably Vivi's, then. The duck took off down the steep path leading from the island's cliff-perched forests down to the bay below, where their ship was moored, and seconds later the yeti-deer, now just a deer, followed with another barrel of goods tied to its own back. At this distance Zoro could barely make out one final figure wandering around on the decks of the caravel far below, presumably another crew member, though he couldn't make out the details.

Straw Hat Luffy, the captain of the pirate crew, was the most obvious member present. Zoro had been observing him for the better part of ten minutes, and still could not make out what the hell drove this kid to act like such a complete _idiot._ He was an enthusiastic mess of energy, constantly here and there, remarking on cool bugs he'd found or delicious fruits he was eating. The rest of the crew looked like they were only just putting up with his antics, with a mix of barely-contained patience and a growing desire to cause bodily harm. It was hard to understand why they'd be loyal to him at all, though they were apparently a tight-knit group when push came to shove, based on all the reports Nico had shared with him. He supposed that was sort of admirable.

But still...Zoro couldn't figure out how the hell a kid like _that_ had earned a thirty-thousand beri bounty, which, truth be told, was why he'd waited as long as he had to observe him. Normally he'd just throw himself into the battle and figure it out from there, like he always had. Simple curiosity and confusion had cautioned him to hold back on that instinct, and now the more he watched, the less he understood. He certainly _believed_ this Luffy kid had earned his bounty, otherwise the military wouldn't have assigned him such a large number for his first poster, but he couldn't figure out the _how_. It was driving him crazy.

"Have you seen enough?" Nico asked him patiently. "If we do not act soon, they are bound to sail away. They are already transporting their last batch of supplies back to the ship."

Zoro said nothing. This was _his_ promised fight. He would handle it how he wanted, and she sure as hell would _not_ interfere.

But she did have a point, so as the long-nosed kid started heading down the steep cliff path with a basket of fruits slung over one shoulder Zoro made his move. It would be easy, far, _far_ too easy, to drop down on any single one of those pirates and slice them apart before they could so much as react. None of them had their guards up, and would be so easy to kill. But that wasn't Zoro's way either. No matter how underhanded or vicious Baroque Works could get, Zoro still had a code of combat, and he would never, ever stoop to stabbing an unprepared man in the back. It just wasn't something he, as a swordsman, an honorable if ruthless duelist, could justify to himself.

A real fighter with _real_ strength would face their opponent head on, and beat them with skill and power alone, never deceit. So Zoro stepped forward and, with a surprisingly graceful leap, skidded down the steep rise they'd been standing on and came to a halt in front of the remaining Straw Hat pirates.

They gasped in surprise, and Luffy openly gawked, like Zoro had worked some sort of magic to appear out of thin air. He saw their heads turn to focus on somewhere behind him as well, and moments later Nico alighted beside him. In the late afternoon sun the swirl of petals around her gave her an odd halo that looked almost exactly like flowery, angelic wings as she landed with perfect balance on the ground.

Luffy was now alternating between gawking at Zoro and glaring at Nico; apparently their last encounter hadn't exactly been friendly. The orange-haired witch did not look impressed anymore either, and was glaring angrily now. "Not her again," the woman hissed. "Are you here to give us more advice? And who's that...your partner, Mr. 0? _Crocodile?_"

Zoro snorted in disgust. They thought he was Crocodile? And Crocodile was Mr. 0? Well, he supposed he knew now why the _actual_ Mr. 0 wanted Vivi dead so badly, and the rest of these pirates. He coveted that secret very highly.

Zoro did not intend to let on that he had ever found it out just now, himself. He liked fighting; that didn't make him suicidal.

Vivi was shaking now, and looking directly at him. "That's not Crocodile," she whispered softly. "But it's almost as bad. That's Mr. Bushido. He's...he's sort of like Baroque Works' hit-man for especially dangerous opponents. They say he beat even Mr. 1 in single combat." She looked awed, and very, very afraid.

"Oh," Luffy said. A furious expression had passed over his face for a fraction of a second when they had mistaken Zoro for Crocodile, but now he appeared highly curious. "So he's a really strong guy then?"

"Very strong," Vivi agreed. "I don't know if you can beat him, Luffy, especially with Miss All Sunday here too..."

"He doesn't look that tough. And his hair's _green._"

Zoro's eye twitched. "I don't see how that's even remotely connected to my strength," he growled. He drew his first katana, Kuina's sword, and over its low rasping hiss as it emerged from its sheath he added, "And I promise you, I'm _really_ strong."

"Cool!" Luffy exclaimed. "You use swords? I don't think I've fought a sword-guy yet."

"Swordsman," Zoro corrected, gritting his teeth. He'd barely met the kid for five minutes and Luffy was already wearing on his nerves.

"Sure, that," Luffy said absently. "Arlong doesn't count, 'cause he didn't use his for very long. How come you have three? Do you break your swords a lot?"

"No," Zoro answered shortly. "I use _Santoryuu._ Three-sword style." He spun Kuina's blade deftly before clamping it in his mouth, and drew his other two katana dexterously, one in each hand. He stepped forward to begin his attack, now that his opponent was clearly ready—

_"Awesome!"_ Luffy said delightedly, eyes sparkling. "I've never seen anybody use three swords before! Can you really cut people with your mouth-sword?"

Zoro's eye twitched again. "How about I show you," he grated out from behind the white sword's hilt. This kid was _definitely_ not taking this fight seriously. He was definitely going to _die_ here and all he could do was admire his opponent's weaponry?

"Wait a minute," the orange-haired witch said suddenly. "Three swords? I've only heard of one person ever to use that style, a bounty-hunter from back in the East Blue named Roronoa Zoro."

"That's also me," he said, because it was true, and what did it matter if he told them anyway?

Nico chuckled slightly. "Oh my, Mr. Bushido," she said calmly, "you do realize you are breaking Baroque Works regulations."

"The regulations can go to hell," Zoro said. "As the witch here just pointed out—"

"_What_ did you call me?"

"—I'm sort of recognizable anyway." He turned back to the still-admiring Luffy and said, "I hear you defeated Arlong, and you just admitted it yourself, so I'm really looking forward to this fight."

"No, absolutely not," the orange-haired witch said firmly. "We're not staying, not when we're facing down Baroque Works' co-leader and the Demon of the East Blue at the same time. Luffy, come on, let's run, hurry! Remember, we need to get moving so we can get to Alabasta in time!" She was already running towards the cliff path herself, with Vivi hot on her heels.

She was brought up unexpectedly short as Nico crossed her arms quietly in front of her, and several arms sprang into existence, pinning the girls' arms to their sides. "Straw Hat Luffy is yours," she said to Zoro cooly. "I will take care of the others."

"Right," Zoro responded curtly, and without further ado he hurled himself at the pirate captain.

For all his idiocy, Zoro realized almost immediately that Luffy's instincts were top notch. Zoro's lunge was incredibly quick as he sliced out with all three katana blades, but by the time he'd finished his attack Luffy had already leapt into the air above him, clamping one hand to hold his straw hat in place.

"Woah," the kid commented. "You're pretty fast." Then he whipped his arm back, and yelled, _"Gomu Gomu no Pistol!"_

Zoro thought he was crazy to attack at that range. He was pretty high up in the air—there was no way a basic punch would even come close. But unbelievably the arm _stretched,_ rocketing at Zoro's face with shocking speed. It was only thanks to the swordsman's finely-honed reflexes that he was able to throw himself aside just in time, skidding to a stop on the dirt with his swords held wide for balance.

Luffy landed with a slap of sandals and grinned, his free hand still clamped to his hat, his attacking hand once again a normal length. "I'm pretty fast too," he said confidently. His smile was almost blinding.

Zoro's eyes narrowed. "You ate a Devil Fruit?"

"Yup," the other proclaimed proudly. "I'm a Rubber Man."

"Tch," Zoro muttered in return. "That still won't make much of a difference." He hurled himself at the rubber kid once more, swords slicing dangerously. Luffy leapt into the air again to dodge, and punched out with another one of his_ pistol_ maneuvers, but this time Zoro was ready for it. He twisted sideways, just barely to dodge the blow, and with a precise movement brought one of his hand-held katanas swishing around to slice at the extended limb. Luffy squawked in surprise and pulled sharply at his arm, whipping it just barely out of range, and overbalanced as he crashed to the earth once more.

"Hrm," the captain muttered, as he pulled himself to his feet. "I don't think I like fighting swords much."

"Too bad," Zoro said flatly, and threw himself at the kid again, this time unleashing a vicious _Oni Giri_ that was sure to slice the kid to ribbons.

To his surprise, Luffy didn't dodge out of the way at all. Instead, with shocking speed, he whipped his rapidly stretching hands behind himself and yelled, _"Gomu Gomu no Bazooka!"_ The rubbery arms came flying at Zoro with extra elastic force, and the kid simultaneously lashed out at the last minute with a short-range kick, meeting the swordsman at the exact moment that his sword technique's full potential was unleashed. Force smashed into force and negated itself, and when the smoke cleared Zoro was shocked to see the kid still standing, and not bleeding even remotely. One of Luffy's rubbery hands was gripping Zoro's right wrist tightly, while the second pressed against the swordsman's collarbone with wide-spread fingers to keep Kuina's sword from advancing further. The flexible little bastard had even managed to turn that kick into a block, his sandaled foot pressing against Zoro's left wrist in such a way that his sword was effectively halted.

Zoro was starting to understand just how the kid had managed to beat Arlong, now. If he could display this level of combat intelligence, observe and counteract a move he'd never even seen before so quickly—shit. He'd _blocked_ Oni Giri. Not exactly with any degree of finesse, but not dying was not dying, and there was something to be said for that. This kid was pretty good.

Growling now, Zoro twisted his wrists and neck quickly, throwing off Luffy's iron grip. The two skidded backwards several paces, and Zoro glared over _Wadou Ichimonji's_ blade, considering his next move.

"That was pretty cool," Luffy observed. "Really strong." He was still grinning, as though he was enjoying the fight, although his childlike enthusiasm had been replaced with a confident smirk now.

Zoro didn't bother to answer. This kid was more dangerous than he first appeared. That made Zoro all the more determined to win this fight. That pirate was going down.

Course decided, Zoro threw himself forward viciously again, drawing his two hand-held katana over _Wadou Ichimonji's_ blade to execute a perfect _Tiger Hunt_ maneuver. Luffy responded with a yell of _"Gomu Gomu no Muchi,"_ and swept his rapidly extending leg out like a whip; Zoro was forced to jump or be thrown to the ground, and his attack ground to a halt.

Furious, Zoro dropped into a crouch as the still-grinning Luffy snapped his leg back into place, and spun quickly with his swords, whipping up a vicious slashing tornado with a roar of _"Tatsu Maki!"_ The pirate captain gave a genuine yelp of surprise as the slashing wind swept him up into the air and put several bloody cuts in his rubbery skin; but for all that he adapted quickly, turning his spinning momentum into force as he lashed out with a furious extending rubbery kick. Zoro grunted as Luffy's sandaled foot smashed into his chest, and he was hurled backwards, losing control over the spinning blade tornado in the process. The two combatants crashed to the ground, both panting, and warily dragged themselves to their feet.

"You're _really_ strong," Luffy said, sounding impressed. He looked like he was genuinely enjoying himself, like this was some sort of game instead of a battle for his life. "Do more swords make you better?"

"No," Zoro growled back at him. "Training does." He threw himself at the kid again, but just as before Luffy countered each of his precise sword techniques with a creative and nearly unpredictable rubbery move. And while Zoro managed to gash the kid's face once, and while Luffy had landed another pair of punches that would definitely leave bruises in the morning, the end result was effectively nothing.

Damn. This kid really _was_ different.

"You're training really hard just to be able to kill people then," Luffy said, as they made another slash-and-punch exchange that still left neither one with the upper hand. This time he sounded disappointed.

"I'm not training just so I can kill people," Zoro said with a scowl, deflecting a rubbery kick with one blade and slashing out with a second. Missed._ Damn._

"Vivi says you're the hit-guy."

"Vivi doesn't know everything."

"But you _do_ kill a lot of people for these jerks."

"I don't always kill them, and I only do it because they're good fighters."

Luffy nimbly ducked under a pair of sweeping blades and seemed to consider this before saying, "Oh. Why?"

Zoro snorted, rolled backwards as Luffy's rubbery leg extended in a wide kicking rush, and sliced out quickly to try and cut the limb somehow. He missed, barely; the kid twisted it out of range too quickly. _Damn!_ "Why _not?_ I need to find good opponents so I can get stronger. This is as good a way as any to test my skills, it gives me a chance to find the person I'm looking for, _and_ it pays for dinner too."

They exchanged several more attacks in relative silence, with only the shouts of their techniques and heavy panting breaking the quiet. After several more minutes both skidded back warily, breaking apart temporarily as they waited to catch their breath. Luffy chose the moment to nod in agreement. "I couldn't live without meat, so I guess I get the dinner part. Too bad you're working for scum like Crocodile." And before Zoro could protest, say that he hadn't even known he'd _been_ working for Crocodile, or add that he didn't care _anyway,_ Luffy inquired curiously, "How come you wanna get stronger so bad?"

Zoro snorted. What a ridiculous question to come from an opponent. No, damn it, this whole _scenario_ was ridiculous. He was not used to having entire conversations with the people Baroque Works sent him to kill. Usually he just killed them. But the kid definitely had real fighting spirit, there was no doubt about that. Zoro was absolutely determined to beat him, kill him if he had to, at this point; the least the kid deserved was to know why. So he shrugged his shoulders and said flatly, "I'm going to be the world's greatest swordsman," and rushed forward again.

Luffy's eyes widened, and he managed to barely block the attacking blades in time, gripping Zoro's wrists in the same iron grasp as before. He twisted, spinning his limbs together deftly before slamming Zoro into the ground with the extra force. The move left Zoro dizzy and with a throb in his skull that would almost certainly turn into a headache later, but he rolled to his feet quickly, expecting an attack to come while he was down.

It didn't. Luffy was just watching him. "World's greatest swordsman, huh?" he asked, still smirking. Zoro expected ridicule, the usual reaction, and was fully prepared to beat the kid's head in for insulting his dream, but Luffy only grinned and said, "That's great! I'm going to be King of the Pirates."

Zoro's jaw probably would have dropped if he wasn't currently holding Kuina's sword in it. "King of the Pirates?" he repeated, surprised. Now that was one ambition that was _definitely_ even crazier than his.

"Yup," the kid said, still grinning.

"You know what that _means_, right?" Zoro asked, skeptically. He had no illusions about his own goal—Mihawk was the greatest for a reason. Zoro just had to be better. But this kid seemed way to carefree to understand exactly what his supposed goal meant.

But Luffy only nodded and said, "Yeah, I know. I'm gonna find the One Piece," as if it was the most casual statement in the world.

The kid was crazy. The kid was a great fighter, but he was _nuts._ In that moment Zoro decided two things about Straw Hat Luffy: first, that he was more wildly determined than ever to beat the kid in an even match, and second, that he had a _lot_ more respect for the kid than he'd had ten minutes ago.

He threw himself forward again to continue the fight, but a sudden loud _bang_ and keening whistle sounded just as he started to move. Zoro knew cannon-fire when he heard it, and backpedaled hastily, just as a heavy cannonball hurtled between himself and Luffy. Surprised, Zoro looked over the cliffside they'd been fighting next to, and noted with shock that the rest of the Straw Hat crew, plus Vivi, was on the ram-headed caravel. The sniper and the other figure Zoro hadn't been able to identify earlier weren't visible, but a second burst of cannon-fire a second later suggested they were below decks (Zoro threw himself to the side again to dodge). The rest of them were waving frantically from the deck as the sails unfurled and the ship began to sail away.

"Whoops," Luffy said. "Guess we're leaving. Nami's right, we're sort of in a rush." He grinned cheerfully at Zoro and said, "This was a really good fight, though! Hope you get to be the greatest swordsman. It's too bad you're working for an asshole like Crocodile...otherwise you'd be an okay guy, I guess." He turned towards the cliff and trotted towards it casually, apparently unconcerned about leaving the fight half finished.

Zoro wasn't going to stand for that. "No you don't!" he snarled, and hurled himself forward, dodging around a third cannonball firing wildly in his direction. Luffy might be able to stretch, but there was nowhere for the kid to go up here, and Zoro wouldn't let him get to the path—

But unbelievably, Luffy just grinned and threw himself off the edge of the cliff with a single powerful leap that launched him far away from its ledge, out into space. "Bye, Bushido or Zoro or whoever you are!" he called back. "We'll definitely have to fight again sometime!"

_"No!"_ Zoro yelled in frustration, as the kid started to free-fall, spinning one of his rubbery arms wildly as if winding up to strike. Before he could think about what he was doing he'd hurled himself off the cliffside as well, sheathing one of his swords quickly as he reached out a hand for the kid's rubbery ankle. If he could just grab him and drag him back—

Luffy's left arm shot out impossibly far, stretching downward and over to the caravel. His hand gripped the mast, and with an elastic tug he was suddenly rocketing towards his ship, and away from Zoro—very, very fast. He hadn't even looked back, or known that his opponent had hurled himself off the edge of a cliff after him.

Still swearing, Zoro realized that the ground was plummeting up towards him all too fast. Damn that stupid Straw Hat! If he'd just stayed freaking _put_ none of this would have happened. Gritting his teeth, he transferred _Wadou Ichimonji_ to his free hand and spun rapidly, generating a powerful _Tatsu Maki_ that launched him back towards the cliff face. He had already fallen too far to throw himself back atop the cliff, so instead he twisted both katana in his hands with expert ease and thrust them into the rocky stone face he was tumbling down beside. There was a painful cracking noise as stone shattered—his katana were far too sharp to simply hold him in place—but the maneuver worked anyhow, slowing his momentum enough that he was able to land on the beach below several seconds later with a relatively safe, not-spine-breaking impact.

He found Nico standing on the beach where the Straw Hats' caravel had been moored after several minutes of wandering (who knew it had been _that_ far away). She was watching the the little ram-headed ship, already a speck in the distance, with cool, impassive eyes.

"How'd they get away from you?" he asked curtly. He'd been so distracted with his duel he hadn't even noticed the rest of the crew escaping.

"Their sniper," she said quietly. "He tried to shoot at me from afar. Of course he couldn't injure me, but it was enough of a distraction for the others to run."

"Figures." Zoro spat the word out like a curse. Luffy was the first one that had ever gotten away from him like that...it had effectively been a draw, but it felt almost as bad as losing. He was not happy. "Should we chase them?"

"I doubt it will work," Nico said calmly. "Our ship is moored on the other side of the island. By the time we reach it and give chase, they will already have escaped. It doesn't matter, anyway—we still know where they are headed."

"Yeah," Zoro said slowly. "Sure." He certainly knew where _he_ was headed—the faster he got to Alabasta, the faster he could intercept Luffy and continue their duel.

Nico turned to head back for their ship, and Zoro automatically fell into step behind her. Then she paused, and said almost conversationally, "It is fortunate, Mr. Bushido, that you did not inadvertently kill yourself in that fall. It would be a great shame for Baroque Works to lose one of its most valuable agents in a freak accident, so close to the unveiling of our plans."

Zoro regarded her warily, and said slowly, "Yeah. You too, I guess. Wouldn't want the boss's partner to suddenly go missing."

Both understood the subtle implications clearly: _We were never here. This fight never happened. We never let the Straw Hats get away._ It would never do to have the leader of Baroque Works angry with them. And as members with their own agendas, neither one felt particularly bad about concealing anything from their so-called leader.

What he didn't know certainly wouldn't hurt him, after all.

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><p>Ironically I actually wrote this piece before I wrote <em>Plummet,<em> but hey, I suppose it also illustrates the difference between a loner and a guy with a lot of trust in his captain pretty well, too.

~VelkynKarma


	8. Baroque Works Saga: Duel

Part three of a five-part series, exploring what would have happened if Zoro joined Baroque Works when he was asked to ages ago. Because I like AU speculation like woah.

**Note:** There seemed to be some confusion in the last chapter about why Sanji wasn't mentioned at all. Remember this is an Alabasta Arc AU, and throughout that entire arc Sanji kept escaping the notice of the Baroque Works agents, which is why his Mr. Prince gambit was so useful later. Zoro is a Baroque Works agent at the moment, so of course, I can't have him catching sight of Sanji either! :)

**Title:** Baroque Works Saga: Duel**  
>Theme:<strong> #2: Second Chance**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>5,274**  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13 for blood and swearing.**  
>Warnings:<strong> AU-ness. Some events are mildly different. Mostly that it takes more time for the rest of the Straw Hats to get to Alubarna.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>Zoro was <em>not<em> happy hear about the most recent turn of events.

The Straw Hats had shown up at the kingdom of Alabasta as predicted, but nothing besides that had gone according to plan. Zoro had assumed the crew would just head straight for Alubarna, so when the officers were given their assignments and Mr. 3 mistakenly revealed that he'd let the pirates escape, the swordsman had been all too willing to accept his orders of taking up a post at the capital. He didn't like being ordered around as a general rule, but Crocodile's orders coincided with his own agenda for now, and that was fine with him. Luffy and the others were sure to show, and he'd get a rematch that was actually _finished_ this time.

But they hadn't shown. Zoro waited in Alubarna for several days, with increasingly less patience, but the Straw Hats didn't show up once. Worse, when he finally inquired over the company's den den mushi network, it was only to discover that the Straw Hats had arrived at Rainbase and were currently wreaking havoc—on the other side of the damned desert!

Zoro hadn't hesitated. Despite the frantic insistences of those idiots, Mr. 4 and Miss Merry Christmas, Zoro abandoned his post at Alubarna to head for Rainbase. Hopefully, if he was lucky, he wouldn't be too late. Christmas shrieked that she was _certainly_ going to report his insurrection to Sir Crocodile. If he hadn't been in such a rush he probably would have responded with blades; as it was he just ignored her. Crocodile had hired him to fight the toughest battles. Luffy was the toughest battle. _He was going to do his goddamn job,_ and Heaven help anybody who got in his way in the process, even other Baroque Works agents. They knew what they were getting into when they brought him on to begin with, anyway.

It took longer than expected to get to Rainbase, and it was at least an hour or two after dark by the time he reached it. Traveling around Alabasta had _always_ been a pain in the ass, since nothing ever seemed to stay in one place. Now that he knew Crocodile was the boss, he suspected it had something to do with that sand Devil Fruit power. He wouldn't put it past the bastard to slide the buildings around just to fuck with peoples' heads; he certainly liked messing with people enough as it was already.

Unfortunately, by the time he'd gotten there, it was too late: he was informed that the Straw Hats had already left on the back of a giant moving crab. That just _figured._ His luck had been crappy recently, ever since he heard about these irritating Straw Hat pirates.

Fortunately he was in at least a little luck. Rainbase had a few more Baroque Works-friendly locations than Alubarna did, which meant Zoro had more resources at his disposal. Rain Dinners looked sort of beat up—presumably the Straw Hats had come to visit here, too—but he was able to order one of the high-speed F-wanis to be prepared so he could give chase. The frightened-looking Baroque Works officer said it would take some time to have the creature harnessed and ready—apparently the Straw Hats had also done a number on Crocodile's Bananawanis—so Zoro shrugged and ordered it to be sent out to the desert after him. Until then, he'd follow the moving crab's tracks, see if he couldn't figure out where the pirates were headed.

He'd expected it to be a very dull trek. What he _hadn't_ expected was to find an enormous sinkhole not too far on the outskirts of the city, or to see the sand stained a deep red where somebody had been violently attacked. He skirted the sinkhole warily, familiar enough via stories with Crocodile's handiwork to know he didn't want to get near it even now. It seemed not all the Straw Hats had gotten away, after all. He grit his teeth and trudged around the sinkhole faster, searching for some indication of a body. Crocodile wasn't known for his generosity or honor in a battle; whoever had fought with him was likely dead, but if it was who Zoro thought it was—

He frowned as he started to make out a pair of shapes in the distance through the desert dark. As he got closer the shapes became more identifiable as people: a tall man in white robes he didn't recognize, crouching over a prone form laying still on the sand, with a straw hat laid out next to its head.

Zoro sped up, running over the sand now. _Shit._ His suspicions had been correct: Crocodile _had_ engaged with Luffy, in which case the kid was already dead. And he'd never gotten a chance to meet him for that second, final duel, damn it!

The robed man was moving now, packing supplies back into a bag while speaking to the corpse. Zoro could make out the words now that he was closer. "—best I can do on such short notice, I'm afraid. Are you _certain_ you don't need a doctor? I don't know if you can fight in this condition."

"I'm fine," the corpse answered back. "You found me plenty of meat, and I had a nice nap, and you even bandaged me up! So I'm good to go."

Zoro froze in place with a scuff of sand, shocked. Shit, that kid _was_ good. He'd fought with Crocodile and managed to not die. His respect for the kid as a worthy opponent went up a couple more notches.

The man was helping Luffy to sit up now, although the pirate captain really did seem to be handling it well enough on his own. Apparently satisfied, the man set aside the bag of supplies and stepped back. In the splash of moonlight across his face Zoro suddenly recognized him: it was the guy working for the king, the one with a Devil Fruit that let him turn into a bird, or something like that. Pictures had been circulated among all the Baroque Works officers a while back of the major players in the government, although Zoro forgot his name at present.

The man spotted him as well, and his eyes narrowed fiercely. "Mr. Bushido. What with all the trouble being caused recently, I'm not surprised at all to see you here."

Luffy pulled himself to his feet and looked over his shoulder. Zoro locked eyes with him, but the pirate seemed unconcerned, and said casually, "Oh, hi again. You're Zoro, right?"

"That's me," he acknowledged. Without any preamble he wrapped his hand around the hilt of Kuina's sword, preparing to draw. "I'm here for my promised rematch."

Luffy seemed uninterested still. He did a few limbering exercises, not that he _needed_ it when he was made of rubber, and said, "Sure, but not right now. After I kick Crocodile's ass and make sure my friends are okay we can fight." And to the soldier he added, "You said you could get us there fast, right? Let's go."

"No." Zoro shot forward quickly, but not to attack; he skirted the two and skidded to a stop in front of them on the sand, barring their path. "Our last fight was a draw because you ran away before we could figure out who the victor was. I don't like draws. And I'm not waiting for you to go hunt down Crocodile again." He snorted, gestured to the sinkhole now behind his opponents, glared at Luffy's bandaged chest, and growled, "You already almost died once. Next time you'll probably die for real, and I'll never get my win."

The soldier stomped forward angrily over the sand, bringing one hand to the hilt of his own sword, but Luffy raised a hand warningly at him and gestured for him to fall back. The man did so grudgingly, and Luffy turned his gaze back to Zoro. He looked much more serious than before, like this wasn't a game anymore, and when he spoke it was clearly a command, not a suggestion. "Get out of the way. Now. I have to go help my friends, and kick that damn Crocodile's ass."

"No," Zoro shot back hotly. "You promised me another fight back then, and I'm calling it in before you go get yourself killed by Crocodile." He'd already had one promised duel interrupted by an unexpected death; he sure as hell was _not _letting this kid get away if he could prevent it. Zoro's eyes narrowed. "Or are you one of those guys who doesn't keep his promises?"

Luffy looked offended at the accusation. "Fine," he said shortly. "We can fight now. But if Vivi or any of my other friends are getting hurt because you got in my way, I'll never forgive you." The pirate's eyes narrowed warningly, and promised very real pain if such a thing were to happen.

Zoro frowned across at his opponent. "They really mean that much to you, huh?"

"They're my friends," Luffy answered. "And I'm their captain." As if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

Zoro considered. Luffy really _did _take his friendships seriously. Zoro could see it in the kid's eyes, knew he was genuine. Zoro had never felt such loyalty to anything or anyone like that before, or not since Kuina at any rate. It felt a bit beyond his grasp, to understand his opponent's sincere desire to look out for and protect his crew. The closest he could come to that was Johnny and Yosaku, from years back. They'd been decent enough partners and friends, and he'd kept them safe as a matter of course, but not even that had been as intense as what he could see in the Straw Hat kid's eyes now. Those crew members were more than just _friends _to this kid. They were his family. They were everything.

He acted before he could think about it, shifting his hand from the hilt of his sword to reach into his haramaki. Luffy drew back his fist, winding up to attack, but Zoro gave him a warning look that said very clearly _not now, _and miraculously, Luffy seemed to understand. His arm dropped and he waited, stared in puzzled surprise when Zoro withdrew the baby den den mushi each officer-level Baroque Works agent carried.

"This is Bushido," Zoro said shortly into the baby den den's receiver. "I'm requesting information on the Straw Hat Pirates' locations." The officers would assume he was asking in order to find them and kill them. It wouldn't be a problem.

Several voices laughed over the wide-range den den network, joking about how _Mr. Bushido _was asking for _directions. _Zoro ignored them and held the baby den den out at arm's length so that Luffy could hear better. He waited patiently.

The answers started coming in moments later. "Mr. Bushido? The Straw Hat reports are pretty sporadic. They were last spotted crossing the Sandora River and are reportedly traveling with Nefertari Vivi, four pirates in total. The rest of the officers are waiting outside Alubarna to engage the Straw Hats and capture Vivi, but so far they haven't been spotted. Straw Hat Luffy is reported to be dead via Mr. 0."

The baby den den went silent and sleepily closed its eyes. Zoro tucked it carefully back into his haramaki and calmly tied his bandanna off on his head before drawing his swords. "There. No one's dead or hurt. Satisfied?"

Luffy blinked at him and cocked his head quizzically. For a moment, Zoro had the very creepy sensation that the kid was trying to read his mind. It felt a bit like how he read his own opponents, but deeper than just pure combat analysis, like the kid was contemplating his soul instead. His expression was blank, but that didn't stop Zoro from getting the impression that the idiot was actually smarter than he initially appeared, at least in some regard.

But then he broke into a smirking grin and crouched at the ready, cracking his knuckles. "Yeah. That's good enough for me. Thanks."

"Whatever," Zoro answered shortly. He still wasn't sure why he'd done it; he probably didn't deserve any thanks at all. It wasn't worth thinking over. There was a battle to be had.

There was silence, for the barest of seconds, as the wind whistled past. Then, without warning, as if they were both on the same wavelength, the two simultaneously charged.

Just as before in their last battle, the two met each other evenly, force for force, blow for blow. Every one of Zoro's lighting-quick slices of the sword was countered by a block or a dodge on the part of Luffy; every one of the rubber man's power-filled punches and kicks were slapped aside by Zoro's blades or skillfully avoided. In brute skill and strength they were even. After _several _minutes of back and forth attacks without either one landing a single hit, Zoro had to admit that.

That meant it all came down to technique. He could tell both he and Luffy reached that conclusion simultaneously; he could see it in the kid's eyes, when that confident spark in them was replaced with a more serious intensity.

They moved simultaneously too. It was bewildering to Zoro how they could reflect each other so easily, like they existed on the same wavelength. "_Bull Horns!_" the swordsman shouted, executing the sword-rush attack quickly, at the same moment that Luffy shouted, "_Gomu Gomu no Bazooka!_" and smashed outward with two open-palmed strikes.

Zoro ducked away from the blow, already knowing how powerful it was from his last fight with the kid, but doing so ruined his attack once again. He didn't let it discourage him, instead spinning to charge Luffy's unprotected side while his arms were still extended and roaring, "_Oni Giri!_"

Luffy was equal to that. His arms were already drawing back, but he leapt into the air anyway, missing the three simultaneous sword slashes by a bare fraction. Clapping his sandaled feet together, the pirate used his now-superior height to launch a pointed double-kick like a spear, shouting, "_Gomu Gomu no Yari!_"

Zoro grunted as the hit connected with his shoulder, and the momentum kicked him back painfully, but he reacted instantly, unleashing another spinning _Tatsu Maki _blade-tornado. Luffy's eyes widened at the attack name—he recognized it from the last battle, clearly—but with his legs still extended it was difficult for him to dodge, and he yelled as the blade-storm gashed his skin in several places and sent him spinning before he smashed into the sand.

Zoro knew better than to celebrate just yet, and he was right. Even grounded, Luffy kicked out one leg suddenly and swung it outward with a yell of "_Gomu Gomu no Muchi!_" Zoro leapt over the sweeping attack, barely, and with the distraction of regaining his footing in the slippery sand Luffy bought himself time to come to his own feet as well.

They paused for a bare fraction of a second, catching their breaths, getting their bearings, reading the opponent. Zoro, for one, was a little surprised. Luffy seemed more intense this time, less like he was enjoying himself, more like he was doing something that had to be done. He didn't know the kid that well, but he had a feeling his desire to protect his friends probably had something to do with that. It was..._interesting..._how much stronger that bond of loyalty seemed to make him, like it fueled him, kept him going. Zoro had been in the pirate-hunting business for a very long time, and he'd never seen anybody like this before.

This was also the first time he'd really, genuinely enjoyed a fight and deeply respected his opponent in years. There was probably a connection there, somewhere, but in the heat of battle Zoro didn't dare to try and waste time finding it. He respected the guy, no matter what fueled him. That was enough.

Once again, as if reading the same cues, both of them charged.

This time Luffy came at it with more power. "_Gomu Gomu no Gatling!_" he roared, and suddenly his fists were flying wildly, so fast they left blurred images behind as a series of rapid-fire punches began; it almost looked as though he'd grown extra arms, the way Nico did.

The barrage of punches was skilled. Based on what he'd seen of Luffy's attacks, it could probably take out a large group of opponents on its own, with the pirate's strength to back up the multiple hits. But Zoro was no ordinary opponent, and charged headlong into the barrage, twisting deftly and batting aside the wildly flung fists with precise sword parries. He slid into Luffy's range quickly and growled "_Toro Nagashi_" around the hilt of Kuina's sword as he slashed out with it at Luffy's stomach.

Luffy stopped his rapid-fire barrage and twisted himself aside just in time. The blade cut an angry red line in the white bandages wrapped around his torso, but Zoro could tell from the pull of the sword that it hadn't gone nearly as deep as the original attack had intended. Worse, Luffy managed to turn his teetering dodge into momentum for a new attack, flinging his left leg high and bringing it smashing down with a sharp cry of, "_Battle Axe!_"

Zoro could tell instinctively he didn't want to get hit by that one, and he was right. He threw himself sideways, but even the glancing blow to his left arm had him seeing stars, and the move made a small crater in the soft sand when it smashed into the ground, sending clouds into the air. He grunted in pain when he moved his left arm—it responded sluggishly now, even after that bare hit—and lashed out with another furious _Tiger Hunt, _using the temporary smoke cover to his advantage. Luffy grunted as well as he landed a minor hit, another pair of small gashes in his arms, and then once again they skidded apart to take a measure of the other one.

"You shouldn't be working for an asshole like Crocodile," Luffy said eventually, panting.

"Yeah? Why's that?" Zoro growled back, moving his left arm experimentally—still not as responsive as it should be. Damn. He'd bull through it anyway, _make _it work, but that was sure irritating as hell.

Luffy shrugged. "I can tell you take your fights really seriously," he answered. " 'Cause of your dream, right? Crocodile doesn't care about that sort of thing. He hates Vivi's dream too. That's why I'm gonna kick his ass."

Zoro snorted. "And I suppose you do care, is that why you're telling me this?"

Luffy shrugged again. "Dunno. Just trying to figure out if you're a good guy or not."

Zoro smirked. "Am I?"

He'd meant it as a morbid sort of joke—obviously since he was with Baroque Works, and currently aiding with the destruction of a country whether or not he actually cared about the plan, he _wasn't _a good guy. But Luffy looked perfectly serious when he stared Zoro straight in the eyes and said, "I don't know. Haven't decided yet."

Something about that answer sent a weird, tingling sensation down his spine. Like what the kid had said was inexplicably important, foretelling. Like the kid's final decision about him could alter fate; like he had that kind of power, even though logically speaking it was just some kid calling himself a pirate captain creating an opinion about one of his many foes. Still, it unsettled Zoro, and at the same time he had a strange urge to earn at least a little respect _back _from the kid, somehow.

That was probably what prompted him to do what he did next; because there was only one way to make himself really known to the kid when they were enemies, and that was in combat. Flipping one of his katana around into a reverse grip, he pressed the hilts together at angles and said firmly, "Fine. Make your decisions in your own time. For now, I'm finishing this."

Luffy's eyes narrowed slightly, and he stepped back into a crouching stance, at the ready. A smirk played at his mouth as he said, "Alright. Works for me. I've got to catch up to the others, anyway."

_If you're still alive,_ Zoro thought privately, but out loud he shouted, "_Santoryu Ogi: Sanzen Sekai!"_ while spinning his two handheld katana rapidly in front of himself. When their momentum picked up significantly he launched himself forward, hurling his most powerful technique at his opponent. For good for for ill, let the kid judge him after _that._

Luffy's eyes widened at the display of such strength and skill. Zoro felt vaguely satisfied, at the back of his mind, that the kid was at the very least respecting his sword style. His _Three Thousand Worlds _maneuver was deadly both for the powerful momentum of the spinning blades _and _the wide range the attack gave. It was also all but impossible to dodge in even the best of circumstances for the opponent. He'd hit for sure.

And hit he did, though not quite how he expected. Luffy tried to throw himself aside at the last minute, meaning Zoro's attack did not _quite _hit central mass like it was supposed to. Instead he cut a pair of vicious gashes into Luffy's right arm, and a third in his side, spitting blood everywhere.

Luffy let out a yell of pain, but grit his teeth quickly, and out out of the corner of his eye, with their heads so close, Zoro caught sight of his expression. Determination. Raw, crazed determination to win, at almost any cost, glittered in the rubber man's eyes, and though he was wounded badly he clearly did not consider himself down and out just yet.

That was when Zoro caught sight of his other arm, the left arm, the one Zoro hadn't managed to hit—stretched far behind its owner, gathering elastic momentum for a powerful hit.

_No way,_ Zoro thought, eyes widening, as he caught on to Luffy's tactics. _He _let _himself take the Sanzen Sekai...just so I'd be in prime position to hit!_ _This kid is _insane!

He tried to twist away, but he'd caught on too late. "_Gomu Gomu no Bullet!" _Luffy roared, and the left arm, stretched so far back with so much potential power, rocketed back at near blinding speed. Zoro felt that rubber fist collide with his unprotected side at point-blank range, felt and _heard _something crack inside him as the blow connected. He clamped his teeth down on _Wadou Ichimonji's _hilt to keep from screaming and dropping it, bit so hard he was sure there would be permanent marks in the wrappings.

At such close range, the blow sent him flying a short distance, effectively tossing him away from his opponent. Luffy was still bleeding badly, and clearly the _Three Thousand Worlds _had damaged him more than he had bargained for, but he still drew back both hands one last time, stretching them far behind him with a cry of, "_Gomu Gomu no Bazooka!_"

Zoro tried to twist in midair, bring his swords to bear for a guard; he couldn't afford to get hit by that move. But when he struggled the sharp pain inside him increased, and he groaned past Kuina's sword hilt, barely managing to bring his other two swords up in a cross guard before him. They negated some of the force of the blow, but he was still sent flying, stars bursting across his vision from the impact, pain exploding in every sense across his body as the open-palmed strike connected.

Strangely, despite all the agony his body was suddenly being subjected to, he found himself able to think quite clearly. It was like his mind was detached from the rest of his body in that one singular moment. He knew with absolute clarity that the fight was over, just like that, and he also knew he'd lost.

Zoro detested losing, but just as strangely, he didn't mind this particular loss so much. Both he and Luffy had given it their all; they were evenly matched in almost every way, were both capable fighters, were both intensely strong. Luffy just seemed to have one single edge that Zoro didn't: devotion not just to a dream, but to others as well, others he felt responsible for and protective of and unquestionably, willingly tied to. Admitting that he'd lost to someone—and someone who wasn't even a swordsman at that—was hell, but he respected Luffy's intensity and skill all the same. The pirate deserved the win.

And with that single clear thought, the pain and his tenuous grip on reality returned just in time for Zoro to recognize that he was smashing into the sandy ground, swords scattering as he finally lost his hold on them. His vision swam and lurched violently, and he realized with a strange sort of detached calm that came with experience that he was very close to passing out. Damn. Luffy must have hit him even harder than he'd thought.

He shifted slightly, feeling rather dizzy. He attributed it to his fast fading hold on consciousness, until he realized the sensation was genuinely physical, and not just in his head. That was when he realized he was sinking, and after a quick, nauseating glance around he realized Luffy's final attack had pitched him straight into Crocodile's abandoned sinkhole.

Oh. _Shit. _That probably wasn't good.

He struggled against the sand, still dangerous even without its creator present. He was already half buried, making moving difficult, and that wasn't even taking into account that half his body was already responding sluggishly due to the fight. He hissed in frustration and struggled harder to free himself, twisting his head from side to side to try and keep it above the grains—and that was when he spotted _Wadou Ichimonji_ nearby, already hilt-deep in the sand and vanishing rapidly.

"_No!_" He shouted frantically, lunging for it as best as his taxed body would allow, frantically snapping with his teeth to try and grip the sword, drag it back. Too late; with a dry hissing noise the sword disappeared completely below the surface of the sand. Zoro tried to lunge for his other two katana nearby next in a frantic daze, but his vision swam more alarmingly, and he realized it was starting to go black. He fought viciously against the grasping hands of unconsciousness, but it was a losing battle, and he knew it. They tugged him under, and the last thing he felt was blackness and pressure as the earth closed in around him.

_Fucking Hell. Death by being buried alive. Kuina is going to be _furious.

* * *

><p>When Zoro woke up, the first thing he noticed was that the sky was still dark, and he was very cold. The second thing he noticed was that he was still alive, which he honestly hadn't expected.<p>

His other senses kicked into gear a few moments later, and he realized a few other things: he was tired, he was in pain, he felt more than a little nauseated, and he was laying stretched out flat on his back, staring up at the night sky. Huh. Now that was funny. Last thing he remembered, he was in the process of being dragged under the desert in a sand pit designed by his sadistic not-quite-boss.

Being reminded of that also reminded him that he didn't actually know _where _he was now, and he sat up with a jerk. He regretted it almost immediately and pressed a hand to his side, where he was sure one or two ribs had been cracked. He was surprised to find it crudely if acceptably bandaged, and, puzzled, he looked around blearily at his surroundings.

He was alone in the desert, and the moon's position above suggested that it had been several hours since the battle, as far as he could tell. The sand pit was some fifteen feet distant, safely far away, and there were drag marks leading from it to where he was currently sitting. Somebody had pulled him out, and then roughly treated him before leaving him there. Only two people could possibly have even known he'd been thrown into the pit: the soldier of Alabasta, or Luffy. Why either one would save him, he couldn't fathom. The soldier _definitely _hadn't liked him, that was for sure, so it was probably Luffy, but that still begged the question of _why._ Luffy had clearly respected him on some level as an opponent, sure, and seemed intrigued by his dream to be the greatest swordsman, but that didn't explain—

_Swords!_ he cut himself off sharply, and he stood frantically, intending to stagger back to the pit to search. He might be alive, but that meant nothing if his swords were still buried, especially Kuina's blade—

But the moonlight glinting off metal caught his eye. Turning, he was surprised to find all three of his swords sheathed and laid out beside where he'd been dragged to, one after another, as though they'd been waiting patiently for him to wake up. Kuina's was laid closest to where his body had been, followed by the two other _ryo wazamono _grade swords Baroque Works had provided for him.

A mix of emotions washed over the swordsman: relief for his precious blades, mixed with irritation at what their presence had to mean. He was absolutely sure now, without a doubt, that Luffy was the one responsible. He had no idea _how _he knew, and he had no idea why Luffy would go through the trouble of smashing him into the sinkhole and then fishing out him _and _his swords. But he had already established that the kid was crazy, and this definitely had Straw Hat Luffy written all over it.

_Damn it all to hell. _If there was one thing he absolutely hated, it was being indebted to somebody, and now he owed Luffy an enormous favor—both for saving his own life, and the lives of his swords. He couldn't think of any way to repay such a favor other than by saving Luffy's life right back, but the pirate was notably absent now, and Zoro wasn't sure how exactly he'd get the opportunity anyway.

_Don't be stupid,_ he told himself firmly. _He said he's going to meet up with his friends, and defeat Crocodile. According to the plans, Crocodile was heading for Alubarna, and so were the other Straw Hats by our reports. So that's where Luffy's heading, too._

He could decide how he handled things when he got there. For now, he just had to get there. He whistled sharply, wincing slightly as the sound seemed to pierce his own skull, and a moment later the F-wani he had requested hours ago came zipping up to stop before him. It had probably been aimlessly wandering the desert, looking for him and waiting for orders.

He climbed into the seat strapped atop it, ordered curtly, "Alubarna," and settled back in for a nap as the creature took off at blinding speed. Based on everything he'd seen and been through today, he had a feeling he was going to need all the strength he could manage to get back before the rest of this mess was finished.

* * *

><p>For the record I've yet to figure out how <em>Sanzen SekaiThree Thousand Worlds _is in any way practical...I mean, even by the already crazy _Santoryuu's _style, _Sanzen Sekai _is just...I don't understand how it will kill anything. Ever.

_But hey it's a comic so stfu Karma and stop overanalyzing, _amirite?

~VelkynKarma


	9. Baroque Works Saga: Swapping Sides

Part four of a five-part series, exploring what would have happened if Zoro joined Baroque Works when he was asked to ages ago. Because I like AU speculation like woah.

**Title:** Baroque Works Saga: Swapping Sides**  
>Theme:<strong> #23: Replacement**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>4,154**  
>Rating:<strong> PG-13 for violence and language**  
>Warnings:<strong> AU-ness. Some events are mildly different.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>The sun was just starting to rise by the time Zoro reached Alubarna. He was awakened from his not-exactly-comfortable slumber when the F-wani jerked to an abrupt halt at the massive steps of one of the capital city's main gates. The scents of blood and sounds of screaming and clashing weapons delved rather abruptly into his consciousness.<p>

So the rebellion Crocodile had been planning had already begun. That one kid's army of two million was already in the streets, and from the sounds of it, they were wreaking havoc. It was too bad, Zoro thought briefly, as he climbed with a slight wince out of the F-wani's strapped-on seat. Most of those people probably didn't even know what they were fighting for. As a warrior himself, he wasn't particularly fond of that notion.

Worse, the rebellion in the streets was going to make it more difficult for him to find Luffy. He'd finally decided on the way he was going to handle things: he owed Luffy his life, and since he was partly responsible for the injuries Luffy had that would no doubt hamper his ability to fight Crocodile, he figured it was only right that he loan his strength to that particular battle. If he could find Luffy, he'd help him bring down Crocodile (how he wasn't sure; he'd never exactly figured out how to cut a Logia user, but he'd manage). Or at the very least, while Luffy was fighting the head of Baroque Works, he could keep other officers or agents from involving themselves. Nico was sure to cause a problem one way or another, and there would likely be plenty of other idiots that would try to interfere with the fight.

He felt a little better after his nap—his side still throbbed from the cracked ribs every time he breathed or moved too quickly, but he could ignore it—so he waved the F-wani off and began clambering up the steps into the city. Luffy had definitely gained some ground on him since he'd left Zoro laying out in the desert for several hours, but Zoro thought he'd made up at least part of that with the speed of the gator-car-whatever-it-was, and figured he'd still be in time.

Unfortunately he'd forgotten to take into account how _damned confusing_ Alubarna was. He'd never liked traveling in the city much. It seemed like every time he visited the shops had changed locations and new buildings had been erected where old ones had been. He wandered for a good half hour, probably more, trying to find his way towards the palace (he had a pretty good guess that Crocodile might be heading there), but after all his running he didn't think he'd made any progress. He'd seen marines, palace soldiers, and rebel army members going at it like crazy, and once or twice he'd been forced to take a few down that were in his way and tried to stop him (he didn't kill them—he wasn't exactly looking for a fight with them right now).

Once he even came across Bon Kurei in the streets, going almost literally toe to toe in a kickboxing match with a tall blond man wearing a suit. Suit-guy was handling himself pretty well against a top-rank officer, which was impressive in and of itself, and he looked vaguely familiar. If Zoro had to guess he'd say this was the final elusive member of the Straw Hat crew that nobody had seemed able to get a photo of, and likely the 'Mr. Prince' that had been irritating Crocodile so much. Well, at least Straw Hat _did_ have capable crew members—he supposed Luffy didn't have to worry about this one. Neither combatants noticed him, and he passed them both by, searching still harder for the pirate captain.

He was beginning to get seriously fed up with Luffy's elusiveness. The bastard had probably gotten himself lost—he sure as hell made it difficult to pay back one's debt. Zoro was seriously beginning to consider climbing the enormous clock tower he could see in the distance ahead to try and get a glimpse of the kid, when he heard a panicked screaming to his right.

The voice sounded vaguely familiar, and Zoro could have sworn he'd heard it fairly recently. It took him a second to identify the orange-haired witch's scream—Nami, Luffy had called her, back on Folgasse Island—and almost without thinking he turned to follow the sound. If he could get her to stop freaking out long enough to answer him, maybe she could tell him where the hell Luffy'd gotten to.

He burst out through one alleyway into a much wider street, and was surprised to find the girl, Nami, charging in his direction several street lengths down. She was panting heavily, probably from running for a while, and her head was turned to look over her shoulder behind her so that she hadn't even spotted him yet. Staring farther down the street behind her, Zoro spotted what was causing her to run so fast: Mr. 1 and Miss Doublefinger were both following her calmly, clearly intent on their orders to eliminate _every_ Straw Hat Pirate.

_Well,_ Zoro thought, _That's probably not good._ Those two were the top agents (besides himself) for a reason: they were very, very good at what they did, and a large part of what they did was killing. Either one of them was strong enough to take out most opponents in a one-on-one match; while Zoro knew he was one of the few exceptions, he somehow doubted this girl was as strong as he was. And not even Zoro was sure he could take them _both_ on simultaneously, even on a good day—which this definitely wasn't.

A small part of him considered leaving. None of the three had noticed him, and his mind still nagged at him that he had to find Luffy, repay his debt so he could get this entire mess over with. But thinking of the pirate captain reminded him of that intense stare from their second fight, the one that promised absolute pain if his crew came to harm, the one that clearly said his crew were more than just _underlings_ to him. Zoro knew, somehow, unquestionably, inexplicably, that if he left this girl to die—and she _would_ die, she wouldn't be able to outrun that pair forever—that Luffy would be livid beyond recognition, would make good on that promise to never forgive him. And he also knew that protecting any one single member of that all-important crew would be just as though he'd stepped in and saved the captain's life.

He didn't know how he knew it all. He'd barely been in Luffy's presence for more than a half hour collectively, and both times they'd been in the process of trying to kill each other. But somehow he knew, and that was why he didn't hesitate to draw his swords and charge down the street towards the girl—and her pursuers.

Nami turned around at the sound of his running footsteps, and her eyes widened at what looked like—Zoro belatedly realized—a third agent coming to slaughter her from the opposing side. She screamed, and behind her Mr.1 leapt, determination on his face. Again a bit late, Zoro realized his charge had probably sparked a response from Mr. 1—ever since Zoro had beaten him in a match to earn his current rank, there had been something of a rivalry between them, and while they hadn't fought again since they had competed in other ways. Mr. 1 was probably trying to claim the kill on Nami before he did.

What he didn't realize was that Zoro's target wasn't Nami at all—he'd replaced it with something completely different.

Nami was still screaming, and tried to swing out at Zoro frantically with something that looked sort of like a metal bo staff. Zoro didn't have time for that—he parried it neatly with one sword blade, ducked around her quickly, and raised all three of his katana just in time to block Daz Bones' slashing razor-blade attack before it hit its Straw Hat target.

Farther down the street Miss Doublefinger gasped, and even Mr. 1 looked surprised. "What the hell are you doing?" the agent growled. "Our orders are to execute all the Straw Hats!"

"Yeah, well," Zoro said, gritting his teeth around Kuina's sword hilt as he held Mr. 1's still-outstretched arm at bay with all three blades. "Change of plans. I've decided I'm not gonna do that."

Mr. 1's eyes narrowed. "Crocodile will _not_ be pleased. You'll regret this."

"I've never regretted a damn thing in my life," Zoro shot back, "And I'm not starting now." He shoved with all three katana, and Daz backpedaled, off balance. He stood in place, glared furiously as Zoro barred the path, and waited for Miss Doublefinger to catch up with her strange, twisting gait.

Zoro took the opportunity to glance briefly over his shoulder at the girl he had taken it upon himself to rescue. Nami had backed up farther down the street and still had her weapon ready—smart girl, witch or no. She looked unsure of what exactly was going on, and regarded him warily when he glanced at her. "You okay?" he asked shortly.

"I...uh...yeah, I'm fine," she answered, looking a little bewildered. She was panting heavily from the run, but as far as Zoro could tell she wasn't actually injured yet, which was a good sign. If she was lucky she'd survive this yet.

"You'd better get out of here," he told her flatly, turning his attention back to his co-workers. Miss Doublefinger had caught up now, and was standing next to Mr. 1 with a look of anger. This was probably not going to turn out well.

"Right," Nami answered, and promptly turned on her heel to bolt. Zoro snorted under his breath. Clearly not _all_ of Luffy's crew members were as devoted to fighting as their captain—the girl obviously had no problem with letting him step in to fight her battles in her place.

Her movement sparked a response from Miss Doublefinger, who promptly darted after the Straw Hat. Zoro swore and moved to intercept, but Mr. 1 appeared out of nowhere, blocking his attempt with several powerful razor-blade slashes, and Zoro was forced to defend himself or risk losing his head. Miss Doublefinger slipped past him down the street after Nami, and the two vanished around the corner a few moments later.

Shit. So that rescue attempt hadn't gone entirely according to plan. Zoro sure as hell hoped the witch had a least a _little_ combat ability at her disposal, or she was going to die despite his intervention. At least he'd managed to give her better odds, though. If Mr. 1 had also been in pursuit of the pirate, she would have died for sure. Now, with Zoro blocking the way and taking at least one of the battles off her hands, she'd only have one agent to deal with.

Zoro grit his teeth, met Daz Bones' eyes glare for glare. He'd have to finish this up as quick as possible if he could. If he could take Mr. 1 down fast enough, he'd still be able to follow the other two, and give Nami a little support against Miss Doublefinger as well. Unfortunately, speed wasn't really an option against this opponent...things might get rough.

Beating Daz wasn't exactly an impossibility: he'd done it before, and had developed his _Shishi Sonson_ technique specifically to combat this guy months ago. The art of cutting steel was at his disposal, and Zoro would make full use of it. But just because he had the secret to beating Mr. 1's Devil Fruit didn't make the man any less dangerous. Daz Bones was still a capable martial artist in his own right, and even without his Devil Fruit powers to enhance him he could still unleash massive amounts of damage. He'd been known to kill lesser men without utilizing his powers at all. Worse still, Zoro wasn't exactly in top fighting form at the moment. Although his nap on the way to the capital had revitalized him a little, his left arm was still sluggishly responsive, and his ribs were a major hindrance, making even breathing difficult. His opponent was rested, ready, and completely uninjured. This would definitely make the fight _interesting_ to say the least...

Mr. 1 glared at him cooly. The man was probably thinking along the same lines. "It's too bad you've decided to turn traitor," the man said flatly. "I'll just have to kill you, too. And believe me when I say I'm looking forward to it."

Zoro definitely believed him.

Daz lunged, lashing out with a number of bladed fingers and steel-enhanced kicks, and Zoro worked his swords rapidly to block them all. He had to be patient, wait for the opportune moment. He knew how to listen for the rhythm of the world now, of stones and plants and people and metal and dozens of other things. After his discovery in his last match against the same man, he'd trained hard to make sure he could fall into that meditative state faster, _without_ requiring a state of near death to trigger it. But Daz was familiar with the technique too now, having fallen to it once, and he'd be wary of it, on the lookout with a defensive counter likely laying in wait. It was tempting to try and end the fight fast, but if he did Zoro knew he'd be causing more harm than good. He had to wait for his opponent to grow lax enough that he could strike quickly and finish it without a risk of being countered.

So he resorted to other tricks instead. He wouldn't be able to actually damage Daz at all without utilizing his _Lion's Song_ strike with _Wadou Ichimonji,_ but he could do other things to wear the man down, confuse him, make him angry. He dodged and blocked each of Daz' blade-enhanced martial arts strikes with apparent ease, using every scrap of self-control to keep from showing his pain and discomfort when those dodges and blocks strained his injured arm to the fullest, sent stabbing pain through his side. He played taunting games in their blade-by-blade exchanges, reaching out to tap the man with his katana tips on the head, at his side, on his chest, constantly leading him on, allowing the man to believe he'd come up with other steel-cutting techniques, making his opponent overly paranoid. He tossed the agent around when the fruit user charged, enraged, using his own considerable power to smash him into the air with _Oni Giri_ or _Tatsu Maki_ and beat him back down into the earth with _Tiger Hunt._

It cost him to make such moves—more than he'd bargained on, when he started. Ten minutes into the fight and he was covered in at least a score of minor gashes where his blocks hadn't quite worked, and his left shoulder was gashed deeply from when Mr. 1's furious assault had overpowered his already weakened arm and broken his katana's defense. Daz Bones was no fool, either, and had made Zoro's obviously wounded arm and side specific targets, trying hard to beat his opponent down even further by taking advantage of his injuries. Once, towards the end, Zoro had even been hurled into the wall of the nearest building; he'd felt his side _snap-crack_ further then, and burning agony had washed up his side, sent sparks across his swimming vision, made him spit blood. He was getting weaker, faster—this had to end soon.

The cost was high, but his tactics worked. The longer he drew out the fight, taunted his opponent, the more into it Daz seemed to get. His wariness was receding in favor of his usual cold-hearted, ruthless tactics. The time to strike was coming soon—and if Zoro's onset of dizziness and growing burning pain in his torso was any indication, it had to be _now._

So he made it now. As Mr. 1 charged forward with nearly inhuman speed, spinning razor-blade arms at the ready, Zoro sank with the skill only long hours of training could produce into the meditative half-trance that let him hear the world. Buried so deeply in that awareness, the agony of his injuries became even more blinding; he could hear the very rhythm of his own body, could tell it felt disjointed, its lilt becoming off-beat, broken. But beyond that he could hear pulse of Daz Bones' steel body as well, and with practiced speed he'd sheathed his three swords, pulled _Wadou Ichimonji_ from his sword-belt, spun it behind his shoulder, and slashed forward with determined finality. _"Shishi Sonson!"_

Mr. 1 swore, and tried to twist himself aside at the last moment, but it was too late for him. Blood spurted, and the man crashed to the ground with a groan. Zoro staggered as he finished re-sheathing Kuina's sword, and stumbled down the street after Miss Doublefinger and the fleeing Straw Hat pirate, ignoring the violently intense throbbing in his side that made even breathing a nightmare. He had to see if the girl was alive, at least, or if he'd wasted all this effort for nothing.

He had a feeling he didn't quite make it, and that he might possibly have blacked out for a moment or two, because the next sensation he was aware of was something hard poking him in the side of his head. With a groan he opened his eyes. He appeared to be on his side on a street somewhere (thankfully not on his broken ribs) with half his face pressed into the dirt. At this angle it was sort of difficult to see what exactly was poking him, and moving his head even slightly made the world spin too much, but after a moment he managed to make sense of the shape clouding his peripheral vision. It was the witch, Nami, carefully poking him from afar with that long metal staff of hers.

"Oh," he managed to slur. "It's you."

"You're alive," Nami said, with a sigh that sounded like a mix of relief and wariness. "I wasn't sure. You look really beat up. Did you finish off Mr. 1?"

"Yes," Zoro said thickly, once he'd managed to make sense of what she was saying—his head felt quite cloudy, and it made it a bit difficult to interpret things properly. "He's out for a while. Where'd Doublefinger go?"

"I beat her," Nami said, looking a little surprised even as she said it. "Barely, but I did it."

Zoro accepted that with a rough nod, which hurt a _lot_ more than it should. He believed her, mostly because the girl would already be dead otherwise. Miss Doublefinger wasn't exactly known for letting her enemies get away, either. Groaning, he pushed himself up into a sit, coughing up a little more blood as he did so. His insides felt like they were being stabbed with hundreds of little burning knives. Whatever. Not important.

"Geez, you look terrible," Nami said, wincing when he spat a little blood on the dirt. "I thought you worked with these guys?"

He started to shrug, then thought better of it. "I do. I'm a Baroque Works officer too." He paused, considered, and said, "Well, former officer anyway. I have a feeling they'll probably kick me out after this." Oh well. It'd been nice while it lasted, but he'd never actually intended to stay forever, anyway.

He dragged himself over to one wall to sit against it for a bit, regain his bearings. Nami started to help him, but he waved her away with one arm, insisting on doing it himself. She shrugged and limped after him a bit, staying close enough to have a conversation without shouting. Now that Zoro got a better look at her, he could tell she'd taken a bit of a beating, too; she was covered in gashes, and it looked like her foot had been pierced clean though, probably a result of Doublefinger's spike fruit. That made her victory all the more impressive. It seemed Luffy's crew could really hold its own when push came to shove.

"Um," Nami said slowly, once Zoro had gotten himself settled somewhat comfortably against the wall. "Thanks. For saving me back there."

He barely kept himself from shrugging again.

"Why'd you do it?" she asked, clearly puzzled. "I mean, you're Mr. Bushido here. And I've heard all the rumors from back in the East Blue. All the stories I ever heard about Roronoa Zoro never made you sound like a nice guy." She gave him a shrewd, still-wary look, and said, "You didn't have to do that at all."

"I did, actually," he said tiredly, but that was all. He didn't have to explain himself to her. He'd never cared what people thought about him. He just lived up to his own personal code, even if nobody else understood it. Besides, he had a feeling she probably wouldn't take lightly to being told she was actually a stand-in for her captain so he could pay his debts back.

"But why did—" she began, and then shook her head in exasperation. "Oh, never mind. I don't have time to play twenty questions with you. I've got to get to the palace and it's going to take forever on this injured leg."

He raised an eyebrow at her and said flatly, "You look fine enough to me."

"Are you _blind,_ you _jerk?_" she growled at him. "There is a _hole_ through my _foot._ That is not okay! I can't walk at all!"

He rolled his eyes at her and said dryly, "Uh-huh. How'd you get here then?"

She did not look happy about his logic, and her fist clenched like she wanted to hit him. He was thankful that she didn't, although he didn't let on to it; he didn't think he could take much more of a beating than he already had. "Don't let me stop you," he said, and waved his not-quite-as-injured arm absently, as if to shoo her off. "Go do whatever."

She glared at him, but it softened after a moment. "Fine. Are you going to be okay?"

"I'll be fine," he told her confidently. "I've had worse."

"Okay," she said, looking a little doubtful, but after a moment she turned down the street and began limping away, using her metal staff as a walking stick.

"Oh," he said suddenly, before she could get too far away. "One thing, though." She paused, turned to look over at him in confusion, and he said, "Tell your captain now we're even. He'll know what I mean."

She raised an eyebrow at him, but shrugged, and continued limping on her way. After a few minutes she was gone. Zoro leaned back against the wall for a bit, gathering his strength. He was really bad off, and he knew it, but he figured if he had a chance to rest for a bit he could get himself moving. Alubarna was probably a bad place to for him be now. Regardless of who won, he was sure any number of parties would be perfectly willing to take advantage of his weaker state to kill or arrest him for his part in the whole rebellion mess.

After maybe twenty minutes he was able to force himself to stagger to his feet, and by keeping his hand against the walls he managed to stay relatively upright. That was a good start. He kept pushing forward, not even sure exactly where it was he was trying to head to; mostly he was focused on just keeping himself moving. Unfortunately, his body seemed to have other ideas, and after only a few streets his knees buckled beneath him and he crashed to the ground. His luck was used up. This time he managed to land on his injured side, and he couldn't resist letting out a scream of pain as he hit. He could feel the world receding rapidly away from him, and once again his vision was going dark. He sighed as unconsciousness dragged him under once again, probably to his death in one way or another. Well, at least this time he could go out relatively sure that he'd done the right thing, and paid off his debts before he left this world.

For some reason that was a comforting thought, and he drifted off into a soothing not-quite-sleep.

* * *

><p>One more left to conclude everything :)<p>

~VelkynKarma


	10. Baroque Works Saga: Agreements

Last part of a five-part series, exploring what would have happened if Zoro joined Baroque Works when he was asked to ages ago. Because I like AU speculation like woah.

**Title:** Baroque Works Saga: Agreements**  
>Theme:<strong> #29: Proposal**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>3,847**  
>Rating: <strong>PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> AU-ness, some things happen differently than usual. And please note I'm using the 'deal/agreement' definition of a proposal, not a wedding one—this is still gen.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either-those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro was surprised to find himself waking up for the second time in as many days. He just couldn't seem to stay dead, although he supposed that was actually a good thing. But damn, he needed to stop waking up in unfamiliar places. It was getting old, fast.<p>

He blinked until his bleary vision gained some semblance of clarity and looked around, trying to figure out exactly where he was. It appeared to be a very large infirmary, with dozens of beds laid out for whoever was visiting at the time. Most of them were empty. Sunlight blazed through the enormous windows, and based on what little architecture he could see outside through them, he had the bewildering impression that he was somewhere inside the palace.

Huh. Now that was unexpected.

"You're awake!" came an excited-sounding squeaky voice from somewhere down low to his right. Blinking, Zoro turned his head and found himself face to face with a teddy bear with antlers. After a moment he realized some of the features on the creature were recognizable, and that it was a bizarre half-human, half-deer form of the yeti-deer he'd seen back on Folgasse.

"Um," Zoro said, blinking again in confusion. "Hey. You're with the Straw Hats, right?"

"That's right!" the little creature squeaked. "I'm Tony Tony Chopper, the ship's doctor. It's good to see you're okay, Mr. Roronoa! You were out even longer than Luffy." The deer's expression went from enthusiastic to admonishing. "You shouldn't fight with broken ribs, you know," he lectured severely. "It's very dangerous. You damaged a lot of your internal organs. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to help you at first."

"Uh...right," Zoro said—because really, what else could he say, when his brain still felt like it was clogged with smoke, and he was getting lectured by a stuffed animal? "You can just call me Zoro," he added, as he tentatively started to sit up. "That other thing sounds ridiculous."

"Okay, Zoro then!" the deer, Chopper, agreed. He looked thrilled at being on a first-name basis, but switched to anxious in a heartbeat. "Oh, you probably shouldn't move around too much yet, you probably won't feel good for a few days still..."

Zoro was learning that fairly quickly. The agonizing stabbing pains in his chest were no longer present, but he did feel sore all over, and breathing was still a hassle if he inhaled too deeply. Grimacing, he tossed back the covers to give himself a once-over and was surprised to find himself positively covered in bandages. Damn. He'd never seen so many in his life—he'd been injured pretty badly, yeah, but this was ridiculous. "This your handiwork?" he asked hoarsely.

"Well, yes. You were hurt pretty bad, I wanted to make sure you were taken care of—"

"Why?" Zoro interrupted, before the kid could go off on another lecture. "I'm not exactly on you guys' side. I was assigned to kill you, you know."

Chopper shivered at that and opened his mouth to answer, but he was interrupted before he could offer one. "I told him to do it," someone said cheerfully from the doorway.

Zoro looked over. Luffy was grinning at him, also heavily bandaged, over an armload of fruits in an enormous basket. He set the basket down near one of the empty beds, sat on its edge, and began enthusiastically helping himself to the food, smiling all the while.

"Why?" Zoro repeated, giving the pirate a look. "That witch _did_ deliver my message, right? I told you we were even. You don't owe me anything, and I don't owe you anything."

Luffy swallowed a watermelon whole, and his stretching abilities made it look grotesquely like a python swallowing a small pig. When he finished he patted his stomach and said cheerfully, "Oh, don't worry, she told me. That's why I told Chopper to save you."

How was _that_ for confusing. Zoro shrugged. "Fine, but I still consider my debt paid. I'll be out of your hair as soon as the excitement outside dies down enough for me to leave without being arrested." He was still sort of surprised he wasn't arrested _now,_ to be honest. If Luffy and his crew were here and the palace was still intact that probably meant that he'd beaten Crocodile. But Zoro was fairly sure Alabasta's government _and_ the marines would still be more than happy to drag him off, or put him down for good. It sounded like he'd been unconscious for days; he couldn't imagine why nobody had taken advantage of that.

Luffy frowned, and Chopper looked disappointed. "You want to leave?" the doctor asked slowly. "Well, I mean, you can't for a few days anyway because of your injuries, I still have to give you some treatments, but...you want to go away?"

"I don't see why not," Zoro said dryly. "I'm sort of out of a job now, and anyway I've got somebody to look for."

"For your dream," Luffy stated, not asked. "You have to beat the greatest swordsman, right?"

"That's right," Zoro answered. He was surprised Luffy still remembered that.

Luffy watched him for a while as he rapidly ate his way through the contents of the basket. Zoro was a little unsettled by the stare, and after a few moments devoted himself to finding his swords (laid out on the bed next to his) and his other belongings. His shirt had been completely torn apart in his fight against Daz Bones. Pity, that. He accepted the robe that had been laid out next to his swords for now, but he was definitely going to have to buy a new shirt somehow before he left, if he could find a store that would sell to him and not just try turn him in. His haramaki would need a little mending as well, but at least it was still intact—

"I decided what kinda guy you are," Luffy announced brightly, cutting through the silence.

Zoro raised an eyebrow at that, and looked up from rummaging through his things. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Luffy said. "You're definitely a good guy."

"Glad to hear it," Zoro said. His voice was laced with sarcasm, but the truth was he actually _was_ kinda glad to hear it. He'd come to respect Luffy a lot over the past couple of days, somehow, even though he still barely knew the kid. It was sort of nice to know he'd made a good impression in return, although he sure as hell didn't see _how_ he'd done it.

"Yup," Luffy said, still grinning. "That's why you're gonna join my pirate crew."

Zoro froze. Luffy looked perfectly confident, like he knew what he'd said would inevitably be the truth. Zoro begged to differ. "Might wanna try asking before you make claims like that," he said flatly, and returned to rummaging through his things, making sure each of his katana were okay.

"Nope," Luffy said. "I've decided you're going to join my crew."

"Well, _I've_ decided I'm _not_, so it looks like we're at an impasse here."

_"No,"_ Luffy said insistently, his voice and expression childish. "I refuse your refusal. You're gonna join my crew and that's final."

Zoro turned to face him again, glared back coldly. "I don't think you quite get how this works," he said, slowly and clearly. "I said_ no._ And why the hell are you asking me to join you, anyway? You _do_ realize a few days ago I was trying to kill you _and_ your crew, right?" Hopefully the latter would get the point across. Luffy didn't seem to have much concern for himself, but his crew was clearly another thing entirely.

"You're a good guy," Luffy said. "You wouldn't."

"I fought you twice. If I'd won, you'd probably be dead."

"You couldn't beat me."

"Tch. Whatever. No is _no,_ kid. I'm not joining your crew. Best of luck to the rest of you, but I've got things to do." He pulled himself out of bed against Chopper's frantic protests, slid the provided robe and his haramaki in place, and slipped his three swords through their belt loops.

Luffy pouted at him. "C'mon. Join my crew!"

"No," Zoro said, as he walked out the door. "Go away." And that was the end of that, or so he thought.

* * *

><p>As it turned out it was<em> not<em> the end of that, and Luffy did not go away. Nor did the rest of his crew, which was equally persistent in making the next few days of his life the most irritating and simultaneously oddly enjoyable time he'd ever had.

Zoro found himself effectively trapped in the palace with the rest of the pirates after the recent near-rebellion Crocodile had managed to cause. The city was on full alert after all the combat. And although its citizens and military were clearly supportive of the Straw Hat Pirates, the marines that had taken it upon themselves to help re-establish order in Alubarna were most certainly _not._ The Straw Hats kept mostly out of sight in Cobra's palace as a result, and were treated with every possible courtesy, from food whenever they wanted it to access to the enormous baths to comfortable rooms. For some unexplainable reason, Zoro found this same courtesy being extended to himself, for which he couldn't fathom. Didn't these people know he'd been allied with Crocodile, however unknowingly? Sure, he'd gone and defeated Mr.1 and saved Nami to pay his debt back, but that couldn't possibly be public knowledge, could it?

And anyway, the servants and even the royal family kept treating him like he was a part of the pirate crew, which was most _certainly_ not the case. It grated on his nerves to even _think_ people assumed that. Especially because Luffy had_ not_ let up on alternately begging for and demanding his joining the crew, no matter how many times Zoro said 'no.'

Obnoxious, persistent bastard.

To counteract it, Zoro spent as much time as he possibly could on his own, usually finding some secluded corner of the palace to curl up and take a nap while his wounds healed, or an empty courtyard where he could run through his katas and do a little more training. It worked—for the first day. Unfortunately, every single one of those Straw Hat idiots became rapidly adept at finding him, no matter_ where_ he tried to hide.

The witch, Nami, had tracked him down first. "You told me you'd be fine," she snarled at him, after unceremoniously smacking him awake with that stupid metal staff of hers. "When we found you, you were almost _dead._ You are going to owe me _so much_ for scaring us like that!"

The woman made no sense. A few days ago she'd been scared of him even when he was half dead; now she easily took the liberty of hitting him when he actually _was_ capable of fighting back. "I'm unemployed and flat broke," he responded sleepily, as she stood over him, glowering. "Too bad. Sucks to be you." He was already asleep again before she could make a comeback.

The sniper tracked him down several times, introducing himself nervously as the 'Great Captain Usopp' and insisting that if Zoro tried to do anything scary he had an army of eight thousand men at his beck and call. "Right," Zoro said dryly, in the middle of his katas. "I'm sure you do."

The kid had seemed pretty terrified of him at first, but Zoro had no real desire to hurt him, especially not now when Baroque Works wasn't giving him the kill orders anymore. Besides, he respected Luffy too much at this point to start targeting his friends, even if he _was_ seriously beginning to consider burying the pirate captain under a ton of rubble just to get him to shut up. Usopp seemed to pick up on that, and tentatively started asking the swordsman about his fights, and how he got stronger, and how long he'd been a 'brave warrior of the sea.' The kid seemed to genuinely want to get stronger, and Zoro couldn't begrudge him that, so he eventually started to answer the questions. Usopp seemed much more relaxed and friendly around him after that.

Chopper (who it turned out was a reindeer, not just a deer) unsurprisingly followed Zoro everywhere with strict, frantic orders about his health and _why are you lifting heavy rocks like that when you still have broken ribs_ and_ don't take those bandages off, are you crazy!_ and _do you have a death wish, because you are definitely going to kill yourself if you keep doing this._ Zoro got tired of it pretty quickly, especially since when he _wasn't_ being lectured or dragged back to the infirmary by that enormous yeti-form the reindeer was usually staring at him with something akin to hero worship. Seriously. Did anyone on this crew make _sense?_ Did _any_ of them even remotely understand that he'd been assigned to_ assassinate_ every single one of them?

Even the cook, Sanji, had tracked him down, the night that Zoro skipped the big banquet held in the Straw Hats' honor in favor of a little solitude and a chance to _finally_ get away from all the pirates. Zoro had learned very quickly from brief encounters that while most of the crew could be alright (if insane), the cook was an absolute asshole. He vehemently did _not_ like the guy for his smart-ass attitude and his obnoxious, perverted skirt-chasing habits, and privately thought to himself that he really couldn't blame Crocodile for finding 'Mr. Prince' so aggravating. They'd basically gone out of their way to avoid each other, which was why Zoro was so surprised to find the cook shoving a full, laden tray of banquet foods and drinks at him with a sharp warning of "You'd better eat every single bite, shitty Bushido," and muttering under his breath about how people shouldn't skip meals, and how at least _he_ knew how to be grateful when people saved other peoples' lives. The cook had stomped off almost as soon as he'd arrived, but Zoro managed to pick out enough muttering to realize this was probably a sort-of thank-you for saving Nami's life.

This crew was freakin' _insane._

But none of them could beat out their captain for insanity—or for persistence. Luffy bugged him constantly about joining the crew, wheedling, begging, insisting, demanding, and the kid just did _not_ know how to take a hint.

"Join my crew."

"No."

"C'mon! Having a guy who uses three swords on my crew would be so _cool!_"

"I'm sure it would be. Good luck finding somebody else."

"You could fight a lot more with us."

"I can fight a lot _anywhere._"

"Usopp tells really good stories, I bet you'd like them!"

"I really don't care."

"Nami says you owe her money, so you _have_ to join, right?"

"That greedy witch? Please. She's just making shit up. I don't owe her anything."

"Chopper really likes you, you don't want him to feel bad, do you?"

"I'm not joining just to avoid a _guilt trip_, and I can stand to avoid being tortured by paranoid bandage-happy doctors for the rest of my life, anyway."

"Sanji's food is the _best food ever._ You can't get the best food ever somewhere else!"

"Hell no. I don't care if he's the only cook left on the planet, I am _not_ joining just to eat that curly-browed asshole's food."

"Well, I don't care. You're joining my crew."

"No means _no_, Luffy! Get lost already!"

And on and on it went. Zoro was stubborn, but Luffy was doggedly persistent, and the swordsman was seriously beginning to wonder if even _his_ great levels of endurance could withstand this.

He was entirely unsurprised to find Luffy tracking him down late at night, as a result, although he _was_ a little surprised at the serious, solemn nature the kid had when he did visit again. Zoro had been getting a few evening katas in, and was fully prepared to ignore Luffy's puppy-dog-like attention, but that much more serious expression actually had him stopping and sheathing his swords in confusion.

"We're leaving tomorrow morning, really early," Luffy said, diving right into the conversation without preamble. "It sounds like some marines figured out where we are and they might find our ship, so we gotta go now."

Zoro shrugged. "Good luck to you guys, then. It was interesting meeting you."

"You should come with us."

"I already told you," Zoro said, warning in his tone. "I'm not going. End of story."

Luffy looked deeply disappointed, but he met Zoro's eyes and asked seriously, "Why don't you want to join my crew?"

Zoro raised an eyebrow. That was the first time in all of Luffy's days of wheedling that he'd ever bothered to ask why. "For starters, I never had any intentions of becoming a pirate. I've seen pirates do a lot of cruel things in my time as a bounty hunter. It doesn't exactly inspire a person to be one."

"And working for Crocodile is any better?" Luffy asked with an angry snort. "_Pirates_ helped Vivi save her country, not the stupid marines."

He had a point, Zoro conceded, so he didn't push that line of thought any further. "Besides that," he continued, "I've got my own goals to accomplish."

"Your dream," Luffy said. "To be the world's greatest swordsman."

"That's right."

"You can do that with us."

"Maybe, and maybe not. I prefer to trust myself over you, no offense."

"I'm going to be the Pirate King," Luffy said, very seriously. "It only makes sense that the world's greatest swordsman be on my crew."

Zoro shrugged. "Tell you what. When I get my title, and you get yours, I'll visit."

"No. I want to see it happen, too. A captain makes sure _all_ of his crew is taken care of and he helps _everyone_ reach their goals." Luffy's gaze was intense, and said very sincerely that he meant_ every_ single word he spoke.

Zoro actually believed it, too. But something still unsettled him about the whole situation, felt _off_ in the pit of his stomach. "Look," he said flatly, "Luffy. I still don't get why you want me to join your crew so bad. Yeah, I'm strong, and yeah, I want to be the world's greatest swordsman, but there are probably hundreds of other strong guys out there with strong dreams. Why are you so insistent on recruiting _me?_"

Zoro expected some ridiculous explanation about how his _santoryuu_ style was 'cool' or because he had green hair or something else just as stupid, but Luffy just shrugged. " 'Cause you're a good guy," he said, straightforward, truthful.

Zoro snorted. "You don't have any proof of that," he said cooly. "You have no idea what I've done in the past, or what I could do in the future. I might've killed hundreds of people for all you know. My reputation back in the East Blue definitely supports that. I'm sure your crew has told you those rumors."

Luffy shook his head. "You're a good guy," he repeated insistently.

"You don't _know_ that," Zoro snapped. "I obviously didn't have a problem turning on Baroque Works. What's to stop me from turning on _your_ crew as well?"

"You won't," Luffy said. "Baroque Works was bad. You're not, and we're not either."

"You're awful confident about that," Zoro said, raising an eyebrow.

"I just know, that's all. You're a good guy. I can tell."

Zoro sighed. The truth was, Luffy was probably right. He'd never cared much for the people at Baroque Works; that was why he always worked alone, kept his relationships with them strictly professional at best. Having met all the members of the Straw Hat crew, he could say with certainly that he wouldn't relish the thought of turning on them, slaughtering them out of hand. They were people, and felt much more real and solid and easy to relate to than any of his previous coworkers had. He could get to like them. Hell, despite their irritating habits he already _did_ sort of like them, as more than just bare acquaintances. He supposed it wouldn't be so bad, to spend his days sailing around with them on the seas.

To his horror he found his emotionless facade cracking as he considered his options. Luffy was grinning at him now, as if the kid knew exactly what was coming next, and gritting his teeth Zoro finally said with a sigh, "If I join you, it's gonna be under one condition."

"Sure," Luffy said, still grinning, but Zoro could tell he was listening too.

"I'll join your crew," Zoro said, slowly, carefully, "but don't forget that I_ am_ going to be the greatest swordsman in the world. If I think for one moment that sailing with you guys jeopardizes that chance for me, I'm gone. I have the right to leave, and if you get in my way, I _will_ kill you."

"That's fine," Luffy said. "You won't leave. And anyway, it'll be_ really_ awesome to have the world's greatest swordsman on my ship!"

Zoro rolled his eyes; there was the expected excitement. But he'd made his statement, and he was honor bound to it now. "Alright. Fine. Then so long as we're clear on that, I'm in. Captain."

"Great!" Luffy fastened rubbery fingers in his sleeve almost immediately and set to hauling him off towards the sleeping quarters where the rest of the crew was likely at, babbling, "We've gotta tell the others then, they'll be excited, and we gotta pack up anyway and get ready to run, 'cause the marines'll find our ship otherwise—"

Zoro listened to him babble with only half an ear and let himself be hauled off, feeling oddly content with his decision. In the span of a few days he'd lost his old boss, his old job, his old _life,_ and found them bewilderingly exchanged with a new captain, a new status as a pirate, and a whole new set of adventures that were inevitably waiting for him. It was dizzying, and thinking of what he'd gone through in order to get to this moment—his orders, his losses, his frustrations, his not one but _two_ near-deaths—made him wonder if it was worthwhile.

But when he watched his new enthusiastic captain, and realized with a start he was now a part of that dynamic that just a few days ago completely confused him, he abandoned the thought. Everything he had gone through up to this moment had probably been for a purpose, to get him to this one moment in his existence, this life-altering change of fate. This life didn't look like it would be half bad; he figured he could get used to it with time.

Zoro of the Straw Hat Pirates. It sounded right. Yeah, he could definitely get used to it.

* * *

><p>Well really...one way or another he belongs with them :P Besides, once Luffy sets his sights on you, there's really no way to say 'no' lol.<p>

Next update, we'll go back to the regularly scheduled one-shots. :)

~VelkynKarma


	11. Bag of Tricks

**Title:** Bag of Tricks**  
>Theme: <strong>#7: Salt**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>1,980**  
>Rating: <strong>PG...nothing really serious.**  
>Warnings:<strong> Bad pranks? lol...like maybe two bad words too.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either-those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro didn't know what was up with the three youngest members of the Straw Hat Crew, but for the past week they'd been going crazy trying to play pranks on every single one of the crew members. That in itself wasn't so surprising—what <em>was<em> strange was that they were actually _succeeding._

They'd gotten Nami by taking advantage of her love of money. Chopper made a special coating that could be painted on pebbles to make them look like lumps of gold. When it dried, they put them in a clear glass and filled it with water, and then Usopp used a slim piece of cardboard to flip the glass over and set it unobtrusively near the edge of a nearby table. To the untrained eye it looked like an empty glass upturned over several nuggets of gold, and Nami greedily snatched up the cup without thinking, spilling water all over her skirt, legs, and sandals in the process. To top it off the deluge washed off the gold coating, leaving her with nothing but rocks for her trouble. Nami was _not_ pleased to say the least, but the boys thought it was a riot.

They'd gotten Franky through a joint effort. While Luffy stood guard, prepared to drive Franky off if necessary, Usopp and Chopper snuck into Franky's workshop and broke into his personal store of drinking cola. His fuel-cola came in hard glass bottles to prevent breakage, but his drinking cola was in cheaper plastic bottles, and the trio happily took advantage of this. They poked holes in the bottom of the entire stock of bottles, drained out the cola, and submerged the bottles in a watered-down tabasco concoction of Usopp's, with special herbs from Chopper to make it still look like cola at a glance. When the bottles were re-filled, they carefully glued the holes shut, replaced the bottles, and beat it out of there. Franky's howl of spicy surprise when he took a swig of "cola" could be heard over the entire ship, and grew steadily worse as he tried to find a real bottle of cola to cool his mouth—only to make it worse. Luffy, Usopp and Chopper had been reduced to hysterical laughter, rolling around on the lawn with glee.

They managed to get Brook with a surprising amount of coordination (considering Luffy was a part of the group). Luffy happily provided a distraction in the kitchen galley, long enough for Chopper to sneak in and steal several tea bags without Sanji noticing, since the cook was too busy kicking his captain in the head. These were transferred to Usopp, who carefully unscrewed the shower-head in the bathroom and stuffed the tea bags in, just before Brook was due to take his usual morning rinse. Hot water filtered through tea bags turned into tea—in this case, a full shower of it. Brook took it in good cheer once he discovered what had happened, although he (or more specifically, his afro) smelled like a blend of Earl Gray and something extremely bitter none of them knew the name of, with just a touch of something citrusy at the fringes. Several non-pranking crew members had been tempted to toss him into the sea, Devil Fruit or no, just to get rid of the smell.

They'd even managed to get Sanji, and in the kitchen of all places. Usopp had wrapped a rubber band tightly around the hose sprayer attached to the sink, so that when Sanji turned on the water to do the dishes, he was sprayed head on by a gout of water all over his suit. Sanji was, unsurprisingly, less than pleased, and showed his displeasure with a series of very vicious kicks. What _was_ surprising was that the younger pirates managed to pull it off in his enclosed space to begin with.

(It went without saying that they naturally attempted to pull something on Zoro, but one patented bandit-hunting Killer Glare, complete with bandanna for additional effect, was enough to send even Luffy scampering for cover. They didn't try anything on him again).

The trio seemed determined to get everyone at least once apart from themselves (and Zoro) but they ground to a rather abrupt halt when it came to Robin.

At first Zoro wasn't sure why. They seemed determined enough, but Robin never fell into any of their traps—probably due to her irritating ability to know everything. No matter what increasingly more elaborate schemes Usopp cooked up to finally catch their archaeologist with something, they never seemed to work, and Robin continued to act entirely unaware of the situation.

Zoro finally overheard the three having a huddling conference not too far from his napping spot after a good week of frustrated attempts on Robin. He pretended to still be asleep—probably the reason they were having their little conference near him to begin with—and listened in curiously.

"I don't understand," Usopp began, sounding anxious. "Every time we set up a trap for her at all it doesn't work, or she finds it before it goes off, or she knows something's wrong ahead of time!"

"I bet you're doing it wrong," Luffy said bluntly.

"I am _not!_"

"Maybe she's just too smart and we can't trick her," Chopper said, a little sadly. "I mean, I bet she's really good at predicting this sort of thing."

"Well, we tried Usopp's Super Secret Water Dispenser Mechanism right?"

"The bucket of water on top of the door? Yeah, but she knew it was there and took it down before she walked through..."

"What about all those confetti-filled balloons we made? Weren't you gonna fill the library with them?"

"I was gonna! I had the perfect time set up and everything, while she was sun bathing! But, well, I had to...that is, Franky called me for help, so..."

Zoro listened with curiosity to the slight waver in Usopp's and Chopper's voices and realized with surprise that they weren't putting as much effort into this one as they could have. Obviously they had the ideas, but not the resolve. He snorted when he realized they were actually _scared_ of Robin's reaction if they did manage to prank her. He sure as hell didn't know why. As long as they didn't destroy any of her books in the process, she was nakama, and would probably take it in good stride if they did manage to best her.

"You're going at it half-assed," he reported, still with his eyes closed.

The trio jumped in surprise, even Luffy, and Usopp regarded the swordsman warily. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if you don't take it seriously and go all the way, you're not going to get her," Zoro elaborated.

"This isn't a sword fight, Zoro," Usopp said sullenly. "We _know_ how to prank people, okay? I'd like to see you do better!"

He shrugged in his reclining pose. "No thanks. I don't do that sort of thing."

"Well then leave it to us!" And the trio huddled together again, discussing the next overly elaborate plan. Zoro rolled his eyes beneath the lids and went back to actually sleeping—if they didn't want to take his advice, that was fine with him.

* * *

><p>Two days later the trio was still unsuccessful on the Robin front, and getting very frustrated about it. They were all flopped unhappily at the table in the morning before breakfast, and Luffy even lacked his usual energy to try and steal food while Sanji was preparing it. Zoro was at the table as well, mostly against his will. If he'd had things his way he would have been sleeping still in his nice, comfortable bunk. But the cook's swearing that morning had apparently startled Chopper enough that the reindeer had attached to Zoro's face and nearly suffocated him, which also served as a premature wake up call.<p>

He was seriously considering putting his head down at the table and going to sleep again anyway when Robin and Nami walked in. Sanji greeted them both with his usual idiotic happiness, offering them pretty much anything their hearts desired. Nami immediately took advantage of his doting (witch) and Robin politely waved the cook off before glancing at the trio of would-be pranksters at the table. Her lips quirked slightly in a smile as she asked, "What could be wrong with you three? Are you feeling ill?"

"No," Usopp said sullenly.

"I don't think I am," Chopper said, a little more anxiously as the ship's doctor. He sat up on the alert and checked his own pulse and forehead before adding with relief, "No, it's okay, I think I'm alright."

"You're mean, Robin," came Luffy's answer, as he pouted at her. "You should—" But before he could say anything further Usopp and Chopper shut him up, slapping hand and hooves over their captain's mouth.

Robin's smile quirked again, and she turned to her coffee, brewing on the counter. She waved off Sanji's offers again and began preparing her usual morning cup with cream and sugar while asking, "Mean, captain? Have I done something wrong recently?"

"N-n-not at all!" Usopp stammered. "Luffy, just, uh, he had a weird dream, see, and he was just telling me about it, there was an insult contest and we were all in it, and well, you had the best insults, you know, 'cause you've studied all these other languages and stuff—"

Zoro rolled his eyes—their self-proclaimed liar really needed to get better at his improvisation. Robin looked amused at Usopp's crappy cover story, although her face was difficult to read. "That sounds fascinating," she said, as she finished with her coffee and looked at them over the rim of the mug. "You'll have to tell me about it in detail. Dream interpretation is a large part of many cultures, so I've studied a fair bit of it myself." And she took a sip, still smiling ever so slightly at the trio's trapped, panicked expressions.

But then the strangest expression seemed to twist over Robin's face, and it shifted from amused to surprised in less than a heartbeat. Without warning she raised her mug to her lips again and spat the coffee she'd just drank back out, before snatching one of the napkins on the table with a few extra hands and patting her lips dry. "Oh my," she murmured after a moment, regarding the mug with interest.

"Robin-chan!" Sanji said anxiously. "Was something wrong with the coffee? It's the same blend I've been preparing for you as always, I know it's Robin-chan's favorite—"

"There is nothing wrong with the coffee, Cook-san," Robin said, and then her gaze calmly turned to the wide-eyed pranking trio, before saying, "Salt instead of sugar. I suppose I will have to concede my defeat after all, then..."

"Salt in the sugar jar? I didn't do that..." Usopp said, sounding surprised. "Luffy? Chopper?"

"That's a great idea, I wish I thought of it!" Chopper said, eyes wide. He looked impressed.

"No fair, I wanted to get Robin..." Luffy pouted.

"Wait, so if it wasn't any of us..." Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy looked at around at each other once before turning slowly, almost as one, to face Zoro at the end of the table. He did his best to look innocent, which wasn't exactly his strong suit, and ended up resorting to playing ignorant instead—something he was markedly better at.

"An excellently played prank, Swordsman-san," Robin said, with a slight quirk at her lips. "You didn't hesitate for a second, did you?"

Zoro just shrugged, and tried to return to his nap—until Sanji's flying foot came slashing down at his head. But hell—the resulting battle was entirely worth the effort of seeing that look on Robin's face.

* * *

><p>I had to research the pranks because I am an incredibly unfunny person and wouldn't know the first thing about pranking people. Now isn't that just sad...<p>

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Zoro, you lucky bastard, you will never ever get punched for not wearing green...:P

~VelkynKarma


	12. Lost

**Title:** Lost**  
>Theme: <strong>#1: Ghost**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>8,392**  
>Rating: <strong>PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> Some bad words and a tiny bit of mentioned blood/death...that's about it I think.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro stepped outside after putting the rest of the treasure they'd managed to steal away in the <em>Sunny's <em>hold. He had to admit, even he was impressed by the haul they'd manage to get off that marine ship today—it looked like the navy had confiscated some other pirates' hoard, and the Straw Hats had been more than happy to take it off their hands. Nami was practically in a state of catatonic shock, basking in the gold they'd gotten a hold of, and Zoro doubted she'd be coming up for fresh air any time soon. It'd probably be days before anybody saw her again, other than a few rare moments when she checked their course.

The deck was oddly clear at the moment as Zoro walked across the lawn. He supposed everyone else was off getting back to whatever they'd been doing before the marine ship had attacked. It made the deck seem much bigger than it was, open and barren without anyone standing around on it—

And that emptiness also emphasized all too clearly the little girl standing barefoot on the lawn, staring forlornly down at the grass.

For one bewildering, heart-stopping moment, Zoro could have sworn it was Kuina standing there, just like the last time he'd seen her _years _ago. He got a hold of himself a moment later, and realized his eyes were playing tricks on him. The little girl looked to be younger than Kuina, maybe eight or nine years old, and her hair was black and came down to mid-back. She wore only a little blue sleeveless dress that came down to her knees, leaving her arms, legs, and bare feet exposed, even though it was a pretty chilly afternoon on the Grand Line. The only other thing she wore was an odd necklace, what looked like a single gold coin with a hole bored through its center for a thin chain.

Zoro frowned. The necklace looked familiar, and he suspected he'd seen it on one of his earlier trips, transporting treasure from the marine's ship to their own. He didn't know how on earth this little girl managed to get past Nami, but he suspected they had a stow-away thief on their hands.

"Hey," he said sharply, striding towards the girl. "Hey, you. You're not supposed to steal—give that back. And how the hell did you get on the ship, anyway?"

The girl whipped around, and stared at Zoro in surprise. "Adel?" she asked, eyes wide, and then shook her head after moment. "No, you're not Adel, your hair is wrong..." Then she blinked, and stared at Zoro harder. "You can _see _me?"

"Of course I can see you," Zoro said with a scowl. "You're not exactly hiding."

"But nobody's seen me in _years!_" the little girl said. And then, to Zoro's complete and utter horror, the girl burst into tears right in front of him, sobbing loudly as she crashed to her bare knees and started rubbing her eyes. "Oh...I'm...so..._waaaaah!_"

"Woah, woah, woah, cut that out, stop it!" Zoro hissed in surprise. He glanced around the deck hastily—nobody there still, which was great, because otherwise they'd never let him live down that apparently his _face _had made the girl start sobbing. And she was _still _going, too...where the hell did all those tears come from?

"I'm so-so-sor-ry," the little girl wailed now. "I...di-didn't m-mean to m-make you ma-a-aaaaad..."

"No, I'm not mad, don't worry about it, just stop crying," Zoro said hastily. Shit, he could take on zombies and super-powered marines and people with Devil Fruits, but girls crying made his skin crawl uncomfortably. How the fuck were you supposed to turn the tears off? Grimacing, he crouched down in front of the girl and added, "Really, I'm not mad, promise, just—just calm down, okay?"

The girl sniffled, and watched him with wide, watery eyes. "You're n-not m-mad at m-me?" she hiccuped after a moment.

"_No_," Zoro said, very insistently. The girl blanched, and he realized that maybe his tone was a little too...uh..._stern _for the girl's tastes, although he couldn't exactly help that; hell, it was the way he _always _talked. He took a deep breath, did his best to make his voice much calmer and more relaxed, and added, "I'm really not mad, I swear. Now how about you tell me how you got on our ship?"

"You brought me," the little girl said after a moment. "I'm always brought onto ships."

Zoro frowned. "Were you hiding in one of the treasure barrels or something?"

"No."

"Okay, maybe you were with some of the food supplies the cook grabbed?" Now that he thought about it, the girl did look sort of skinny—he wouldn't put it past her to have been trying to steal from the marines to eat, although how she managed to go unnoticed when Sanji grabbed the foodstuffs was still a puzzle. The cook was an idiot, but Zoro was reasonably sure he'd be able to find a little girl in a crate of apples, or something.

"No," the little girl said more insistently, and her bottom lip started to tremble warningly, a sure sign that she was getting frustrated. "You _brought _me. You _did!_"

"Okay, okay!" Zoro said, and held up his hands hastily, forestalling future waterworks. "Calm down, okay? Look, forget that for now. What's your name?"

"Jana," the little girl said promptly. "Who're you?"

"I'm Zoro," he introduced himself, and was relieved to see the girl calming a little.

"Hi," she said. "Are you the captain on this ship?"

"No. Luffy is the captain, but don't worry, I'm sure if you're lost he'll be willing to take you home. He's around here somewhere." Zoro glanced around, noticed the decks were _still _empty, and with a sigh pointed up at the closet sail and the Jolly Roger painted on it. "He wears a hat like that, see? We'll go look for him and figure out what to do."

The girl followed his finger to where he was pointing, but at the sight of the skull and crossbones she gasped and scuttled away from him frantically, eyes watering up again. "You're pirates," she whimpered miserably. "Pirates are _always _bad. _Always. _They do bad, mean things. They hurt Adel too."

There was that name again...she'd called him that also. Zoro raised his hands placatingly and said, "Woah, calm down. Jana, right? Listen, we're not like normal pirates, okay? We won't try to hurt you or anything. Luffy's a big friendly idiot. Promise."

The girl still looked apprehensive, and huddled on the deck several paces away from him, arms wrapped around her knees as she stared at him through a curtain of black hair. "Pirates lie," she whispered softly. "Adel told me pirates always lie."

"Yeah, well, Luffy's a really bad liar," Zoro said, entirely truthfully. "Look, do you know where you're from? We can probably find your island around here somewhere I'm sure."

Instead of giving him an answer, the girl's eyes crinkled with the threat of another sobbing session—_dammit to hell_—and she whimpered softly, "Home..."

"Yeah, where's that? I'll ask Nami, I'm sure she can find it—"

"Home. I want to go home. I want to go home. It's been so long, I just want to go home..." The little girl started rocking on her feet, hugging her knees tighter to her chest and burying her head down, curling up as tight as possible.

Oh, _hell. _Like he really had time for this. Gritting his teeth, Zoro stood slowly, and very carefully and unthreateningly stepped forward, deliberately clacking his sword sheathes slightly so he didn't catch the little waif unawares. She shivered and looked up at him warily through bleary eyes, and once he had her attention he said, "Look, we'll take you home, okay? You just have to tell me where it—"

"Um...Zoro?" Usopp had appeared on the deck, with Franky alongside, both of them carrying metal bits and pieces, toolboxes, and rolled up blueprints, probably with the intent of setting up shop on-deck to create something new. But now they were staring at him in confusion, and making no move to head over to a clearer part of the deck.

Jana whimpered at the new arrivals and watched them with a lonely, wary expression on her face. Great. Just when Zoro thought he might maybe have been getting through to the frightened little thing, these two had to come along and scare her all over again. "What the hell do you want, Usopp?" he said, fighting very hard to keep his voice unthreatening so the girl didn't scare further.

"It's just...we were just wondering, ah..."

"Why're you talking to yourself, sword-bro?" Franky cut in, getting straight to the point. "You feelin' sick? Should we call the doc out here?"

Zoro stared at them like they were idiots—which they were. "Are you blind?" he said, scowling at them. "Obviously I'm talking to this little girl, not _myself._ Maybe _you _should go get checked out by Chopper."

Usopp glanced over Zoro's shoulder, exchanged looks with Franky, and then said almost timidly, "Um, Zoro? There's...there's sort of nothing there."

"What?" Zoro glanced back over his shoulder, expecting the girl to have maybe run for cover while he was talking to his crew mates—she was definitely a timid little thing, he wouldn't put it past her. But she was still crouching there quietly on the lawn, watching the three of them with a frightened expression on her face. "You morons," he growled. "She's right here. You really _are _blind." He gestured to the girl again as proof.

"I dunno, sword-bro," Franky said doubtfully. "Is this some sort of game or something? You really don't strike me as the type, but everyone has their off days..."

"They can't see me either," Jana interrupted tiredly, and tucked her chin miserably down onto her knees as she watched the sniper and shipwright. "I guess nothing's different..."

"What?" Zoro raised an eyebrow at her. "No, they're just idiots, don't pay any attention to them."

"Zoro, really, who are you talking to—"

"Sword-bro, this is weird—"

"You can still see me?" Jana said, a little more hopeful.

"You're _still _not hiding, so of course I can still see you," Zoro said, exasperated. "Why do you keep asking me that?"

"No one _ever _sees me," the little girl said miserably. "Just like them. I'm invisible I think." One of her little hands came up to clutch the gold coin necklace around her neck, fiddled with it with a gesture of far too much familiarity for her to have only had it for a few minutes.

Zoro frowned. Okay...something weird was _definitely _going on here. "Hey," he said slowly, turning back to Usopp and Franky, still standing nearby and shifting uncomfortably. "You really can't see her?"

"Her? There's nobody _there, _Zoro..."

"Go get the others," Zoro ordered suddenly. "Find somebody else. Don't care who. Maybe it's a trick or something."

Usopp and Franky obediently set down their supplies and trotted off, chatting with each other and giving Zoro uncomfortable looks over their shoulders. Zoro ignored them, crouched down again, and said instead to Jana, "We'll figure this out. In the meantime, do you remember where you live?"

The girl watched him warily, but she seemed to trust him a little more now, possibly because he could see her when nobody else apparently could. She gripped the necklace a little more firmly in her small fist and said after a moment, "Dissen Island."

Zoro blinked in surprise. "Really? We were just there a week and a half ago. I'm pretty sure Nami can find the way back." _If we can separate her from the gold long enough to do it,_ he thought to himself internally, but no need to scare a little girl with that bit of information. Then he frowned. "But it looked like nobody's lived there for a while," he said slowly. "You _sure _it's Dissen Island?"

"Yes," the little girl said. "My mama made me say it every day so I'd remember. So I remember because I'm really _good _at remembering the things mama told me to." There was a defiant look in her eyes now, daring him to call her a liar.

Great. She couldn't decide if she wanted to be a crybaby or a little spitfire. Women were all the same no matter what age they were, it looked like. "Okay, okay," he said to the girl instead, attempting to pacify her. "I believe you. Just wanted to be sure. Who's Adel? Is he also hiding on the ship somewhere? Or maybe back on the marine ship?"

The girl smiled, and said with a fond, happy tone, "Adel's my big brother! He looks like you but his skin isn't as dark and his hair isn't a weird color."

Zoro's eye twitched, but he forced his usual snappish responses about his hair color back. _Calm. Don't scare her._ "Okay, so is he around here? If he's on the marine ship I guess we could go back and get him, it's not too far—"

But the girl's face fell now, and she whimpered softly, "No. Adel got...got hurt. Really bad. And he wouldn't wake up. The p-pirates were t-trying to hurt m-me and he t-tried to m-make them g-go away and...and he w-wouldn't get up...he j-just kept sleeping..."

Oh, double _shit. _He was really not having any luck with this kid. "Woah, okay, calm down. Relax. I promise nothing'll happen to you, okay? I'll talk to Luffy and Nami, I'm sure we can turn the ship around and drop you off at home." Not that it was much of a home...

The girl's eyes were wide and clear, and she stared at him trustfully. "You promise? Adel always kept his promises and you remind me of him..."

Great. He was now a walking reminder of her dead brother. No pressure or anything. "Promise. We're nice pirates, nothing bad'll happen to you."

Jana stared at him for a moment, and it made Zoro unexplainably aware of just how fragile she was, of how easily he could break her in half if he wanted to, and of how much he very much did _not _want to let that happen. Stupid trusting kids, being all naive and defenseless...they always made him do stupid things to protect that. Hell, it was the reason he was _on _this crew right now, what with Rika and all.

But then Jana smiled, all happy and trusting, and Zoro felt some measure of relief as her tears finally seemed to dry up. "Okay!" she said happily, and stood up on the lawn. "Thank you so much, Zoro!" And before he could stop her she'd thrown herself forward and wrapped her little arms around his neck in a very solid hug, nearly knocking him over from his crouch. It took pretty much every scrap of his willpower to keep himself from immediately pulling her off again—he was _not _a fan of hugs. But if the girl hadn't been seen by anyone in years, she probably hadn't had any contact with anyone either, and he had a weird feeling she was probably desperate for it right about now. That, or she'd start bawling, which he did _not want_ even more than he didn't want the hug. He'd put up with it—hating every minute of it, but he'd put up with it.

"_Yohohoho!_ What an adorable vision to greet my eyes—although I have none!"

Zoro grit his teeth. Okay. Or not. She'd had enough of a hug by now—he quickly disentangled Jana's arms from his neck and stood up to face several other members of the crew, trotting towards them over the lawn. Brook he'd heard and expected, but Robin, Luffy and Chopper were coming across the way as well, led by a still uncomfortable looking Usopp and Franky.

"Where's the invisible girl?" Luffy asked. "I want to see her!"

Zoro groaned at the sheer idiocy of his captain. Jana giggled, an oddly pretty sound after all the girl's gloomy sobbing, and whispered almost confidentially to Zoro, "He's silly!"

"Yeah," Zoro said dryly. "Very."

"Very what, Swordsman-san?" Robin asked.

"Nothing," Zoro answered. "Just something Jana said."

"Where is she?" Chopper asked, looking around. His eyes tracked over Jana twice and didn't stop for a second. "If she came from that marine ship she might be hurt, I thought maybe I should give her a checkup..."

"She's right here," Zoro said, pointing with exasperation at the little girl standing next to his leg. "Hell, can _none _of you see her? I'm not crazy, okay—there really _is _a little girl here!"

"I can see her, Zoro-san," Brook said cheerfully. "She is quite an adorable little vision!"

Jana looked excited at the prospect of not one, but two people being able to see her, and turned to Brook excitedly. But her eyes widened in fear a second later, and with a scream she ducked behind Zoro's leg, wrapping her fingers anxiously into the fabric of his haramaki as she hid, trembling, behind him. "Demon," she whimpered, "It's a demon, don't let it eat me, you promised!"

"Hey!" Zoro said in exasperation. "That's just Brook, he's not—"

"A demon!" Brook shrieked, looking around frantically. "Where, where is it? I hate demons!"

"No," Zoro growled, "That's not—"

"Guys," Usopp said in surprise, "Zoro's haramaki is moving on its own! Wh-wh-what's going on?"

"If you stop interrupting me I can tell—"

"I believe Swordsman-san has discovered a ghost," Robin said, with surprising calm.

Her words cut through all of the voices at once, and for a moment there was silence. Then the deck erupted into noises again, louder than before.

"A ghost! _Cool!_ Like on Thriller Bark?"

"G-g-g-g-ghost! Aaagh, not again!"

"Oh no! Usopp, you know how to exorcize it, don't you?"

"_Ow, _a ghost, huh? Sounds like another _super _adventure on its way!"

"Oh my, I've had quite enough of ghosts in my lifetime—although I am quite dead, _yohohoho!_"

Jana huddled behind Zoro even more, and he could feel her trembling alarmingly against his back. "They don't l-like me," she whimpered softly, clutching tighter at the haramaki, like it was a lifeline.

"No, you just startled them," Zoro said to her hastily, before she could start sobbing again. Then he turned back to the others and yelled louder, "Hey, shut up, you're scaring her!"

They fell silent again, staring at him with a mix of confused, bewildered, and wide-eyed expressions.

"Why don't you explain, Swordsman-san," Robin said with a smile.

Zoro shook his head in exasperation, but said, "She's just a little girl. Her name is Jana. She told me she's from Dissen Island, and she just wants to go home." He eyed Luffy and added, "That fine with you, captain?"

"Yeah!" Luffy said enthusiastically. "Where is she?"

Zoro rolled his eyes, but managed to extract the nervous little girl from behind himself, putting his hands carefully on her shoulders to indicate where she was. _No way this is a ghost. She feels solid, real...what the hell is going on? _Though, now that he thought about it, she did feel a bit..._fuzzy_...to his swordsmanship senses...less like something solid, and more like something that existed in a different sort of way. Like _Sandai Kitetsu_, but much less malevolent...which made sense, since she was just a little girl. He shook his head; he could focus on that later. "She's right here, Luffy."

The pirate captain bounded forward and came to a crashing stop in front of Jana, clapping his hand on his hat. The little girl flinched at first, but at Luffy's enormous grin, directed right at her, she smiled back—hesitantly at first, but then more genuinely as she started to relax. Luffy might not see her, but he knew she was there, and that was probably more than the little girl had had in _years. _"Okay! Zoro said you're Jana, right? We'll take you home, Jana. Promise!"

"He's gonna take me home!" she told Zoro excitedly, as if he wasn't standing _right there _and heard it.

"Yeah, and he'll do it," Zoro said. "He keeps his promises too."

"Yup, always!" Luffy agreed cheerfully. "You just take it easy until then."

"But how can Zoro and Brook see her if the rest of us can't?" Usopp asked, curious. He started tentatively inching a little closer, now that he had a measure of how big Jana actually was.

"Brook seems simple," Robin said with a shrug. "He has already died once, and his Devil Fruit is of the soul. I imagine that gives him some affinity for this sort of thing. Swordsman-san is a bit puzzling, though."

"He can tell when things are cursed and stuff," Chopper offered. "And he always knows when people are hiding nearby. Maybe that's why?"

"It is possible," Robin conceded. "I will not claim to be an expert on swordsmanship, but I do know most styles practice meditation techniques and the heightening of senses. Perhaps this is enough to give our swordsman access to the realms of the dead."

Actually that sounded pretty accurate, not that Zoro would admit to it out loud. He'd been training himself for a long time to sense the rhythm of all things, and meditated for hours to sense life and movement all around him; he supposed that could manifest in other ways. And as Chopper had pointed out, he seemed to be using the same sense to see the girl that he did to see _Kitetsu's _curse...that could be it too.

"Or perhaps," Robin added, almost conversationally, "Swordsman-san has come close to death so often that he stands now with one foot in the grave, and thus can interact with its inhabitants."

Everyone on the deck visibly shuddered. Zoro wondered if Robin's sense of humor would ever get any less morbid.

Jana's eyes widened. "You almost died?" she asked anxiously, staring up at him with child-like worry.

"Uh," Zoro said dumbly, because he really wasn't sure how to answer that for a kid. Especially a kid who had apparently linked him to her _actual _dead brother. "I'm better now," he offered lamely. "Promise."

She looked relieved, and then added with an anxious look at Brook, "And...and he _is _dead? Like me?"

How the hell was he supposed to explain Brook? Fortunately, the skeleton took it upon himself. "I am just bones, but I'm no ghost!" he said cheerfully. "Do you know what a Devil Fruit is, miss Jana?"

She nodded dumbly, and pressed back a little against Zoro, apparently still nervous around a walking skeleton. Not that he could blame her, really. "M-magic fruit," she offered after a moment.

"Very good," Brook said, still with impeccable cheer. "A very long time ago I ate the Yomi Yomi no Mi, which let my soul come back once after I died! But it took me a bit longer than expected to find my body, and sadly it turned into nothing but bones by the time I got back to it." He wiggled one skeletal hand, clicking bony fingers, and then tipped his top hat to her. "But I _am _quite friendly, I promise!"

"Brook's my nakama," Luffy said cheerfully, interjecting himself surprisingly well into a conversation he could only hear half of. "Everybody here is!"

"So...so you're all nice pirates?" Jana asked slowly, and glanced up at Zoro for affirmation. Oh boy. Somebody was getting attached. He supposed it was to be expected if he looked like her brother, but...crap. Chopper was one shadow enough as it was.

But he was careful not to let that show on his face, and nodded. "Yeah, they're all friends, everyone here'll want to help you," Zoro promised. "Oh—and don't be surprised by Luffy, Chopper or Robin," he added, pointing to each one in turn, "since they've also eaten Devil Fruits and have powers."

"They do?" Jana asked, wide-eyed, but Luffy was already demonstrating with a wide grin and one finger hooked into a stretched cheek, Chopper timidly transformed into Walk Point and back, and Robin created a small flurry of rapidly vanishing hands, without needing any further prompting. Jana's eyes, if possible, widened even further. "Wow! So many magic fruit powers!"

"There are two more crew members, too," Brook added helpfully. "Nami-san is downstairs counting the treasure, and Sanji-san is cooking dinner."

"Do they have magic fruit powers too?" Jana asked.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Curly-brow might _be _a Devil Fruit if that eyebrow is any clue," he said dryly. Jana looked shocked, and reminding himself he was dealing with somebody as gullible as Chopper, he amended hastily, "No, nobody else has powers. Or are fruits."

"There is just one question presently at hand," Robin said, bringing the conversation back on track. "We can bring Jana-chan back to her home island, but how did she come here to begin with? The laws of ghosts are tricky things, I imagine. There has to be a _reason _she is here."

"Well, how long as she been here?" Chopper asked reasonably. "There must have been something we did that changed something else to let her be here!"

"I have not seen her around at all until just now," Brook offered helpfully. "What about you, Zoro-san?"

But Zoro was staring down at the necklace around the girl's little throat with a frown. He turned her around to face him and crouched down in front of her again, and reached out to inspect the necklace carefully—the same one he'd seen earlier in their treasure haul, and had assumed she'd stolen before realizing she was a ghost. Jana let him handle the threaded coin, and said happily, "Isn't it pretty? Adel gave it to me, he found it in the woods and made me a necklace!"

"Yeah," Zoro said slowly. "That was nice of him."

"Zoro?" Usopp asked. "What is it? Did you find something? Did she tell you something?"

"No," Zoro said shortly. To the girl, he asked, "You said we _brought_ you on, right?"

She nodded. That confirmed it. "Wait here with Brook, okay? I'll be right back. He can translate if you want to ask anybody anything." She nodded again, completely trusting, and he headed down below decks for their newest acquisitions—and, most likely, to do battle with Nami.

The navigator was _exactly _where he expected her to be, busily polishing and cataloging all the treasure they'd just acquired, now humming delightedly to herself as she busily cleaned off a solid gold chalice. She completely ignored Zoro after one quick glance and went back to her work, and that gave him the opportunity to start digging through the piles of gold and jewels, searching for one item in particular.

"You can't have anything," Nami told him sharply. "It's _all _valuable this time, and it's going straight towards our expenses."

"We've got a situation upstairs," he said. "There's one piece in here that you can't—ah, here it is." He extracted the gold coin on its thin chain from the pile of gold and gems. "There's nothing else like this one, right?"

"No, I didn't see anything else," Nami said with a scowl, "But you can't have that either, that coin is over a hundred years old, and solid _gold, _do you know how much that's worth—hey, get back here!"

Zoro ignored her. Clenching the coin and chain in one fist, he headed back up above decks, with Nami following and shrieking loudly in his ear behind her. Getting onto the lawn again was a blessing—her voice echoed less in his head.

"This is it, right?" He said, striding back over to Jana, who was inching nervously towards Robin and away from Brook. Clearly it was taking her some time to adjust to the fact that he wasn't a demon.

Almost immediately she gravitated back towards him, looking relieved, and then delighted at the necklace in his hand. "That's this!" she said happily, holding her own copy of the coin still fastened around her throat.

"What is going _on _here?" Nami shrieked in frustration. "Has Zoro gone _crazy? _He's stealing my—_our _gold, and now he's talking to thin air! Chopper, maybe you'd better take a look at him—"

"It's okay, Nami," Chopper said. "He's not crazy, he's talking to Jana. She's a ghost."

Nami sputtered, and Robin took the opportunity to say, "What is that you have, Swordsman-san?"

"She's wearing the same necklace," Zoro said, fisting the chain to display the coin to them. "And she said we brought her on earlier, too. I've heard stories of old swordsmen getting attached to their blades even in death—can that happen for jewels and things, too?"

"I expect so," Robin said. "Then, in order to return her to her home, we must also return this necklace to her home as well."

"And then I can stay there?" Jana asked hopefully, staring up at Zoro.

"Yeah," he said. _I hope._

"Alright!" Luffy said, punching one fist in the air. "Nami, set sail for Dissen Island—we're gonna take Jana the Ghost home!"

Nami looked back and forth between the crew members, and then finally said with a sigh, "Okay, fine. But somebody had _better _bring me up to speed on why you've all gone _crazy, _alright?"

* * *

><p>And so, the next week and a half of their lives was spent going backwards, escorting a little girl dead for far too many years towards her home. It was possibly the <em>weirdest <em>escort they'd ever done. It wasn't uncommon for Luffy to give people a lift and even help them out, like Apis and Vivi, but generally speaking they were at least _visible_. With Zoro and Brook as the sole people who could see, hear, and interact with Jana, this was by far the most unusual case of getting somebody home they'd ever had.

Not that Zoro saw it that way, since he was one of the two that actually _could _see their guest, so nothing really looked any different to him. Hell, it was weirder to see his crew mates talking in entirely the wrong direction when attempting to address Jana for something or other, but that made _them _look crazy, not her unusual. To him, Jana appeared completely solid. There was no blood or hints of old injuries for how she died, no see-through skin, no flying or creepy powers (including, thankfully, a complete inability to make one negative at the slightest touch), and if she was a little paler than was probably normal, it could just as easily be attributed to never seeing the sun as opposed to being, well, _dead._

She was a quiet little thing, too, and sometimes it was hard to remember she was even there. She wasn't an especially malevolent ghost; she was just a scared little girl that wanted to go home, and acted exactly like it. Zoro almost felt sorry for her—_almost_ because she'd decided to attach herself to _him_ for the duration of the trip.

He _had _sort of expected it, really. Whenever the girl did talk, it was always _Adel this _and _Adel that. _Zoro didn't really try to pry, because he didn't want to dig up anything particularly painful for the timid little thing and start her sobbing again (the horror), but it was obvious the girl had adored her brother in life. Based on what he could pick out from her stories, the brother had been very protective of her too. They'd always been close, from the sounds of it, and now that he was practically a walking reminder of the brother that she'd been so attached to, it was unsurprising that she'd latch onto _him_ as a replacement for the journey...green hair or no.

So she followed him around everywhere, like a little puppy desperate for the attention. At first he thought she wanted him to play with her, which he really was _not _looking forward to. But as it turned out she just liked to have somebody close by that she felt safe near, and occasionally to talk to. He was decent enough at listening, so the arrangement wasn't as bad as he'd thought. Even though he suffered irritating levels of ridicule from the rest of his crew mates, when they realized he had a shadow (he suspected Brook was the one who had told them, and mentally promised to deal with the skeleton when the little girl _wasn't _around to see it).

Of course, there were _downsides _to it too. Zoro didn't sleep well as long as Jana was around. She seemed very frightened every time he went to sleep for longer than an hour, and would shake him awake frantically, asking if he was still alive. He supposed he was causing her to have a few flashbacks of his counterpart Adel's death, and she was only nine (relatively speaking), so he couldn't exactly _blame _her for it, but damn it was making him very tired. He started foisting her off on Brook for several hours at a time whenever he needed a nap, and then hiding somewhere that she wouldn't immediately find him—if he stayed out in the open, she still worried.

And there were the waterworks, which he still never knew how to handle. Jana seemed to flipflop from happy and cheerful to sobbing like crazy in the space of a single heartbeat, and Zoro was never exactly sure what would set her off. Or how to make her _stop, _short of calling over Luffy or Usopp or Brook to do something silly or play some cheerful music. He gathered from her frantic sobbing that she'd been lost for at least ten years, maybe more—Brook said it was sort of hard to keep track of time when you were dead, which made sense, Zoro supposed, considering how long it had taken Brook to recover his body—and Zoro was beginning to suspect it was far longer. But either way, the girl had been shuttled along by whoever stole her necklace and dragged her around for _years, _always alone and unseen, and sometimes she would grow afraid of not getting home. All he could do then was reassure her that Luffy kept his promises, and she _was _going to get back to Dissen, no matter what.

Not to mention the weird habits she seemed to have, which Zoro was pretty sure were associated with her death. Jana had an unusual fascination with his swords—well, one of them, to be specific. She would sometimes reach out to almost, but not quite, touch _Wado Ichimonji, _and insisted that it was 'very bright,' and that it 'shined warm.' "It belongs to somebody," Jana would whisper quietly, almost reverently, every time she paid attention to the sword. "Not you. Somebody else. Strong on _my _side. Waiting. But strong. And warm." That part had been _quite _unsettling, mostly because it was oddly accurate even though Zoro hadn't told Jana a damned thing about Kuina.

By contrast, Jana was positively terrified of _Sandai Kitetsu. _Every time she tried to touch _Wadou Ichimonji, _she took very great care to never let her fingers get close to _Kitetsu, _and regarded the sword with fear. She never said anything about it, until the one incident they'd had on the way back to Dissen Island, encountering another ship of marines. The crew had been forced to battle, and when Zoro walked back over to a frightened-looking Jana afterwards she started shrieking about the sword in his hands. "Monster," she'd cried, "Monster, there's a monster in it, it's evil, it's bad, it's cruel, it hurts, not even the bright one can hide it, there's a monster—" She hadn't stopped until he'd locked _Kitetsu_ in the boys' room, and she'd hovered possessively near _Wadou _for an hour after that, insisting that the brightness of it would save them from the monster.

Of Shuusui she said nothing at all, other than it felt old. There must not have been something attached to it, Zoro thought.

But mostly, she was pretty easy to get used to—and although Zoro would never, _ever _admit it out loud, he was sort of growing fond of her. There was something about a kid trusting you like that, so absolutely, that made you want to make sure they stayed safe, because they believed you'd keep them that way. That was probably why he always got so defensive of Chopper, too, come to think of it. He would act gruff and complain foully around the crew whenever they mocked him about his shadow. But he really didn't mind her company, listened to her cheerful chatter without complaint, and allowed her to curl up against him while he sat out on deck when she finally got too tired to keep her eyes open (ghosts, apparently, could still feel fatigue).

"There has to be blackmail material there," Nami said once with a sigh, glaring at the way Zoro's shirt and haramaki were crinkled on one side, clearly with an invisible weight there—though Zoro, of course, could see the little girl curled up next to him. "Why does she have to be invisible?"

Score one for the can't-be-seen bit. It had probably just saved him several million beri.

Zoro wasn't the only one to interact with the girl on the trip, either. Brook, of course, could see Jana as well. It took her a few days to warm up to the skeleton, but when she was finally convinced that he wasn't a demon she seemed to enjoy playing with him. He would play cheerful songs for her, and Jana would dance on the lawn or sing along if she knew the older ditties, genuinely enjoying herself.

Usopp would come over to Zoro, ask of Jana was there, and then promptly start to tell her stories—anything he could think of that a little kid might enjoy. Zoro would use the opportunity to doze, although he'd occasionally repeat one of Jana's questions for Usopp's benefit, or translate a particular story request. Usopp always delivered, and Jana would clap her hands with delight at the particular actions of the heros and princess and dragons and who only knew what else in Usopp's stories, and always ask for more.

Sometimes she would manage to play hide-and-go-seek with Luffy and Chopper, with Zoro or Brook's help of course. The younger crew members would hide, and Jana would look for them, with Zoro or Brook trailing along behind her to translate when she found somebody. Zoro found it sort of irritating when he got roped into playing such games—it was time he _could _spend sleeping—but Jana seemed so happy to finally be able to play with others that Zoro was forced to suck it up and deal. He supposed she didn't exactly have many ghost friends to play with, after all.

Even the less active members found ways to get involved with the little ghost. Jana thought Franky's antics on deck were hilarious, especially when he and Brook started doing duets and strange dances together, and would giggle delightedly as she watched. And Nami and Robin, being the only other women on the ship, found time to have some all too girly conversations with Jana. The little girl seemed to enjoy it; Zoro found it mortifying to have to be involved, as the only translator trusted to not turn everything into requests for panties.

And then of course there was Sanji, who was simultaneously obnoxious and the source of great hilarity. As soon as the cook had learned there was a ghost girl on the ship, he had immediately turned to his usual so-called charming antics, being enormously polite and proper to even the dead child he couldn't see. Zoro had found it obnoxious ("She's _dead, _curly-brow, of course she doesn't need any damned refreshments!") But as it turned out, Jana was positively enthralled, even if she couldn't benefit from about ninety-five percent of Sanji's usual doting other than the compliments.

"He's so nice to me," Jana said once, with a soft sigh, as she watched the shit cook serving Nami and Robin tea and snacks on the other side of the lawn.

"He's nice to everyone who's a girl," Zoro said with a shrug, mentally keeping track of his reps on one of his dumbbells. _Six thousand nine hundred seventy eight..._ "Even ghost girls, I guess."

"But he's so...polite, and nice, and...and...um...h-handsome..."

Zoro choked at that, and promptly lost count of his reps. After a moment he took the opportunity to glance over at his temporary dead charge, and raised an eyebrow at the very obvious blush on the very pale girl's face. She had to be kidding. Puppy love. On _Sanji. _What was this world coming to.

"He's nice, right?" she asked, giving him a shy look.

Well, crap. Now what was he supposed to say? "There's worse," he finally offered by way of compromise. At least Sanji would be guaranteed to never hurt her, unlike some creeps out there. That was, if she wasn't already _dead, _and like..._nine._ Fuck, this was such a weird conversation.

Jana's little crush continued, and as payback for constantly mocking him about his shadow Zoro decided to 'accidentally' let it slip to some of the other crew mates, who thought it was just as hilarious. Curly-brow was now the subject of ridicule whenever they could be sure Jana wasn't around (harder than it sounded), but he grit his teeth and continued to treat the girl as nicely as ever. Sucker.

But despite being dead, and invisible to a good three quarters of the crew, Jana seemed to enjoy her stay with the pirates. After only a few days with the Straw Hats the little ghost smiled more often. She seemed much better than she had been when Zoro first found her on deck, lonely and afraid and desperate to go home—she'd been noticed, and she felt happy.

So it was that they arrived at Dissen Island in good spirits a week and a half later. The island was old, and once inhabited, but looked like it had been abandoned about twenty years ago; there were still standing houses and villages, but they were in disrepair, falling apart. Robin had estimated when they first arrived at the place, before finding Jana, that pirates had raided the island searching for treasure or supplies and had likely killed all the inhabitants. That checked with what Zoro had managed to figure out from Jana's stories.

Zoro tucked Jana's coin-necklace in his haramaki so the girl could leave the ship, and she enthusiastically led the way onto the island, insisting upon returning to her house at once. Zoro followed her, and everyone else followed him, unsure where to go otherwise since they still couldn't see their guide. She ran for over an hour, frequently pointing out anything that she could find to Zoro that was special to her, until he effectively had a life history of all the dull things the girl had ever done. But he let her keep talking, and the others kept following.

At last they came upon a run-down house, which Jana insisted was her own. Robin used her powers and reported a pair of graves in the back of of the house. They found two simple wooden crosses shoved into the dirt there, with grass growing much thicker and greener in patches in front of them. One cross, and one patch of greenery, was smaller than the others—just the size for a nine-year-old girl. The other looked like it could be an adult, or a teenager.

Zoro frowned. "This the place?"

"It's my house," Jana said. "And that's me...I can feel it..." she drifted towards the smaller grave slowly, looking distressed. "But...but were's Adel? He would wait for me, I know he'd wait for me, he promised he would, he doesn't _break _his promises..."

"Calm down," Zoro told her, and carefully looped the necklace around the smaller of the simple wooden crosses. "I'm sure he's around here somewhere, we just—"

There was a sudden flash of light as he finally let go of the necklace, and all of the Straw Hats gasped. When the light faded, there were two people standing there, not one.

"Woah," Nami said, surprised. "I can see her now! And..." her eyes widened. "Holy...is that—"

"No way," Franky said, stunned.

"Zoro's two people now!" Luffy yelled loudly, jaw dropping, as he glanced back and forth between Zoro and the newcomer.

"No he isn't," Sanji said, kicking his captain in the head.

"Although," Robin finished with amusement, "The resemblance _is _rather remarkable. I suppose it isn't surprising at all that Jana-chan grew so attached to Swordsman-san."

Zoro privately had to agree. The newcomer was unmistakably Adel, based on everything he'd heard, but despite being told time and time again by Jana that he looked like her brother, he was unprepared for just how similar they really were. Adel was a little shorter than him, with paler skin and black hair. But they had the same eyes and facial features, and while Adel was clearly no swordsman he still appeared fairly muscular from farm work.

"Adel!" Jana squealed delightedly, and hurled herself at the new figure. The other Straw Hats (sans Brook) watched the girl in surprise as well, able to see her for the first time, but Zoro regarded his counterpart curiously. The other ghost scooped his little sister up and hugged her close protectively, looked relieved to finally have her back.

"Adel, look, nice pirates, they brought me home!" the little girl said, now looking strangely at peace. Her eyes drooped sleepily, and she added, "I've been lost and scared, but Zoro and Brook could see me, and Luffy promised he'd bring me back, and Nami drove the ship, and Franky and Chopper are so silly and they made me laugh so much, and Robin is smart and figured out how I could stay, and Usopp told me tons of fun stories, and Sanji was so nice to me, and now I'm back, and you're here like you promised!"

It was a good thing she didn't need to breathe, Zoro thought dryly. That was sure as hell a mouthful.

"That's good to hear," Adel said, speaking for first time. Zoro was half expecting to hear his own voice coming out of that mouth, although thankfully it wasn't the case. He hugged her a little more tightly, more securely, and added soothingly, "Just rest. We're going to go see mama in a bit, okay? I've just been waiting for you."

"Like you promised," Jana said sleepily.

"That's right," Adel answered. The girl's eyes slipped closed, and he looked up to regard the pirates. "Nice pirates, huh? I wouldn't have believed it, but you brought her back, so..."

"Yup," Luffy confirmed cheerfully. "Don't worry, we won't steal anything."

Adel snorted. "Like there's anything to steal."

"How come you didn't look for her?" Zoro asked, raising an eyebrow. "She wouldn't stop talking about you the whole time she was with us."

Adel looked frustrated. "Bound by a promise," he said flatly. "I couldn't leave this grave, because I promised to wait for her when I couldn't protect her. I didn't realize she'd get bound to that necklace..." He glanced at the chain and coin, wrapped around the grave at his feet.

"What happened?" Zoro asked. He'd gotten wrapped up in this far more than he'd wanted to be. He deserved to have the answer at least.

Adel shrugged. "Pirates attacked," he said quietly. "She was wearing the necklace I gave her. They were after treasure. They tried to kill her and take it. I tried to stop them. I died." He grit his teeth, and added, "They probably killed her and took it anyway after that. I couldn't see it."

"That would explain why she was bound to it," Robin observed quietly. "A violent death surrounding an item...it seems inevitable that her soul would be connected somehow."

"But she's back," Adel said, and looked down at the little girl in his arms fondly. "Thank you. I can't say it enough. I've been worried for so long..." He looked up, caught Zoro's eyes, and said directly, "Thank you."

He shrugged. "I didn't really do anything except translate."

"Naw," Adel said, and smirked a little—a freakishly familiar expression. "I saw how she acted with you. She liked ya." He eyed the swords at Zoro's hip for a moment, and then said, "Bright. Want me to deliver a message? Least I can do."

Hell. Last thing he needed was somebody with his face delivering a message to Kuina. Tashigi freaked _him _out enough as it was. "No, thanks. Said all that can be said already, anyway."

"Suit yourself." He nodded to the rest of the crew, and added, "Thanks to you guys too, for bringing her back." Then there was another brilliant flash, and when the light faded again both figures were gone, leaving behind nothing but the graves.

The nine of them stared down at them for a moment, and then Luffy grinned widely. "Well, that's that," he said. "We brought her home. Now we gotta go back to our adventures!"

The others nodded and cheered in agreement, and turned to head back to the ship. Zoro paused for a moment in front of the smallest grave, at the little gold coin waving just slightly in the wind, and smiled ever so slightly. "Later, Jana," he said to it. "Have a nice afterlife." And then he turned and followed after the rest of his crew.

* * *

><p>When I first saw this prompt my initial thought was Kuina...but that felt way too obvious, so I decided to keep thinking. And then this happened. Lol.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	13. Gamer

**Title:** Gamer**  
>Theme:<strong> #22: Zombies**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>5,026**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> A few swears, a few gross gaming descriptions. Modern day college AU although only for the sake of the gaming setting. Note that Chopper and Brook are human due to the aforementioned setting. Finally, will probably be a lot funnier if you're familiar with MMORPG terms, although I've tried to explain them as best as possible.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro arrives at Usopp's dorm room earlier than expected—amazingly, the doors don't seem to do their usual swap—and knocks on the door. <em>"It's open!"<em> he hears the junior yell loudly, and he lets himself into the apartment-dorm. Usopp rooms here with two other guys, Oimo and Kashi, who look much larger and meaner than they actually are—a fact that the long-nose is quite happy about, since he's sort of a coward.

Zoro expects to see Usopp sitting in the combined living room and kitchenette, but the couches are empty. Puzzled, he heads for Usopp's room, and is surprised to see the engineering major glued to his computer, clicking the mouse frantically with one hand while tapping keys with the other.

"Oh, Zoro," he says, glancing over just briefly before returning his gaze to the computer. "Hey, what's up? I didn't realize you were going to be here so early."

"Neither did I," the college senior answers with a shrug. "What are you doing?" Computers normally don't impress him—Zoro has one, but only to check his email and write papers—yet despite himself he leans over Usopp's shoulder to watch. Usopp appears to be playing some sort of video game, and his character on-screen seems to be stabbing a number of zombies with a sword and dagger, surrounded by an array of colorful buttons and to the tune of classic clanging sound effects. The little digital sword actually looks sort of similar to the katana Zoro has hanging over his bed back in his own apartment in the same building (illegal, but he stows it under the bed every time the RA's pull a quick check), and he's impressed despite himself. That's quite a lot of detail on that little game thing.

"It's a new video game, Onion back home got me into it," Usopp says enthusiastically. "It's called _Zombie Dungeon Wars_, it's a fantasy game, an MMO."

"MMO?" Zoro asks, skeptical.

"Geez, Zoro, do you ever pay attention to anything related to technology? It's an MMORPG—a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game."

"Oh," Zoro says, because that's about all he can think of to say.

"It's pretty neat, there's a whole bunch of classes you can choose from—"

"Classes?"

"Uh, like jobs, professions—you know, assassin, warrior, mage—and you build characters and do questing and stuff. You can even get together with a whole bunch of other people and do more difficult content, like dungeons and things."

"Sounds like a big time waster."

"Well, it's _fun,_" Usopp says defensively. "I just have to figure out what class fits me best, is all. But I'm sure I'll get it at some point. I bet it'd be more fun to play with other people though...I play with Onion online sometimes, but he's dealing with his senior year of high school right now and they're just starting SAT's and stuff so he's swamped and I'm kinda outdistancing him—"

Usopp stops stabbing zombies in the game and suddenly fixes Zoro with a rather hopeful look. Zoro backs up immediately, knowing what's coming next, but it doesn't help him any. "Zoro, wanna play?"

He grits his teeth, and is just thankful that Usopp can't pull the big teddybear eyes the way Chopper can, or he'd already be sunk. "No," he says flatly. "You know I'm not really a video game player, Usopp."

"Oh, come on, I bet you'd be good at this! I know you hate first person shooters, but this is all swords and stuff, I know how much you like those."

"Oh, please. This isn't anything like using _actual_ swords. It's still a video game."

"C'mon, look, just try it." Usopp wriggles out of his rolling computer chair and tries to push Zoro down into it, which is difficult since Zoro is taller and has way more muscle than his friend does, allowing him to resist Usopp's ropy arms. In the end he sits anyway, mostly to stop Usopp's yammering.

"Alright. _Fine._ What do I do?"

"You control with the mouse, like this, and you use these keys to move. These buttons are all your moves, see, this one lets you sneak around, and this one lets you backstab—this is an assassin, by the way—and this one..."

It takes a good ten minutes to get the hang of the interface—Zoro has _never_ been that good with computers, and this game is infinitely more complicated than it needs to be. But once he gets a hold of that, the game falls into a sort of steady rhythm, and he's stabbing zombies easily, figuring out patterns for combat to instruct Usopp's character without even needing his friend's suggestions. He's taken kendo and fencing classes before, and the same sort of combat rhythm is oddly applicable here, just like it is on the floor; it's all about action and reaction, knowing what moves to make, knowing how to turn a situation to his best advantage.

_Okay,_ Zoro privately admits to himself._ This is sort of relaxing, in a really weird way._

Usopp starts screeching without warning. "Oh, crap, run him away, Zoro! Mass aggro, you just aggro'd all those mobs at once! Run run run, you can't take them all on!"

"What the hell is an aggro? And a mob?" Zoro yells in surprise, even as he spots the swarm of digital zombies heading in his general direction. He pounds on the keys and the mice frantically to try and run Usopp's assassin away.

"Aggro...attracting enemies, catching their attention," Usopp explains. "And mobs—monsters. Oh, crap...if you get far enough they'll run back into place, but I don't think you can get away fast enough—"

"Why are these zombies so _fast,_" Zoro grouses, but he slides the assassin to a stop and turns to face the zombies. If he can't run away, he might as well start killing stuff before the stuff kills him, right?

"Zoro, what are you doing, you're going to get my guy killed—"

Zoro doesn't listen. Instead, he acts. Uses the assassin's stun ability to keep one zombie from attacking him for a short period of time; activates a special power-up in order to do critical damage to a second, wiping it out. Targets a third and poofs behind it, all ninja-like, to stab it in the back. A fourth goes down, and a fifth, but then all his move buttons are used up and he's got to wait the time limits before he can use those abilities again. He stabs futilely at another zombie, taunts it away, and is amazed when it goes down, and then another, and another. By then his abilities are back up, and he uses them again, desperate—

But it's too late, and the poor assassin gets overrun. The character drops to the ground with a screech of pain, and Zoro shrugs, taking his hands off the controls. "Oops. That sucks."

Usopp stares at him in wide-eyed surprise. "Holy _crap_ Zoro. You sure you've never played this game before?"

Zoro shrugs again. "Nope. Why?"

"It's just...I mean, you took down half the swarm, even with them all attacking you like that. That's way better than I could do, and I've been leveling this guy for _days_ now. How'd you do it?"

"Hell if I know. Instinct?"

"C'mon, Zoro. I _told_ you you'd be good at this. You should play with me."

"Look, Usopp, I don't exactly have the money to buy a video game right now, and—"

"I'll buy it for you!" Usopp says, enthusiastic. "I'll install it on your computer and everything, too. I'll even roll a new character and play alongside you, it'll be fun! It's so much cooler when you've got a friend to play with." He looks hopeful.

Zoro sighs, and has a feeling he might regret this. But why the hell not, right? He actually _had_ sort of enjoyed playing it, and if Usopp was gonna buy... "Alright, fine."

Usopp grins. "Deal!" He glances at the clock, and adds, "Shoot, we should probably get going or we're going to miss Luffy and the others. Nami'll be furious if we miss the party because of late arrivals."

Zoro snorts. "Whatever. I still don't know how I managed to end up owing her so many drinks. I think she's lying somehow."

Usopp laughs and closes the game program before grabbing his coat. "Well, let's go already," he says, and they head out the door.

* * *

><p>True to his word, Usopp shows up at Zoro's apartment a week and a half later with several small game boxes and hijacks his computer for hours, installing the game and what looks like half a dozen expansions to boot. Shit, that was a lot of game.<p>

Usopp brings with him Luffy, Chopper, and Sanji (the last much to Zoro's disgust). No one is quite sure how Luffy managed to get into college, or stay in it for that matter; his grades are abysmal and he never seems to show up to class, so it's always something of a mystery. Chopper's still technically of high school age, but is something of a prodigy, attending the medical program here at the university. Sanji is only a part-time student—he actually works at a gourmet restaurant downtown, and is supposedly a first class chef, but he came to the university for a few business classes in the meantime. He seems to be interested in starting up his own restaurant sometime in the future, as far as Zoro can tell.

Zoro greets Sanji with a flurry of exchanged curses and banter, and then the chef promptly takes over his apartment's kitchenette, barring anyone from entry until he can make something out of the meager offerings in the fridge. Thank fuck Zoro's room-mates have been appeased with some of Sanji's appetizers in the past, otherwise they'd likely throw more of a fit at their food getting used against their will. Luffy and Chopper promptly plant themselves on the couch and start watching TV while chatting with Zoro.

The topic of the video game comes around at some point, and Usopp explains enthusiastically about the different features of_ Zombie Dungeon Wars_ as he installs the discs on Zoro's computer (and complains about Zoro's poor maintenance of it as well, but that's what Usopp is for, so he doesn't really listen). Luffy and Chopper seem excited about it, and ask for some of Usopp's in-game stories; the engineering major is all too happy to oblige. Sanji seems disinterested at first, but when he learns cooking is a skill in the game he seems to perk up a little, and asks with faked lack of caring what sorts of things can be made and what they do.

In the end, it turns out that Usopp's got several new converts, and everyone agrees to play together.

* * *

><p>The popularity of the game in their little group spreads like wildfire, and much to Zoro's surprise within weeks all nine of them have not only obtained it, but play it with surprisingly regularity. Usopp makes them a guild, the <em>Straw Hat Pirates<em> (named so mostly at Luffy's insistence and obsession with pirates, and, well, it's sort of deserved, seeing as Luffy's the one that brought them all together in the first place), and it makes it even easier for them to work together playing through the game.

Luffy plays a barbarian, known for their classic rages and extreme bursts of power for short durations. He's not exactly the best player, although he seems to enjoy it, and his character is sort of a powerhouse. Luffy laughs when he messes something up and doesn't really worry about digital dangers so much, mostly since he's proven time and time again that he can beat up the _real_ dangers for them. He's content to let them do what they like in the games, as long as he's with them and they're having fun.

Nami plays a thief, and Zoro is entirely unsurprised by this choice—she likes _real life_ money far too much, so of course she'd play a class that excels at obtaining fake money as well. She insists on being allowed to pickpocket every single mob they fight before they kill it, and charges them real money every time they make a kill prematurely (it's a wonder what zombies will carry around in their pockets). As if that isn't enough, she's also managed to seize full control of the server-wide auction house, where players can trade items and weapons, and makes a bank off of the things she sells after dominating individual markets. Nami's already maxed out her gold cap on her first character, and has to make a second to take some of the spillover—she's handy if you want to buy something in game, but the witch charges interest like a fiend. Zoro owes her almost thirty thousand gold coins _somehow,_ and he still hasn't figured out how.

Usopp rotates through several different classes before finding one comfortable to his playstyle: a ranger. Zoro had picked up from his first encounter with the game that Usopp wasn't particularly comfortable with close-combat fighting. But when he discovers the ranged class he becomes invaluable, sniping things from afar with guns and bows and helping to wear down, redirect, or stun opponents so that attacking mobs become more manageable. He's not as heavy a damage dealer as some of the other members of the Straw Hat guild, but his character is quite versatile, and responsible for getting them out of a number of scrapes (a fact that Usopp refuses to ever let them forget).

Sanji chooses a monk, after a little fiddling around with the classes. It's the only class that focuses primarily on combat without weaponry, and instead focuses on martial arts, so it appeals to Sanji, who has his own kickboxing style that he practices. Despite initially feigning disinterest, Sanji rapidly becomes one of the top damage-dealers of the Guild. He's also obsessive with leveling additional skills, namely the fishing and cooking professions, _especially_ after learning that high-level foods can boost character stats depending on what's made. He almost always has several full stacks of food to boost Strength, Agility, Magic, and Defense, and is fastidious about keeping food-related buffs up. (If Zoro is honest he'll admit he's come to rely on that more than he realizes, since he frequently forgets when to reapply buffs, but at least he never loses the food ones).

Chopper, being a doctor, elects to become the group's primary healer. It's a very important job and he takes it very seriously, always keeping everybody's health bars nice and full to prevent their deaths, curing poisons and curses, and providing buffs as necessary. Initially, Chopper intends to be a priest healer, the priest class being the most efficient at healing. But he falls in love with the Druid class after playing with it for a little while, due to the shape-changing animal nature of the magic-users. Healing with a druid is more difficult, but Chopper is dead set on playing one now, and after a lot of practice he manages to become an extremely efficient one. When he takes his first class quest, he elects to join the Druids of the Stag; deer have always been his favorite animals, and now he has a powerful deer form for running and battling as well.

Robin plays a mage. Zoro is actually quite surprised that Robin elected to play at all; she is possibly the most sophisticated member of their little gang, recently graduated from college with a Master's degree in archaeology and history, and video gaming seems a little beneath her. But at Luffy's cajoling she agrees to play, and promptly picks the class most steeped in knowledge. Robin is usually the one that formulates the group's strategies against tough opponents, and she is frequently responsible for downing difficult ones as well, or providing other unusual benefits—like buffs, or teleportation spells, or conjuring water and bread to replenish magic and health in order to save Sanji's buff foods for later. Robin is essential to the Guild at this point, although she doesn't always have time to play. But they always wait for her when she can, and help her catch up in level when she falls behind (which is still miraculously rare, all things considered).

Franky plays a fighter, and insists his character is a cyborg. Actually there _are_ cyborgs in the game, in one mechanized city that is almost completely closed off from the outside in order to protect against zombies (you need to take a special high-rise train to get to it). Franky insists his character originates from here, and gets quite heavily into the story, but he's a decent player all the same and brings a lot of combat skills to the group. Of course, he's most valuable for his intense leveling of the Engineering skills, which allow his character to manufacture explosives, guns, and other useful combat trinkets to help protect the entire guild.

Brook plays a bard, and paid extra for exclusive content in order to play the rare _undead_ race. Undead aren't particularly suited to being bards. Most undead are enemies in the game, although there is a small city of 'neutral' undead smack in the middle of the main continent, and even those have a tendency to lean towards warlocks and death knight. But Brook enjoys the oddly quirky combination, and insists it is entirely worth it. Zoro honestly isn't that surprised, as Brook himself is a very quirky sort of guy, and a musician himself. And he can't deny that the bard is definitely an oddly useful class: it has decent combat abilities as a minor swordsman, while more impressively providing massive short-term song-buffs to the entire group, or stunning and misdirecting enemies in order to keep massive attacks under control. (Nami also loves another feature of Brook's class, which is its passive ability to make Non-Player Characters like them more, and—potentially—subsequently charge them less for things).

And Zoro...

Zoro plays a warrior. As soon as he sees the class option when he rolls his character, he's hooked immediately, and sticks with it from beginning to level cap. He's specced his warrior to max out on damage, sacrificing Defense in favor of pouring still more points into Strength, so that his enemies die very, _very_ fast. He's even taken points in dual-wielding and strength boosting talents, allowing him to use not one but _two_ super-heavy, normally two-handed weapons to maximize damage even further. Zoro is the powerhouse of the Guild, and everyone knows it—even most of Robin's strategies usually revolve around throwing Zoro at the Biggest Bad and hoping things work out. (Luffy is the only one with a character that can potentially out-damage Zoro, but he lacks the finesse and the coordination to skillfully utilize these abilities in the game).

So they level together as a group, help each other with special class quests, and thoroughly trounce pretty much anything dangerous that comes at them. Usopp and Franky hook them up with special headsets and their own voice chat server, so that they can talk to each other while leveling together even when half of them are in different dorm buildings and Robin and Franky and Brook are at their houses and Sanji is at his flat near the restaurant he works at. Zoro and Sanji vehemently curse each other every time the other fucks up and costs somebody their life, Nami squeals every time they manage to come across some valuable equipment (and she always seems to win the loot rolls, that cheating witch), and since the in-game bard never actually plays music, Brook takes it upon himself to make up a little stat-boosting ditty every time he uses a song-spell (sometimes that's funny, and sometimes Zoro thinks Brook is _damn_ lucky he's across the city or he'd be clobbered).

Soon they reach the level cap, and things start to feel a little too easy, too redundant. So they decide to take a step up: they decide to try the dungeons.

Dungeons, Zoro soon realizes, are way tougher than the regular content. Dungeons have inevitably _huge_ swarms of much tougher zombies, and vampire overlords, and ghouls and death knights and necromancers and werewolves and demons and dozens of other things that are quite desperate to feast on digital heroes' digital flesh and blood. The Straw Hat Guild takes it in stride though, and with Robin researching the dungeons and making the plans, they start to do decently well with them. Franky takes on the job of Tanking—holding the attention of all of the monsters, making sure they all beat on him while everyone else beats on the mobs, so that no one else gets hurt or killed—and although he says it's difficult, he does an okay job. Chopper takes on healing, and Sanji occasionally helps out with his monk's few minor healing spells and his own buffing meals, and everyone else takes care of crowd control and D.P.S.—damage per second.

Zoro is _very_ good at Damage Per Second, and he likes it. He likes it a _lot._

So they plow through dungeon after dungeon, collecting extraordinarily rare gear from the bosses to power themselves up even further and do even _more_ damage and_ better_ healing. And when even _Nami_ starts complaining about the fifth time the Staff of Asteria drops (warlock-class only, but worth quite a damned bundle on the Auction House) they realize that it's time to move on even more.

So then they move up to raids—super powerful dungeons with way more bosses that take ten or more people to wipe out. And they're tackling it with nine. And _that's_ where the trouble starts.

They've downed the first two bosses at the Necrom Gauntlet, and are attempting to remember all of Robin's extremely detailed instructions on how to beat the third. Luffy is no help, really; he gets antsy, especially since the battles can take upwards of eight or nine minutes or more, and frequently forgets the simple things (like _don't stand in the fire_). He usually dies early, unless they can use his berserking skills at the last moment, or simplify the fight enough that he can follow along relatively easily. So effectively a boss fight that _should_ be twelve-on-one is eight-on-one, which means they've got to do everything just right or things won't turn out well at all.

And things don't go well at all. They've got the boss down to only fifty percent of his health when Franky unexpectedly goes down, and suddenly the monster aberration _thing,_ this bizarre giant zombie-corpse construct, is going crazy attacking the rest of the crew. Robin, normally so skilled at keeping her threat down compared to Franky's, is the next to go down—as a mage she's a glass cannon, and can barely take a few hits before dying. Brook is next, valiantly casting one last powerful buff before the construct smacks him across the room and the skeletal avatar sprawls out in death (although, as Brook points out on the headset, it's already dead—_yohohoho!_)

The construct goes for Chopper next—healers draw a lot of aggro, and Chopper is desperately trying to keep everyone else topped up so they don't die at the giant zombie's mismatched hands now. If Chopper goes down, they're totally screwed—Sanji's got a few minor healing spells, but not enough to keep up with demand. Everyone is yelling in their headsets now, swearing frantically, trying to recover the situation even though it's looking quite bad now.

Unexpectedly, it comes to Zoro that he's the only one left equipped to handle that monster even remotely. As a warrior with heavy armor he's got the best chance of absorbing the creature's attacks, and he can take more damage than anybody else still alive. He's definitely not specced for defense—he's meant to do damage, and his character's talents all revolve around that—but he's got a shot, and he knows it.

So with surprising calm he says over the headset, "I'm gonna tank it," and charges his warrior towards the construct.

Almost instantly they all tell him he's crazy. Which he knows, but really, what else can they do? He has no idea how to tank, but he knows he can do enough damage to keep it off the others, and maybe with luck he'll live long enough for them to burn the creature down.

And stunningly, it _works._ He just keeps attacking, and attacking, and attacking, and popping every single distract-the-monster technique that he doesn't think he's ever used once in all his months of gameplay—taunts and challenges, mostly, and the end result is that the construct turns on him and decides he's going to be the next meal. Nami and Usopp help by popping misdirects on him, effectively making all of their pissing off of the zombie attract it to _him_ instead of _them_—a really nasty move, now that he thinks about it, if that existed in real life. But he holds steady, and the thing just keeps beating at him, over and over. It fills his entire computer screen, big, jagged teeth and dripping ichor, and shit, did the game developers really spend _that_ long designing disgusting warts and pustules all over the undead thing's flesh, because if that was the case, they needed to _get a life._

The construct just keeps beating on him, and beating on him, and beating on him, but he doesn't relent, pops every single skill he has to hold its attention. Twice it manages to break free of his hold, when Sanji and Luffy (miraculously still alive) manage to hit it with massive damage, but Zoro manages to reel it back just in time, hold its attention again. Three times he almost dies; once he's even at a bare _one_ hit point left, and Chopper comes through just in the nick of time, popping his last magic potion frantically in order to have enough energy left to fuel his healing spells. The creature is at incredibly low health now, just a little more, just a little longer—

"I'm out of magic," Chopper wails over the voice chat, and suddenly Zoro's entire screen goes gray as his character dies and crashes to the ground. The thing immediately turns on Luffy, the next highest damage-dealer, and Luffy can only take a few hits with his class before—

But then the behemoth of a zombie slowly rears up, with a wild screaming noise, and finally collapses to the ground as its health bar reaches zero. Sparkles start to rise from the creature a moment later, indicating the creature is dead and ready to be looted. The voice chat goes dead silent for a moment, and then without warning everybody starts whooping delightedly, congratulating each other on the shocking kill in the face of overwhelming defeat.

Sanji's monk trades Chopper's druid some magic-restoring drinks, and after his magic bar is refilled he sets to resurrecting the characters that died, starting with Zoro. Nami is already enthusiastically inspecting the loot, an Epic-level shield with amazing defensive stats, perfect for any warrior or paladin tank.

"I can't _believe_ you did that, Zoro!" Usopp is yammering over the voice chat now. "That was _amazing,_ and you're DPS-specced, too! How did you manage to tank that thing for so long?"

"I dunno, instinct?" Zoro says. Really, everyone else was treating it like a moment of panic, but when the heat was on in the game he'd felt remarkably calm, knew exactly what he was doing, how to play his moves and when. "It was mostly Chopper's win, anyway. He kept me healed long enough to last or I'd have been dead in five hits."

"That's not true at all, Zoro!" Chopper says delightedly. "I don't need your compliments, you asshole!"

"Still, Chopper would have had to generate quite a bit of aggro in order to keep your health sustained, Zoro," Robin says calmly over the link. "It's quite amazing that you managed to hold its attention for so long."

"You should take that shield, Zoro-bro," Franky adds enthusiastically. "You deserve it! You're a way better tank than me."

Zoro frowns. "I wouldn't say that. You just got unlucky, Franky."

"No way, bro! Tanking's tough, but you made it look _easy,_ and you've never done it before. That's _super_ skill, man. You should totally be our main tank from now on."

"If you want, that is," Chopper adds hastily.

Zoro considers. Truth be told, while he _loves_ DPS with a passion, there _had_ been a sort of thrill when he was tanking...it was a rush, knowing he was the only thing standing between himself and the entire rest of the guild. And that was without even being specced for it. If he got the proper defensive gear, changed his specs, got new weaponry...he'd be like a wall between his team and the rest of the monsters out there. Nothing would get through to them.

He likes the sound of that challenge.

"Okay," he says after a moment. "If Franky doesn't mind swapping to DPS, then sure, I'll be the tank. No arguments if I loot the shield then?"

There are no arguments, not even from Nami, who is busy muttering over the link about how the switch of tanks, once properly geared, will increase their loot intake percentage by twenty percent due to increased speed in dungeon runs. Zoro rolls his eyes, and takes the shield, the first of many changes for his character.

It's nice to be the heaviest damage dealer of the Straw Hat Guild, he thinks, but it's even better to be the defender—it feels like much more solid a place for him, video game or no.

* * *

><p>Dude I don't even know...I miss WoW like woah, can you tell?<p>

(Ten bucks says Luffy and Zoro have both pulled a _Leeroy Jenkins_ at least once...)

~VelkynKarma


	14. Movie Night

**Title:** Movie Night**  
>Theme: <strong>#25: Horror**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>1,954**  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13 (mostly for safety's sake)**  
>Warnings:<strong> Continuing the college AU setting, so Chopper and Brook are obviously fully human here. Tiny bit of language. A few references to random horror-movie-ish scenes but nothing really graphic. Most of the references don't come from actual movies either; I just made the stuff up on the spot.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece. _Nightmare Before Christmas_ is Tim Burton's.

* * *

><p>Luffy's group was a mixed bunch, from all walks of life, but there was one thing Zoro could say with certainty they all loved to do: movie nights.<p>

Initially it had started with just Zoro, Luffy, and Nami getting together on weekends to go to the movies whenever they had the spare cash, after meeting in class in their Freshman year of college. (That had been back when Luffy still _went_ to classes, not that he ever did well in them). Usopp joined the group a semester later, and Sanji not too much longer after that. That was when they switched to renting movies instead and used Usopp's surprisingly large dorm apartment for viewing; one of his room mates had a big-screen TV and neither of them were ever in the apartment, so the arrangement suited them just fine. When they hit sophomore year Luffy pulled in the rest of the group one at a time, until finally they'd scored big: Luffy had helped big-time musician Brook recover a few stolen items the police couldn't seem to track, and subsequently earned his friendship. And Brook had one _hell_ of a home theater and surround-sound system set up in his basement.

So movie-nights became very big with Luffy's unexpected gang very quickly. It was an opportunity for all nine of them to hang out and do something that they all enjoyed together, which wasn't always easy to organize when everybody had jobs and classes and tours to deal with.

Of course, everybody had their own movie preferences, which sometimes made it difficult to _agree_ on movie nights. Luffy was a huge fan of action adventure flicks (and absolutely anything with pirates in it). Nami enjoyed deception and mystery movies, mostly because she liked to try and assimilate the tricks for later. Usopp enjoyed comedies and fantasy stories, and while Sanji vehemently denied it, everyone knew he had a fondness for sappy romance flicks. Chopper was still a kid (advanced medical degree or no) and often enjoyed animated films. Robin preferred documentaries and historical films, but also enjoyed darker film noir (Zoro was hardly surprised by this). Franky adored classic rock-and-roll, and had a fondness for sci-fi movies as well (especially ones involving robots), and Brook had a vast collection of musicals that he enjoyed—and frequently sang along with as well. As for Zoro, he enjoyed classic samurai movies, but had a fondness for slasher horror films as well—one that his friends mostly did _not_ share.

It made movie nights difficult sometimes, so they usually ordered a medley from the video stores and film delivery services, picking a title here and there from everyone's preferred genre to make sure at least a few people were satisfied with each movie night. If something was on the list that the others weren't interested in, there was plenty of other stuff to do in Brook's house while the rest watched the films. Zoro usually skipped the sappy romances _(gag),_ and rarely stuck around for Chopper's animated films or Brook's musicals either.

Many of the others, he noticed, usually skipped his horror movies. Sanji would inevitably watch just to prove he wasn't a pansy like Zoro claimed (so easy to bait), Robin never appeared phased by any of the blood and gore, and Luffy would usually watch due to some of the adventure elements involved. Others were less inclined to stick around. Brook almost never did—despite the man's strange fascination with his undead character in _Zombie Dungeon Wars_ the man could _not_ stand monster movies for some reason—and Chopper and Usopp rarely if ever stuck around to watch them either. When they did, they usually insisted that the horror movie go first, so that the silly comedies and romances could wash away the scary things afterwards. And even then Zoro _still_ usually had to walk the two of them back to their dorms while they all but clung to him in a trembling panic.

"Wasn't that part with the entrails _scary?_" Chopper whimpered the first night he'd watched one of the horror flicks.

"They didn't even look real," Zoro said, and wondered how a doctor-in-training of all people could miss that.

"Well the _monster_ sure looked real," Chopper argued.

"Like anything like _that_ could actually exist," Zoro said, with a roll of his eyes.

"That part when he started chasing them down with that sword and just chopping everybody to bits was _so gross,_" Usopp said another night, huddled as close as he dared to Zoro and completely ignoring the weird looks other students in the dorms sent his way.

"You can't even use a katana like that," Zoro said reasonably. "That'd never happen in real life."

"Stop being so nitpicky!" Usopp answered sullenly. "Don't you get scared by _any_ of these movies?"

"Nope," Zoro said truthfully. The thrill and intensity of the flicks were nice, but they were rarely if ever _scary_...just suspenseful, and exciting as a result.

"I don't see why you like those movies," Chopper whimpered on a third night, after cajoling Zoro into giving him a piggy-back home so the monsters of the latest horror film didn't pop out to eat them (or something). Zoro was just lucky he was still smallish, or it might've been more obnoxious. "What could have possibly been enjoyable in that last movie?"

Zoro shrugged. "The part when that guy's arms got cut off was kinda cool. Real great effects."

"Zoro," Usopp said with exasperation, "What is _with_ you and the limb-chopping-off scenes? You know they're supposed to stay attached and when they lose their arms and legs that's a _bad thing,_ right?"

"What do you think I am, stupid?" Zoro growled back sullenly.

The conversations after every horror flick were exactly the same, always: Zoro would criticize the effects or the realism, or point out his favorite scenes or monsters, all to his less-than-excited friends' incredulous stares. Zoro didn't really mind. It was sort of funny to see their reactions, both to the movies and his own interest in them. And, very deep down, he was also sort of pleased that they inevitably turned to_ him_ to protect them from the monster madness in the movies (even if nothing in them actually existed, it was still nice to know they thought he could take down swamp monsters and chainsaw murderers with his bare hands).

But inevitably even _Zoro_ would meet his match one day. It was a Friday night, which meant no classes the next day, and Sanji, Robin, Franky and Brook were all free from work that Saturday. They'd unanimously agreed to spend the night at Brook's enormous home with a movie marathon, watching films into the late hours and sleeping in the next day, and likely with a Sanji-made brunch to look forward to after that. Usopp was put in charge of obtaining a selection of movies that everyone could enjoy, and the group arrived at Brook's house ready to go with the promise of a romantic comedy, the latest release from the pirate action-adventure series clobbering all contenders in the box office, a mobster film with touches of noir and mystery to it, a classic sci-fi film based off some book or other, and a horror film.

As usual, the younger members of the group insisted upon the horror film going first, while the night was still fairly young, with much friendlier, funnier things to look forward to after that. Zoro preferred to watch his slasher flicks in the dead of night for added effects, but he didn't want Usopp and Chopper to be bugging him all night long with nightmares, so he compromised and agreed to let his horror film go first.

But when Usopp dug his hand into the bag of movies and pulled out the horror flick, he frowned in surprise. "Uh-oh," he said. "There must have been a mixup. This isn't _Nightmare on Elm Street,_ it's..._Nightmare Before Christmas._ Oops."

That was a little disappointing, Zoro thought with a sigh. He could never pass up Freddy Krueger, and had been looking forward to the film, but there wasn't much they could do about it now. "It's still a horror flick, right?" Zoro asked, eyeing the painted skull on the front cover, and the twisted, macabre-looking scenery in the background. He'd never heard of it, but a horror flick centered around Christmas could be kind of interesting.

"I guess," Usopp said with a shrug. "I've never heard of it myself." The others hadn't either, and their movie nights were about seeing new things, so Usopp popped the disc into the DVD player and hit _play._ Zoro settled back onto one of Brook's enormous, comfy couches, and prepared himself for some terrifying goodness.

That was when the _singing_ started, and the animated ghosts and ghouls appeared on screen, and Zoro realized with a cold plummeting in his stomach that this was _anything but_ the thriller he'd been anticipating for the past few days.

An hour and a half of sheer torture later the film finally, _finally_ ended, and blissful silence filled the room as Usopp popped the disc back out and settled it back in its case. Usopp and Chopper were quite thrilled with it—it had been animated, which was right up Chopper's alley, and not really _scary_ at all. The terrifying two hours they had been expecting had turned out to be quite entertaining. Brook was still humming some of the animated skeleton's numbers from the movie—it was a _musical_ of all things, and he'd actually _enjoyed_ the musical monsters and dancing undead despite his usual fear of such things. Franky was attempting to conceal his sobbing over the poor 'skeleton-bro' and how he'd just been trying to find where he belonged, and Luffy was still yammering over how cool it'd be to find a real-life singing skeleton to be friends with him.

And Zoro sat through all the cheerful chattering with a look of abject horror on his face, muttering under his breath, reasonably sure he'd just been _traumatized for life._

Sanji finally spotted his blank stare and snickered. "Was that too much for you, marimo?" he sneered.

Zoro was too much in shock to even argue against the name. "How could they _do_ that," he muttered under his breath to himself. "Destroying perfectly good horror movies with...with _music_ and freakin' _dancing monsters_ and...just..._why. Why would you do this?_"

Robin chuckled in amusement, and said calmly, "I think we finally found the perfect monster movie for Zoro-san."

To Zoro's _complete and abject horror and mortification_, the movie ended up sticking around as a favorite for the vast majority of the group. Brook quickly added _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ to his collection of musicals, and would frequently break into Jack Skellington's songs for no reason at all, other than that he enjoyed them. Chopper and Usopp enjoyed it because it was animated, silly, and not scary, and even more importantly because they could finally use it to pick on Zoro whenever the opportunity presented itself. _This_ was apparently something the rest of the group eagerly got into, since they bought him the collector's edition as a gag gift for Christmas.

Stupid singing skeleton. But, Zoro had to admit, as he glared down at the painted skull on the cover, it was definitely the very first time a so-called 'horror' movie had ever managed to scare him—even if it was more concern for the sanity of the human race than for himself.

Yeah, he'd give the Pumpkin King that, at least.

* * *

><p>The majority of this piece was written to the <em>Nightmare Before Christmas<em> soundtrack lol. I happen to love the movie, but I know plenty of people (especially guy friends) who avoid it because _singing._

(I bet anybody familiar with my writing figured I'd be doing something genuinely horror-ish with this prompt lol).

Does anybody else really, really wish that Jack Skellington could meet Brook somehow? I mean geez...super tall musical skeletons super loyal to their friends, they would get along so well!

~VelkynKarma


	15. Discord

**Note: **This one was inspired by and written to Epic Score's "Siren's Call," so if you want the full impact of the fic, youtube it for added awesome :D

**Title:** Discord**  
>Theme: <strong>#5: Music**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>7,572**  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13**  
>Warnings:<strong> Swearing, a gritty fight, a reference to nudity (not my fault, it's classical mythology!)**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>They arrived at the island shortly before noon. It was uninhabited as far as the crew could tell, but looked safe enough, and even from a distance they could see the trees were covered in fruits that would be an excellent edition to their food supplies. There was nothing particularly unusual about the place, other than Nami's comment that the air was oddly still, as though they were in the calm belt; but weather patterns were different for every single island, and she shrugged it off, saying it would be fine. The crew decided to dock and spend the day foraging to supplement their food supplies. Who knew when they'd come across the next <em>inhabited <em>island to buy from, after all.

The island was quiet. Zoro could hear some birds in the distance, and the occasional chatter of whatever rodents lived here, but the critters kept their distance, and Zoro was fine with that. Shortly after noon, though, he began to hear another noise: something faintly in the distance, that almost sounded like a song, or even more strangely, like somebody calling his name. It touched just barely at the edge of his senses, felt soothing and innocent and solemn and wise all rolled into one, so complete, and yet oddly, so broken, not whole yet. There was loneliness in it—he was meant to fill that. There was weakness in it—he was meant to protect it. There was fear in it—he was meant to drive it away. The song was unquestionably meant solely for _him, _called only _his _name, and tugged at his senses, at his mind, at his heart, insisting, pleading, cajoling him to come search for it, for its owners; to make the music whole, to erase that weakness and emptiness and fear.

He tried to, several times—stood to go search for the sound, looked around curiously to try and pinpoint it, settled his hands resolutely on his katana blades to cut through anything to find the singers. But whenever he did the usual Straw Hat noises, filtered out in those moments of intensity, would crash back into his consciousness without the least bit of subtlety: Nami shrieking at Luffy to _store _the fruits, not _eat them, _Usopp enthusiastically telling a story about his eighty-thousand warriors and a fierce battle, Franky doing his _super _dance. In those moments he lost hold of his focus, and when he listened again the music and the call was gone, and he couldn't remember why it had been so important, or what the words in the song had been.

If he looked hard enough, he might have noticed several of the others exhibiting signs of equal confusion. How Chopper's ears kept flicking up and down far more than usual, how Sanji kept going farther and farther into the trees and the interior of the island, how Brook's bony hand would sometimes lift suddenly, as though conducting an invisible, inaudible chorus. But such brief moments of unnatural behavior were hard to spot, when interrupted with the Straw Hats' usual clamor of loud bickering and bragging and declarations. And Zoro felt a little more muddled than usual, less observant than he should have been. He never noticed a thing, or he might have objected later, when Sanji finally declared that he would head further into the forest and see if he could hunt up any big game to supplement their meat stores.

No one protested. It wasn't unusual for one of them to spend the day hunting, especially when the crew had to deal with Luffy's voracious appetite for meat. Sanji disappeared further into the thick woods of the island, and no one thought anything of it.

But it _was _unusual for their cook to miss dinner—and that was when the first set of alarm bells began ringing in Zoro's oddly confused consciousness. Sanji might go hunting well after dark, and frequently _did _sometimes—on some islands the better game only came out at night. But he would _always _return at a "respectable" dinner hour to prepare something for the crew (although he always insisted it was only for the ladies) before going out again. So when nine o'clock came and went with no cook, everyone (even Zoro, not that he'd admit to it) started to get worried.

"This isn't like him at all," Nami said, frowning. "Something must have happened to him."

"Like what?" Usopp asked nervously. "There aren't any m-monsters on this island, are there? It didn't _look _like there was anything here..."

"Perhaps he became the game for something else," Robin said with her usual cryptic morbidity.

"Don't say things like that, Robin!" Chopper said with a whimper. "That would be _terrible_ if Sanji got hurt like that..."

"He could've just fallen down into a ravine or something," Franky offered a little more practically. "One good whack to the head'd still knock even a guy like him out."

Zoro frowned. That was possible, but he had this strange feeling tugging at the back of his mind, like he almost knew the answer to their problem but couldn't quite reach it. It made him feel unexpectedly anxious—he didn't like being unable to get to the answers, especially when protecting the crew was on the line. Something about the situation kept making him think back to earlier that day, too, when they'd been foraging. He felt like something important had happened then, like he'd heard or seen or sensed something that was vital to their current predicament. But his mind still felt hazy, like it had all afternoon; his memory felt muddled, like he'd had a little too much to drink, and he couldn't quite remember what it was that was supposed to be helping them. It was frustrating as hell, but he didn't show it in his expression, nor did he voice his own opinions—no use worrying the crew, and that was if they believed him, anyway.

"We should search for him," Nami said decisively. "Franky needs to work on those repairs he mentioned earlier, so he's exempt. Usopp, you'll take the south side of the island with Chopper—it looked like Sanji headed in that direction, and he might need a doctor. Brook, on the off chance that Sanji turned around or tracked something North...you check the other side of the island."

"Certainly, Nami-san!" the skeleton agreed. "My eyes will be peeled...though I have none, _yohohoho!_"

"How come _you _aren't going?" Usopp asked, giving Nami a suspicious look.

Nami smirked. "Robin and I will stay with the ship, in case Sanji comes back," she said, with an irritatingly righteous tone to her voice. "After all, if we left he'd come rushing right back after us, now wouldn't he?"

"What should I do, Nami?" Luffy asked.

"Nothing, Luffy, you'd get lost here too easily. Same with Zoro. Better if you two just stay here and don't cause any trouble."

Something about that didn't sit right with Zoro. Not that he cared what happened to the shit cook, but on the off chance that something bad had happened in a different sense...his instincts were usually right about this sort of thing after all, and right now his instincts were telling him something _bad _had happened. "No," he said decisively.

"Ex_cuse _me?" Nami asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"No, we shouldn't stay behind," Zoro said flatly. "Luffy'll go with Usopp and Chopper and I'll go with Brook, just in case."

"Why? Are you _worried?_" Nami asked, looking vaguely amused.

He was, actually. Every passing minute that anxious scratching at the back of his mind continued, insisted that something _wasn't right _here, and that Sanji was probably in the thick of it by now. But he'd rather die before admit it, so he just shrugged and said, "Hey, if something's out there that can beat curly-brow, it's gonna take me or Luffy to bring it down, right?"

Usopp and Chopper both screeched in fear and latched onto Luffy's arms, and Brook attempted to hide behind Zoro, which was difficult due to being several feet taller. The captain laughed. "Alright, let's go look!" he said decisively.

So they set off into the forest, and almost as soon as they got away from the comforting lights of the _Sunny _and the clamor of the crew Zoro _knew _without a doubt something was very wrong here. The forest was oddly quiet now at night, and completely motionless; he was acutely aware of the stillness of the air now, that absence of wind that Nami had mentioned upon arrival. Every sense he had was _screaming _at him now that he had to be prepared, and yet despite his instinctual warnings he still felt muddled, unfocused, like he couldn't quite concentrate enough to be ready for whatever was going to happen. Something was definitely doing this to him, and he didn't like the odd helplessness it resulted in. He resolved to stick close to Brook, so that even if something got past his clouded mind and senses he would still have enough time to react and protect their musician.

"Beautiful," the skeleton whispered suddenly. His voice was breathy, awed, like he was afraid to speak, like he was trying not to scare something away. He raised one bony hand quietly as if to conduct, and Zoro looked around sharply, searching for the threat—

—and then suddenly he heard it, the voices calling him again, musical, serene, knowing, soothing, loving, and the voices needed him, needed his protection and his strength and his loyalty to erase the loneliness and the weakness and nothing else mattered, nothing at all, he just had to find the ones calling his name, singing to him, desperate for him, _just _him, because if he could find the owners then his troubles would be all over and he knew it—

He stumbled forward towards the voice he could hear in the distance, and the song grew stronger, more insistent, guiding his steps. It was amazing how the singers seemed to know him so perfectly; the song spoke of everything about him, called him closer, called him home, and he couldn't disobey, didn't _want _to disobey. He could feel somebody stumbling alongside him, saw out of the corner of his eye that it was a skeleton, moving in the same direction as him, but what did it matter? The song was for him alone, and this other stranger couldn't possibly have the same connection that _he _did to those beautiful voices, to that song that distinctly called his name—_Zoro, Zoro_—the one that was for _him alone. _The other man wasn't important—

_Brook, _a distant, tiny voice in the back of his head, a voice all but smothered by the tantalizing notes of the song in the distance, seemed to say. _Not a stranger. His name is Brook._

Something about that was very confusing. How on earth could he know the name of a stranger he'd never seen before in his life? The bliss of the music receded for a fraction of a second as he frowned, tried to work that out, and in that tiny moment he tripped over a tree root, was sent sprawling to the ground.

Pain sent a momentary shock through his system, and with a blink of surprise he realized _Sandai Kitetsu_'s hilt was jammed into his ribs from where he'd fallen on it. The cursed sword had taken the brunt of the blow while the other two got away clean. Zoro felt the sword's anger at its mistreatment flare up suddenly, like a spoiled, violent child. The sword seemed to rage in his head, hungry for blood to sate its wrath now that it was stirred, and Zoro found his mind assaulted with a blinding moment of clarity as the cursed sword's spiritual push smashed through the beautiful song's insistent pull and cleared the haze from his mind.

The music was unnatural, Zoro realized suddenly. There was some sort of power to it that it shouldn't have had, and it was doing things to their heads. Already, as _Kitetsu's _rage subsided into sullen irritation, Zoro could feel the song pressing forward on his consciousness again, calling more and more insistently for him to come find the singers, to help them, protect them, drive the terrible things away, that all his dreams would be found and questions answered and life put at ease if he just came to them and—

_No!_ Zoro snarled furiously in his head. Before the music could seize control of his mind once again, hypnotic and potentially deadly, he drew several inches of steel from _Wadou's _sheath (not _Kitetsu, _too dangerous) and deliberately bit into the palm of his hand with the blade. Sharp pain brought back equally sharp clarity for a fraction of a second, and as _Kitetsu _started yowling against his subconsciousness again at the scent of blood he took a deep breath and sank into the meditative half-trance he used to feel the world. Normally he reserved it only for cutting steel, but feeling the awareness of life and movement all around him offered one additional benefit, one he rarely needed: truth. In such a state he heard, saw, and sensed things as they were, not as they appeared. That was why he _could _do things like cut steel or sense the weaknesses or locations of people and things that would keep that information concealed otherwise. He was betting such a state would help now—he had to hope it would, or they were in deep trouble.

He was right. The pain receded after a moment, but his meditative awareness of the world remained, and suddenly he was aware of the beautiful song again—only it was no longer beautiful. Now it was distorted, warped, a disgusting cacophony of screeching noises and false promises that assailed the senses and jumbled his thoughts so much it almost hurt. He grit his teeth, winced as the sounds beat against his ears and his subconsciousness both, and understood suddenly why his senses had been so muddled all day—he'd been feeling the effects of the _real _music, the first part that lowered its victims' defenses and turned them into easy prey.

But he was onto this _thing's _game now, whatever it was. It might cloud his senses, make him less aware and dampen his abilities, but he could see and hear and _feel _it for what it was now, and it wouldn't trick him again. He was ready for it, and what was more, now he had a measure of his opponents, now that he could discern the truth from the illusions and the lies.

Brook was still stumbling forward through the trees, staggering drunkenly, one arm still waving in a ghostlike imitation of a conductor at a symphony. He seemed unaware of anything else around him, and Zoro realized he was still enthralled, and hadn't even noticed that Zoro had fallen behind. That made sense. The song was still effecting him, and likely Brook believed it was for him and him alone, as the illusion intended, just as it had worked on Zoro.

He narrowed his eyes, jogged forward and grabbed Brook's bony wrist to haul him back. There was no weight to Brook; Zoro could hold him in place all day if he wanted to. But the skeleton turned on him suddenly like a thing possessed, and hissed, "I must go. Let me go. I must go to the source of such an angelic sound. Please do not make me hurt you, sir...please let go."

Great, so Brook didn't recognize him either, just like he hadn't recognized the skeleton next to him when the song called to _him _too. Even worse, Brook's free hand was sliding towards his cane sword, hooked over the opposing elbow, and Zoro realized the skeleton _would _be driven to violence if he tried to drag Brook away.

Zoro's first instinct was to overpower the skeleton and drag him back anyway. He was definitely a stronger swordsman, and physically stronger as well. It would be easy to disarm Brook, and the skeleton was so thin Zoro knew he could just as easily pin the musician's bony limbs to his sides and haul him away under one arm. If he could get Brook far enough away from the noise, he might snap out of the weird hold the song had.

But then something else occurred to the swordsman, with an unexpected, unpleasant jolt: the reason they were out here to begin with. Sanji was still missing—and, muddled as his instincts might currently be by the cacophony assaulting his senses, Zoro had absolutely no doubt that, whatever was causing the noise, Sanji was already in the teeth of it. Zoro had discerned the truth of the song, but the senseless noise was everywhere at once; it was impossible to pinpoint where it came from. The illusion would lead him there, but it would leave him senseless, as well. Unless he let Brook lead...

He came to the conclusion in a fraction of a second, and released Brook's wrist. Without so much as a nod Brook spun on one heel and continued staggering deeper into the woods. Zoro followed after, staying close in case something decided to pounce on the completely helpless musician, although Zoro had a feeling that whoever was singing the song wouldn't let anything bad happen to its prey until it had arrived.

Zoro would just have to take care of things after that.

They walked for about twenty minutes. At first, Zoro thought that maybe Brook was heading deeper into the woods, possibly to the very heart of it. As it turned out, the skeleton cut completely across the forest, and soon they emerged from the trees on what Zoro thought might be the opposite side of the island. There were tall rocky cliffs and a sandy beach, and the surf churned viciously over here. Brook headed unhesitatingly for a large cave cut into the base of one of the cliffs, wide enough that one might have been able to fit the _Mini Merry _in it had the cave been on the water. Zoro followed, and grit his teeth as the cacophony grew all the stronger, more screeching, more painful. He was surprised his ears weren't bleeding yet, or that he hadn't gone deaf; the noise pounded at his head like hammers, cut like knives.

He ducked inside the cave after Brook, and was surprised to find it even larger on the inside than it appeared, going quite deep. Phosphorescent moss glittered on the walls, lighting the inside of the cave surprisingly brightly, and the distorted, screeching notes grew louder and more echoey as they bounced off the stones all around him. Zoro was sorely tempted to raise his hands to his ears, block out the din, which now pounded so alarmingly it physically pained him, but he resisted. His hands would have only one purpose here: to hold the swords that would kill whatever the hell was messing with his crew mates.

That was when he spotted the inhabitants of the cave and the origin of the music of discord.

The source of the dissonance was women. Three women, to be exact, all sitting on moss-covered rocks at the back of the cave that were practically thrones, the way they treated them. All three were strikingly gorgeous even to Zoro, who as a rule tended not to go all googly-eyed over girls like the shit cook did, and every single one of them completely and totally buck naked. Ho. Ly. _Shit. _This was definitely _not _what he'd expected to see at the end of the very nasty trail that had led them here. He felt his face going hot despite himself, but hell, it was _their fault _for not wearing anything!

The women sang together, weaving notes in and around each others' voices in an odd harmony even through the screeching chaos. Though they turned to view their prey with interest, they never so much as faltered even once in their song. Zoro didn't even think they were drawing breath. These things definitely weren't natural.

They _did _appear to have natural emotions, though, and a hell of a lot of power. As he and Brook entered, he could feel the women growing excited very suddenly, and their stunningly beautiful faces leered maliciously in their direction as they grew still closer. It took Zoro a lot of forced concentration to get his muddled, swimming mind to decode the creatures' warped notes, but he realized after a moment that they still thought he was enthralled—and also that they were more excited about _Brook _than him. Somehow he understood that his skeletal presence, alive but not exactly, made them delighted. He picked up at the fringes of their musical discord that they were pleased to finally have prey that wouldn't waste away on them and die, leaving _them _hungry instead.

Wait. _What?_

It was only then that Zoro was able to take in the rest of the scenery. The women seemed to dominate the cave, their presence overbearing and absurdly powerful, even without the cloying music to seize control of one's mind. But with a lot of self-discipline and the help of his own meditative half-trance he was able to look away, take in his surroundings—and what he saw was not good. There were skeletons _everywhere_—full, human skeletons, every single one of them large enough to be a man. Some were piled to the side, like they'd been absent-mindedly tossed out of the way to clear space. Others were outstretched in front of the women, like worshippers, loyal to their dying breath. Some of them, Zoro realized with disgust, weren't entirely skeletons yet, and still possessed clinging bits of flesh.

One of the worshippers was still alive—and very familiar. Sanji was nestled in between several of the skeletons, kneeling uncomfortably on the stone ground and the remains of the dead and staring up at the women sitting before him. Zoro was at enough of an angle that he could see the positively euphoric expression on the cook's face, like he was at the absolute height of happiness and pleasure and comfort all rolled into one. He was perfectly still, rooted to the spot, arms limp by his sides, jaw open—Zoro could even see a little bit of saliva dripping down from the corner of his jaw, like he'd forgotten how to swallow.

It just _figured _that the cook would be completely enthralled, and for a moment Zoro was almost willing to call it normal, except that there was something completely and utterly _wrong _with Sanji's current state. There were no heartfelt praises, no heart eyes, no nose bleeds. Sanji was a perverted son of a bitch, but he also liked to pretend he was a gentleman, and under normal circumstances Zoro was reasonably sure he eventually would have offered his coat to one of the women. But it remained securely buttoned on the cook's body, like he hadn't even thought of it. It was like he'd forgotten everything, every aspect of his being or of life or existence, outside of the enthralling song and the women that spun it.

_Son of a bitch, _Zoro realized suddenly, with disgust. _These skeletons...they weren't eaten. Every one of them _willingly _starved themselves to death because they were trapped by this stupid music!_

That explained why they were so happy about Brook, too. He _couldn't _starve to death, as his years on the Florian Triangle had proven. He'd be in their thrall forever. Whatever they gained out of the illusion, they'd have it for the rest of their lives.

_Okay, _he decided. _Definitely time to get out of here. _

Brook stumbled over the bones of the dead worshippers and came to kneel beside Sanji, in front of the singing women. They were still creating their cacophony without stop, without breath, weaving their harmful music into existence to seize still further control over their helpless prey. As Brook fell before them they smiled in unison, a creepy and oddly beautiful motion all in one. Even Zoro, protected by his own awareness, felt their sense of satisfaction, felt them extend their gratitude in illusory song to Brook. The skeleton shuddered with what was unmistakably pleasure in his mental thrall, and went still as stone, gazing up at the women just as Sanji did.

They turned their eyes on Zoro next, and he could feel the pressure of the cacophony growing stronger, more insistent, against his ears, his skull, his _mind. _It was harder to fight now, and he could feel the insidious control scratching at his awareness, trying to breach his mental defenses, although the women themselves seemed unaware that their power wasn't affecting him completely. Still, it was getting much harder to keep his focus at all, and if he didn't figure out a way out of this trap soon he was going to be stuck right there next to the other two, unaware of his own hunger of fatigue or existence as he wasted away in front of those _creatures. _

He had to shut them up. The only way he could think to do that was to kill them, and that meant getting closer to them. So he did, feigning awe and devotion as he did so, keeping the women's minds appeased, playing along. With his senses shot, he had to be sneaky, make his first attack really count, because who knew what they could do in retaliation—

Every step closer that he took made it harder and harder to think, harder and harder to focus. The protective bubble his sense of the rhythm of the world gave seemed to grow thinner, smaller, the truth it revealed less clear, less precise. The discord receded; he could feel an edge of beauty at the fringes of the distorted notes. It called his name, clawed at his defenses, and his mind felt more muddled than ever, twisted up and around and inside out and he couldn't even think any more, could barely _breathe_ with the voices growing closer, stronger, louder, clearer—

He felt the stone floor suddenly beneath one knee, and became aware of the outside world for a fraction of a second. _Too close,_ he lectured himself furiously, _you came too close to losing yourself there, and where would they be?_ But he was close to the women now too, on one knee before them alongside Brook, and within perfect striking distance. They didn't seem worried. They looked ageless, had probably never feared for their lives with their prey so easily enthralled before—

But Zoro was going to change that.

His mind was already fading away as the song—_no! Noise!_—pressed in on his consciousness again. Once again, just like before, he drew _Wadou_ and sliced his own palm open a second time, drawing more blood and more sharp pain that cut through the clouds in his head like a blade. Something _snapped _in his mind, and for a few brief moments he was free, hearing true without even the need of his meditative half-trance to aid him.

And _seeing _true, too.

The women had changed. Before they were supremely gorgeous, with exotic features, perfectly smooth skin, shining hair, bright eyes. But suddenly all of that was gone, and Zoro realized suddenly, as an awful, rotting stench assailed him, that _that _was a lie too. Now there were still three women there, but they were just as twisted and warped as their cruel songs: they possessed scaly bird legs now, their bodies were covered in filthy, broken feathers, and their arms were warped, half wings that were too broken to ever let a person fly. Only their heads seemed fully human, but not even these were pretty anymore—the hair was matted, the eyes dulled, the features twisted into ugly expressions of hatred and fury. The creatures were monsters—absolutely nothing about them was what it had originally appeared to be.

Zoro swore in surprise. But their newly revealed appearances changed absolutely nothing about his plan, and so in his moment of pain-induced perfect clarity he launched himself forward and swung out with _Wadou Ichimonji_ at the nearest of the creatures. His katana slashed with perfect accuracy across the first bird-woman's stomach, a cut that would mean a slow, but distracting and highly effective death. But the sword didn't bite nearly as deep as it ought to have. And although the creature's song warbled higher into an oddly musical screech of pain, it did not collapse or clutch at its stomach, and the cut sealed up almost as soon as his katana finished slicing it.

It just fucking _figured _that Sanji and Brook would get themselves caught by the _invincible _monsters. As if they didn't have enough problems already!

The beasts were angry now. Zoro could tell by the sudden shift in their song's pitch, the sudden fury as it beat at his mind, ripping, tearing, desperate to cause pain, to teach him a lesson. He resisted with everything he had and slashed out again, this time at the creature's neck; maybe he could sever its head.

No luck—the katana barely put a hole in the bird-thing's throat. Their keening grew angrier, and then Zoro felt the unmistakable impact of a reinforced dress shoe in his shoulder blades as Sanji, screaming wordlessly, attacked him from behind.

Zoro swore in surprise and smashed into the far side of the cave face-first. In another moment of pain-induced clarity Zoro realized that his crew mates were still in thrall, and that the creatures could apparently do more than just hypnotize them—they could use them as pawns, too. He rolled aside just as another vicious kick smashed into the stone, putting a small crater in it. The cook wasn't holding back at all; he was out for blood, face twisted into an expression of sheer fury, although his eyes were oddly blank in a haze of euphoria that the creatures still held over him. A second later Brook's cane sword plunged towards his head, and Zoro deflected it hastily with _Wadou Ichimonji, _throwing himself aside and drawing his two other blades in a rush.

Shit. This was bad. Sanji and Brook were dead-set on killing him, and on top of that Zoro's clarity was already receding again as the pain of Sanji's attack faded, leaving his mind fuzzy once more. He wouldn't be able to keep up a fight for long here, not with those stupid monsters _still _singing their strange hymns of discord, screwing with his senses and controlling his friends. The ideal solution would be to kill them, but they _just wouldn't die, _no matter what he did. And it was too hard to try and think of another creative solution when he could barely keep the bird-women out of his head as it was.

_Run, _his instincts struggled to tell him. _Get away from the noise. _

Pretty much the only solution as far as he could see. Sometimes running _was _necessary, much as he detested it. But he wasn't leaving without Brook or Sanji, and therein lay the tricky part—how did he get _them _out of here? He knew the women wouldn't let them follow if he tried to taunt them out of the cave. Their control was obviously strongest the closer their victims were to them, and they wouldn't want to relinquish that—

He'd have to _make _them leave then. Forcibly if he had to. A task far harder than it sounded, since he didn't really want to kill them in the process. He bared his teeth around _Wadou's _hilt and set to work.

Brook would have to be first. Both skeleton and cook charge simultaneously, fueled by the women's rage. Zoro dodged Sanji's outstretched kicking leg and made for Brook, forcing his muddled mind to stay focused on the task at hand under the monsters' mental assault. Brook lunged forward with a rapid sword thrust, fast and furious. Zoro batted it aside easily with _Kitetsu,_ deftly twisted _Shuusui _around to expose its flat, and cracked Brook's bony wrist with it sharply. The skeleton yelped even in his thrall, and dropped his cane-sword. Zoro caught the hook dexterously with _Kitetsu _and flung it to the entrance of the cave, effectively disarming him.

Brook seemed surprised, but charged him again, this time with the lacquered purple sheath of the cane-sword. Once again Zoro flung himself out of the way of Sanji's furious spinning assault, slipped around the skeleton, and flicked _Shuusui _at the sheath, sending it spinning to the cavern mouth next to the blade it normally held. Now completely disarmed, Brook screamed angrily—his voice rose and fell in eerie sync with the screams of the bewitching women, and Zoro didn't know if it was because of the thrall or because he was a musician—and the skeleton charged at him bare handed, bony fists drawn back to punch.

"Sorry," Zoro muttered around _Wadou, _and bringing the flats of both _Kitetsu _and _Shuusui _to bear, he spun and cracked the skeleton in the head. Zoro wasn't actually sure if it'd work, seeing as Brook didn't have a brain to be concussed. But Brook emitted a yell of pain that clashed with the discord in the air, and collapsed to the ground in a bony heap, not unlike the dead worshippers they were surrounded by. Zoro didn't have time for niceties, and hooking his two katana underneath the skeleton's rib cage, he unceremoniously tossed the musician towards the cavern entrance as well and away from the song.

Okay. One down—

The conflicting sensations of pain and clarity smashed into him simultaneously, and he was flung aside into the cavern wall again as Sanji, wild and uncontrollable, connected with a malicious kick. Anyone else short of Luffy might have died from it; as it was Zoro caught himself gasping in pain as he took the unexpected hit. _Shit, _the cook was positively murderous—Zoro didn't think he'd _ever _seen Sanji like this before. This was more than the (literally) burning anger the cook had when he'd discovered Absalom's peeping on Nami, or his rages at the thought of women being hurt. This was something foreign, deadly, _ugly, _something that matched the twisted, violent expressions on the faces of the three monsters still sitting at the back of the cave, still singing. Those _things _were intent on killing Zoro, any way they had to, including doing it through his friends.

_All right, _he growled. _Fine. You want to play, then here we go. Whatever I dish out, curly-brow can take it, anyway._

He dove away from the wall as Sanji launched another kick, and threw himself at the cook, blades flashing. Sanji snarled wordlessly and retaliated, blocking and deflecting, launching more kicks. His unnatural rage made him faster than usual, and while Zoro was able to dodge the majority of the blows he was still left with glancing hits that would _definitely _leave him black and blue for a week or more. They hurt, but it was a blessing as well. The women probably hadn't counted on it, but every injury Sanji dealt out cleared Zoro's mind for him, forced back the confusing, hypnotic mess the monsters' harmonic cacophony created, allowed him to stay focused on the fight. Ironically, it was the very injuries Sanji was dealing out that allowed Zoro to make sure they weren't fatal. Not exactly the easiest tool to take advantage of, but he'd make use of anything at his disposal.

And there was another weakness to the monsters' harmonic control as well: Sanji was incredibly powerful, far more than he should have been, but that power seemed to come at the expense of coordination and defense. Sanji didn't seem to remember their previous fights and arguments—which made sense, since Zoro himself hadn't recognized Brook when he'd been in thrall. But that meant he didn't utilize his usual combative tricks against Zoro either, left certain weaknesses normally long since shored up open. If Zoro could just overcome Sanji's unnatural speed fast enough—

_There. _Sanji shifted back on one leg, a tell-tale sign that he was about to launch a lethally powerful jabbing kick. Zoro hurled himself forward at the last moment, twisted aside to avoid the blow—took a glancing hit to his ribs, hurt like fuck but definitely worth it—and ducked inside Sanji's range. With his memory gone he wouldn't remember _this _particular move, Zoro thought with grim satisfaction, as he skidded to a stop on Sanji's side—and smashed _Shuusui's _hilt straight into his unprotected ribs.

Sanji grunted in surprise, gagged as the air was forced from his lungs. But even then the overpowering berserker rage the women had forced him into seemed to win out, and although Sanji staggered he remained conscious, began turning to unleash another kick.

Zoro had pretty much counted on that happening anyway, and was ready for it. With the last of the clarity Sanji's final kick had given him, he spun _Kitetsu _around and cracked the cook over the head with the cursed sword's hilt.

One blow was stunning; two blows was too much. Sanji's eyes finally rolled and he sank as his knees buckled, finally falling into unconsciousness. Zoro quickly sheathed his swords and snatched the cook up under one arm, bolting for the cavern entrance without so much as a glance back.

The monsters' fury was practically tangible now. It smashed against his head, his body, his senses, his mind, his very existence with blinding agony, almost shattering his protective trance. He held onto it just barely, but the result left him staggering, had him almost dropping Sanji as he dragged the cook after him. He fought hard to hold onto the last vestiges of his sanity and his focus, for now giving himself one single, solitary goal to hold onto even while under fire both mental and physical: _Get them out. Get them out, get them out, get them out, now now now—_

He could hear the women screaming behind him now, even their attempts at the illusion forgotten in their sheer fury. He did _not _want to be around if they started chasing—he had to get Brook and Sanji away from them as fast as possible. He stopped only long enough to sling the very light Brook around his shoulders like a scarf and snatch up the cane-sword and sheath with his free hand. Then he bolted headlong out of the cave, across the beach, and towards the woods—away from the screaming, away from the song, away from the monsters, away from the assault.

He didn't know how long he ran for, or where he was going; he just _ran, _and no matter how far or how long he went the screaming seemed to follow, made the pain of his bruises and the weight of his burdens and the pressure on his mind all the more prevalent. Then, unexpectedly, the cacophony of screaming took a higher pitch, more frantic—no longer angry, but _pained, _desperate, pleading, not a song but instead a noise of nothing but anguish.

And then, with unexpected abruptness, there was nothing but silence.

The pressure on Zoro's mind disappeared suddenly, at the same moment everything went quiet. He staggered to a stop, panting hard, and after a moment very, very tentatively released his trancelike hold on the world, his grasp on truth, ending his communication with the rhythm of all things. There was no music, no melody, no beautiful voice calling his name. There wasn't _anything, _just silence, the cold emptiness of night. It almost hurt, after the noise that had assailed him both mentally and physically ever since he started searching for the cook.

The things had stopped calling. Whatever they were, they'd stopped singing, and their presence was gone from the island. Zoro was relieved to know it, not that he'd ever tell anybody. He grit his teeth, set the cook and musician down long enough to re-sheathe Brook's sword and stuff it through his haramaki—his swords seemed irritated at the company, but they'd just have to deal for now—and then, hauling them up a little more comfortably, he set off once more.

He wandered for a bit—the forest was a lot bigger than he remembered—until he unexpectedly stumbled across Usopp, Chopper, and Luffy, standing around and looking quite confused. "What the hell are you three doing here?" he grunted—he was tired, and Sanji was way fucking heavier than he looked.

"You know," Usopp said thoughtfully, "I have no idea. I can't remember what we were doing. We just kinda figured heading in this direction would be good, I guess?"

Damn. Those monsters' voices had quite a range. "Yeah, well, I found Sanji, so we can go back to the ship," Zoro said. "And somebody else take him, I'm not dragging his sorry ass around any more than I have to."

"Oh no!" Chopper said. "Is he hurt? Doctor, we need a doctor—"

"That's you," Usopp reminded him dutifully.

"Oh, right!" Chopper expanded to his Heavy Point and obligingly took the cook from Zoro, which in turn let the swordsman shift Brook a little more comfortably over his shoulders so the dead man's ribs didn't dig into them quite so painfully. "What happened to him?"

"He got knocked out," Zoro supplied. "Brook too. Should be fine. Let's just go back already."

Luffy regarded him quizzically, and seemed to ask-without-asking if something else had happened, but Zoro waved him off. The mess was taken care of; what had happened in the middle of it really wasn't _that _important. Luffy nodded, and the group headed back to the ship, with the captain insisting that they get Sanji woken up quickly so they could have a late meat-dinner. Zoro had sort of forgotten that all of this had started because they'd missed a meal, and was surprised to find himself very hungry as well.

Later on, when everyone was conscious again and Sanji had (with much cursing and wincing as he felt his bruised skull and ribs) finished a late meal, Zoro gave an edited recount of events as everyone ate. Brook and Sanji didn't seem to remember anything that had happened while they were in thrall. Zoro explained about the strange singing monsters, omitting the fact that they were women (mostly for his own safety from Sanji), and that Sanji and Brook had been controlled by them. Both of them would probably not be happy to hear they'd been conned into violently attacking nakama, and it wasn't really important in the end. He just made it sound like he'd fought for a bit with the creatures instead, to explain his bruises.

"Sirens," Robin said, when he'd finally finished the tale.

"Eh?"

"I believe you encountered Sirens, Swordsman-san," Robin said calmly. "They are supposed to be extremely rare. Personally, I have only read about them in historical accounts; I assumed they were extinct. There hasn't been a report in centuries."

Nami cocked her head curiously. "Those are the monsters that attract men to them by singing, aren't they?" she said. Robin nodded, and Nami shrugged. "Sounds about right, then. And it explains why _we _didn't hear anything, I guess. In all the Siren stories I've read, they never had any effect on women."

Robin nodded again. "They are very cunning creatures. Their song is said to be irresistible to any man. Once bespelled, their victims worship them incessantly, and waste away in front of their captors, dying of starvation and exhaustion without ever realizing it." Sanji went pale at that. "They are said to be immortal as well," Robin continued, "as long as they can sing, and attract potential prey to them. They don't feed on the flesh, just the life force, from what I am told. However, legends say that if a person is able to escape from their song, their strength withers, and they die."

"So they're dead now?" Usopp asked, shuddering slightly. "Zoro got away, and he brought Sanji and Brook with him..."

"They're dead," Zoro said, very confidently. "I'm sure of it." He would never quite look at silence the same way again, that was for sure.

"I must confess I am a bit sad I cannot remember the song," Brook said wistfully. "I have a vague impression that it was beautiful, though I cannot remember the words, or the music. But I will thank you all the same for saving my life, Zoro-san...even though I am already dead, _yohohoho!_"

"Yeah," Sanji said slowly. "Thanks, mari—uh. Zoro." And he slammed an unexpected bottle of sake on the table in front of the swordsman, muttering under his breath.

Zoro raised an eyebrow at the offering, but shrugged. Everyone was safe, not enchanted, back on the ship, and totally unaware that they'd almost killed him to boot. Things were better again. And hey—if he got free booze out of it, who was he to complain?

"Any time," he said, and popped the cork on the bottle, satisfied once more.

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><p>Shit. I wanted to do something with classic sirens and just kept rolling with it and it got creepier than anticipated <em>but it was very fun to write <em>and that's the point right?

And I guess I have to put my calling card of creepy in at least one of these, lol. It seems to be what I do best.

~VelkynKarma


	16. Hitchhiker

**Title: **Hitchhiker**  
>Theme: <strong>#12: Underwear**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>2,154**  
>Rating: <strong>PG**  
>Warnings: <strong>Couple swears...a few suggestive hints, but kinda subtle**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p><em>This is just not my day, <em>Zoro thought to himself, as he was sent smashing through the outer wall of the nearest enormous house.

He still didn't know how he'd managed to get himself _into _this fight. He'd just sort of been jumped while wandering around the harbor town, looking for a place to buy booze. Somehow he'd ended up in the snooty rich peoples' housing district, and when he'd tried to turn himself around to head back towards a tavern _somewhere _he'd been attacked by some crazy guy with a giant metal hammer. Zoro wasn't sure if he was a bounty hunter or a mercenary or part of somebody's personal guard. All he knew was that the guy wasn't wearing marine insignia, and although the guy's attacks themselves didn't hurt much, there was some sort of boost that let the hammer fling its victims ridiculously far.

Which was why Zoro was smashing through the side of a house that was actually _thirty feet away, _much to his displeasure. Damn, he was going to feel _that _one in the morning.

He came to a stop and rolled out of the rubble hastily, in case his attacker decided to try and smash his head in when he was down. Thankfully, the attacker apparently couldn't fling _himself _thirty feet, and was still running towards the house to catch up after his attack, which gave Zoro a chance to get familiar with his surroundings.

He was...in a closet. Zoro blinked in surprise at the dozens if not _hundreds _of hanging clothes all around him. A really big, rich person's snotty walk in _closet. _With even more doors to other clothes down at the end. And, judging from the fact that most of the clothes were dresses and skirts, and consisted of shades of pink and purple, he was reasonably sure this was a _women's _closet to boot.

Really, who needed _this many _clothes anyway?

His thoughts were cut short—his attacker was closer to the house now, raising the giant hammer for another swipe. Zoro definitely didn't want to get hit by that head-on again (there was a lot more building behind him to smash through, and he was getting sick of that already) so he darted down to the other side of the closet and the inner room. This one was smaller and seemed to hold all the...ah..._intimate _clothes. Zoro could feel his face getting hot against his will, but at that moment there was a clambering noise behind him as his opponent entered the building.

Instantly Zoro's thoughts went back to the fight. The man charged him and swung the hammer wildly. Zoro couldn't let him get within range, so he swung out with the highest caliber of _Pound Cannon _he could manage in this enclosed space, using all three swords. The compressed air slice smashed into his opponent, who screamed in surprise and staggered, just as he'd almost reached Zoro. The hammer swung haphazardly, uncontrolled. Even with an unintentional swing the glancing blow Zoro received was enough to send him spinning into the nearest expensive-looking dresser, bursting the piece of furniture to wood shrapnel as he smashed into it full force. _Damn, _whatever that weapon was made out of, it packed a punch—almost _literally._

Everything went quiet. It was dark, but Zoro was still perfectly conscious, and he realized after a moment he was buried in tall dresser remains and possibly parts of the wall behind it. With an exasperated sigh he began digging himself out, tossing pieces of finely finished mahogany aside without much care. He didn't feel particularly guilty. Whoever this rich snob was, they could afford another dresser and more.

He managed to free himself enough to sit up in the nest of rubble, but his vision was still partly obscured on one side. Puzzled, he reached a hand up to his head, felt something soft hooked over his skull, and pulled it free.

It was a pair of hideously pink women's panties. Zoro swore and hurled it aside like it was on fire, and felt his face getting hot all over again. _Not my day!_ he repeated to himself furiously, as he hastily extricated himself from the mess, clambering over the remains of the dresser.

He was all for beating it out of there right away, when he caught sight of himself in one of the full-length mirrors set up in the room. To his horror, he was practically _covered _in women's undergarments; the dresser he'd been thrown into had probably been stuffed full of them. They were piled on his shoulders, flopped on the excess folds of his haramaki...hell, a few of the...the _bras_...even managed to hook over the hilts of his swords (and strangely, none of them seemed to mind..._Kitetsu _was even, oddly, amused by it).

The mirror also displayed just how red his face was at the sight of it. He swore again and hastily clawed the undergarments off, tossing them aside like they were plagued. He was damned lucky none of the others were here to see this as it was. Curly-brow especially would never let him live it down.

When he was clear of the undergarments he walked over to his opponent and nudged him once with one boot. The guy was out cold. Zoro snorted—definitely a glass cannon. He could dish it out, but he couldn't take it. Well, now he'd be taking all the blame for the destruction in snooty-rich-lady's closet, too. Nobody had come to check out the noises yet, but he had a feeling it wouldn't be long, so he darted out the hole he'd made in the wall and headed back for the town, the incident already behind him.

* * *

><p>Zoro did, eventually, find a tavern, and spent a few hours drinking alone. This tavern was a little different than usual, although Zoro couldn't exactly figure out why. Usually the patrons would just leave him alone, what with the <em>don't mess with me <em>aura he practically always radiated in these joints. But several times men came up to chuck him on the shoulder and congratulate him before he managed to glare in their direction and send them cowering. And he could feel several other patrons staring at him from behind and laughing, although again, all it took was one sharp glare over his shoulder to make their smiles wither. He couldn't figure out what the hell was causing it, though, and after a while it got annoying, so he finally decided to just head back to the ship.

Heading back took longer than expected (he hadn't realized just how far away the harbor actually was), and puzzlingly enough whatever was plaguing the patrons of that tavern appeared to affect the citizens on the streets as well. They chuckled and laughed when they thought he wasn't looking, and several other men gave him leering, congratulatory grins. Maybe this whole city was just fucking crazy. Yeah, that was probably it.

But eventually he made it back to the ship, and couldn't help but feel a little relief for it. Not that his crew wasn't crazy too, but it was a different sort of crazy that he knew how to deal with.

Robin was on ship watching duty today, and nodded to him absently from her deck chair, where she was reading a book. She paused as he walked past her though, and when he looked over his shoulder he caught her watching him with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" Zoro asked. Robin wasn't exactly one to stare.

But she merely shook her head. "Nothing at all, Swordsman-san," she answered simply, and returned to her book. Zoro shrugged and continued on to the galley to snag a bottle of sake before the shit cook got back, although he might have been less appeased if he'd seen the amused smile at the corner of Robin's lips.

He made short work of the bottle and decided to take a nap out on deck while the sunlight was still pleasant. When he woke up again a few hours later, the rest of the crew had returned, and appeared to be setting up a few picnic tables on deck for a late dinner outside since the weather was so nice. Zoro yawned and then went over to help, since some of the tables could get pretty heavy and not everyone could handle them.

"Zoro," Luffy said suddenly, "what's that?"

Zoro blinked and looked over his shoulder with some difficulty at his captain; it was sort of hard to multitask with the big tables in hand, which were more awkward than heavy for lifting. Luffy was behind him and watching the proceedings with a small pout (he'd been banned from setting up the tables again after snapping one in two with an over-eager application of rubber powers to help). "Eh? What're you talking about?"

"Set it down here," Nami ordered. Zoro placed the table down as bid, and then Nami circled around, saying, "Oh, I see what he's talking about, you've got something hooked in—" And then her eyes went wide and she clapped a hand to her mouth in surprise.

"What? _What?_" Zoro said, now more than a little weirded out by the reactions. He tried to look over his shoulder at whatever it was they were talking about, but whatever he apparently had, it was in his blind spot.

Nami was snickering now, and said, "Oh _wow, _Zoro, I didn't think you were the type for _trophies. _Or maybe you were just a little rushed?"

"_What the hell are you talking about,_" Zoro growled, now starting to get fed up.

Sanji wandered over next to place a few dishes down on the table Zoro had just set up, and to kick Luffy aside when the captain inevitably leapt for them. "Are we laughing at marimo?" he asked brightly. "Because I'd love to join in."

"Look," Nami said, still chuckling, and Sanji scooted around Zoro quickly before the swordsman could protest.

Zoro couldn't _see _Sanji's reaction, but seconds later he _heard _the cook howl, "_Shit swordsman! _How _dare _you—"

"How dare I _what—"_

"—could you possibly offend a lady in such a way—"

"_What?_"

"—can't imagine what sort of ridiculously low standards she'd have to have for a brute like you—"

"_What. The hell. _Are you _talking_ about?_"_

"—to think we've had someone like _you _on the ship all this time—"

"He's got a point," Nami said with a smirk. "Is this what you're always running off for whenever we get on the ship? I always figured it was _training, _but—"

"It could still be training," Franky said, coming from around behind Zoro. He grinned and gave Nami a suggestive wink, adding, "Just not the kind we figured at first."

"—could have _told me, _I would be _happy _to comfort them after they had to deal with a brute like _you_—"

Okay. That was _it. _Zoro had had enough. Glaring viciously around at the entire crew, he reached behind his back, searching for whatever it was that was setting them all off. His fingers encountered something hooked halfway into his haramaki at the small of his back, and with a frown he extracted it from the wool, pulling it free triumphantly—

And staring in absolute _horror _at the hideous, pink-and-purple leopard-spotted bra now in his hand. The one that had apparently been hanging halfway over the back of his haramaki _all day_ without him ever knowing about it.

Zoro felt his face burning suddenly as he put everything together. He must have missed that one in the giant closet; he hadn't seen it in the mirror. All the strange looks and laughs and comments today...Robin's staring...the crew's joking just now...oh, _dammit. _

"It's not like that!" Zoro said hastily, and was even more mortified to discover his voice was at a higher pitch than usual. "I didn't—it wasn't—it's just—"

The entire crew was laughing now, even Luffy, who like as not didn't even know what was going _on. _

"Can't say I think much of her taste," Nami said with a snicker. "But hey, if _you're _happy, Zoro—"

He promptly dropped the bra like it was about to set his hand on fire.

"I swear, it isn't—" he began, but right about that point Sanji seemed to lose it, and swung out with a vicious ax kick, shrieking that it absolutely _wasn't fair _that _marimo _could get away with treating ladies so disrespectfully and still get so _lucky. _

Zoro would call it anything but luck. He ducked aside from the attack and bolted for his weight room, face still burning. He figured he'd just lock himself in there for the next thousand years or so, until he stopped existing, or women did. Whichever came first.

* * *

><p>At first I had no idea what to do with this prompt, and then suddenly I did, and it was hilarious, and I couldn't wait to share it lol.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	17. Sing Along

This fic was written by listening to various versions of _Bink's Sake_ no less than four hundred times. Amongst other character songs. But mostly _Bink's Sake_. I think by now I know half the words _and I don't even know what they mean._

**Title:** Sing Along**  
>Theme: <strong>#8: Bink's Sake**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>2,150**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings: <strong>Couple bad words, that's it.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>Zoro was just waking up from a nice nap on the couches in the aquarium bar when a shadow unexpectedly fell over him. He looked up and was surprised to find Brook staring down at him, violin and bow clutched in his bony hands.<p>

"Hello, Zoro-san," the skeleton greeted immediately. "Would you like to sing a song?"

Zoro blinked blearily and gave Brook a sleepy glare. When the skeleton didn't budge an inch, Zoro said flatly, "No. I wouldn't."

Brook's face seemed to fall, and he said a little sadly, "I see. You never seem to sing, Zoro-san. Whenever the rest of the crew sings together at parties or at any other time, you never participate."

"I'm not the only one," Zoro said with a yawn. "Robin doesn't sing either."

"That isn't entirely true. She does join in sometimes!" The skeleton sighed and placed one bony hand over his chest, adding, "And she has the voice of an angel when she chooses to! It's enough to stir a man's heart—although, I myself have none—"

"Great." Zoro rolled off the couch and made to beat a hasty retreat, before he could be the victim of any more Skull Jokes, or, worse—continuing their current discussion.

But Brook wasn't to be dissuaded so easily. The skeleton caught up to him quickly, and said, "Is it my fault, perhaps? I have been playing music for so long I must have grown overconfident! Is my singing not satisfactory? Perhaps my instrument choice?"

He actually looked anxious, and Zoro almost felt bad for making him worry. "No, you're fine, Brook," he assured hastily. "I've only heard you play the violin and the piano, but they both sounded good. And your singing sounds fine, too." Although he could stand to do less of it at five-thirty in the morning...

"Then whatever is the matter, Zoro-san?" Brook asked. "Why is it that you never join in, no matter the occasion?"

Zoro sighed in exasperation, but clearly this was very important to Brook, and he wasn't going to let up until he got an answer. And he could be _very _persistent when he wanted to be. Best get it over with now. "Look, I just don't like singing all that much. Especially in front of other people or in a group."

"Why is that?" Brook asked, looking politely puzzled. "You just said you don't mind the music or the songs, so if it is enjoyable, why not sing along?"

"It's just...embarrassing," Zoro said, grasping for an explanation. "I don't like making an idiot of myself in front of other people like that."

Brook looked quite baffled at this answer, like he was incapable of comprehending what Zoro had just said. Zoro supposed he couldn't blame the guy. Brook was a musician after all—music was his life, and he probably didn't see how a person could look stupid singing. And that was if he even cared; Brook was pretty much known for making a complete fool of himself on a regular basis for the sake of others' entertainment, anyway.

"I'm a pretty terrible singer, anyway," Zoro added quickly, before his first statement could be interpreted as an insult. Zoro had plenty of respect for people who actually _could _sing, and if they knew what they were doing they didn't look silly at all. He just wasn't one of those people. "Really, everyone is better off if I just stay silent."

"What a silly claim!" Brook said cheerfully. "How could you possibly know if you're a bad singer, if you always remain silent?"

"Trust me," Zoro said flatly, "I know. Before Luffy recruited me, whenever I got conned into singing, people would always stare at me like I had three heads. You know. _Without _the Asura effect. Obviously it means I'm pretty terrible or they wouldn't stareat me like that. I got _real _tired of the looks—like I said, it's embarrassing. So I figured I'd just stop singing and save everyone the hassle."

"That's a very sad story," Brook said, and he really did appear to be treating it like some sort of tragedy, instead of what it was: just common sense. "Music is the voice of the soul! It is always a great shame when it is cut short so early."

"Um...yeah. Sure." Zoro started sidling for the door again, suddenly not liking so much where this was going.

"Zoro-san, wait!" Brook gripped his arm with one skeletal hand and said almost pleadingly, "Please, will you sing just once? I've yet to hear you so much as hum a note, and music is the way I interact with my nakama—why, it is the very foundation for the reason I am here, on this ship!"

"_Please._ Luffy would have invited you to join anyway, just because you're a skeleton with an afro," Zoro said, getting an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Nevertheless, please humor me, just this once!" Brook said, still with a tight, bony grip on Zoro's arm. "I _am _still the ship's musician, and I feel I simply _must _live up to my duty, both to provide music and song _and _to understand my nakama's musical inclinations as well! So far I have been able to provide for the rest of my nakama, but I must confess, Zoro-san, you're still quite a puzzle to me...what if I can't do the job Luffy-san wants me to do?"

Zoro grit his teeth. Brook was being unreasonable, but dammit, if that was how he interpreted his job...crap. He hated being guilted into things. Especially when it involved _duty _and _nakama _almost in the same breath. "_Fine,_" he grated. "_One _song, and that's _it. _But you'd better not laugh."

Brook looked appalled at the notion. "I would never dream of laughing at anyone's music," he said very seriously. Then he brightened. "But I am quite happy to hear you'll give singing another chance! Do you have any particular requests? I know a fair number of songs from the East Blue." He readied the violin, almost quivering with happiness.

"You probably know more than I do," Zoro said with an irritated sigh. He couldn't _believe _he'd agreed to this. "I recognize plenty of tunes, but I don't know the words to most songs. That's another reason I refuse to sing so much."

"That is easily remedied," Brook said cheerfully, "But we can worry about that later. I'm certain you know the words to _Bink's Sake?_"

"Sure," Zoro answered. How could he _not, _when Brook only sang the song at _least _fifteen times a day, and often in the company of others?

"Very well!" Brook said brightly. "Then I shall play, and you accompany me!"

Zoro sighed again, but grudgingly nodded. Brook played the opening notes to the old pirate tune, and at the appropriate moment the swordsman jumped in, confident in the words and not nearly so confident in the notes. He had no idea if he was singing it right; his voice definitely wasn't made for this. He glanced at Brook once or twice, to see if maybe he could gauge if he was doing it properly, but while Brook was watching him intently while playing he didn't let on one way or another what he thought of Zoro's attempt. Stupid immobile skull for a face...how was it that Brook always managed to be so expressive, except right at this particular moment? In the end he stopped glancing over and looked at the far wall until he'd finished singing the song—being _watched _while he sang was just unsettling, made him want to stop.

Finally, after the longest three minutes of Zoro's life, the song finally came to its end and Brook played the closing with a flourish of the bow. "There," Zoro growled. "Happy? I sang your song, now you did your job or whatever. Don't tell anybody." The last thing he needed was to give Luffy an excuse to order him to sing at parties or other gatherings—he definitely did _not _intend to become the laughingstock of the crew, no matter how entertaining everybody else found it.

"My lips are sealed, Zoro-san!" Brook said, with a flashy salute of the violin's bow. "Even though I don't have any, _yohohoho!_"

Zoro inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, although he didn't let on visibly how _very _happy he was to not let this mess get out.

"However," Brook added, "I feel I must tell you, Zoro-san, that my promise is somewhat pointless, seeing as the rest of the crew is standing behind you at the moment."

"_What?_" Zoro whirled around, feeling his face heat with embarrassment when he came face to face with all seven of the remaining Straw Hat Pirates. To his horror, each and every one of them was doing the exact same stare that he'd come to dread, the one that suggested he'd sprouted extra heads or a tail or something. Curly-brow's jaw was hanging open, as as were Usopp's and Chopper's, and Franky appeared to be suppressing a laugh based on how he was quivering.

"See," Zoro said, face still a little flushed as he turned back to Brook, "_This _is why I _don't _sing. This freakin' _staring_. I told you I was bad." And apparently he'd gotten _worse, _if those responses were any indication.

"_Bad?_" Nami said, hands on her hips. Her expression was one of pure disbelief, incredulity. "Zoro, you weren't _bad_—"

_Here we go,_ Zoro thought to himself with a groan. _Two thousand beri says I'm 'worse than bad' and that she'll probably fine me for damaging her ears or something. _

"—you were _amazing!_ I had no _idea _you could sing like that! Especially with such a deep voice."

"Look," Zoro countered immediately, "I didn't even _want _to sing, witch, Brook made me—wait, _what?_"

"She is quite correct, Zoro-san," Brook said cheerfully. He looked particularly smug somehow, like he'd made a point. "You sing extremely well for somebody untrained in music. I suspect you have a large amount of natural talent that you've left untapped, and you have a very nice deep baritone as well."

"I...uh...really?" This was totally news to Zoro.

"You sounded _great _Zoro!" Chopper said, eyes sparkling. "I've never heard you sing before, but it sounded really nice!"

"Such a moving voice, sword-bro," Franky said, fists rubbing at his eyes, and Zoro realized what he'd initially interpreted as laughter was apparently sobbing. Whups. Well, with Franky it was sort of hard to tell sometimes.

"Uh...thanks." Then Zoro blinked. "Wait a minute. If I don't sound terrible, then why do I always get those stares like I'm crazy whenever I sing?"

Sanji shook his head in exasperation. "If they're anything like _me,_" the cook said, "They're probably just in _catatonic shock _that a voice like _that _comes out of a brute like _you._" His voice was grudging, like he'd really wanted to insult the swordsman and couldn't bring himself to. "It doesn't seem _right, _I tell you!"

Zoro glared at the cook, but this was about as close as Sanji ever came to complimenting him, so he let it pass.

"Let's sing it again!" Luffy said enthusiastically. "All together this time!"

"I'd rather not—"

"No way," Nami growled, and jabbed him with one finger in the chest. "You've had talent all this time and never used it? Do you realize you could have helped drown out Luffy's completely tone-deaf singing for _months _now? With something _nice?_" She punctuated her points with several more jabs of the finger, and added, "If you pass on group singing again, I'm raising your interest by twenty percent."

"What! That's _ridiculous, _just for a little singing!"

"No way Zoro gets to pass," Usopp said.

"Yeah, we want to hear more!" Chopper added, eyes still glittering excitedly.

"Argh, look, I really don't want to—"

"If you like, Zoro-san, I can coach your voice a little," Brook offered cheerfully. "With just a bit of practice I'm sure you can sound even more wonderful than before! And of course, I can teach you the words to a few more songs too!"

"Look, I really don't—"

But they overran him, every single one, and when the argument finally ended in a victorious _Captain's Orders _from Luffy, Zoro knew he was sunk. It seemed there was going to be no way to get out of musical participation on the ship anymore. Much as he detested the thought, he was just going to have to get used to singing in front of others, and with them too. He was definitely _not _happy with the way the day had played out.

Although he had to admit, it _was _sort of nice to know he wasn't as terrible a singer as he'd always thought.

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><p>I have no idea if Zoro is a baritone, being musically inept. I tried to research it, but written note ranges mean virtually nothing to me, so I went with the most common male voice: baritone. Zoro's voice <em>is<em> pretty deep naturally, though, so I have no idea if this is correct. If anyone musically inclined has input, do let me know!

Inspired by loooots of character music. The VA's sing very well, but the songs don't necessarily represent the characters, since Luffy sings _beautifully _in image songs but _terribly _in the actual show. So I was thinking, Zoro _sounds _like he'd be a terrible singer character-wise. And then I thought—that's sorta typecasting. _What if he was amazing?_

~VelkynKarma


	18. Severed

**Title:** Severed**  
>Theme: <strong>#16: Darkness**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>4,497**  
>Rating: <strong>PG-13**  
>Warnings:<strong> Minor AU speculation, major angst, character death (not to be confused with a Character's Death), some disturbing and gruesome imagery.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>Light is perhaps one of the strangest of phenomenons. Light encourages human beings, makes them feel safe, makes them feel protected, makes them feel untouchable to all the evils of the world. But it is a matter of truth that wherever light falls, darkness falls in opposition; indeed, the latter could never exist without the former. And so it is an ironic sort of parallel, that the very thing humans find safe is the same thing causing the things they fear to begin with. Light never exists without bringing some form of darkness with it, not ever.<p>

The Straw Hats unfortunately learned this lesson at a far more evolved level than any other human possibly ever could. Because a Light Man, as a higher form of light itself, causes all new forms of darkness that are even more effective and more devastating than the deepest shadow.

It begins on Sabaody Archipelago, at the end of the Straw Hat Pirates' difficult fight with PX-4. It's an exhausting fight for all of them, and with the arrival of another Pacifista and Sentoumaru Luffy declares they'll split up and meet up at the _Sunny _in a few days. But none of them expect an Admiral to make an appearance. Before any of them, least of all Usopp and Brook, can react, Zoro is on the ground coughing blood and Admiral Kizaru stands above him, staring around at the pirates with a lazy expression on his face.

He seems unconcerned at the presence of Usopp and Brook only a few paces away. He doesn't seem worried that Zoro will cause much of a problem either, even though he knows their swordsman is worth over one hundred million beris...after all, he states the bounty himself. He also notes that Zoro must have already been pretty exhausted, as he raises his leg, and encourages the downed pirate to take a nice long rest.

In retrospect, it seems obvious that Zoro was wounded at the time. Even _before _the fight with PX-4 had barely started he'd been lagging, and his status had only gotten worse from there. Hindsight, as the saying goes, is always twenty-twenty. They should have known. They never should have let Zoro get himself into that situation. They should have gotten him out of there as fast as they could have, should never have let him take that hit from the Admiral. (Usopp is especially insistent with the retrospection. He figures he could have survived the beam from Kizaru, looking back on it, and given Zoro a chance. He is _sure _he could have, and maybe they might have gotten away then. Maybe, maybe, maybe).

But in the moment it seems all so frighteningly clear, and while it's scary to see Zoro on the ground like that, with the Admiral standing over him, they aren't worried—not at first. Zoro is _known _for surviving things he shouldn't, and this will just be another case of that. He's known for protecting his nakama too, for taking the hits for them that he can easily shrug off with his freakish endurance and insane strength, and while it's frightening to see him so badly injured from that attack it isn't _unexpected, _what he did. It's just Zoro, being _Zoro. _

Only, Zoro _doesn't _get up. He doesn't struggle to his feet and mutter something about how the Admiral is getting in the way of his dream, or insist upon following Luffy's orders to _run away. _He just lays there, crumpled in a twisted, uncomfortable looking mess, coughing blood, and the glow in the Admiral's foot keeps building and building, a rush of power that even Usopp and Brook can feel, several feet away.

The sniper and skeleton can only stare in horror, at both the power the frightening Admiral possesses, and the power that they know Zoro should have, but _doesn't. _And although they don't know it, both of their minds are screaming frantically inside, almost identically: _Zoro isn't getting up. Zoro isn't getting up. _Zoro _isn't getting up!_

It's only when Luffy screams Usopp's name, in a tone so frantic and heart-wrenching it almost is unidentifiable as _Luffy's _voice at all, that Usopp can drag himself out of his frozen, wide-eyed state of fear and force himself to move. He draws the Kabuto, warns his opponent in a terrified voice that not even he can mistake for bravery to _back away, _and when the Admiral inevitably _doesn't _he fires a lead star straight at the man's eye. At this distance, point-blank with the full force of the Kabuto not five feet away, the shot is lethal, but Usopp is willing to kill to protect Zoro because Zoro would do it for him and more importantly, _he still isn't getting up. _

It does nothing.

Now there's a real edge of frenzied terror to Usopp's attacks as he fires the Kabuto again and again, using every shot he has, but each star does nothing, flits through Kizaru's face as though there's nothing but air. Brook attacks furiously as well, stabbing his sword straight into the man's chest, but it's just as inefficient as the shots. And although they try desperately to move the man, drive him back, kill him if they can, it does nothing. The Admiral calmly explains his ability as a Light Man as that brutal force of power keeps charging, charging, charging, not even a foot from Zoro's head, and he still isn't getting up, and if that attack hits he's _dead, _not just _almost dead _like he has been every other time. Zoro won't ever walk away from this one, and they know it with a cold, frightening certainty; nothing has been so absolutely clear to them ever before.

The thrill of fear runs through the entire crew now. Not a single one of them have ever been _this _frightened for one of their own before. All of them have been injured pretty badly before, but not like this, not even Zoro, and nothing has felt quite this hopeless in the past. Chopper screams frantically, a horrible, shrill, begging noise that none of the other Straw Hats have _ever _heard him emit before, for Zoro to get up and run. The noise seems to penetrate his stunned daze, but only barely, and while Usopp and Brook can see him make a struggling effort to lift his head slightly nothing else happens. He's injured to the point of a complete lack of control, and while it has happened before in the past it's _always _been after his opponents have gone down; never before has he let himself collapse so uselessly while still in combat.

Robin takes a different approach. If they cannot move the Admiral, then they _must _move Zoro, and she quickly uses her powers to roll him away. Several of the Straw Hats cheer her on as her dozens of limbs shift him. The swords are left behind, but they can be recovered later, and surely Zoro won't begrudge them the transgression for now—

But like all their other efforts, the last ditch attempt to rescue their swordsman is utterly useless in the end. Kizaru seems mildly put out as Zoro is shifted, but his whole body dissolves into light in a fraction of a second and shifts sideways, and when he reforms again it is on top of Zoro. The swordsman groans raggedly as Kizaru's newly reformed weight slams him bodily into the grass again, and the Admiral looks barely inconvenienced by Robin's rescue attempt. His leg hasn't even stopped charging power, and the glow is much stronger than before.

And just like that, there is nothing left that they can do. Robin tugs ineffectually at Zoro's shirt with a pair of hands, but Kizaru will not be dislodged, and her arms can't grip the light-man's body at all. Usopp and Brook attack frantically again, but their stars and steel are useless against a Logia, even when fueled by desperation. Luffy, Sanji and Chopper all charge for the Admiral, but it's useless—they're too spread out, too far away, and will never make it in time. Franky and Nami can only watch in horror. Franky screams desperately for _Zoro_ to move, and it's rare for him to ever use the swordsman's name, and Nami can only cover her mouth to keep herself from being sick and sink to the ground as the inevitable draws ever closer. Only a miracle could stop it now, for all they try otherwise; a miracle _has _to come, to save Zoro, to save their crew—

But it doesn't happen.

Instead there is a sudden noise as the beam of condensed, powerful light finishes charging, and Kizaru fires it, straight down, point-blank, at the Straw Hat Pirate he is standing on—the one that can barely move of his own accord, let alone try to get away. The resulting explosion is enormous, so strong that Usopp and Brook are sent flying back dozens of feet, skidding and rolling painfully until they come to a stop on the grass.

But that pain is _nothing _compared to the heart-stabbing, agonized _scream _that escapes Luffy's lips as he calls Zoro's name desperately, too far away to be of any use. That scream cuts into the heart and soul of each and every Straw Hat present, because it echos all too strongly what they themselves feel, stabs a knife deep into them at the thought of something that should _never, ever _have happened, something they'd never imagined _could _happen.

Denial is the inevitable reaction. It shouldn't have happened, so it didn't. But as the smoke clears there's no way to deny that point-blank hit, or the damage that it caused. The grass beneath the Admiral doesn't exist anymore; it's just a small crater of obliterated life. He stands easily in the middle of it, atop something charred and blackened. _Almost, _the Straw Hats to a man wish it wasn't identifiable, because that would mean that it still wasn't true. Perhaps Zoro had escaped, or somebody else had taken the hit at the last moment, or—

But it isn't. Admiral Kizaru, for all his laziness, is too good at his job and too clever by half to make a kill like that. There are _just _enough features still recognizable to make it unmistakably Pirate Hunter Zoro, worth one hundred twenty million beris. The head is still intact, although he's no longer particularly marimo anymore with his hair burned and blackened, and the earrings are melted beyond recognition. The rest of the body is a charred, burned mess, the skin cracked from the heat of the attack so close, the shirt burned away. But it's likely his distinctive scar gained from Mihawk is still visible, another identification the Marines will probably use.

And it's still. Far too unnaturally still, not even gasping, not even struggling to lift itself, not even screaming. It is unquestionably a _body, _and not _Zoro_, and the distinction is sharp and bitter to them all, like bile in their throats, like truth in their minds.

The world is still for just a minuscule fraction of a second, and years seem to flash by in that one moment as they try to understand—_Zoro isn't moving. Zoro isn't breathing. Zoro just...isn't._ It's impossible. It's _impossible. _But it's true, no matter how much they want to deny it.

It's true. Zoro is dead. They couldn't save him. He's _dead, _and somehow it's their fault, every single one of them.

Kizaru moves, finally, stepping off the body and calmly climbing out of the crater. "Right," he says, in his slow drawl, as he starts pacing towards Usopp and Brook, "Attacking a Marine Admiral is a serious offense."

Luffy _screams, _a sound that is primal and desperate and very, very afraid and angry, and tries to throw himself forward at the Admiral, to intervene somehow before another crew member dies before his eyes. But he's still too far away; everyone is, no matter how hard they try to push themselves, they'll be too late to save Usopp and Brook just like they were _too late to save Zoro even though he was _always _there in time for them—_

Something rockets forward in a blur of speed that is blinding even to the well-trained combat eyes of the Straw Hats, and when the motion shifts to a stop Rayleigh is there, planting himself between Kizaru and his new targets. "I won't let you take these youngsters," he says smoothly. "Their era is just beginning."

Kizaru cocks his head quizzically, clearly recognizing his new opponent, and then says lazily, "I'm afraid you're a bit late for that. I've already apprehended Roronoa, you see."

_Apprehended. _Such a funny way to say _brutally slaughtered a helpless opponent, _but that was the marines for you.

Rayleigh's eyes widen behind his glasses for a fraction of a second, as he gazes around Kizaru and spots the crater and the body inside. He looks pained for a moment, but hides it well, and returns his attention to Kizaru with an expression of pure calm and control. "I won't let you advance further," he says instead.

Kizaru sighs. "Please get out of the way," he starts to say, but he's overridden by Luffy, whose sobbing scream drowns him out utterly as he charges, still, towards the man who murdered his first crew-mate. His eyes are blazing, both with wild fury and violent sorrow, and there's no way he'll stop, not after this—

But Rayleigh intervenes sharply, planting himself deliberately between Luffy and Kizaru as the Admiral turns with boredom towards the charging pirate captain. "Don't!" Rayleigh says quickly, and there's an ancient tone of command to his voice, one that hasn't been used in years and yet still contains power. "Your crew is still in danger. Think of them, now."

And stunningly he manages to break through Luffy's sorrow-fueled rage when it shouldn't have been possible. Luffy skids to a stop, looking almost uncertain, hesitating—he desperately wants to protect his crew, but he's got to make Kizaru pay for what he's done, and stuck in the middle he looks lost, childlike. "But, Zoro—" he finally says after a moment, with a tremble in his voice, glancing at the charred body laying only feet from the Admiral and his aged opponent.

"I'll take care of him," Rayleigh promises—_him, _not _it_. "Look after your crew."

And although it kills them with every fiber of their being, although it digs at them and they feel like nakama-abandoning cowards, leaving Zoro behind like that, they still run. They run and run, and they aren't sure how they escape, with a Pacifista and the powerful Sentoumaru at their backs. Luffy's agony seems to help at one point, allowing him to overpower an opponent he otherwise couldn't, and Brook and Usopp aren't even chased, when they're separated from Zoro, and Sanji is able to help Franky and Nami to give PX-1 the slip when it chases after them next. They run with everything they have, and regroup at the _Sunny _in a few days' time, shuddering and terrified and numb in the soul more than the body.

It doesn't feel like it's happened, once they escape. But it becomes all the more obvious when they finally regroup, and they only number eight, not nine, and Zoro isn't sleeping on the deck anymore or bickering with Sanji or evading Chopper's insistence on being bandaged again. It still doesn't feel _real, _and they don't speak of it, not even once. They just go numb inside, empty, and they wait.

Nami moves the _Sunny _to another grove just to be safe, but it's no surprise that Rayleigh finds them easily three days later, on the appointed reunion date. He brings Zoro with him, carrying the swordsman respectfully, and all three katana are slung across the Dark King's back—he hasn't missed a thing. He's even made an effort for them, to clean up the wounds Zoro received, at the end. The skin's been washed so he no longer appears charred, and his hair, if not its usual light mossy color, is no longer _black_...more like a dark green. There's a new shirt to hide the worst of the injuries, and what couldn't be covered by the fabric has been bandaged, to keep the cruel evidence hidden since it won't do him any good ever again. It almost looks normal, reassuring, to see Zoro's arms and neck and the flashes of torso visible beneath the shirt wrapped tight in gauze; like he's just unconscious, like a hundred other times before, and he'll wake up soon and demand booze or sneak off to his weights when Chopper isn't looking.

Except he's too _still, _days later, and too quiet too. There's no raucous snoring, no breathing, no pulse of life at his throat. Desperately they would love to believe he's just sleeping like he always does, but they know this isn't the case, and that he'll never wake up again.

"I am so sorry I didn't arrive in time," Rayleigh says softly, as he meets the full crew on the deck of the _Sunny, _and he looks it—genuinely, truly sorry that he hadn't made it in time to save Zoro as well as the rest of the crew. "I know what it's like, to lose such a close friend to the marines." And they know he of all people most certainly _does _know, because he _had _to have suffered when Gol D. Roger was executed, and he _knew _that was coming. To suffer such an unexpected loss...to the Straw Hats it is unbearable.

Rayleigh quietly hands Zoro over to his captain; the corpse's head lolls unnaturally as he is shifted, and it sends chills up the Straw Hats' spines, to see the one normally so strong and in control of himself moving in such a grotesque way. Luffy rips his straw hat from his head, throws it unceremoniously to the grass of the _Sunny's _deck, and reaches out with shaking hands to take the burden from Rayleigh.

It's a heavy weight he accepts. The Straw Hats can see the strain of the burden on their captain, almost too much to bear. Not in a physical sense—Zoro has always been heavy from so much muscle mass, but Luffy has never had a problem carrying and throwing him every which way before. The burden is all in the captain's mind, for as he accepts the body of his dead swordsman he is also forced to accept the realization that he was responsible for that life, and he failed to protect it; that he'd made a promise to never get in the way of that swordsman's goal, and now Zoro was dead because of him. It's a brutal, cruel weight to fall on his shoulders, and without so much as the suggestion that he is ashamed he takes the body and bears it to the ground, cradling it close to his chest and rocking slightly as the flood of tears begins, unchecked.

It's like it's a signal to the rest of the Straw Hats, and the numbness inside each of them breaks, releases as they stare down at that cradled, lifeless corpse that three days ago had been their friend and finally come to terms with the fact that _this is real, unforgivably, cruelly real. _Chopper is inconsolable. He sobs loudly as he clings to Robin, who manages only just barely to keep a calm facade, and even then it's weak, when her eyes are bright with tears. Brook and Usopp are horrified, both of them stammering through hiccuping sobs that it _must _be their fault, because they were the closest and they couldn't save him, and Zoro, he _would _have found a way to rescue _them _somehow if it had been different, he would have found a way, he wouldn't have let them _die _like they did him. Sanji just _stares_ at the head tucked under Luffy's chin, at eyes that are closed and don't take the bait to open up and glare back. Almost, one would think that Sanji himself was glaring as well, except his lips are twisted into a grimace of pain, and his hands are fisted so tightly blood is starting to dribble from the palms although nobody notices. He only stops when Nami, crying for the first time since Arlong's downfall, turns to bury her face in his chest to try and conceal the sobbing that she hates to do in front of others. Her tears will inevitably ruin the silk tie, but neither of them seem to care. And Franky is simply _blank, _stares down at the body with a dead expression on his face, shockingly unable to start blubbering in the face of something so sharp and painful; like this is too cutting, too real, for even his tears.

Once released it's like the emotions won't stop, like they're an uncontrolled storm of rage and pain and guilt and sorrow and emptiness, and they huddle together in the dark on the decks of the _Sunny _and mourn in the only ways they know how. Rayleigh turns away and heads to the front of the deck, with the excuse of keeping an eye out for the marines still hunting them, although in reality he's just sympathetic enough to give them their moment. None of them even notice he's let them be.

But at last the storm begins to subside, and one by one they start to become aware of the world outside that tiny little bubble of nakama, that cradled body, that small patch of deck beneath their feet. The star shift implies it's been hours, it's bitterly cold to them in the night, and their stomachs are rumbling loudly, although none of them, not even Luffy, seem to be hungry. They uncoil slowly from their grief, and stretch cramped muscles, wipe eyes dry, reassure each other softly with quiet embraces—but still none of them are willing to step away from that little vigil. Luffy especially seems reluctant to release Zoro's corpse from his grip, even though his arms have to had long since gone to sleep from being wrapped so protectively around the body.

Rayleigh returns when he senses the Straw Hats have calmed slightly, and quietly lays the three katana still strapped across his back next to Luffy and the body they belong to with all the respect they deserve. "A burial at sea might be more fitting for a pirate," he says slowly, "but if you desire to bury him here at Sabaody instead, I'll find a place that will remain undisturbed for you."

Luffy shudders softly at the words, and regards the Dark King with dulled, dead eyes, red-rimmed from so much crying.

Rayleigh frowns at the silent response, but asks after another moment, "What do you plan to do now? The loss of nakama is a brutal thing. I've seen many great men falter because of it. It would be disappointing, but I don't think there's any great shame in end—"

"_No,_" Luffy says, very insistently. He clutches the body almost possessively closer when he says it, and adds in a voice that is hoarse and wavering from sobbing but still strong, "I am not going to give up being the Pirate King."

The rest of the crew gives him surprised expressions, but a few of them Sanji, Brook and Robin especially, are nodding in determined agreement. Luffy continues on, with increasing determination, "I...I'm not a good captain, for letting my nakama..." His hand spasms, digs into Zoro's shirt slightly, like he's trying to drag him back, reverse what's happened. He shivers lightly, and then continues, "But Zoro died for _my _crew. He protected Usopp and Brook until the end, saved _their _dreams...and that means he saved and died for _my _dream as well. I won't _ever _let that be for nothing." His lips twist back into a fierce snarl as he finishes with, "There's no way I can give up on him like that, not now, not _ever. _So we're gonna do it. I can't be the best swordsman in the world, but I'll be the Pirate King, for _him _too now, not just me."

The Straw Hats understand, and almost as one begin making their pledges to Zoro—it doesn't matter if he couldn't hear them anymore, they'd _make _their dreams happen, and they'd be so strong even the dead would talk about them.

"I'll get stronger, Zoro...I won't ever forget what you did for me here, ever. I'll get so strong I can protect _everyone _here no matter what, just like you—I swear!"

"I will sing to Laboon about your bravery, Zoro-san! I'll make sure you are remembered as the man that let us reunite once more!"

"I'll definitely complete that world map, Zoro...not that you would have understood it anyway, but...I-I swear I won't give up on it, ever."

"I-I'll get s-so much better at healing p-people that n-no one else on the c-crew will e-ever die like that ag-gain...s-sorry if you get l-lonely, b-but I've got to protect my n-nakama just like you, t-too!"

"Damn it, Zoro, if you think you've got more resolve than me...hell, I'm gonna find the All Blue, and when I do I'm gonna shout it loud and clear just to prove you wrong, shitty marimo!"

"We'll definitely take the _Sunny _around the world...I promise, sword-bro! Thanks for defending her up 'til now, we'll take it from here...you just...t-take it easy, okay?"

"I promise I will not let your sacrifice be in vain, Swordsman-san..._Zoro. _I will never forget your protection of the crew and myself...and I swear I _will _see my goal through to completion, to honor your help."

Luffy nods grimly, slowly uncurls one of his arms from the cradled body of their friend and stretches out for his hat, abandoned on the deck for hours now during their moments of grief. He places the hat resolutely back on his head, and says fiercely, "You heard them, Zoro. We're gonna do it, 'cause you wanted us to. I won't let anyone stop me from being King of the Pirates."

Rayleigh smiles softly and nods in approval, although he knows it will be some time yet before the grief fades. He knows because he experienced it himself, and bonds that strong hurt the most when cut. They would recover eventually, move on, accomplish their goals if they were strong enough, of that Rayleigh had no doubt.

They would still do it—although their world would be that much darker for the Straw Hats, after what the light had brought.

* * *

><p>I was rewatching some of the Sabaody stuff the other day, including the part when Kizaru shows up, and I thought—holy shit. It was like the first time in the series in which the Straw Hats were <em>completely helpless. <em>If Rayleigh hadn't shown up at the exact right moment, they woulda lost Zoro, end of story.

And then because I'm cruel and I like AU's, I had to roll with it.

~VelkynKarma


	19. Eavesdropping

**Title:** Eavesdropping**  
>Theme: <strong>#18: Cute**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:) <strong>1,209**  
>Rating:<strong> PG**  
>Warnings:<strong> Set post time skip, some time after Fishman Island, but no real spoilers. Couple swears, that's it.**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Sanji was busy down at the local market, trying to order a number of fresh fish from an aggravating old geezer that wanted <em>way <em>more money than what they were worth, when he heard them: the voices of three heavenly angels, just around the corner and three stall-rows over.

Sanji's initial impulse was to twirl over to them immediately and begin wooing. After all, three beautiful young women, all on their own, without a gentlemanly escort? It just wasn't _right! _(And besides, he'd enjoy it too—he'd worked out that nosebleed issue, but he still had _far _more appreciation for a genuine lady than he'd ever had before, and promised himself he'd never again waste a moment in one's presence). But just as he was about to abandon the fish monger, something stopped him, and he ducked back behind the fisherman's stall.

He realized a second later what stopped him: the girls' conversation! He'd distinctly heard the word 'cute,' he thought. Suddenly curious, feeling a little bit bad for eavesdropping on the women but _definitely _wanting to know the object of their affection, he ducked forward a little more behind the stall and listened hard under the pretense of examining more fish.

"You're right," the first young woman said excitedly, "He really _is _sort of cute!"

"Mm, you're right," the second said after a moment. "I wasn't sure what to think at first, exactly, but he definitely sort of grows on you."

"Told you," the third said triumphantly. "I definitely wouldn't mind meeting _him, _bounty or no. And I heard from Marcie who heard from Amanda that their ship has even been seen in the harbor today!"

"No _way,_" the first two said almost simultaneously, voices rising into little squeals.

Sanji, meanwhile, perked up in interest. Whoever they were talking about, they had a bounty, and they'd arrived recently. That met the qualifications of his _own _crew as well, since they'd arrived just that very morning! He very subtly sidled to his left just enough to see around one of the cart's posts, in the directions of the voices. He could see the backs of the three women, all with gorgeously long, shining, wavy hair and flawless skin and those round—

He clapped a hand over his nose, just in case, and glanced at the wall they were standing in front of at the edge of the marketplace. It was plastered with wanted posters belonging to all sorts of pirates, bandits and other outlaws. The women blocked the part of the wall they were looking at, but Sanji could _just _see the edges of Robin-chan's and Chopper's posters around the brunette's arm, and figured it was a pretty safe bet that they were discussing somebody on the Straw Hat Crew.

Now he was _definitely _interested in figuring out the object of their affections—especially since all of their wanted posters' photos had been updated recently, after their two-year vanishing act. Sanji had a legitimate _photograph _this time around, which wasn't his most flattering but was still _infinitely _better than that earlier monstrosity, and the rest of the Straw Hats' images had been updated as well to fit their new looks. Sanji was absolutely certain that he was still the best-looking wanted man of the lot, and giggled a little at the thought of coming up to surprise the three beauties after listening to them discuss him—

"He looks so _strong,_" the first woman said with a dreamy sigh. "He could be my knight in shining armor any day."

"He _is _strong, look at that bounty," the second woman said. "Nobody earns that much money on their head without being powerful somehow."

Sanji waited for them to list the bounty amount, but none of them did. Drat. He kept listening.

"Look at the intensity in his eye!" the third girl said next, with a sharp squeal. Sanji was hopeful at this. Although he didn't remember seeing the photographer, by happenstance the exact shot they'd picked happened to be him glaring almost directly at the camera in mid-attack. That was as intense as it got, right?

"But it's gorgeous too," the second woman said. "Still so full of depth and just...mmm."

"It's just too bad you can't see the other one," the first woman said with a sigh.

Sanji perked up at this, and could feel the grin beginning to spread on his face. They were _certainly _talking about him now! He might have swapped the part on his bangs, but he'd habitually lived with one eye hidden from view since he was six, and no one else on the crew qualified. He suppressed a sudden fit of appreciative giggles as he thought of the excitement these beauties would get when he showed up behind them in the flesh. He ought to make a snappy comment, stay suave. Yes, that was exactly the way to handle it. This would be perfect.

He was just about to step out from behind the cart when the girls kept going. "I love the earrings, too," the first said dreamily. "I like a guy that can challenge boundaries. It's like he doesn't care what people think."

_Earrings?_ Sanji froze in his tracks with a sudden cold feeling of horror.

"And the hair dye," the second woman added. "Green makes a statement, don't you think? He really stands out...it just emphasizes the good looks all the more."

_This,_ Sanji thought, as his jaw dropped, _is absolutely _not _happening._

"Good looks on a bad boy," the third almost _purred_. "Yeah, I _definitely _wouldn't mind coming across _him _in a dark alley."

The conversation collapsed into a fit of giggles, and through their laughter Sanji managed to pick out that they were thinking about heading down to the harbor to see the 'famous pirate ship.' They trotted off down the street, revealing the full collection of Straw Hat bounty posters. To Sanji's complete and ultimate frustration, Zoro's had been tacked in the center, mostly _over _his own. It cut off most of Sanji's photograph, making him look unflatteringly discolored while Zoro's photo glared sternly somewhere off to the photographer's left, prominently displaying his newly scarred over eye.

_Gods-damned shitty swordsman! _Sanji swore in his head. He stomped over to the posters, ripped Zoro's from the wall, crumpled it, and chucked it as far as he could. It did not make him feel any better. Abandoning his argument with the fish monger, he stomped angrily back towards the harbor, intending to teach the irritating marimo a lesson.

* * *

><p>Zoro wasn't entirely sure why curly-brow came flying at him the moment he got back on the ship, or why he kept picking fights without even his own lame excuses, or why he muttered angrily under his breath whenever they fought about 'bad boys,' or why he inevitably accused Zoro of 'stealing his thing.' He thought maybe it might have had something to do with the girls that had shown up at the harbor that day and enthusiastically asked him to sign copies of his wanted poster (crazy women), but decided bringing it up would probably push the shit cook over the edge. Whatever. The fights were more entertaining like this, anyway.<p>

* * *

><p>Something a little more lighthearted after the last post. Yaaay.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	20. Legendary Treasure

Anybody who knows me knows I have this thing for Zoro's earrings, so of course I had to do at least one prompt about them...

**Title:** Legendary Treasure**  
>Theme:<strong> #24: 1000**  
>Claim: <strong>Zoro**  
>(Words:)<strong> 6,943**  
>Rating: <strong>PG**  
>Warnings: <strong>Couple swears, Zoro in a foul mood...that's it XD**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>It was just his frikkin' luck, Zoro decided, that the inevitably weird stuff <em>always <em>started to happen to him the moment he started getting used to something decidedly easy and relatively normal.

Well, really, it was the whole _crew's _luck, he thought with a sigh. They'd had a good week. No marine chases, an unexpected discovery of an old abandoned treasure on and island they'd stopped by for a barbecue, and most recently they'd arrived on a pirate-friendly island. Their luck had been so fine that Nami had even decided to treat them all to dinner with some of the capital they'd gained from the treasure (Zoro had initially regarded the offer warily, but it turned out the witch was genuine for once, and in the end he'd resolved to enjoy it). They'd found a pirate-friendly establishment that had a menu sophisticated enough to satisfy curly-brow's expectations on what a restaurant _should _be, while being low-brow enough that they wouldn't get kicked out when Luffy inevitably devoured most of their food stock. Nami was satisfied with the prices, there was plenty of room for the rowdy antics of the Straw Hats, and Brook won a few points with the rest of the patrons when he leapt up mid-meal to play some songs on his violin and they got free entertainment with their dinner.

Zoro himself was quite satisfied with the establishment—they had a good selection of booze here that was cheap enough not to earn himself lectures from Nami when he kept ordering more. He was getting quite comfortable, cradling his sixteenth mug in one hand has he watched his crew's antics. Which was why he was _entirely _caught unawares when a short man in a khaki suit seemed to appear out of nowhere at his side, and screamed in a high-pitched wail of excitement _directly _in his ear, "At last, I've found them at last!"

Zoro gave an entirely undignified yell of surprise and barely kept himself from tipping over in his chair in alarm. As it was, his mug of booze sloshed everywhere, and he stared down at his now-soaked shirt and pants in mourning before giving the man a dirty look. "What the _hell _was that for?" he growled low under his breath, in the same voice that had earned him the 'Demon of the East Blue' title.

The puny little man didn't look that impressive—his suit was wrinkled and shabby looking, and his hands and face looked pudgy from never doing a day's hard work once in his life—so Zoro fully expected him to start cowering in the face of the same glare that had made pirates tremble. The man neither cowered nor trembled. Instead, ignoring Zoro's question completely, he reached out with quivering excitement to snatch at Zoro's earrings.

"_Hey!_" Zoro snarled, and jerked his head away just in time. The man looked only slightly disappointed, and reached forward again to grab at them, so Zoro slapped his hand away and growled warningly, "Personal space, old man—you get in mine again and you're gonna lose an arm."

The rest of the Straw Hat antics had ground to a halt, and all eight of the others watched the proceedings with confusion and surprise. "I'd listen to him, if I were you," Usopp warned timidly after a moment. "He sort of has a thing for cutting off body parts."

Zoro wanted to tell him that was _not _actually true, only that would sort of ruin the effect of his threat, so he didn't. Instead he glared at the suit-man instead, who seemed to have realized by now that other people were speaking to him and looked quite puzzled as to why they were all acting so confused and angry.

That, and his eyes kept glancing to Zoro's left just barely, so the swordsman could tell his earrings were clearly a distraction. Which made no sense. Hell, they were just _earrings. _They were gold, sure, and that made them worth a little something—but if the man was trying to steal money, there were _definitely _easier targets ranged around on the tables the other patrons were sitting at, and probably worth more, too.

The suit-man still looked politely puzzled, interspersed with excited, longing glances in the general direction of Zoro's left ear. Without warning understanding seemed to blossom across his face, and he said suddenly, "Oh my, oh my! You really don't know what you have, do you?"

Zoro was about to respond that he had _earrings and that was all, thank you very much. _But at that moment two large, dark-suited men dashed into the restaurant and made a beeline for the khaki-suited man making such a nuisance of himself, yelling frantically, "Mr. Togorin, there you are! We've been worried."

The little man, Mr. Togorin, waved the much larger men aside absently. "My bodyguards," he confided to Zoro, as though they were old acquaintances. "Lovely people, and they mean well I'm sure, but they _do _get in the way of business."

"You're still getting in the way of _my _business," Zoro said acidly, "So get the hell out of my face before I make you." The bodyguards tensed, hands reaching for badly concealed pistols, but Togorin waved to them warningly again and they halted slowly.

"They're very jumpy," Togorin supplied. "So are you, for that matter. I imagine you're being very rude because I startled you and spilled your drink, yes? Well, that's easily remedied, I'll buy you a new one. _Waiter!_" He waved over one of the servers, ordered a new drink for Zoro, and charged it to his own tab. The new mug was clunked down in front of Zoro with impressive speed, but he regarded it warily, suddenly suspicious about the man's motives.

"Well go on, go on!" the man said amicably. "It isn't _poisoned _you know. So very unprofessional and uncouth. What about the rest of you?" he added suddenly, turning to the rest of the Straw Hats. "Would you like more drinks? Perhaps another meal? Dessert?"

"Meat!" Luffy supplied eagerly, never one to pass on free food.

"Naturally, naturally!" the little man agreed delightedly, and with another screech for the waiter and another charge to his tab a whole plateful of roasted meats were slammed down in front of Luffy, once again with very impressive speed.

" 'fanksh, mishtuh!" Luffy said around a mouthful of roasted chicken, somehow managing to stuff his face and beam simultaneously. "Wath dish fur?"

"Nothing at all, nothing at all!" Togorin declared. "Merely a token of my friendship to you."

"We still don't know who the hell you are," Sanji pointed out, also looking a little suspicious. Thank fuck the curly brow had at least a little common sense _sometimes._

"Ah, my apologies, my apologies!" Togorin said. He withdrew from Zoro (thankfully) long enough to make a polite, sophisticated bow, and said, "Sal Togorin at your service! I am an avid collector of items of profound significance—famous heirlooms and significant artifacts, namely, but I do dabble in some jewelry as well, as long as there's a story to it!"

Robin perked slightly at this, and cocked her head with interest. "Artifacts?" she said curiously. "Are you perhaps a historian?"

"Not quite, my dear, not quite!" Togorin said immediately (Zoro was getting tired of him repeating everything). "I wouldn't go quite so far as to say I am a fully fledged historian. But I do make an effort to learn the history of all the special things I collect! If you have the time, perhaps I can show you some of my collection and regale to you the histories of each object!"

"Perhaps," Robin said with a slight smile. "Depending on what is in your collection, that could be quite educational."

"Indeed it is, my dear, indeed it is," Togorin said none-too-modestly, "And if you'll wait but a few days, the cornerstone of my collection will finally be completed!" And he gestured dramatically at Zoro's head.

There was a long pause as the the Straw Hats stared at him, and then Chopper said worriedly, "You collect _pirate heads?_"

"You're not a bounty hunter, are ya?" Franky questioned with a frown. Luffy's enthusiastic meat-eating binge ground to a halt as his eyes narrowed in Togorin's direction.

The man looked genuinely surprised. "Heavens, no!" he said after a moment, looking appalled at the notion. "What sort of barbarian do you take me for?"

"The kind that wants money," Nami said, eyes narrowed (as if she was one to talk, Zoro thought with a snort). "Zoro's head happens to be worth a _lot _of it_._"

Togorin looked bewildered still, so one of his body guards supplied, "Check the bounty poster, boss. It's there."

The little man produced a worn, folded slip of parchment from one of his pockets immediately. Once unfolded, it turned out to be a faded copy of Zoro's bounty poster, which Togorin lifted for a side by side comparison with the real thing. Zoro suffered the comparison with the barest traces of patience, and only because he was absolutely confident if the man really _was _a head-hunter Zoro could beat him easily.

"So it is, so it is!" Togorin finally said excitedly, and to Zoro's supreme irritation, the little man clapped him on the shoulder in far too friendly a manner. "Congratulations on such an enormous bounty, my friend! But I'm not actually after that," he added, addressing the rest of the Straw Hats, who visibly relaxed (and in Luffy's case went back to eating). "I'm after _these,_" he added, pointing to the poster, and the three golden earrings just barely visible on the photograph-Zoro's turned head.

The Straw Hats stared at the little man like he was crazy—which, considering the source of the stares, spoke volumes about the man's insanity. After a moment Usopp said hesitantly, "You wanted Zoro's..._earrings?_"

"Earrings!" Togorin scoffed. "_Earrings!_ Why, they aren't earrings at all!"

"Yes, they are," Zoro started to argue (and he should sure as hell know, he was _wearing _them), but Togorin ran right over him, gesturing excitedly.

"Imagine, my dears, just _imagine _my complete and utter shock when I opened my morning newspaper several months ago and there, staring back at me from the latest bounty pages released, were the _very objects of my search _for the last ten years! Why, it had to be fate! So I began my final search for _this man—_" (he gestured with the bounty poster wildly in Zoro's face) "—in order to finally recover the last three after _generations _of searching!"

Zoro was about to tell the man just what _exactly _he thought of this ridiculous story, but Robin interrupted him smoothly, asking, "And what exactly have you been searching for, Mr. Togorin?"

The little man took a deep breath, paused for dramatic effect, and then said in a hushed whisper, "The _One Thousand Tears of the Goddess._"

Robin let out a small 'oh' of surprise, but the rest of the crew stared blankly. After a moment Zoro said dryly, "You think my _earrings _are some by-product of a fake all-powerful witch _crying?_"

Togorin looked affronted by Zoro's less than friendly tone and language, but said enthusiastically, "I don't _think, _I _know!_ The Tears are an ancient treasure that my family has spent generations collecting, all they way back to my grandfather's grandfather. Legend has it that once upon a time, on a certain island, many terrible things happened, and the goddess that ruled over the island became very sad! She wept tears of pure gold, all imbued with the powers of the goddess herself, and it was her very mourning that allowed her subjects to recover from all the death and destruction! Her people were able to take those tears and use the power of all that kindness bundled together to restore their island and cure its people. Sadly, the Tears were scattered across the world shortly after by some very opportunistic thieves, but legend has it if all one-thousand of them are gathered together again, their ability to grant miracles will be restored!"

"That's a load of crap," Zoro said flatly. "These haven't done anything special since they day I got them. And I don't believe in gods."

"The legend itself might be inaccurate," Robin agreed, "but I have heard the stories, and the existence of the treasure is entirely true. I've read articles about it in the past, although I've never seen images of the Tears themselves." She cocked her head curiously. "Mr. Togorin, how is it you know that Swordsman-san's earrings are a part of the collection?"

"Because," Togorin said enthusiastically, "Because, my dear, I have all the others!" And he withdrew from his pocket several photographs, waving them about enthusiastically. The bodyguards cleared space on the table for him without so much as asking, and he spread the photographs out for them. "Many of them were incorporated into jewelry over time," Togorin said, gesturing at the pictures. "See, this is a bracelet here, and this is a necklace, and here's a hairpiece...and here's some basic ones on their own, not added to anything. You see the resemblance, yes?"

"Wow," several of the Straw Hats said, and Chopper even helpfully pointed out the obvious: "They've all got the same shape!" Which was true enough—the same long teardrop-shaped pieces were replicated everywhere, all the same size, and each and every one identical to each other. And, Zoro realized a little uncomfortably, also identical to his own earrings, minus the hoops of course.

"Nine hundred and ninety-seven beautiful specimens," Togorin said proudly, "Collected over the span of several centuries. And now, at last, after generations of hard work, the final three are within my grasp—literally!"

He reached for the earrings still attached to Zoro's ear, and the swordsman jerked his head away again with a snarl. "Back off, old man," he warned. "I wasn't joking about taking your arm off. And I don't give away _my _things so easily."

"Of course, of course," Togorin said immediately, with several amicable nods. "Naturally I can't think to deprive you of them for free. Name your price, I'm willing to pay anything for the final Tears." He snapped his fingers, and one of the body guards produced a fine sheet of parchment, a ritzy-looking fountain pen, and sealing wax. "My family name is known through most of the financial districts," Togorin added. "Money lenders and beri exchange offices will have the sum prepared for me within the hour, as soon as you name it!"

Nami looked ready to drool at the very prospect of naming _any _price, and opened her mouth to 'help' Zoro with his decision, but the swordsman spoke up before she could. "They're not for sale," he said flatly.

Togorin blinked in surprise, and the rest of the Straw Hats gasped in shock. Nami all but _shrieked _at him how idiotic he was being, but Zoro ignored her and stood firm, glaring at the little man defiantly.

"Not for sale?" Togorin said after a moment. "Well, perhaps I can offer you something else? A rare artifact? Adam wood? Perhaps a sword—I have several _exquisite _katana from the age of—"

"No is _no, _old man," Zoro said flatly. "These are _mine. _They were a gift from a friend, and nothing you can say or offer me is going to change my answer."

"But my friend," Togorin said pleadingly, "My _friend, _you don't understand—to you they are just trinkets, but to _me _they are—"

"He said no," Luffy interrupted, very calmly. "Sorry, mister, but if Zoro said no, then it's _no. _Thanks for the meat though!"

Nami shrieked in rage and punched him in the head, and looked like she'd be gunning for Zoro next, but the swordsman had enough of the whole encounter. The meal just wasn't fun anymore. So he stood up, leaving Togorin's mug untouched on the table, pushed his way forcibly past the two bodyguards, and growled over his shoulder, "I'll meet you back at the ship, guys. Later."

And then he was out of the building, not even bothering to look back at the irritating collector or his goons.

* * *

><p>The rest of the Straw Hats arrived barely twenty minutes after Zoro got back to the ship, which Zoro found mildly puzzling, seeing as Luffy was definitely far from full when he'd left. Oh well. Nami almost immediately made a beeline for him where he'd just settled down for a nap on the deck to give him a fierce kick, and as he glared up at her she shrieked furiously, "What the <em>hell <em>was that about, Zoro? You just had the opportunity to keep our ship funded for the _rest of our lives _and even a chance to pay off your debt and you _blew it!_"

Zoro shrugged. "The price wasn't worth it," he said simply. "Besides," he added on impulse, "That guy was full of crap. He probably just wants them for his stupid wish-granting legend, and there's no way that's true."

"You seem quite certain of that, Zoro-san," Brook said from nearby. It seemed most of the crew had settled around their swordsman for the time being, likely out of curiosity more than anything else.

Zoro shrugged. "Sure I am. Weird stuff has happened on the Grand Line before, but _goddess tears? _Please. That _has _to be a hoax."

"Last time you said that about a god you got blasted with electricity, among other things," Usopp pointed out tentatively.

"Last time it also wasn't a god, either," Zoro reminded him dryly. "Just an egotistical asshole with a logia power that made him _think _he was a god. I'm still not convinced _this _guy's story is real, either."

"He is correct about one thing," Robin said suddenly, emerging from the _Sunny's _library and striding towards them with an old book in one hand. "Regardless of whether the legend attached to it is real, the treasure most certainly is, and I believe his identification of Swordsman-san's earrings is correct. Here." She flipped the book around to face the others, revealing several hand-drawn sketches of the same long teardrop shape, under the heading _Tears of the Goddess._

"I must confess I never even considered Swordsman-san's earrings as parts of the treasure," Robin said. "But then, I always assumed the majority of the collection was still hidden in tombs or lost forever. You didn't steal those from a tomb, did you, Swordsman-san?" The last was addressed to Zoro, and contained the barest razor edge of warning even though her expression was neutral enough.

"_No,_" Zoro said insistently (and with a great deal of inward relief, not that he'd let it show—Robin took her ruins _very seriously_). "My teacher gave them to me before I left my village, in case of money troubles," he explained. "They were always earrings. He said he didn't want me to die in a ditch somewhere 'cause I didn't have enough to eat or got sick or whatever. If I ever got in a jam and needed the cash he wanted me to sell one, but I never ran into problems that bad, so I've got all three still." He scowled. "And I don't intend to sell _any _of them unless I _absolutely _have to. I'm not just throwing away a gift from my master so easily."

"_Millions _of beris, Zoro," Nami pleaded. "That is _absolutely _necessary to the survival of the crew!"

"I'd listen to her, sir," came a new voice. "The young woman there knows what she's talking about."

The crew whipped around to face the voice. One of the bodyguards from the restaurant was back, with six other black-suited men in tow. The men carried a number of crates, and the bodyguard held a katana in one hand, still sheathed.

Zoro scowled. "You here to fight?" he said to the bodyguard, eyeing the sword. He hoped the answer was _yes. _He could really use a good ass-kicking to clear his head.

"Absolutely not, sir," the bodyguard said coolly, to Zoro's disappointment. "I was instructed to offer you this blade as a potential trade payment for the final three Tears you possess." He held out the katana, displaying the sheath, before drawing the blade to display it. "This is an _o wazamono _grade katana, the finest in my master's collection. It would be an excellent replacement for the cursed _wazamono _grade katana you currently wear, don't you think?"

Zoro could practically hear _Sandai Kitetsu _snarling in outrage at the thought of being replaced—it was a wonder the rest of the crew _couldn't,_ the sword was so forceful. "No," the swordsman said coldly. "My current swords are fine, and I already told you, I'm not giving my earrings away."

The bodyguard sheathed the sword and continued on as if Zoro hadn't spoken the last part. "A payment of gold and jewels, then," the bodyguard said next, waving three of his suited cohorts forward next. The men placed their crates on the ground and drew back the lids, exposing shining gold and glittering gems of all colors. Nami almost fainted at the sight of it.

"They are the highest-quality jewels we possess," the bodyguard continued, "And the gold is the purest we—"

"_No,_" Zoro growled. "You got wax in your ears or something? I said _no deals._ Get lost!"

Again the bodyguard ignored him, and waved the gold-bearing men back before drawing the others forward as well. "Perhaps a gift for your crew, then? My master has heard stories that Roronoa Zoro is _very _dedicated to his crew. Gold and jewels might not interest you, but what about their happiness? We can easily provide."

The last three crates cracked down onto the deck and were opened. "The first," the bodyguard drawled, "possesses a number of high-grade meats directly from the finest butcher available on the island, and comes with an additional offer of stocking your ship fully before you leave. My master thoughtfully includes a number of _extremely _rare spices in the package. They are very expensive as they only come from _one _island in the New World, and are in high demand at the finest gourmet restaurants all over the world; only expert cooks dare to use them.

"The second crate contains a number of rare medicinal herbs, and several equally rare books on some of the stranger or more dangerous diseases of the Grand Line. Additionally, my master has added, from his _own _personal collection no less, a number of extremely rare tomes thought to have been destroyed centuries ago on several ancient races and civilizations.

"The final box," the bodyguard finished, "Contains a number of research texts regarding engineering feats, particularly in regards to ship building and defense. Additionally, my master is quite willing to obtain more Adam Wood for your fine ship here, having learned what it is built of. A number of old and very rare instruments are also included for the entertainment of the crew. Well?" The bodyguard smirked again. "Will you refuse now?"

Zoro grit his teeth. The man was fighting _dirty _now. Zoro could easily see how excited the rest of the crew looked, and that just wasn't _fair, _damn it.

But it was Luffy who interrupted. And although it looked as though it physically _pained _him to refuse an offer of meat, he said sternly, "Zoro said _no, _and now you're cheating. So go away!"

The others nodded in agreement, although some looked as though they had more trouble with it than others. Brook claimed he was quite satisfied with his violin, Robin observed coolly that she had lived without the tomes already and could continue to do so easily, and Usopp made a show of being amazing enough to figure things out _without _needing the texts.

The bodyguard looked irritated, and snapped his fingers. The crates were all closed and withdrawn, and he said coldly, "You make business very difficult, sir."

Zoro shrugged. "It's not that hard. I said no. Now go away."

The man looked angry as he and his cohorts withdrew, and the Straw Hats scattered after a moment to get back to their business. But Zoro stared after Torogin's men for some time afterwards. The rest of the crew seemed to think the mess was over with, but Zoro had a strange thing that the whole Tears issue was far from over.

* * *

><p>To Zoro's complete and utter disgust, he was right: the mess was <em>far <em>from over. They saw nothing of the bodyguard or Togorin's other suited followers for the rest of the evening, but they made a reappearance in the dead of night, when Zoro took over his watch at one in the morning.

As usual, the swordsman dozed through his lookout shift. Although he was technically supposed to be on watch, and Nami constantly insisted that meant _with one's eyes open, _Zoro was fully confident that he would sense anyone unfamiliar messing about on the ship. He was correct, and knew _immediately _when an unfamiliar foot stepped upon the decks, although he feigned sleep for the moment until he could figure out what the new presence was up to.

It didn't take long to find out. The figure didn't make for the interior of the _Sunny _to try and steal gold or catch a bounty. Instead, the person made a beeline straight for _Zoro, _creeping forward with a surprising amount of skill that probably would have let him go undetected around most people.

But Zoro wasn't most people, and he could feel the sneak coming towards him as clearly as he were watching the man with open eyes. He let the man get in range, and just as the unwelcome visitor started slowly and carefully reaching out for the left side of Zoro's head, the swordsman made his move. His own hand shot out and snatched the would-be thief's wrist, wrenching it aside with a painful-sounding _crack, _and the man shrieked in alarm.

"Stealing isn't nice," Zoro told him flatly, glaring, and still holding the thief's wrist in an iron grip. "Your boss is starting to play dirty. He must want these things real bad."

The man was enough of a professional that he gave no information away about who had employed him (not that it wasn't already obvious), although he _did _whine in pain again and feebly tried to free his wrist with his other hand.

"I'll let you go if you get lost and don't come back," Zoro told him calmly. The man nodded frantically in agreement, and Zoro released his wrist. Almost immediately the thief darted back the way he'd come, still on mostly silent feet, cradling his injured arm with his other hand. He vanished over the side of the ship, and, true to his word, did not return again. Nor, Zoro was pleased to see, did any of his thief-buddies, out to finish the job. He dozed comfortably for the rest of the night.

Sadly, the lull didn't last, and when Togorin struck _again _in his desperate attempt for a few earrings Zoro found himself starting to get _really annoyed. _This time it was in the morning, shortly after breakfast. Nami, Usopp and Chopper had gone out to do some shopping in the town, but everyone else was still on the ship. Togorin appeared to have given up on subtlety, and was now trying a new tactic: brute force. No less than thirty thickly built men, all resembling the bodyguards of the day before, stormed the ship with pistols and swords at the ready, determined to take their Tears by any means necessary.

Of course, Zoro thought dryly, as he put down five of the men with a single swipe of his swords, for all Togorin's money he certainly wasn't that _bright. _After all, just yesterday he'd acknowledged how much Zoro's bounty was worth—and Zoro didn't get such a high price on his head by being a cuddly teddy bear. If Zoro was dangerous, the rest of his crew was bound to be as well; it was almost disappointing that Togorin thought thirty men would be enough. He should have sent a couple hundred if he wanted to make any headway. The Straw Hats dispatched the unexpected attackers easily, and Zoro felt so cheated out of a fight he turned on curly-brow to finish it. At least his spars with the annoying bastard were more interesting than that pathetic excuse for a brawl.

But the ultimate last straw for Zoro was the message Togorin sent them later that afternoon. Nami, Usopp and Chopper were taking longer than they'd said to return, and Sanji finally went haring off after them (or more specifically, Nami), with Franky and Brook following at a more leisurely pace. Zoro wasn't too worried; they'd likely just bought too much stuff, or Nami'd found some poor bastard she was trying to swindle out of his money. But that was until the bodyguard showed up again, with a smug smirk on his face, informing the remainder of the crew on the _Sunny _that 'the girl, the deer, and the longnose' had been kidnapped and were being held for the ransom of the final three Tears of the Goddess.

"What the hell is _wrong _with you people?" Zoro scowled. "They're fucking _earrings._ No, Luffy, it's okay, I got this." He waved of his captain absently, who looked angry that his crew was being messed with but backed off at Zoro's request. "Lead the way," the swordsman finished to the bodyguard, who smirked again, nodded, and promptly led Zoro to Togorin's base of operations, a swanky-looking hotel that looked like it had been booked entirely for one person, with guards armed to the teeth stationed at every conceivable doorway.

As if things couldn't possibly get any more annoying. Zoro sighed, promptly knocked out his guide before the man could so much as twitch his fingers for his gun, and set to breaking his way into the hotel to get his nakama back and settle this irritating situation once and for all.

It took him an obnoxiously long twenty minutes to get inside the place and find Togorin. The guards weren't especially difficult to beat (and most of them were terrible shots), but there were a lot of them everywhere, which was annoying. Plus the interior of the hotel was organized in such a bizarre fashion it was a bit difficult to find his way around, and there were these ridiculous traps everywhere, like straight out of one of Usopp's wild stories, which weren't particularly hard to sense or break but were so numerous Zoro was practically tripping over them. So when he finally _did _find Togorin in one of the deluxe suites of the hotel, it was in extremely bad spirits, in a very much unforgiving mood and with a desire to pound the pudgy little man's face in.

The desire only increased when he spotted Togorin standing at the back of the large room next to his nakama, all three of whom had sword blades pressed to their necks by several of the same big hulking guards that were outside. Zoro could have beaten them easily, but wouldn't risk it if they had hostages like that, so he settled for a particularly menacing glower in Togorin's direction that was fueled entirely by his bad mood.

"My friend," Togorin said sadly, "My _friend, _I wish it hadn't come to this! I detest having to resort to violence."

"I don't," Zoro answered. In fact he was _really _looking forward to resorting to violence for _this _guy.

"So I see, so I see," Togorin said, wincing just slightly at the trail of unconscious guards and smashed-up traps visible in the hallway behind Zoro. "However, I believe I can safely say that as long as I've got your friends in my hands, you'll be willing to deal on my terms?"

Zoro said nothing, but Togorin was unfortunately right: he wouldn't risk his friends' lives, not over something as ridiculous as earrings. They were important to him as a keepsake of his home, in the same way _Wadou Ichimonji _was a symbol of a promise, but they weren't worth even one life, let alone three. Togorin seemed to realize it, and chuckled slightly saying, "Good, good! I'm glad we understand each other then! In that case, I want you to remove the last of the three Tears of the Goddess from your ear, and drop them in that chest over there."

He gestured with one pudgy hand, and Zoro noted for the first time that there was an enormous, shallow box in the middle of the room, which brimmed with gold that glittered brightly in the lamplights. "When I do, you'll let my friends go," Zoro said, more of a demand than a question.

"Only after I've a chance to test the legend of the miracle," Togorin said. "You might have swapped the originals for fakes, and I would _hate _to find myself cheated out of my family's desire after generations of searching."

Zoro rolled his eyes. The thought hadn't even occurred to him to swap his earrings out for fakes—the man was paranoid. But he was also obviously only interested in trying out this whole miracle thing, and Zoro could tell him easily it wasn't going to happen. "Fine," Zoro said curtly, "I'll stick around for a bit to give you a chance to play with your stupid treasure, but my captain wants his _whole _crew back by dinner, and trust me, you do _not _want to make him wait for dinner."

Togorin looked too excited to even care, and waved Zoro forward absently with a simple, "Of course, of course!" Zoro rolled his eyes again, but sheathed his swords and reached up to unclip the three earrings. It felt strange to not have them there; he never took them off, not even when he slept, and with the weight of them missing his head felt unbalanced. He collected the three together and dropped them carefully on top of the other gold teardrop-shaped pieces in the chest, and then stepped back, waiting impatiently and glaring at the men who had blades at his nakama's throats.

Togorin darted forward almost immediately to the edge of the chest, practically _giggling _with glee as he stared down at his completed collection. "Generations of work, finally complete!" he said excitedly. "My great great grandfather would insist that we return the chest immediately to its home island, but after so many years devoted to its search, I think the Togorin family has earned a few miracles, don't you?"

Zoro assumed he was being spoken to, but said nothing. It didn't seem to matter. Togorin rubbed his hands together greedily at the edge of the chest, and then said, "Oh great goddess, I beseech thee. In the name of your servants all these years, grant me the greatest treasures of the world!"

Absolutely nothing happened, exactly as Zoro expected. Just to emphasize it, he looked back and forth around the room, and then observed dryly, "I don't think it worked."

"Quiet, quiet!" Togorin snapped, and turned back to the chest. "Perhaps she simply doesn't like material requests. Very well. Oh great goddess, I ask you to grant me great strength and agility, and the power to combat any Devil Fruit!"

There was no flash of light or odd hum of power, and Zoro couldn't even sense any spectral or cursed presences, like he could with _Sandai Kitetsu. _Togorin seemed puzzled as well, but tested his wish by punching a nearby wall. He dragged his hand away with a help, and cradled rapidly bruising knuckles with a wince.

"Zero for two," Zoro said, bored. "Can I have my friends back yet?"

"You most certainly may _not,_" Togorin snapped again, and turned back to the chest. "Goddess, grant me a beautiful maiden to do my every bidding!" Nothing. "Grant me the knowledge of the world!" Nothing. "Offer me eternal youth!" And _still _nothing.

"What is _wrong _with this treasure?" the pudgy little man finally shrieked, enraged. "No, you really _must _have swapped the final three with different pieces," he decided a moment later, and reached forward to snatch at the earrings to inspect them. The moment his hands touched the gold there was a sharp crackling noise of electricity, and the man leapt back, nursing a few burned fingers in addition to his bruised knuckles. "This _must _be your fault, Roronoa," the man finally whined, giving the swordsman a less than terrifying glare.

Zoro rolled his eyes again. The man was a bigger idiot than he'd thought. _Nami _might be able to find a way to charge up gold with electricity, but she was still across the room with a sword to her neck, and Zoro had nothing at all to do with this.

Togorin continued demanding, begging, and shrieking his extravagant requests, and Zoro was starting to get irritated now. He'd waited long enough, and held up his end of the deal; he wanted his nakama safe already. "Hey," he said sarcastically, fed up with the man's behavior. "Ask her if you're going to stop your bitching, give me my friends back, and leave us alone already."

He'd meant it as a threat, or possibly a distraction. What he _hadn't _expected was that Togorin would abruptly stand ramrod-straight, and murmur, "My goodness, my goodness! What a _wonderful _idea. Boys, release the children." And before the guards could so much as question the order, Togorin promptly trotted out the door, down the hall, and out of sight.

"_Huh,_" Zoro said, staring over his shoulder after the man. Now that had been..._odd._

The guards seemed just as shocked by the unexpected turn in behavior, and exchanged bewildered glances with each other. But then, realizing that their employer had really and truly left them behind, they abandoned the Straw Hats that they were holding hostage and darted after the man, frantically yelling Togorin's name. In a moment the room was completely empty, other than four very surprised pirates.

"Maybe there is something to that legend after all," Usopp finally said after a moment, rubbing his neck, as Chopper checked him over frantically.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Not you, too," he said in exasperation. "It's just a coincidence. The guy's a nutcase."

"Who knows, and more importantly, who cares?" Nami said, pulling herself to her feet. "What's important is that he left a whole _treasure trove _of jewelry behind!" And, with a wide grin and a glimmer in her eyes that could _almost _have been mistaken for beri signs, she darted for the chest in the center that was still filled to the brim with the so-called One Thousand Tears of the Goddess.

Almost as soon as her fingers touched the gold, she yelped in surprise and staggered back, clutching her hand. "_Ow!_" she shrieked furiously. "What the _hell?_ It shocked me!"

"It did the same thing to him," Zoro pointed out.

"But that makes no sense," Nami said in exasperation. "The charge should have been negated when he touched it, unless it's sitting on a live electrical field or something, and this is just..._floor._" She stomped on the hardwood panels in frustration, and tried more tentatively to touch the chest of gold again, with the same literally shocking result. "What good is gold if you can't hold it?" she finally hissed in frustration, after nursing her own burnt fingers. "That's not a miracle treasure, it's _cursed._"

"C-cursed?" Usopp said, trembling. Chopper promptly hid behind his leg the wrong way, glancing fearfully at the chest of gold pieces.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Cowards," he said. "It's definitely not cursed, or I'd know." And then, since Togorin didn't seem to be coming back any time soon, and because he'd _cheated _anyway, holding nakama hostage, Zoro reached into the box to retrieve his own three earrings, still sitting at the top of the pile. Nothing shocked him, and while there was a puzzling sensation of satisfaction as he touched the gold he just shrugged and attributed it to his own success at retrieving his belongings. He replaced the three earrings, a little clumsily since he wasn't used to taking them off to begin with, and nodded with satisfaction once their familiar weight was replaced. The little ringing chime they made was almost comforting.

"Is the charge gone?" Nami asked, and reached out for the chest again, only to be zapped for a third time. "_Ow!_"

"Just leave it," Zoro said. "It obviously doesn't want you touching it." Although it was a bit puzzling that it apparently had some degree of sentience, almost like _Kitetsu, _even though he couldn't sense a presence at all.

"It's such a waste, to just leave it here," Nami said with a forlorn sigh.

"Whatever. Somebody else can probably use it, anyway," Zoro said. "Now let's _go _already. I wasn't kidding about the dinner thing earlier."

So they left, with Chopper enthusiastically thanking Zoro for the rescue, and Usopp insisting he _totally _had a backup plan, and Nami murmuring sullenly under her breath about having to leave a _fortune _behind because of unnatural causes. Zoro listened patiently, and if he heard the ethereal, laughing female voice coming from behind them in the empty room, he definitely didn't let on.

* * *

><p>Happy Friday the 13th Everybody! :D<p>

~VelkynKarma


	21. Bloodbath

_OMFG I wrote something under a thousand words!_

**Title:** Bloodbath**  
>Theme:<strong> #20: Bath**  
>Claim:<strong> Zoro**  
>(Words:)<strong> 592**  
>Rating:<strong> PG-13**  
>Warnings:<strong> Dark!Zoro, some gruesome imagery**  
>Disclaimer(s):<strong> I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Most of the time, the Straw Hats are completely comfortable with one another. They might argue with each other, or spar, or ignore someone being irritating, or hide themselves away in a quiet corner for a while to be sure. But they all feel safe around each other, and know without a shred of hesitation that if one of them falls into trouble, the other eight will be there for them in less than a heartbeat.<p>

Zoro is no exception to the rule, and every single Straw Hat knows that although he is monumentally strong they are always perfectly safe around him. He might threaten on occasion, and he might growl angrily, and loves saying he'll kill somebody when he's displeased. But everyone on the ship knows that his bark is worse than his bite, at least when the crew is concerned.

But there are times when they might forget that. There are times when the Zoro of the Straw Hats seems to have left, and in his place Pirate Hunter Zoro, the Demon of the East Blue, stands ready. And in times like that, it almost seems completely justified to be afraid, because there's an old remnant of something that was smothered when Luffy arrived, but that didn't quite die, and no one quite knows what to make of it.

They are times in the heat of battle, always. When enemies attack and fall, and fall, and _fall,_ and the blood runs slick on the grass or the decks and the swords and the demon himself are bathed in red. There's a wicked gleam in his eyes then, and he's not disgusted at all; it's like he enjoys the challenge, enjoys the rush of winning, of proving he's stronger. The circle of fallen around him then is frightening, the stench of iron thick in the air nauseating, the heat and intensity smothering. And through it all the Demon's teeth glint in a primal, smiling grimace around his red-drenched blade and the eyes are wild, lost in the throes of battle, and it really _is_ as though a demon has dragged itself out of the depths of hell to lay waste to the enemies set before him.

In those moments Roronoa Zoro the man is dead, and the Demon of the East Blue is at his most terrifying, and not even the Straw Hats can keep themselves from shuddering.

All but one, at any rate, because Luffy is never afraid; he trusts his first crew mate too absolutely for that. And that unconditional trust is the very thing that seems to bind the demon completely, because for all the potential that the Straw Hats can sense from that bloodthirsty battle-hungry side, he never reaches it fully. The violence that surrounds the Demon of the East Blue is like a tangible aura, but it never unleashes completely uncontrolled like they know it _could,_ without that trust to hold it back.

And it is in those moments, when Zoro is almost-but-not-quite-dead and the Demon is almost-but-not-quite-alive, that the Straw Hats are thankful that it was Luffy of all people who managed to contract that potential monster and bind it, tame it, control it. Because the only other option is that the Demon goes free, alone and searching for that primal intensity, leaving a bloodbath in its wake, and somehow it is all the more frightening to think of what he _might_ have been, than to have a Demon on their side, in their midst.

* * *

><p>The image I got for 'bath' was 'bathed in blood' which just goes to prove how much of a horrible person I am.<p>

Also I always have a hard time believing that Zoro has never killed anybody since he joined Luffy's crew...we know he's done it in the past, we know he's capable of it easily, and we definitely know he likes violence a teensy bit too much. And he was probably worse before he met Luffy...'cause he was a jerk then lol.

~VelkynKarma


	22. Strength

**Title:** Strength  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#27: Gate  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>2,951  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG-13  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Blood and fighting...I think that's it?  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, One Piece or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Nami still wasn't certain how all nine of them managed to get captured. The past six hours had been a frightening, exhausting blur, and she at least had been captured so quickly and efficiently she could barely remember it. She'd been one of the lucky ones; some of the other Straw Hats had been injured when they were taken, or gotten beat up more than a little with the military's subsequent bullying.<p>

But it wasn't the Straw Hat way to sit still and quietly let the end come. And true to form, Luffy finally managed to engineer a breakout, with timely intervention and extreme luck, not to mention the military severely underestimating him—seastone handcuffs might cancel out his Devil Fruit powers, but he was a monstrosity even without them. In short order the crew had shed all their restraints, collected their weapons, and promptly proceeded to force their way out of the massive marine base where they'd been in holding until they could be transferred to Impel Down.

Escaping was reassuring, but they weren't back at the _Sunny_ yet, and it would be more difficult than Nami would have liked to reach it. The base only had one entrance or exit, a single heavily guarded gate; it would be impossible to escape any other way. Once they were out of the enormous complex they'd get away scot-free, with the _Sunny_ hidden so carefully. But until then they were up against a fully armed marine base and hordes of military opponents, and things did not look good.

Still, it went well enough at first. Luffy, Zoro and Sanji managed to force a path for the rest of the crew through the majority of the marines, and against all odds they made it out of the main complex and started pushing their way across the encircling parade grounds without _too_ much trouble. The single gate was up, leaving the way clear to the world beyond, and without hesitation the Straw Hats made for it as fast as they could.

That was where things turned sour. Luffy smashed his way past the gate's guards first, and immediately set upon the waiting reinforcements outside, unleashing his considerable force to clear a path for his crew and keep them safe. Zoro, Sanji, Robin, Franky and Brook managed to plow through as well and help with the effort, and for a moment it really did seem like they'd get away without too much incident.

Except that their group had been somewhat divided. Nami was a little behind the others, with Usopp and Chopper at her side. The three of them had been particularly exhausted by the day's events, especially since the marines considered it easier to pick on the weaker members of the crew than trying to threaten the likes of Luffy or Zoro or Sanji, and they'd had trouble keeping up for the entire escape. That didn't mean they were completely helpless, and the path the other crew members had cut was significant enough that the swarms of marines weren't _too_ much of a threat as long as they were careful.

But the gate was another thing entirely. It was a solid steel contraption, consisting of thick metal plates that not even a barrage of cannonballs would be able to break down. The gate was designed to drop down to seal off the complex, and had a number of two-foot-long metal spikes at its bottom to gouge holes in the dirt and make it even more sturdy under fire. It looked ridiculously heavy, and Nami could see an entire crew manning the walls near the gate just to maneuver the enormous thing. It was possibly the most intimidating door she'd ever seen—and to her complete horror, it was dropping down at far too rapid a pace, cutting her, Chopper and Usopp off from the rest of the crew and in the complex.

Usopp cried out in a panic as the gate started to drop, and Chopper wailed frantically alongside him. The gate was dropping slowly, in a controlled measure that wouldn't break it, but even so the three pirates would _never_ reach it in time to break out. Once that gate dropped completely, they'd be cut off from their friends. Luffy would doubtless do everything he could to come back for them, and while Nami didn't doubt for a second that Luffy would find a way to break through a cannon-resisting door eventually, what she _did_ doubt was that he could do it before her, Usopp, and Chopper were taken again—or even killed.

They were going to get separated, and they were going to die. It was a frightening thought, and she added her own panicked cry to the mix, and the three of them screamed uselessly at the gate to stop and let them out.

The gate didn't listen, or care, but somebody else heard them. Zoro was in the middle of helping Luffy and Sanji beat on the majority of the reinforcement marines outside the complex, but at the frightened cries of his crew mates he turned to see what was going on. His eyes widened as he saw the dropping gate and his nakama too far away from it, and he assessed the situation with shocking speed. In a sudden blur all three of his swords had vanished back into their sheaths, and leaving the rest of the Straw Hats to deal with the waiting marines, he darted back towards the complex and hurled himself under the gate.

Nami screeched frantically at the sight, and she heard Usopp and Chopper echoing her, even as they continued running forward. They expected to see Zoro squished into a bloody pulp, but were shocked to find him still standing upright as the gate came down on his shoulders. He was situated mostly in between the spikes on the gate's bottom, but two of them sliced deeply and painfully into his shoulders and back as he raised his hands above his head to grip its edge and shove.

Almost immediately they could see the bulge and strain of his muscles as he caught the full weight of the enormous steel gate and fought it. The heavy contraption pressed down violently, struggling against its unexpected opposing force, and the spikes stabbed deeper into skin and muscle, staining his shirt a vibrant red. Even at this distance Nami could see the sheen of sweat suddenly appearing on Zoro's brow, or the stiff way his jaw was locked, with a grimace of agony baring his teeth. It looked positively excruciating, like the weight of the world was literally trying to crush him and slice him open simultaneously, but not once did he cry out in pain or try to withdraw; just held steady, looking determined, and waited for them.

They didn't intend to disappoint. Nami, Usopp and Chopper poured on the speed, desperate to get out of there while they still had the chance.

They were maybe halfway there when the gears of the gate's mechanism ground painfully, and the enormous iron contraption started to drop again with a low screeching noise. For one terrifying moment Zoro's arms and shoulders and legs trembled alarmingly against the cold presence of the steel gate as pressed down unrelentingly, and for the first time that they could remember it seemed as though Zoro's strength would finally be overpowered by another's. But then with a determined snarl he shoved upward, and with an almost surprised-sounding screech the gate clanked its way upward another foot and came to a shuddering standstill.

His whole body seemed to shiver warningly after that, and Nami could tell easily that he was probably pushing himself too hard; he'd been injured earlier that day, and he was hurting now, and on top of that doing something _completely impossible._ But he didn't give up, just looked determined and watched and waited, and it was almost like watching him fight a legitimate enemy, the way he took it so seriously. And no wonder—Zoro took protecting the crew _very_ seriously, always, and if he lost this battle now three of them would probably be lost forever.

By now the marines had caught on to the new development, and were desperately trying to intervene. The gate crew on the wall, at least thirty men by Nami's estimate, were working with the mechanics that lifted and dropped the gate frantically. Nami could hear the gate screeching alarmingly as the marines tried to use the machines to _force_ the gate down, but although Zoro's legs trembled at the additional force and the blood pools on his shirt from the spikes spread still wider, he held his ground, and the gears ground in frustration once again as the contraption failed.

With physics and mechanics unreliable, they tried attacking next. Zoro was a sitting duck at the moment—he made a perfect target, unable to move or defend himself and significantly weaker, and the marines knew it. Several of the reinforcement marines from outside the gate managed to slip around the Straw Hat escape and make for the swordsman with their own blades drawn, with the intention of killing him or—at the very least—forcing him to drop the gate. Zoro barely glanced at them before returning to his task, putting all his effort and concentration into keeping the gate suspended.

The Straw Hats would have none of it. Usopp screamed his attack names frantically as he sniped the swordsmen off Zoro's back, and although they got a few superficial slashes in—and a few much deeper, but not fatal—Zoro was, for the most part, unharmed. But the gate did sink a few more inches as Zoro's knees started to buckle, and they realized that his strength was starting to run out now, and not even he would be able to hold out forever.

The marines saw their marginal success, and kept trying. Usopp kept sniping the swordsmen whenever they tried to attack, even as the pirates pushed themselves still harder for the gate. And when the marines wised up and tried to _shoot_ Zoro instead, Nami provided a few wind gusts—not as efficient as Luffy's rubber body for deflecting bullets, but it did push them off course a little bit, leaving Zoro with only grazes instead of a hole through his chest.

Until at last they were there, and just barely in time. The gate had crept steadily downward for all of Zoro's efforts, until he almost looked like he was doing a squat with one of his enormous dumbbells, substituting the gate across his shoulders instead of his weights. This close, Nami could see his hair was damp with sweat at the effort, and blood was trailing from the corners of his mouth—he was worse off than they'd thought. They had to get out of there _fast._

Getting under was a bit tricky—they couldn't walk out, or even duck out, with it so low. Chopper was able to wriggle through with only a little difficulty in Brain Point, but Usopp and Nami had to toss their weapons underneath the gate and then belly-crawl their way out between the spikes. In the end her shirt was absolutely ruined by all the dirt ground into it, and she'd slashed her arm open on one of the spikes when she'd wriggled too close—but she was out, and thank God for that.

"We're okay, Zoro!" Chopper said frantically, since Zoro was stuck facing into the complex. "We're out, let's go!"

There was a rasping pant from the swordsman, and then Zoro said through grit teeth in a voice that sounded very pained, "Can't."

"What do you _mean_ you can't!" Nami shrieked frantically. But then she noticed that the shaking in Zoro's limbs had gotten stronger—the combined weight of the gate and the mechanisms forcing it down, plus his own injuries and fatigue, were taking their toll and rapidly becoming too much for him to handle. And with the spikes impaling his shoulders and back, he couldn't just slip out at the last minute, or be pulled out by them. He was well and truly _stuck_, and that wasn't a good sign.

"We can't just leave you here!" Usopp said, frantic. "Maybe if we help?" He tried to grip the edges of the thick gate to add his own strength to lifting it, and Chopper leapt forward as well in Heavy Point to add his own efforts, but the gate didn't so much as budge an inch.

"Maybe we can break the gears," Nami offered, "or damage the gate, or—"

"Just keep going," Zoro managed to rasp. "I'll break out again later—"

"There is no _way_ you'll be able to escape on your own after this much strain," Chopper said anxiously, staring at the impale wounds. "You need medical treatment immediately as it is!"

Zoro grit his teeth and gave another attempt at a shove upwards, but the gate barely budged half an inch before its grating gears rang out, and it forced its way back down again. "Just _go_," he ordered sharply, panting now. "They'll catch you again. Look, I'll be fine—" He interrupted himself with a wet-sounding cough, and when the anxiety on Chopper's face increased Nami knew they were out of time.

"If you don't break yourself out _right now_, I'm going to fine you _five hundred million beris_," the navigator declared frantically. Zoro snorted at that, and then groaned slightly when the gate sank another half inch, screeching alarmingly.

"Luffy won't forgive you if you go and die like this!" she added sharply, looking around frantically for the rest of the crew; but Luffy and the others were well ahead, clearing out the last of the marine interference, and probably didn't even know this whole fiasco was going on.

"She's right," Usopp said. "And I mean, c'mon, squished by a gate? That is the _worst_ ending for a story about the world's greatest swordsman ever. Even _I_ wouldn't tell that one!"

"Come on, Zoro, _please,_" Chopper begged, eyes watery, reverting to Brain Point. "Just try one more time, _please._"

Zoro coughed again, wet and ragged, and spat something dark out onto the dirt, but then he nodded tiredly. "Fine. I'll try one more time. If it doesn't work, you guys _run._ Okay?"

"Deal," the three of them said immediately. They were all lying through their teeth, and every single one of them knew it, but if it got Zoro to try...

Zoro went silent now, and his breathing became less ragged. After a moment he took a single deep breath, let it out slowly, and closed his eyes, concentrating. His limbs shivered alarmingly, and the gate began to creak downward again ever so slowly, but then Zoro's eyes snapped open and with a sharp grunt he heaved upward once more. The gate screeched in cracking protest as it was forced up and up again against its mechanics, and Zoro strained hard to unfold from his crouch to something approaching a stand, growling wordlessly, fighting inch by tired inch to gain a little more ground.

He forced the gate up a stunning foot and a half before he gave an abrupt, pained gasp, and his eyes widened, unfocused, as his head swayed and his whole body trembled. The gate began sinking again, faster than before, and Zoro had finally hit his limit—

Chopper worked like lightning, expanding to Heavy Point so fast it was a blur. He forced Zoro down faster than the gate, dislodging him mostly from the spikes at its bottom, and he, Nami and Usopp seized hold of their swordsman and pulled him back frantically. There was a wet ripping noise as the spikes sliced even larger holes in Zoro's body, and then the gate snapped shut with a ringing _clang_ that set all three of them temporarily deaf.

But they'd deal with a few moments of ringing in their ears, because Zoro wasn't flattened to a pulp or sliced to ribbons. He was barely conscious and exhausted, sure, and bleeding from a dozen very serious injuries, including the two thick impale wounds, but he _wasn't dead_ and was lying on the right side of the gate at their feet.

"You idiots weren't going to run, were you," he said, rather dazedly, looking very close to passing out.

"Not without you, we weren't," Usopp said, with a cheerfulness that wasn't entirely forced. "Luffy wouldn't be happy at _all_ if we left you behind!"

"Yeah, well," Zoro started, and promptly crashed into unconsciousness then and there from the combination of blood loss and exertion. They could have lectured him about sleeping in the middle of a battle, or doing stupid life-threatening things to himself, but considering he'd just risked himself to_ save_ them, they decided to be charitable—just this once. Chopper scooped Zoro up in his Heavy Point's arms, and the three of them dashed off down the marine-strewn path Luffy and the others had made towards blissful freedom.

Hours later, when the marine higher ups demanded an explanation from the complex for the Straw Hats' infamous escape when they had been _so carefully captured,_ the officers from the base were at a loss for words as to how to explain things. After all—they themselves still had trouble believing that a man had single-handedly forced up a gate that normally took _thirty men_ to lift, with the machinery, and had managed to hold it in place long enough to allow the rest of his pirates to escape _while injured._

Some pirates, they reasoned, were thoroughly terrifying—especially when you messed with their crews.

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><p>Partially inspired by one of my favorite Zoro scenes to date, back in the Buggy the Clown arc, when Luffy is in that cage and Zoro decides to just <em>pick up the whole cage and leave with it<em> even though he's been _stabbed in the side in a suspiciously vital area._ And that was _before_ he was seriously devoted to Luffy too. Zoro loyalty is fun stuff.

~VelkynKarma


	23. Battle In Limbo

**KARMA WANTS _YOU_ TO HELP HER OUT WITH HER NEXT PROJECT!**

Lame intro aside, guys, I really _am _recruiting my readers for help with my next full-crew fic. Specifically, I am looking for a reader who **speaks fluent French, **either as a first or second language, to help me with some translation/naming issues. Said reader must be **creative** and be able to come up with French equivalents for my prompts **cleverly** and **promptly.** You must also be **discreet, **and not share any information I give you about the fic until I start posting it! _I am terribly superstitious, and every time I have revealed too much about a fic, the fic always unexpectedly died when I lost interest, so please don't kill the fic by sharing it around!_

If you fit the requirements feel free to PM me or let me know in your review and we'll see how it works out from there.

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><p>An old friend is back with some others due to popular interest lol. (And because quite frankly I had to bring'em back, they were too awesome not to).<p>

**Title:** Battle in Limbo  
><strong>Theme:<strong> #10: Invisible  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>7,100  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Swearing, and Thriller Bark spoilers (not that we don't all know already...) References to _Not Your Average Death _as well (although this technically would take place before it, chronologically).  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>To the Straw Hats, the incident on Thriller Bark was an almost literal nightmare. To their Deaths, it was infinitely more so.<p>

Still, it hadn't been as bad as it _could_ have been, and by this point most of the Deaths had a good deal of confidence in their humans. The Straw Hats were powerful, and (frequently to Zoro's Death's dismay) willing to risk themselves to protect others. They were as tight-knit a group as the Deaths had ever seen in their silent, observing lives, and all of them could be reasonably sure that their humans would survive (even Zoro's Death, who was extremely happy about the fact). They'd even met an unusual old Death following that strange animated skeleton around, who had some bizarre tales to tell about his undead human's Devil Fruit granted powers (most of them were thankful their humans hadn't been stuck with _that_ one...it sounded far too complicated to deal with overall). Yes, there were definitely some frightening moments in Thriller Bark, but overall it had turned out all right, and the Deaths were satisfied by (and more than a little proud of) their humans.

But that was before Bartholomew Kuma showed up, and turned their existences upside down.

They almost didn't notice the human at first. As a general rule, Deaths tended to ignore any and all humans besides their own personal one; there just wasn't much cause to give them notice. Even the Straw Hats' Deaths were unusual in that they'd gradually been trained to watch the other Deaths' humans on the crew as well, and that was _several_ more people than a Death normally bothered with.

Instead, it was the unusual Death that _followed_ the human that they took notice of, and that was what truly made them worried, as well. It introduced itself quietly as Kuma's Death, but what was strange about it was its faded, almost ethereal quality, like it was only half there. It was nothing like any of the Straw Hat Deaths had ever seen. Chopper's Death came the closest; he said he remembered being see-through when he was born, shortly after his not-exactly-human ate the Hito Hito no Mi and became sentient. But this was the opposite, as if Kuma's Death was fading _out_ of sentience...as if his human was changing from something, well, _human,_ to something inherently _not._

That was the first series of alarm bells for the Straw Hat Deaths, and almost immediately each one moved to flank his or her human, sticking close anxiously. There wasn't much they could do to save their humans, if it came to it. But they would still do their damned best to keep their mortal connection alive, by any means necessary.

They watched the drama unfold. How the human Kuma demanded Luffy's head, how the pirates inevitably refused. How the human threatened them with an enormously powerful compressed-air bomb, and still the Straw Hats would _not_ give up their wounded captain. The Straw Hats' Deaths didn't like the direction this was heading in, and Luffy's Death, never one for ceremony (much like his human), glared at Kuma's Death angrily from within the depths of his deep cowl and hissed, "You'd better figure out a way to make him leave my human alone, or I swear to _God_—"

"I am sorry for this," Kuma's Death interrupted. He sounded exhausted, which was frightening. Deaths did not really feel hunger, or fatigue, or pain, not in the traditional sense that their humans felt them in. The fact that he _was_ exhausted was a bad sign, and highly unnatural. "I cannot really control my human, you see," he continued quietly, "And he is not quite the same as he used to be. I apologize. It is always a shame when we witness such young humans and their Deaths go to oblivion so early...and worse when we happen to cause it."

"You'd better not fucking mean—" Zoro's Death began, but that was when Kuma released his air-compressed bomb and the world went to hell (although not literally—all the Deaths were familiar with what Hell was _actually_ like, and this still wasn't quite it). The blast didn't actually affect them; their robes weren't even blown, the feathers on their rotted, folded wings remained unruffled. But each and every one of them was acutely aware of their humans being violently ejected into unconsciousness, and without even thinking they rushed to defend their minds and bodies somewhat against the blast, loaning some of their own powers of existence to their humans to help them sustain themselves throughout the burst.

When the explosion was finally over almost every human was unconscious. Brook's Death, a wizened, ancient-looking thing without a feather left to his bony wings, reported dazedly that his undead human was still conscious, if barely; he seemed shocked to hear it. The other Straw Hat Deaths grimly reported that their humans were out for quite some time. And no matter how much he yelled in frustration, Luffy's Death could not wake his own human, who was very much in danger of being carried off by Kuma.

And then Zoro's Death said suddenly, "Mine's awake," and then a second later, with exasperation, "And goddamn it, I think he's about to do something monumentally stup—yeah, there he goes. Dumbass."

Zoro had managed to somehow not only make it through the blast without losing consciousness, but to also attack with one of his more powerful skills, and still remain relatively stable afterwards. In actuality, this wasn't really that surprising. Zoro had had so many near-death experiences by now that Zoro's Death was considerably more powerful than the average Death.

Deaths were always at their most powerful at the moment their human perished, and the closer they came, the stronger their Deaths got. But if the human survived, it was almost like resistance training for their Death, making them more powerful simply because they pushed through something enormously difficult and strong and were able to fight back against it successfully. All of the Straw Hat's Deaths were more hardy than usual, and Luffy's Death and Sanji's Death in particular were on the same level as Zoro's Death. But whether their humans were simply too exhausted or their Deaths just hadn't made it in time, it seemed only Zoro's Death had been wholly successful in supplementing his human's strength through the blast.

Which he was now starting to regret—his human_ certainly_ would have been much safer unconscious, and less inclined to get himself _killed._ But his sword attack had connected solidly with Kuma, and the enemy had paused; perhaps Zoro would be successful after all—

"I am sorry," Kuma's Death repeated with a sigh. "I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this...it seems things will become more difficult, now."

"What the hell are you talking about," Usopp's Death growled. "If Zoro could bull through that enormous explosion what on _Earth_ could your human possibly—"

_"Don't fucking jinx me!"_ Zoro's Death said in exasperation, but it was too late. Kuma was already turning, and the Straw Hats' Deaths noted with shock and awe that the man's body was implanted with metal, and that Zoro's attack had done effectively _nothing_ other than slice his sleeve and put a minuscule dent in one of the metal inserts.

"A cyborg?" Robin's Death noted with a frown.

"If he is, he's way more advanced than Franky is," Franky's Death reported. They believed him. Franky's Death knew almost as much about mechanics as his human did; there'd been precious little else for him to do other than learn it, in the years he'd followed his human around. "And it's probably affected his mind," Franky's Death added, as an afterthought. "Or Kuma's Death would be like _me_, and not like...well, like _that_."

A fair point. And all the more worrying.

Kuma had finished speaking to Zoro, who looked seriously beat up now, like he'd expended most of his energy with that last attack. All he did was stare as the Shichibukai began charging up an enormously powerful beam in his mouth, and he looked dazed, which wasn't surprising. He'd been through a number of tough battles today already.

Zoro's Death was not so understanding. He fluttered to his human's side and began attempting to shove him out of the way frantically, and when that inevitably didn't work, he resorted to his usual stream of curses. "Goddamnit, Zoro, _this_ is what I'm _always_ talking about! Don't fucking _stand_ there, for once in your fucking life _dodge the goddamn attack_ and _don't die!_"

His human couldn't hear him, of course—Deaths couldn't normally communicate with their humans in the conscious, living plane—but Zoro seemed to come to his senses regardless, and hurled himself aside at the last minute. The resulting blast sent him flying, and the other Deaths winced in painful sympathy as Zoro smashed into a broken-down stone wall hard enough to shatter it and lay there for several moments, stunned.

"Fucking _hell_," Zoro's Death snarled, as he hovered above his human anxiously, "If you pick _now_ to kick the bucket, jackass, I swear I am never, _ever_ going to forgive you—"

But Zoro managed after a moment, through excruciating effort, to haul himself to his hands and knees, gasping for breath as he turned himself around long enough to face his opponent. Zoro's Death drooped with visible relief, and the rest of the Straw Hat Deaths, although technically not requiring air, sighed thankfully as well. Zoro's Death was a friend to them, just like Zoro was a friend to the rest of the Straw Hats; for all his foul-mouthed tendencies they'd rather not see him go off to oblivion just yet. That, and each and every one of their humans would be notably distressed if Zoro died so brutally. Deaths were highly empathetic with their humans, and the Straw Hat Deaths, through the unusual circumstances and close bonds of the pirate crew they were forced to follow around, had developed even more empathy for their respective humans than usual.

But things weren't okay yet, and as the Straw Hat Deaths watched in dread, they got steadily worse. Kuma calmly explained the Pacifista Project that he was a part of, and the Deaths began to slowly realize why Kuma's Death was so faded. Such advanced technology inevitably eradicated the human soul, the part of a human that the Death was inextricably linked to, and the more Kuma deteriorated into technology the less his Death would be needed.

And then things got even worse. Because unexpectedly Zoro began commenting out loud that he was no match for Kuma as he was, and that his body was too weak to continue, and it was very _un-Zoro,_ and probably not a good sign. The other Deaths frowned, but they could never know Zoro as well as Zoro's Death did, and Chopper's Death finally asked timidly, "Has he _ever_ done that before?"

"Not for a really long time," Zoro's Death said, and although his frown couldn't be seen in the depths of his cowl, they could all but hear it in his voice. "Not since his sparring days with Kuina back home." The others nodded; unlike amongst the Straw Hat crew, the Deaths had no particular interest in concealing backstories, especially where death was concerned. The explanation made sense to them, but Zoro's Death still seemed unsettled, and said slowly, "The last time this happened and he claimed he was too weak he made a life-altering promise. What the hell could possibly make him do—"

And then Zoro's Death froze, seconds before his wings began fluttering wildly, panicked, enraged. "You _wouldn't,_" he hissed angrily at his human, bending low over the swordsman menacingly, even though Zoro could never possibly see him. Zoro was almost desperately inquiring into the reason for taking Luffy's head, and hadn't said anything frightening yet, but Zoro's Death looked frantic now. "You fucking _wouldn't,_" Zoro's Death snarled, with a razor edge of pleading to his tone. "You can't do it, you idiot, at the very fucking _least_ if you have to go out it sure has fuck had _better_ be in a fight, not like this, you goddamned son of a _bitch!_"

He continued to rage uselessly at his human, and all for nothing. And seconds later the rest of the Straw Hat Deaths understood, when Zoro unexpectedly offered his own head in place of Luffy's, without even an ounce of a challenge or a threat involved. He didn't even intend to fight for his life, or his captain's, anymore; he knew he was too worn down to battle, and offered his head willingly, knowing it would kill him.

"Oh, shit," Nami's Death gasped suddenly. "I knew he was _crazy,_ but I didn't think he'd do something like _that._"

"He's being quite loyal," Robin's Death noted grimly. "That at least is admirable."

"Not in the right way!" Luffy's Death insisted. He scrabbled at his own human frantically, still trying to wake him up even though all of them—Luffy's Death included—knew it was a useless effort. Luffy himself was down for the count, and nothing Luffy's Death tried would matter. But he tried anyway, adding frantically, "If Luffy knew Zoro was pulling this crap he'd be furious! He doesn't want _any_ of his friends to die, that's why he protects them so much! That's why I made _us_ make that pact!"

_The pact._ All of them thought grimly back to that day that Luffy had wandered unexpectedly into their humans' lives, trailing a not-entirely-sane Death behind him closely. They had known right away that Luffy was intimately acquainted with death, and not in the least terrified it, judging from the size of Luffy's Death even back then. And instead of being unusually frightened for his human-with-a-death-wish, Luffy's Death instead seemed to encourage him to go all the way, and damn the costs; he supported his human's ridiculous wish fully. It was maddening.

But even so, when their humans had joined the crew one by one, their Deaths had listened to his little speech. And it had been nearly identical for all of them. "So, my human, he wants to be the Pirate King. And I have to admit, at first I thought he was crazy, and I tried to discourage him any way I could. But you know, even when I deliberately got him into a few controlled near-death experiences with fighting tigers and bears and bandits and all that good stuff, he just wouldn't give up for anything. So I figure, why fight it? Might as well support him. Well, here's how we'll do it: Luffy thinks that protecting his crew and making sure they all do whatever they need to do is really important, so I figure, let's just not let'em die until that happens." And at the inevitable odd looks he received _every time_ without fail from each new member's Death, he would always add, "It'll be easy. We'll just make a pact—whenever one of us gets the urge to drag our humans off to the afterlife, the rest of us'll just hold him off as long as we can to buy the humans some time. So, what do you say?"

No one could argue with holding off oblivion a little longer, and at first they agreed, if reluctantly. Deaths normally kept to themselves; they might have passing conversations with the Deaths of others close to their humans, but that was as far as their companionship or cooperation generally went. But they were all stuck on the crew against their will. They had to get used to the ones they were stuck with. And after a while, after employing the pact one or two times in mild situations, they'd begun to actually take it seriously, and now _the pact_ to the Deaths meant almost as much as _the dream_ to the humans. They'd stick it through, if they could, help each other keep their humans alive for as long as possible.

But in a situation like this, it was looking rapidly _im_possible, and none of them wanted to consider the consequences if they failed.

"Luffy, wake _up_ or you're going to lose him!" Luffy's Death was still trying, and called to his human frantically—and uselessly. "C'mon, wake up, wake up, _wake up!_ Argh! Kuma's stealing your Hat! Shanks is here! Atlas beetles! Meat! For the love of crap Luffy, just _wake the hell up!_"

It was useless. Luffy continued to remain unconscious, and of all of them, Luffy had the best chance of reviving_ and_ beating Kuma. Things were not looking good, and they were continually getting worse. Zoro was now insisting his own ambition was worthless if he couldn't defend Luffy's, Kuma seemed impressed enough by the offer to be considering it, and Kuma's Death was hovering behind him, murmuring, "Hrm, interesting, very interesting, highly unusual, but still a pity—"

_"Sanji's up!"_ Sanji's Death said breathlessly, winging his way to them suddenly from where his human was sprawled, several feet away on the broken stone. "I just hope it's enough—"

"You managed to wake him?" Usopp's Death asked, sounding impressed.

"Yeah," Sanji's Death answered. He sounded unnaturally tired, like he'd expended a lot of energy, but that wasn't surprising considering what he'd just done. Sanji's Death was weaker than Zoro's Death and Luffy's Death in terms of pure reaping power, but due to the unusual nature he had with his human, he'd developed a few other useful skills to supplement that with. One of them was the most heightened ability to communicate with his human that any of them on the crew possessed. The Deaths had discussed it one day and eventually decided it was because of Sanji's unusual history—several months of starving, essentially dying slowly, followed by what was at its basic level passive suicide with all his chain smoking—he'd effectively opened a channel between himself and his Death unknowingly. It allowed Sanji's Death to manipulate his human more easily than most in terms of mental encouragement, which could come in handy, but was frequently an exhausting process for the Death itself.

"Dragged him into a forced near death experience," Sanji's Death added by way of explanation. "He's not really near death, but it was the only way. Screamed a couple warnings at him, and encouraged him to wake up. He won't remember any of it—" which was fortunate, as that was technically a _huge_ breach of the Death Laws otherwise "—and he'll have one hell of a headache later, but hopefully it's enough."

"Here's hoping," Zoro's Death said grimly. He'd stopped swearing when he finally realized how utterly useless it was, and now hung suspended over his kneeling human, wings folded defensively like a grotesque guardian angel. He very much did _not_ want to die, and was willing to try almost anything to stay existing.

And Sanji did show up a second later, stumbling wearily towards Kuma and Zoro thanks to his Death's timely (if illegal) intervention. The Straw Hat Deaths hovered around anxiously to see how it played out, and Luffy's Death even stopped futilely attempting to wake his human. And for a moment it did seem like everything would be okay; Sanji berated Zoro for his ridiculous offer, and reminded the swordsman that he had his own dream to accomplish as well. But then, almost inevitably, the encounter went sour, when Sanji placed himself firmly between Zoro and Kuma and insisted that _his_ life be taken instead.

Luffy's Death groaned in exasperation. "Luffy had better not hear about any of this, or he's going to be _so pissed,_" he said. "What the hell is _wrong_ with your humans? Don't they know what they're supposed to be doing?"

"Apparently not," Nami's Death observed, clutching rotting hands to her head in frustration. "I can't watch this."

"Oops," Sanji's Death said, after a bewildered moment of watching Sanji's flowery speech as he tried to take the death for Zoro _and_ Luffy. "I...wasn't expecting this."

"Nice job, dumbass," Zoro's Death hissed in frustration. "Now _both_ our humans are going to die!"

"I didn't think it'd work out like this!" Sanji's Death defended, sounding anxious (and well he should, seeing as his human was now close to his own end). "I figured he'd piss Zoro off and they'd end up kicking ass like they always do!"

"Well, he _did_ piss him off," Zoro's Death observed dryly. "You got that part right at least."

"What do you mean—_oh._" Everyone paused as Zoro found the strength to stand, and winced sympathetically when the hilt of one sword smashed into Sanji's side, effectively knocking him out.

"Back to the beginning," Zoro's Death groaned, as he watched his human toss his last protection, his swords, away from him and insist upon the trade. "But thanks for trying," he added, as Kuma unexpectedly accepted the deal, murmuring something about honor.

"There has to be _something_ we can do," Luffy's Death said in frustration. "Woah, hey—why the hell is he coming here—hey, you keep your stupid paws _off_ my human, or—"

"He won't harm him," Kuma's Death, silent for some time now, offered unexpectedly. "But we are accepting the green-haired human's deal in full, and adjustments _must_ be made."

"Adjustments?" the Straw Hat Deaths echoed. That didn't sound particularly...pleasant.

Zoro's Death was especially displeased. "My human is already going to fucking _die_," he snarled in frustration. "We're going to oblivion in only a few minutes now. What the fuck else could he possibly do, _torture_ us? How the hell is _that_ honorable?"

But Kuma's Death went silent once more, and by then Kuma himself was answering the question unknowingly, expelling an enormous transparent red bubble from Luffy's unconscious body as Luffy's Death hovered anxiously near his human. The Deaths listened to the bewildering explanation that the bubble was filled with expelled damage, exhaustion, and stress, and with growing horror as they realized that Zoro would be forced to accept it all in order to even qualify as a replacement for Luffy's head.

"Shit," Zoro's Death rasped. "How much is in that?"

Luffy's Death flinched. "A...lot," he finally said hesitantly.

"How the hell much is 'a lot?' How fucking bad _is_ it?" Zoro's Death asked, sounding increasingly more anxious.

"Bad," Luffy's Death insisted, and began scrabbling all the more furiously to wake up his human. "Bad enough that a person made out of rubber survives it, but a person _not_ made out of rubber, well...probably not so much. _Luffy! C'mon, get up!_ You're not even wounded anymore, wake up and save your crew member before he dies!"

_Before he dies..._suddenly realizing the danger of the situation, the six other Straw Hat Deaths flew frantically back to their humans, struggling desperately to wake them. If somebody could intervene in time, or perhaps if the pain could be divided...even Brook's Death, though not a member of their crew exactly, tried to help, but he reported frantically that while Brook himself was conscious, it was only barely, and the skeleton couldn't even move his body.

Things looked hopeless...and even more so when Zoro's almighty _scream_ hit them suddenly, enough to startle the Deaths and interrupt their efforts to wake their humans. Zoro had taken a tiny bubble of the damage, and appeared to be suffering mightily for it. He smashed to the ground when it was over, and it took him several minutes to even work up the strength to roll over, his breath ragged and gasping.

"Shit," Zoro's Death hissed, hovering frantically over his human. "Get up, c'mon...refuse it, refuse it, fight back instead or something, if you go willingly into this you're gonna die you dumbass—"

But that was the _point_, and Zoro's Death cursed frantically and uselessly as his human merely insisted that the bubble be moved to somewhere else before he absorbed it. The Deaths followed with morbid curiosity and anxiety as Kuma pushed the bubble away with his paws and Zoro stumbled painfully after to a place out of sight of the rest of the humans, and even now Zoro's Death cursed his human angrily for thinking about the _others_ at a time like this but not _himself_ in the least.

There was no changing fate; it was going to happen. Zoro's Death swore one last time, and then said, with remarkable calm (and not a hint of a swear, which was the most terrifying of all), "I've got to help him with this, or he _is_ gonna die. I don't even know if I...if it'll..."

"Nobody is going anywhere," Luffy's Death said, with remarkable calm, and the exact same hint of determined authority that his human so often possessed. "Guys, see if you can wake up your humans. Chopper's Death, you _especially,_ we're gonna need it." The childlike Death squeaked in agreement and darted off, followed quickly by the Deaths of Nami, Usopp, Robin, Franky, and even Brook. Sanji's Death alone hovered nearby, ready to act as a messenger, and Luffy's Death said confidently, "What I said about that pact still stands. Nobody's dying, not until Luffy gets to finish his dream, and he needs _everybody_ for that. You try to drag Zoro off somewhere, and I'm just gonna have to stop you."

Zoro's Death laughed grimly and said, "If you can." And before Luffy's Death could retort, he turned back to his human. Just before Zoro plunged his own hands into the enormous bubble of pain, Zoro's Death dived down and wrapped his corpselike arms and wings around the swordsman in an almost shielding gesture, placing one rotting hand over Zoro's forehead and the second over his heart. For a fraction of an instant even the living might have spotted the grotesque appearance of the Pirate Hunter Zoro, wrapped in the embrace of his own personal Angel of Death as the primal, cruel power of the pain bubble began to overcome him and he screamed; but then the image was lost, and the Death went almost as rigid as the human as the pain went on, and on, and _on_, with only a few other Deaths as witness.

Then at last the screaming stopped, and the bubble was gone, and Zoro's Death crashed backwards to the ground and immediately scrabbled as far away as he could get. Zoro himself was still, remarkably, standing. In one unbearably slow movement he crossed his arms, and then seemed to go still as a statue, staring blankly. Sanji's Death flitted close enough to observe, while being very careful not to touch the human himself, and stared in shock.

"He's really still alive. I didn't think...I mean, he's in bad shape, _really_ bad, and he's kinda...hovering in the middle right now but...he's not _dead_."

"And we're gonna keep it that way," Luffy's Death said with determination. He was watching Zoro's Death intently, and after a moment Sanji's Death flitted next to him to watch, waiting.

It didn't take long. Zoro's Death was weak at first from giving so much of himself to keep his human alive, but his strength seemed to come back with remarkable speed. The first slow, shuddering pangs went through him as his Call abruptly came to him, and he realized with certainty that it was time for his human to go. The Death groaned, and dug corpselike fingers into the ground to try and hold himself in place, but being immaterial in the real world his efforts were useless. His attempts to hold himself in place became weaker and weaker, and then finally, with an unnatural motion, he swept to his feet and spun around, focusing intently on his human—his completely vulnerable, very close to dead human.

"I have to," Zoro's Death moaned suddenly in acknowledgement, and faster than he'd ever been before, he lunged for his human, rotting hand outstretched.

Luffy's Death tackled him from the side with his own brand of remarkable speed, and smashed him out of the way. Zoro's Death hissed in animalistic frustration and tried to ward Luffy's Death off, but the latter was too quick. With surprising skill he managed to drag Zoro's Death some distance from his human before his hold was finally broken, and then he flitted easily in between, blocking the route back. Sanji's Death, taking the hint, set himself up as the last line of defense, guarding the dying human at his back.

"I told you," Luffy's Death said, very insistently. "Nobody's going anywhere. Those were the rules. We all agreed to them, so Zoro's not allowed to die today."

"This is _wrong_," Zoro's Death pleaded. Sanji's Death winced at the tone the Death had taken on; he'd entered that strange trancelike phase that always occurred after the Call, when any Death was desperate to achieve his or her Calling. Sanji's Death had seen it plenty of times, and he was willing to bet Luffy's Death had too. _"Wrong,"_ Zoro's Death repeated. "Unnatural. Move aside—he must go, I must take him, his time is over, he's _dead!_"

It _was_ unnatural, for a Death to even go so far to protect their own human, let alone another's. It still _felt_ wrong, for Sanji's Death to be hovering protectively beside Zoro, and not Sanji. He was _Sanji's Death,_ after all, and nobody else's. But he'd agreed to the pact that Luffy's Death had insisted upon, and Sanji would (for all his arguing) be very unhappy if Zoro went and died on them, and if this invisible battle was what it took to keep Sanji happy, then he'd do it and gladly.

Luffy's Death seemed of the exact same sentiments, and he was _very_ loyal to his human and insistent upon Luffy's happiness. "I'm not moving," Luffy's Death said, "And you'll find you'll have a hard time making me." And that was _definitely_ true. Luffy's Death was by far the strongest of the ones following the Straw Hats, not only due to Luffy's penchant for almost getting himself killed, but for other reasons as well. Luffy's _Gears_ were life-draining, in exchange for great power, and by consequence every time he used them Luffy's Death grew just a little bit stronger as well, and retained it.

Zoro's Death made an anguished-sounding noise from the depths of his cowl and lunged forward, but Luffy's Death tackled him back insistently and held him down, preventing him from moving forward as long as he could. Zoro's Death eventually dislodged him and tried to reach for his human again to drag his soul away, but once again Luffy's Death intervened, forcing him backwards. It was almost awe-inspiring, to watch these two with near Reaper-like powers go head to head. Fights didn't happen often in the world of Deaths, and each time they did it was quite a spectacle.

But it wouldn't last long. Sanji's Death grimaced as he heard Zoro's breath hitch painfully behind him, and yelled to Luffy's Death, "He's fading!"

Luffy's Death nodded in understanding, and forced Zoro's Death back again as the latter tried more insistently to break his guard, but now it was clearly starting to be more difficult. And no wonder. Luffy's Death was strong, but his human was still alive. Deaths were stronger the closer their humans were to their moments of Death, and Zoro was literally at the cusp of it, on the blade's edge between living and dying. Zoro's Death would continue to get more and more powerful, and would eventually overpower anything that stood in his way in his trance-induced attempts to complete his Calling. Not even a Death could _stop_ Death; they could only hope to delay it long enough for the humans to care for their injured friend.

Zoro's Death forced himself forward now, even more insistently, with a frightening, chilling howl. Luffy's Death grunted with the exertion of trying to hold him back this time, and Zoro's Death began to gain ground, fixated on his human. Sanji's Death raised his voice long enough to yell for help from some of the others, and then he shot forward, tackling Zoro's Death and latching onto one arm. With their combined efforts the two were able to forced the tranced Death backwards again, and hold him at bay for a few more moments.

It worked for a little while—Sanji's Death might have been weaker than the both of them, but he was still considerably powerful for a personal Death, and when his strength was added to Luffy's Death the effect was difficult to break. But Zoro's Death was growing stronger now, and visibly bigger, and after a few moments he managed to hurl them both off before flapping his way raggedly for his human again.

This time he was tackled from the side by not one, but _three_ opponents, as the Deaths of Usopp, Franky and Robin piled into him from the side. Nami's and Chopper's Deaths flitted in front of Zoro's weakened body to make up the new last line of defense, and the ragged-looking Brook's Death followed shortly after, offering his services although he himself was not part of the crew. He had some degree of respect for Zoro, after the man personally retrieved his undead human's shadow for him and allowed the skeleton a chance at happiness again; he would repay it however he could.

Zoro's Death was strong enough to overpower the three holding him down on his own, but Sanji's Death and Luffy's Death lunged forward hastily to help, and between the five of them they managed to drag the tranced Death the farthest away from his human yet. Zoro's Death struggled violently, insisting he _had_ to retrieve that soul and that he was _already dead,_ but the Straw Hats' Deaths were grimly determined. They'd made a pact, and they intended to _keep_ it.

They held the Death down, and while he struggled violently and broke their grip several times, by some miracle they managed to keep him from his human. Nami's Death eventually flitted forward to add her own strength to the attempt, when Zoro's Death grew stronger still, and they piled on frantically, desperate to keep him down.

But she brought bad news with her, news that would make their efforts all for nothing. "Zoro's getting worse," she reported. "It's been too long already, at least an hour. Even if Zoro's Death doesn't collect his soul he's going to die anyway, and then we'll have a ghost situation on our hands. He _needs_ medical help _now_ or they'll lose him anyway. Chopper's Death's gone to try and wake his...er...reindeer up, but he's not very experienced..."

"Shit." Luffy's Death swore loudly as a particularly violent wrench from Zoro's Death threw half of them off, and he gained several feet before they were able to pile on again and hold him down. "Sanji's Death, can you—"

"You need me," Sanji's Death interrupted with a grunt of exertion as he forced one of the tranced Death's arms back down to the stone. It was true—Sanji's Death was a large part of the reason Zoro's Death hadn't escaped their grasp yet. "I can't leave now or he'll take his human—"

"Allow me to assist," the ancient form of Brook's Death said, as he hobbled wearily towards them.

"No offense, grandpa," Usopp's Death hissed, as he struggled to hold the fighting Death down, "But you don't look like you could hold _Chopper's Death_ down, let alone _this_ guy. He'll shatter you."

"Were I but an ancient Death, that would be true," Brook's Death agreed. He raised his hands, and a dark-tinted power seemed to coalesce in his palm slowly. "But I am a bit _different_ from other personal Deaths, after my human's unusual resurrection," Brook's Death added. "I've somewhat evolved, you see...I possess a few minor powers of a Reaper now, albeit far weaker than what they have."

"Do it," Luffy's Death ordered. He was starting to sound tired, which wasn't a good sign, and he was their best shot at making this whole fiasco work.

Brook's Death nodded, and waited for a slight lull in the thrashing of Zoro's Death before pressing the dark power to the hooded cowl. There was a sharp flash, and Zoro's Death shrieked unnaturally in surprise before going limp. Sanji's Death didn't waste time asking what had happened—he disengaged immediately and shot into the air, diving back towards where the rest of their humans had been left unconscious.

Chopper's Death met him, dancing frantically in place and sounding terrified. "Some of them are awake now," he said quickly, "But I can't contact them, none of them will listen to me, and it's not _fair_, Zoro's only a few yards away and they don't even know he's _dying_—"

Sanji's Death understood, and immediately shot for his own human. No time for subtlety—he hit his human over the head with the biggest dose of mental encouragement he could manage, and Sanji, although obviously exhausted and not naturally intended to rise for another twenty minutes at least, blinked blearily awake.

_Hurry_ was Sanji's Death's next insisting blast, and Sanji bolted upright naturally, as though he was remembering something. A very lucky glance at the discarded katana worked in Sanji's Death's favor, and then his human was off, searching frantically. Sanji's Death gave him _just_ enough of a nudge to head in the right direction (he was going to be in such deep trouble if the Reapers ever heard about what he was doing), and he and Chopper's Death flew alongside frantically, hoping for a happy ending.

When they arrived back at the invisible battle-zone Zoro's Death was struggling again, and what was worse, he'd gained another ten feet, getting far too close for comfort. Sanji's Death and Chopper's Death both hurled themselves onto the pile, forcing Zoro's Death down again, but Sanji's Death at least was exhausted now after his mental urges to his human, and his efforts were all but useless. Zoro's Death clawed his way forward despite all the frantic yells and Luffy's Death's frantic insistence that this _wasn't allowed_ and that they'd_ made a deal,_ and it was really going to be too late—

But then Chopper's Death cried out delightedly, and the exhausted personal Deaths looked up for the first encouraging thing they'd seen since the whole mess began. Sanji had found Zoro, and was already yelling frantically for help from his crew, even as he managed to get a decent grip on the swordsman and started hauling him back to the others. Zoro's Death screamed frantically as his Calling was hauled even further from him, but the rest of the Deaths, given new strength from the encouraging sight, eagerly held him down and kept him still as his human was pulled out of his grasp.

They managed it, against all odds, for over an hour. Zoro's Death struggled frantically the whole time, and it exhausted the rest of the Deaths to the bone. But they held on for the sake of their humans, and for the pact that they had made months ago that seemed ridiculous at the time but was now very _real_, and all the more important to fight for. Chopper's Death alone disengaged, flitting back and forth between the pile of personal Deaths and the body of the human they were trying to save, reporting the progress of Chopper's frantic attempts to treat his crew member.

Until at last they didn't even need the reports of Chopper's Death anymore. Zoro's Death began to struggle less, growing weaker, and shrinking slowly as his power lessened. It was a good sign—it meant Chopper's care was working, and that Zoro himself was rapidly drifting away from death into the world of the living again. Slowly, the Call Zoro's Death was hearing began to fade, until eventually he was completely still. Everyone remained in place, just to be safe.

"Fuck," Zoro's Death finally said, after a good ten minutes of silence. "I didn't really—did that just fucking _happen?_"

The rest of the Deaths laughed, hysterical laughs that were mixed parts relief and happiness, and finally rolled off their no-longer-tranced companion in exhaustion. "Yeah," Franky's Death confirmed, with a tired groan, "That really just happened."

"Dammit, after a near death experience _that_ strong you're going to be a veritable _monster,"_ Nami's Death added with a shudder. "It's rare for _anyone_ to survive the Call. Zoro'd better not try to die again, or we'll never hold you back next time!"

Luffy's Death snorted. "Of course we will," he said, in a perfectly reasonable tone. "We made a deal, and all our humans have things to get done, so nobody's allowed to die until it finishes. That's the rule."

"Yeah, well," Zoro's Death said, as he hauled himself tiredly to his feet, "I appreciate that. Fucking _hell_. And after all that, that bastard I'm stuck with _still_ isn't going to appreciate what happened here, either."

"That's the sorry tale of a Death for you," Usopp's Death said. "But we can go take a look at least, see how he is."

"If you don't plan to try killing him again, that is," Robin's Death added dryly.

"I think I'm good," Zoro's Death responded tiredly. "Shit, though, that was..._not_ fun."

"Look at the bright side, though," Luffy's Death said cheerfully, as they started to flutter tiredly towards the broken-down castle and its occupants (carrying Brook's Death with them, since his featherless wings could no longer let him fly). "Our pact works! And we are officially the most _badass_ personal Deaths to ever hit the world."

"As long as the offices never figure out how badly we're breaking the law, it's all good," Sanji's Death added with a snort.

"Let'em figure it out," Luffy's Death said challengingly. "I'd like to see them _try_ to stop us. Luffy's crew works differently, so we just have to work differently, too."

They all agreed, tired but determined. And even if the Straw Hats never discovered the nature of the invisible battle that had occurred that day, and if they never realized_ just_ how close they'd come to losing one of their number, that was all right with their Deaths. They were all working towards the same goal, anyway; as long as they got there, the details never mattered.

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><p><strong>Remember,<strong> if you are a fluent French speaker, I'm recruiting! :)

~VelkynKarma


	24. Sophisticate

**Title: **Sophisticate  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#14: Theatre  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>3,787  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG-13  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Language (Zoro is mad in this one lol) but that's it.  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>As soon as he heard they were landing on the island of Theaomai, Zoro couldn't shake the feeling of undisguised dread from the pit of his stomach. He'd heard stories about this place from his days as a so-called bounty hunter from<em> other<em> bounty hunters, and if any of them were even remotely true, he had a feeling he was rapidly going to come to hate the place.

Sadly, he soon discovered that very_ few_ of the rumors had been embellished. Theaomai, it seemed, was well known for two things: some of the most breathtaking theaters and skilled acting troops in the Grand Line, and its enormous bounty hunting districts. Zoro knew his crew well enough by now to know that entertainment plus potential danger would inevitably lead to trouble for them.

He was right about that too, of course. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to listen to him.

"Oh, come _on,_ Zoro!" Nami said in frustration, glaring down at him with her hands on her hips. "_The Lady of Dusk_ is supposed to be one of the most amazing plays written to _date,_ and the playwright _himself_ endorses the Scornstone Troupe _here on this island_ as the best presenters of the play, ever!"

"I have heard it is so beautiful it makes even pirates shed tears," Brook added enthusiastically. "I myself would like to see it—the play was written _long_ after I died. Though, of course as a skeleton I'll shed no tears myself, _yohohoho!_"

"I've never seen a play at _all_," Chopper joined in, eyes big and bright and voice pleading. "I really want to see what one is like!"

"Then go ahead," Zoro said in exasperation, and closed his eyes before Chopper's impending waterworks could really grab hold. "I'm not stopping you. I ain't getting dragged along to see some stupid play, though."

Nami scowled. "You know it's not that simple," she said. "This place is supposed to have _tons_ of bounty hunters—especially hunting _teams_. That means it's _dangerous_ for pirates. And I scrounged up a few rumors that some of the theaters are in on the hunting business—they draw pirates in with the promise of entertainment and food and drink and then catch them when their guards are down."

"Then _don't_ go," Zoro countered, shaking his head in disgust. "That's the smart thing to do, right? 'Specially if you don't know what theaters are in on the hunter alliances." Honestly. This wasn't _that_ hard to figure out.

Robin chuckled in amusement, and Nami threw up her hands in exasperation. "That's not the _point,_ Zoro!" she growled. "All we need to do is just bring a bodyguard with us to keep watch while _we_ watch the play!"

"Then take one of the others," Zoro said, with an idle hand-wave in Luffy's general direction.

"I would be _happy_ to take the place of this moss-haired _ingrate_ and protect wonderful Nami-san and Robin-chan!" Sanji offered enthusiastically. "I'll gladly sacrifice my entire day to bring you to as many theaters as you desire!"

_"No,"_ Nami said insistently. "We've only got a day on this island until the log pose resets, and I want all our food stores to be taken care of. We don't want to spend too long here if there's so many bounty hunters. Sanji-kun, you'll spend the day getting the ship's stores ready." The cook trilled in agreement, more than happy to do anything the witch desired.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "So take—"

"Luffy is _not_ coming," Nami said. "Somebody has to watch the ship, and Luffy's got the attention span of a goldfish, anyway. I don't think he could sit still through a whole play." She snorted. "Besides, you're the fabled Demon of the East Blue. Having an ex-bounty hunter along is a _great_ counter against a bounty hunting team. We'll be able to see _The Lady of Dusk_ without any worries."

"I never called myself a bounty hunter," Zoro protested in exasperation. "And going to the theater is a damned waste of time. Besides, it's a shit play anyway—the swordplay sucks, and who the hell _sings_ when they get stabbed, when they can just _stab the guy back?_"

There was a stunned silence as most of the crew stared at him in surprise. Robin chuckled slightly, placing fingers delicately to her lips. Zoro blinked and realized too late what he'd spouted in an unthinking moment of protest.

_Shit. I did_ not _just let on that I've already seen the fucking play, did I?_

"Zoro," Nami finally said, shocked, "I had no idea you even knew _how_ to do anything remotely sophisticated!"

"Hey!" Zoro protested automatically, and then felt like kicking himself a second later when he realized he was only digging himself deeper. "It's not like I wanted to," he added, a little sulkily. "It was Johnny and Yosaku's fault." Which it actually _was._ They'd gone through a phase years ago when they'd wanted to come to this very island, after hearing all the rumors, and figured "sophistication" was a part of the bounty hunter's mark. Zoro could've cared less, but those two could be _obnoxious_ when they wanted to be, and hadn't let up until he'd joined them.

"Good," Nami said, looking suddenly triumphant. "Then my earlier argument still stands. You've had bounty hunting experience in a theater, as part of a bounty hunting _group_ no less. That means you're coming to be our anti-bounty-hunting bodyguard. No buts!" she added, when Zoro started to squawk in indignation. "If you know how to be a sophisticate and you're used to the theater, you won't get distracted, and you are _not_ allowed to get out of this. If you try, I'm fining you ten million beris!"

Zoro groaned in frustration, but when Nami started handing out her ridiculous charges to get her way, he knew he was sunk. He growled and swore and protested vehemently as Chopper and Brook cheered and Robin chuckled and Nami smugly told him to go put on something a little more acceptable for the theater, and made his _extreme dislike_ for the situation very apparent. But there was nothing he could do to get out of it, and that was why an hour later he was sullenly trailing along behind the four, with nothing to look forward to but hours of torture in a cramped theater with crappy food and worse entertainment.

_Great._

As it happened, the theater Nami led them to wasn't nearly so bad as the run-down place he'd been forced to attend back in the East Blue. This one was much larger, with a lot more space and way more elaborate decorations, like enormous crystals chandeliers and pricy-looking paintings on the walls. It was a wonder the place hadn't been looted by pirates yet—well, maybe not, Zoro reflected, considering the enormous community of bounty hunters on the island. Pirates were probably smart enough to lay low and not draw attention to themselves here, if they had to dock at all.

It was expensive as hell to get into, too, though considering the decor and the enormous crowd waiting to get in Zoro was hardly surprised by that. He _was_ surprised by the fact that Nami generously paid for everyone's admission, even his own. He would have seriously started to consider if she was sick or not, except that Nami cheated her way out of paying for Chopper's ticket by claiming he was a child (and thus, free), and the deliberate money-related swindling put him at ease somewhat. It meant Chopper had to sit on his lap (in addition to being free, kids apparently didn't get seats), but all things considered his lap was a wonderful alternative to his head, Chopper's usual perch, so he didn't bother to complain.

There were concession stands as well, but since food wasn't allowed in the theater itself Nami insisted they'd be waiting until the intermission. Pity, really; Zoro could have done with a bottle or ten of booze to get through the whole damned ordeal. They filed into the theater and found their seats, and Zoro absently listened to Chopper's excited babble and Nami, Brook and Robin discussing the various rumors about the play while he waited for the large room to fill up with patrons. He didn't care one whit about the play starting—he was more interested in scanning their fellow theater-goers, to see if anybody looked suspicious or potentially threatening. Not that he particularly cared about Nami and the others getting to see the whole show uninterrupted, but _anything_ was more entertaining than the play itself.

But he didn't see anything unusual, nor did he sense any malicious presences or intents. When the lights finally went down and the first of the actors stepped onto the stage Zoro deemed the place safe, at least for the moment. Figuring if some opportunistic bounty hunter tried to make a grab for his friends he had enough familiarity with the area now to sense it coming, the swordsman promptly went to sleep.

Or tried to, anyway. The theater was dark enough, the seats were definitely comfortable, and Chopper's weight on his lap was barely felt (but then, he was used to sleeping through snowstorms on a wooden deck, so anything was better than that, really). The environment wasn't the problem; his crew was.

Thoroughly excited about his first theater trip ever and anxious to make sure he understood everything, Chopper would frequently whisper questions to Zoro, asking about the characters' intents or what they meant by certain words or why some of them talked so funny. As if Zoro was supposed to have any answers. He'd barely understood the play the _first_ time he saw it, and he wasn't paying attention _now._ He made up a few half-asleep responses whenever Chopper asked him something, and apparently these were satisfactory, because Chopper would quiet down for all of five minutes before something new caught his attention and the process started all over again.

At least _his_ sleep-interruptions were non-aggressive. Every time Nami caught him falling asleep (or worse, heard him snoring), she'd punch him angrily in the shoulder and whisper warningly that bodyguards were supposed to _stay awake_ and _pay attention._ Occasionally, when Nami was engrossed in the storyline, Robin would wake him with a few disembodied arms instead and give him an amused look. Thank goodness Brook, at least, kept to himself. His_ yohoho's_ of delight whenever a female actor stepped onstage were obnoxious, but something Zoro had long since learned to deal with.

So Zoro struggled through an entirely unrestful first hour of the play with nothing to show for it but a bruised shoulder, and by the time the first intermission rolled around he was almost _wishing_ a bounty hunter would attack so he'd have something more interesting to do. Nami bought some sweets for Chopper and popcorn for the rest to enjoy, but denied Zoro his request for booze, insisting that bodyguards had to be sober and on their best behavior to earn _anything_ (apparently she was still smarting about the sleeping thing).

Zoro was not impressed, and complained foully throughout the entire intermission. Nobody listened.

They filed back into the room with their seats when the intermission was over, and the second act was nearly the same as the first—for Zoro, at any rate. Based on Chopper's excited gasps and Brook's enthusiastic _yohoho's_ he suspected something big had happened in the play, but Zoro himself couldn't care less. There were no hunter attacks, much to his disappointment, and another torture-filled hour passed with him still unable to get a single wink of sleep. That, and he had a _severely_ bruised shoulder now (Nami apparently did _not_ approve of snoring in the middle of key dialogue or whatever, but really, when did she ever need an excuse to hit him anyway).

Halfway through the third act Zoro was beginning to seriously consider getting up and leaving; nothing had happened, and any bounty hunter teams would have pretty much lost their chance by now. He tried to get up twice, and found himself suspiciously held in place by a number of arms that _definitely_ didn't belong to the chair, although Robin appeared to be perfectly absorbed in the play. Thoroughly disgusted, Zoro resigned himself to having to sit through the whole damned thing, and decided that theatergoing ought to be registered as a legitimate form of torture.

The play was just getting around to its climax, a huge on-stage battle filled with pathetically fake-looking swordplay and _way_ too much talking, when Zoro caught sight of the movement out of his peripheral. He kept facing forward like he was absorbed in the terrible choreography, but let his senses roam carefully to the left, and noted with interest that several of the theatergoers appeared to have been replaced in the third act. He had to admit it was clever—wait for the targets to get adjusted to the theater setting and drop their guards, and then swap out placeholders for bounty hunters. A relaxed, happy, and probably entirely drunk pirate would never notice the difference.

Zoro was not relaxed, happy, _or_ drunk, and he had no intention of getting caught. In a theater no less. How terrible would _that_ look in the newspapers? Pirate Hunter Zoro, captured by _other_ pirate hunters at one of the sappiest plays in the history of_ ever._ No, thank you.

Still pretending to be absorbed in the play, while in reality keeping an eye on the bounty hunters that were carefully and quietly beginning to leave their seats, Zoro elbowed Nami and said out the corner of his mouth, "We've got company."

_"Now?"_ She hissed in frustration. "But we're at the best part! It just_ figures_ that they'd interrupt the big fight."

"You've been in plenty of big fights, you know how it'll end," Zoro growled back. "There's at least eight of them, maybe more, and they're sneaking up on us right now."

"Bounty hunters here are supposed to be quite skilled," Robin said quietly (Zoro didn't even begin to question how she'd heard the whispered conversation). "If we must fight, we don't want to do it here."

"Agreed," Nami said, "But let's try to leave subtly, like we're just going for snacks or something. Zoro, that means _don't_ piss them off or challenge them to a duel or whatever."

Zoro scowled at her. "I'm not _that_ stupid!"

"You never know. Let's go, hurry!"

Brook, at the end of their row, shuffled out first, somehow looking forlorn at the thought of having to leave the play before it was finished. Robin, Nami, and Chopper followed, with Zoro bringing up the rear, keeping an eye out for their pursuers. For a moment it looked as though they might actually escape without incident; the bounty hunters had spotted them leaving, but couldn't make a ruckus in the theater, and it seemed they hadn't expected the Straw Hats to notice them so early.

But then several more bounty hunters appeared in the doorway Brook was heading for, weapons bristling as they cut off potential escape. Brook backpedaled immediately and tried to lead them towards a second door, but this too was blocked off by hunters, and added to the ones behind them they were suddenly out of options for running.

_"Crap!"_ Nami swore, and promptly turned on her heel, leading them in the only other available direction: towards the stage. The others followed, with Zoro bringing up the rear, drawing all three swords in preparation as the bounty hunters charged after them, shrieking for them to stop. Two got a little too close for their own good, and with several ringing steel clashes Zoro sent them sprawling in the aisle, forcing their companions to jump over them. The audience, startled by the swearing and the noises, turned to watch in confusion.

"Backstage should have exits, right?" Nami yelped back to her crew-mates, even as she reached under her skirt to retrieve the pieces of her Clima-Tact.

"They generally do," Robin called back, as she deftly cracked the backs of a few more charging bounty hunters with her extra arms. "The actors would need access without being viewed by the audience, after all."

"We're not supposed to go onstage, I thought!" Chopper squeaked frantically. "That's against the rules, it said on all the signs!"

"Too bad!" Nami called back. "We're pirates anyway, who cares about rules?"

"Amen to _that,_" Zoro muttered under his breath. It was just too bad they couldn't have ignored the rules three hours ago.

They piled onto the stage, where the actors were, to their credit, still staging their mock battle to the best of their ability despite the unusual interference in the audience. Zoro ducked under the swing of an entirely fake, floppy prop sword from a surprised-looking man dressed all too awkwardly in tights, and followed after the others as they tried to shove their way through the crowd of false combatants. Unfortunately, the bounty hunters were a little too professional to let their prey escape _that_ way, and leapt up onto the stage as well, blocking the left and right exits and ordering the actors to make themselves scarce _immediately._

"It seems we must fight after all," Brook observed, as he calmly drew his own cane sword. "Alas, and we were having such a wonderful evening! The Lady of Dusk was such a wonderful sight for sore eyes—although I myself have none, _yohohoho!_"

"Just _great,_" Nami complained, even as the tip of the Clima-Tact began to spark dangerously. "Something always gets in the way, doesn't it."

"I didn't know plays ended like this," Chopper observed meekly, as he shifted to his Heavy Point.

"They generally do not," Robin assured him, as she crossed her arms. "We are just unlucky, or possibly fortunate, that way."

Zoro would go with the latter, personally. This was the first great thing that had happened all night. He grinned nastily around the hilt of _Wadou Ichimonji_ as the bounty hunters surrounded them and demanded they drop their weapons and submit quietly.

"Yeah, right," he answered them scathingly, and charged into battle.

Twenty unconscious bounty hunters and one raincloud-drenched slippery stage later, Zoro slipped his swords back into their sheathes with a feeling of extreme satisfaction. The fight had definitely taken the edge off of his otherwise terrible day, and it had been nice to let off a little energy by using it to beat the ever-loving crap out of people he didn't much like. The others had all come out of the fight unscathed as well, with Nami was still muttering irritably as she slipped the Clima-Tact away again and Chopper babbling excitedly about how the experience was nice and all, but he'd rather see a real play all the way through without a fight in the middle.

Zoro smirked in amusement at the smallest of the crew, and much to his surprise, heard a collective gasp in response. Blinking in confusion, he turned his head, and found several _hundred_ people staring back at him, wide-eyed, slack-jawed, and all with identical expressions of shock on their faces.

Well, _shit._ In all the excitement of the fight he'd sort of forgotten that they'd plowed on-stage in the middle of the climactic moment of the show with their escape attempt. If Nami was pissed with it being interrupted for _them_, Zoro was sure these hundreds weren't too impressed with their interruption, either.

"Um," Zoro began, as the others slowly began to catch on, "I think we've got a problem h—"

The entire theater hall abruptly burst into cheering and screams of delight, and Zoro heard more than one voice calling for an encore, or for them to take a bow. He exchanged stunned glances with his crew mates, and even with a few of the actors that were still on-stage (the ones that hadn't been accidentally knocked out in the _real_ fight anyway), but they seemed just as confused as he felt.

But the cheering continued, and buried in it Zoro could now also hear enthusiastic praise for the amazing special effects and stunt coordination. That was when it hit him: because they'd started the fight in the middle of a fake one on-stage, everyone in the audience thought their _real_ fight was a part of the _actual show._

The others seemed to be reaching the same conclusion as him now. Robin looked vaguely amused, Chopper had already been reduced to his usual blushing, swearing insistence that he was _not_ happy, and Brook was in his element as a performer by providing sweeping, elegant bows with his little top-hat in one skeletal hand. Zoro just shook his head in exasperation. Really, what were the odds?

"At least they got a better fight scene than anyone else'll ever see again," he commented idly, as hooked an arm around Brook and Chopper and hauled them off backstage after a very insistent Nami and a still chuckling Robin.

Two hours later they were back on the open sea with the _Sunny_ and the rest of the crew, Brook and Chopper enthusiastically sharing their theater-going tale with the occasional input from Nami and Robin. The others seemed thoroughly amused with the unusual turn such an innocent-looking pass-time had taken, and Luffy seemed especially disappointed that he'd missed fighting as part of a play.

"That's not even the best part," Nami said in amusement. "When we were leaving out the back door, the owner of the theater himself blocked our way. We figured he'd be furious, but it turns out he wanted to offer us jobs as actors for 'fictional combat.' Apparently our fight was _real_ popular."

"Especially Zoro-san," Brook added cheerfully. "He thought the three-sword style would be _extremely_ popular and bring in a number of viewers."

Zoro scowled in disgust at the memory all over again. As if he'd even _consider_ stooping to the level of peddling _santoryu_ for money. He was never setting foot in a theater _ever again._

"He wasn't paying enough, or I'd have considered it," Nami added brightly. "But next time we're hurting for cash, I think I've got a _great_ idea for ways to bring in a few beri." And she grinned rather greedily at the swords on Zoro's hip before glancing up at the swordsman himself. Zoro groaned, and mentally resigned himself to the street performing he'd inevitably be doing one day, if Nami's fines had anything to say about the matter.

* * *

><p>Not the easiest prompt, but it came out okay I guess.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	25. Rising

I think Zoro and Chopper nakamaship is a requirement at least once for anything regarding either of them, right?

**Title: **Rising  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#3: Dawn  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>1,755  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Set only a few days after the Drum Island arc. A few bad words (Zoro's fault)  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Zoro was not a fan of the sunrise.<p>

Oh, one could tell him all day long about how it was pretty or symbolic or or poetic or a host of other things, but he'd never listen. Zoro always found dawn obnoxious, especially when he'd been stuck sleeping outdoors before he met Luffy, or whenever he was stuck on morning watch on the _Merry._ To him, the dawn and the sunrise meant little more than a sudden and obnoxiously rude awakening from a perfectly sound sleep, and Zoro did _not_ like his sleep interrupted, especially after a long battle when he needed his rest.

He didn't buy into all that dawn-associated crap anyway. He'd heard all manner of ridiculous stories—that dawn was supposed to symbolize a new beginning, or a fresh start, or hope, or whatever. He figured it was stupid to have to rely on something as completely routine and uncaring as the sun coming up to bolster your spirits—a real person would find strength within themselves, not rely on the outside world like that.

He'd heard half a dozen religious reasons for respecting the dawn too, full of light-bringing deities and the moment prayers began. But he didn't believe in gods and religions either, which meant those stories were just as useless to him as the symbols. And he didn't care in the least for poetry, or all the ways dawn wriggled its way into songs and stories like some insistent little snake. Hell, _executions_ traditionally happened at dawn too, and Zoro didn't hear anybody singing about _those._

So Zoro had no use for dawn or its obnoxious tendency to make things bright when things _had_ been comfortably dark. And he sure as hell didn't see what the big deal about it was, or why people liked it so much.

But the newest member of the crew certainly gave him a little more insight on the matter.

They had only recently left Drum Island in the company of their newest member, the reindeer-doctor Tony Tony Chopper. What with all the rushing about and the witch's pushing for a speedy journey to Alabasta, Zoro still hadn't had much of a chance to interact with him. He hadn't been around much for the whole debacle at Drum Island, and knew little about Chopper other than the fact that he was a reindeer (not just a deer), and that he'd eaten a Devil Fruit at some point that gave him human qualities. In the three days since that they'd been sailing he'd only really seen the little guy at mealtimes, and he had the impression the doctor was nervous around him for who only knew what reason. He was pretty used to it (Usopp had been rather terrified of him too, at first), and just let the reindeer be for now. Chopper would get used to him eventually.

The third day after leaving Drum Island Zoro was on early-morning watch duty, having been brutally awoken by a very surly cook at midnight to swap, and he was not pleased with the job. It was still cold outside (although that jacket he'd stolen made things much warmer), but it still made it a bit difficult to get comfortable and enjoy a good doze. He was _just_ finally relaxing back against the mast when the first traces of gray flickered over the horizon, and Zoro scowled in disgust at the hints of light in the distance. It just _figured_ that the damned sun would arrive when he was_ finally_ starting to get comfortable, just to piss him off even more. At this rate he was never going to get a good nap in.

"I _dare_ you to rise," he growled at nothing in particular as he glared in the direction of the gray hints of light. "I just fucking _dare_ you to piss me off."

The sun didn't respond, but Zoro did hear a startled squeak from behind him, in the direction of the boy's cabin. He looked over his shoulder around the thick mast and was a little surprised to find Chopper staring back at him through the dim pre-dawn light. The reindeer squeaked again and immediately ducked behind a barrel, hiding the wrong way as he watched Zoro nervously.

Zoro raised an eyebrow, but he'd seen the doctor's odd reverse-peek by now, and it wasn't quite as strange anymore. "Something wrong?" he asked. "Couldn't sleep? Well, neither can I." He gave the now lighter shades of gray in the distance an irritable look.

"I...u-um...no, I could sleep fine," Chopper offered timidly. He seemed to decide Zoro wasn't going to leap around the mast and eat him, because he tentatively sidled away from the barrel and added, "I just w-wanted to watch the sunrise, but I'll g-go away if you don't want me to annoy you..."

Zoro snorted a little. Why wake up from a perfectly comfortable sleep in a nice, relaxing hammock to watch something as annoying and uninteresting as the sunrise? But he kept his thoughts to himself, and since he didn't want his crew members walking on eggshells around him (or at least, not this one—curly-brow could stand to learn a little respect), he said, "It's your ship too. If you want to watch the sunrise, go ahead and do it."

"I...um...okay," the reindeer finally agreed, after fidgeting a moment. He gave Zoro another nervous look, as if he wasn't really sure _what_ to make of the swordsman. But then he trotted over to one of the rails and clambered up to sit on its edge with a look of practiced familiarity, to wait for the grays in the distance to transform into color.

Zoro was intrigued despite himself, and since the sun was conspiring against his nap anyway and he had nothing else better to do, he decided to get a little more familiar with the newest crew mate. He stood up from his place against the mast, stretched, and walked over to put his elbows on the rail beside the reindeer, commenting, "Looks like you've done this before."

Chopper let out a high-pitched shriek and toppled forward with a startled look. Zoro caught him absently by one horn and pulled him back up on the rail with a roll of his eyes—he'd had enough of hauling Luffy out of the water without having to deal with this _new_ hammer sinking too. "Calm down! I just asked a question."

"You just surprised me is all!" Chopper said breathlessly. Zoro kept a hold on one antler until the reindeer calmed down enough to secure his seat once more, and when he let go the doctor added a little more calmly, "But you're right, I've been watching it every morning since we left Drum Kingdom."

"Homesick?" Zoro guessed absently, as he glared at the first edges of pale red on the horizon.

"No—well, I mean, a little, but that's not why I watch," Chopper said. He hesitated, gave Zoro a partially nervous glance, and then explained slowly, "It's just, when I was back on the island, I used to watch the sun rise all the time with Doctor."

He clammed up for a moment, but Zoro knew better than to mock him for something that was clearly so important to him and just waited patiently. A little more confident, Chopper added more enthusiastically, "The sunrise would do amazing things to all the snow on the island. For just a few moments all the trees and the ground and the rooftops...everything would turn pink, like cherry blossoms, just like the Doctor wanted."

"Like the snow when we left," Zoro observed. He supposed the unexpected pink snowfall made a little more sense now.

"Yes, just like that!" Chopper said excitedly. "And Doctor said that's what we were trying to discover, a way to bottle that up and make it last so that everyone on the island could see it, and that the sunrise would always remind us what we were trying to achieve. And when I started learning from Doctorine it kept reminding me of that too—that I can find a cure for anything, and that it all exists _somewhere,_ in some way, even if it's only for a few moments."

"Okay," Zoro said, "That makes sense I guess, but there's no snow out here, just...water."

Chopper grinned, and Zoro was a little satisfied to see that the kid was at least getting over his fear of being near him. "Well, I thought that too, at first," he explained, "But I watched it the first morning that I was on the _Going Merry_ with you guys, and it's just...it's _amazing._ On Drum Island it was beautiful to see all the snow turned pink, but on the ocean it's like the water is even more _alive._ Look, there it goes now!"

He pointed with one hoof excitedly just as the first edges of the sun began to drift above the watery horizon in the distance. The dull water seemed to light up all at once, blazing like fire as it reflected the sky's reds, oranges, golds and pinks with blinding brilliance. It was like the whole ocean was made of molten gold for just a few brief moments while the sky above burned with a shimmering array of colors, and Chopper wriggled excitedly on the rail as he watched those colors shimmer and change with the rising sun. Zoro had to admit, he'd never really _watched_ the sun rise before, and Chopper's enthusiasm for it was sort of catching; it looked far more impressive than he initially would have thought. Deciding he might as well enjoy it while he was there (and finding Chopper's excitement and awe rather amusing, not that he'd ever admit it), he settled himself along the rail a little more comfortably and set to watching the rest of the sunrise with his new crew mate.

Zoro didn't much mind the sunrise after that. He still didn't buy into the load of poetic and mythological crap that people usually associated with the dawn, of course, and he still didn't like it when his naps were interrupted. But he could see how happy the dawn made at least _one_ crew mate, and that was something real and close that he _could_ comprehend, and that was what mattered.

Besides, Zoro thought, sunrise sort of wasn't so bad when you watched it with a friend.

* * *

><p>While I love Zoro and Chopper nakamaship now, it really puzzled me at first...especially since Zoro does pretty much <em>nothing<em> in the Drum Island arc, and Chopper doesn't even _meet_ him until the _very end,_ so I was like, where did this attachment ever come from? Nami or Sanji would have made more sense 'cause they were _there._ So here's an attempt at starting to explain that lol.

~VelkynKarma


	26. Exploration

The prompt 'skeleton' immediately reminded me of Indiana Jones, and after that I just had to roll with it...

**Title: **Exploration  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#30: Skeleton  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>6,312  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Few grim images...uh, maybe a few minor swears? Nothing terrible really.  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>"So then, I bravely faced the giant living mutant cactus and despite all its <em>incredibly venomous spines <em>I reached for it with my bare hands and—"

"Will you shut up?" Zoro groused, giving his current traveling companion a look. "We'll never catch anything at this rate, if you keep scaring all the game away!"

Usopp ground to a halt with a sharp click of teeth, looking a little intimidated, with Zoro largely suspected had to do with the surly glare he'd sent in the sniper's direction. At least he'd shut up. Zoro turned sullenly to start stomping through the thickly overgrown jungle again, searching for something even remotely edible out in the wilderness that he could bring back to the ship (and, hopefully, something that would put whatever the cook brought back to shame, too).

Usopp hesitated a moment, and then meekly trailed after him, grumbling under his breath but being markedly more quiet than before. It was at least an improvement, although Zoro still sort of wished he'd been allowed to go out on his own. He'd intended to explore this uninhabited island they'd stopped at by himself, and to bring back any game if he found it, but Nami had been _extremely _insistent that he was to bring a partner with him to make sure he didn't get lost (as if he would). They'd drawn straws, and Usopp had been the one to get stuck following him around. Neither of them had been particularly happy about the arrangement—while Zoro craved a little solitude, Usopp clearly had _not _been interested in exploring a possibly monster-infested island, to judge from the way his so-called 'step-on-the-island-and-die-disease' was acting up.

The result had been a rather uninteresting, unproductive, and frequently annoying two hours of exploration. The place seemed entirely uninhabited by sentient life; Zoro hadn't seen any traces of anything as long as they'd been wandering, not even overgrown ruins or abandoned villages. He hadn't seen much of anything edible, either—or at least, nothing that would satisfy Luffy. There had been some wild blackberries a ways back that Usopp had picked for Sanji to make a desert out of later, but although Zoro had caught a few fleeting glimpses of birds they'd yet to come close to (or get attacked by) any animals worth eating.

"Maybe we should just head back," Usopp said finally, breaking the silence after another half hour passed. "We haven't seen anything, and it's going to start to get dark soon."

Zoro was just about to grudgingly agree that they might as well, when he heard a rustling nearby. They were currently skirting the edges of a curious clearing in the enormous trees, one of many that they had seen that day; circular areas always roughly the same size, devoid of trees but so thickly overgrown with fat, dark green vines it was impossible to see the ground beneath all the coils. The rustling noise came from the other side of the clearing, and since there was no wind it was _definitely _something alive—and hopefully edible—causing the sound. Without hesitation Zoro turned on his heel and charged across the vine-covered clearing, picking his way carefully between the living coils so as not to twist an ankle or break a leg.

"Zoro, wait for me!" Usopp shrieked frantically, and the swordsman could hear heavy footfalls behind him as Usopp ran after, trying to catch up. He grimaced to himself—with their current string of luck, Usopp would almost certainly scare the whatever-it-was away before he could reach it, and then—

His thoughts ground to an abrupt halt as the ground seemed to sag beneath him. He felt more than saw the tangle of vines beneath his feet starting to snap like a rotting net, and to his immense surprise suddenly he was falling through a wide hole in what he'd been _certain _was solid ground ten seconds ago.

It felt like he was falling for a very long time, and judging by the shrieking in his ear he guessed Usopp was along for the ride. Then with a painful and abrupt _thud _he finally hit the ground, and covered his head hastily as pebbles and thick torn vines crashed down all around him.

The falling objects thundered down for quite some time, and then finally everything went silent. He paused for a moment, waiting to see anything else was going to smash down on his head unexpectedly. But nothing did, so he shoved his way out of a pile of rubble and freshly dead plants and looked around quickly for Usopp. The sniper's hand was sticking out of a pile of similar mess not too far away; Zoro waded over to him through the fallen earth and vines and dragged him out, setting him on his feet.

"You okay?" he asked, giving Usopp a quick once-over. The sniper definitely looked dazed from the fall, but nothing looked broken and he didn't see any blood, so he figured everything was probably fine.

"Y-yeah," Usopp said shakily after a moment. "Thanks. W-what happened?"

"We fell," Zoro said, unnecessarily.

Usopp glanced around, and said with a frown, "Okay, better question then...where _are _we?"

That _was _a good question. Unfortunately for Usopp, Zoro didn't have an answer. He took a better look around himself now that his crew mate was taken care of, crossing his arms as he glanced at the surroundings.

At first he'd thought they'd fallen into a trap of some sort. They were in a perfectly round chamber almost exactly the same size as the clearing _very _far above, and the walls were smooth, so Zoro would easily have mistaken it for a deliberate pitfall. Except that it lacked any of the usual other things such pit-traps had, like spikes at the bottom to kill the person. Although the drop had been pretty far, it wasn't enough to kill somebody—break a limb at best, but only a _really _unlucky person would die. It didn't even seem to be intended for holding captured prisoners, either, since there was a tunnel leading off to somewhere on the right-hand side of the chamber. No, this definitely didn't feel like a trap at all—maybe a well, or—

"A window," Usopp cut in, staring up above with one hand shading his eyes. "I thought it was sort of weird when we were exploring. Trees don't grow in perfect circles, but the ones above us had been trimmed back, like they were letting in sunlight."

Zoro frowned. "So what, there really are people here?"

Usopp looked thoughtful as he stared around the room. "No, I don't think so," he finally said. "This place looks like it was a mess even before we brought all that stuff down with us." He kicked aside a broken vine, revealing a stone floor with deep-cut grooves, rather like a sandbox cut into the ground. "Maybe it was a garden or something? Plants need sunlight, right?"

"Who knows, who cares," Zoro said. "No point standing around down here, so let's just get out."

But it was easier said than done. The walls were worn incredibly smooth with age, and it was impossible to get a good grip to climb at all. There were thick vines trailing over the edges of the hole far above, but even when Usopp stood on Zoro's shoulders they were still completely out of reach. Zoro wouldn't risk damaging his swords by using them as handgrips in the walls, and after a good ten minutes of searching they finally decided that escaping the pit by climbing was impossible.

"Might as well take the tunnel, then," Zoro said with a sigh. He doubted anything was living down here at all that could be eaten, which meant they were just wasting even more time messing around trying to find their way out.

Usopp trembled visibly and regarded the shadow-strewn tunnel with an audible gulp. "Go in th-there? B-but we don't know what's in there! Anything could have moved in! There could be horrible tunnel monsters or ghosts or labyrinth guardians or—"

"If any of that stuff gets in my way, I'm killing it," Zoro interrupted. "We don't have time to wait around. Plus, the monsters might be edible and this side-trip won't be a total waste."

Judging by Usopp's dread-filled moan this wasn't exactly the properly comforting thing to say, but Zoro was already heading for the tunnel, which got steadily darker as he moved away from the late-afternoon sunlight streaming through the hole they'd made. Usopp squeaked in fear, but caught up moments later, getting as close as he possibly could to the swordsman without actually clambering up into an unwanted piggyback.

Zoro rolled his eyes, but he was fairly used to the sniper's cowardly antics by now and let it pass. Instead he said dryly, "Might as well make yourself useful and get a light going."

"Er, right!" Usopp said. He dug hastily through his bag by feel, withdrawing a little invention of his, a hand-held torch that was powered fairly constantly by a flash dial when triggered. He tapped it on, and seconds later a steady beam of low-level light cut through the gloom, sweeping around the corridor in front of them shakily as it searched for monsters. There weren't any.

"Good thing I remembered to fill the dial the other day," Usopp added, a little more calmly. The light, and the comforting revelation that there weren't any monsters waiting bare inches in front of them, seemed to relax him a little. Zoro nodded in satisfaction and took the lead down the corridor again, and was somewhat satisfied to find Usopp giving him a little more space this time. If a monster _did _suddenly attack out of nowhere, it'd sort of be difficult to kill it with Usopp hanging off his shoulders screaming bloody murder, after all.

They walked for some time down the corridor, which was apparently quite long, and growing bigger and wider as well. Occasionally they would spot a hole carved into the wall, large enough to count as a doorway; but whenever Usopp illuminated the area, the trembling light of the dial-torch only revealed small rooms with rubble and old junk but little else. If Usopp's initial guess was right, and the room they'd fallen down in was a garden of some sort, then Zoro reasoned these were probably store rooms or pantries or whatever. Whatever the case, it soon became _very _clear that while people had lived here once, however long ago, they definitely weren't here anymore.

"Why do you think they left?" Usopp asked; the trembling in his voice was all too clear.

"Dunno," Zoro said, bored. The entire place all looked the same to him so far, and there was nothing interesting going on here. "People leave for all sorts of reasons."

"But not _this _many people," Usopp said. "I bet it was monsters. Horrible cave-dwelling monsters that ate everyone and made the rest run away—"

"Stop that," Zoro told him sharply. "You're waving the light all over and it's hard to see. I already told you, if there are monsters they're not beating _me, _so calm down already."

They walked a little longer, with Usopp now chattering about pointless, happy things non-stop to fill the otherwise oppressive silence. Zoro let him—when he was telling his stories he wasn't panicking, and although Zoro doubted there was anything dangerous down here, it wouldn't do for him to start freaking out and put himself in a bad situation. Zoro was responsible for keeping him alive as long as they were out, and if that required listening to occasionally annoying chatter, he'd deal with it.

And while they walked, they made a few more discoveries. The big tunnel they were walking along started to have more rooms branching off of it as they passed, and these were starting to get larger, sometimes even with additional compartments for extra rooms. Zoro was oddly reminded of dormitories or military barracks, and although he'd never call himself an archaeologist he could make a fairly decent guess that they were wandering into the busier living areas of...whatever it was they'd stumbled into.

His guess was confirmed ten minutes later, when they came across a particularly large dormitory-cave and discovered a pair of human skeletons sprawled out in the front compartment, reaching out ineffectually for the carved doorway. Usopp gave an undignified shriek_, _and this time he _did _leap onto Zoro's back in a half-assed attempt at a piggyback, yammering about how this was a bad omen and death and destruction were coming for them (and also, _skeleton zombies_, just waiting for the signal to tear them to bits). Zoro yelped as Usopp's frantic attempt to scramble to safety on his shoulders knocked him off balance, and he stumbled forward before he could stop himself, his boot crunching down on one of the outreaching skeleton's hands. The entire thing shivered for a moment (eliciting another frantic yelp from Usopp in response), and then the whole skeleton crumbled slowly into dust.

"Will you calm the hell down?" Zoro snapped at him, as he finally regained his balance (and thankfully before crushing the second inhabitant of the room). With Usopp still clinging to his back like a terrified monkey he couldn't exactly glare at him, but he crossed his arms and made his annoyance _very apparent. _"They're just skeletons! They're _dead. _Do you seriously expect them to get up and attack you?"

In retrospect, this was actually a stupid question and not at all a ridiculous thought, seeing as one of their crew members _was _a walking and occasionally attacking skeleton. But Brook was a once-in-a-lifetime exception, and Zoro _really _doubted there was another one wandering around in the world, and certainly not here, where there was no hint of life or movement at all. Usopp seemed to recognize this as well, because he mumbled sheepishly under his breath, "Well...it's not...that is...never mind," as he slowly let himself back down to the stone floor.

They stared down at the remaining skeleton for a few more moments (which remained steadily unmoving and very, very dead), before Usopp asked tentatively, "What do you think they're doing here?"

Zoro shrugged. "Dunno. But it looks like they were trying to get out of the room." He pointed at the way the remaining skeleton was still reaching out for the doorway, like it'd been trying to crawl away.

Usopp shivered. "My monster theory is looking _way _more likely by the minute," he moaned.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Don't be a pansy. Look, there's nothing in the back." He proved it by walking through every single room in the little dormitory-cave, and coming back out completely attack-free. "If it was a monster, it's gotta be dead by now, anyway. The way that other skeleton crumbled, they've been dead for a _real _long time."

"I bet we're next," Usopp said pessimistically. "Then it'll be _our _skeletons down here for hundreds of years—"

"Please. Luffy'd find them," Zoro said idly, as he stepped back into the corridor. Usopp moaned in fear again (so once again he'd apparently said the wrong thing), but followed a few moments later.

They wandered for a bit more, and now it was becoming increasingly apparent that they'd quite literally stumbled across something _huge _beneath the surface of the island. There were several more (completely immobile) skeletons in a few of the other dorm compartments they'd passed, all dead in various states of movement, and all like they'd been trying to leave. Usopp refused to enter most of the rooms with the skeletons, but thankfully didn't leap on Zoro again, so that at least was a plus, and they left the dead alone to their eternal rests. And not too long after the dorms and their unmoving occupants they came across new tunnels, branching off from theirs in all directions. Zoro was all for heading down one to see where it led and if they could get out, but Usopp pointed out that all of those newer tunnels were smaller than the one they'd been following, which by now had grown so enormous a small house could fit in it.

"This place seems sort of like a city," Usopp pointed out, swinging the dial-torch around as he examined the place. "It's underground, but it looks like it works the same way. All those rooms were like houses, and the tunnels are like streets. And this one's the biggest, so it must be like the main street. I'm sure if we keep following this one we'll find a way out, right?"

Zoro hadn't the faintest idea, but it sounded logical enough, so they continued to follow the same tunnel as before. If it came to it, they could always backtrack to the other tunnels, after all.

Usopp's estimation that the place was like a city seemed accurate enough. They soon reached a point when the main tunnel had swelled to being more of a giant underground cavern than a corridor; they had to be at least a hundred feet underground by this point, maybe more. This, clearly, was the heart of the civilization they had stumbled into. Skeletons were strewn all over the place now, like they'd been about their daily business when they'd all of a sudden died. Their were more home-caves carved around the edges of the enormous cavern, and massive stalagmites stabbing up towards the ceiling had been carved out to make buildings as well...maybe apartment complexes, or businesses, or something. The place was long-dead and eerily silent now, but it seemed obvious that this had once been a thriving culture.

They stepped carefully over the skeletons and made their way across the enormous cavern. Usopp kept flashing the dial-torch around frantically, searching for the cause of all the death and the silence down here, likely expecting a monster to come leaping out of the gloom to add them to the death count. Zoro could have told him it was pointless (and in fact, he had, to no avail). He couldn't sense anything living down here, and he didn't have that instinctive scratching at the back of his mind that warned him to be careful. This place was a little eerie, but it was long since abandoned, and posed no problems.

So as they walked Zoro spent his time looking around curiously—not for monsters, but for signs of escape. He didn't see any, but he did notice there was a lot of writing on the cave walls, and covering the stalagmite-buildings as well. It didn't look like anything he'd ever read, and although he couldn't read poneglyphs it didn't look similar to what he'd seen of those, either.

"Too bad Robin's not here," Zoro said absently, after he'd pointed the writing out to Usopp, who hadn't recognized it either. "She could probably read it. A hundred beri says there's probably directions to get out written right here and we can't even understand them."

"You wouldn't anyway," Usopp muttered under his breath, but at Zoro's glare he added hastily, "Look, there's the end of the cavern, and man is it a big tunnel! I bet that's the way out."

Zoro followed Usopp across the rest of the city-center chamber, and stared up at the large tunnel Usopp had pointed out. There was a lot of carving around the entrance, far more than their was anywhere else, not that he could understand a word of it. He disregarded it as unimportant and stepped into the tunnel, but almost as soon as he did he felt a prickling on the back of his neck, and immediately went tense. Something was different about this section, something _important, _and he knew enough to stay on his guard.

The new tunnel went on for quite some distance ahead, as far as they could see. Usopp's spirits seemed to have lifted now that they were at what he figured was the end of the trip, and he chattered amicably as they walked. Zoro wasn't so sure it was all over, though, and the further into the tunnel they walked, the more that insistence at the back of his mind that he needed to be on his guard grew. There was definitely something different about this place compared to the rest of the complex they'd wandered through, although he couldn't quite put his finger on it, and it left him tense and wary.

His preparedness was all that saved them, because the warning came bare seconds before the attack did. Zoro swore, dived forward, and pushed Usopp's head down just as a pair of blades came sweeping out at neck level, missing severing their heads by inches. Usopp let out a blubbering yelp and froze in place, like a rabbit staring down a hunter, and shuddered fearfully.

A second instinctive warning told Zoro it wasn't over yet, and he leapt forward again, wrapping one arm around Usopp's torso and tucking him unceremoniously under one shoulder like a sack of flour as he bolted forward down the tunnel at top speed. Several projectiles shot from well-concealed spaces in the walls, clacking and ricocheting off stone behind them as they barely missed the pirates. Usopp was screaming bloody murder the whole time, although to his credit he managed to keep a hold of the dial-torch in his hand, and even keep it shining forward most of the time to illuminate Zoro's path.

The projectiles continued to blast out of the walls for a good fifteen seconds as they darted down the stone hall, barely missing their heels, before they suddenly stopped firing. The clacking behind them ceased, leaving Usopp's blubbering shrieking filling the silence, and Zoro had just enough time to puzzle over it before something in his mind screamed at him to _stop, now, right now!_ He skidded to a halt, twisting Usopp safely behind him, just in time. With an enormous _crash, _a blade almost as wide as the corridor smashed down from the ceiling, missing his boot by less than a hair. If Zoro hadn't stopped, he and Usopp would have split neatly in two.

It went quiet again, very suddenly. Something about the air still told Zoro to be careful, but he didn't have that incessant nagging at the back of his mind now that told him danger was nearby, and he had the feeling the worst of it was over. He set Usopp down on the ground, where the sniper promptly covered his head with his hands and bemoaned the fact that he'd been unlucky enough to draw the short straw for Zoro-babysitting-duty today.

"I don't need babysitting," Zoro said hotly. "Anyway, get up, we've got more exploring to do." He eyed the fallen blade in front of them, and tapped it experimentally. It was just plain iron, and would be easy to cut. Within seconds he'd drawn his swords and shattered the obstruction to pieces, leaving the way cleared.

Usopp, meanwhile, was staring at him dumbfounded. "Are you _serious?_" he nearly shrieked. "You want to keep _going _this way? Zoro, you're _crazy! _Clearly whoever used to live here does _not _want us getting to the end of this tunnel, and I say we respect their wishes, turn around, and pretend _none of this ever happened!_"

"I don't," Zoro said. "This is the first interesting thing that we've seen since we got down here. I want to know what makes these people so gutsy they think they can risk killing us over it."

"But there could be more traps! _Worse _traps!"

"And? I got you through the last ones, didn't I? We'll be fine. Besides, there might be something important down here. Maybe there's a some interesting weapons, or a poneglyph, or treasure. We won't know until we look, right?"

"I still don't think this is a good idea," Usopp moaned. Zoro ignored him as he started back up the tunnel, and predictably Usopp came trotting after a moment later, insisting, "You'd better not get me killed!"

"Tell you what. If I do, you can blame me," Zoro said absently. Usopp shuddered, but kept following.

The rest of the tunnel wasn't that long; it seemed the traps were thought to be efficient enough that any trespassers would be dead already. Not too long after they passed the ceiling blade a soft light began to flicker ahead, and soon it had grown so strong they could see even without Usopp's dial-torch. The sniper clicked it off nervously, insisting that the lights must come from ghosts, taunting wayward travelers into the darkness to become lost before they were set upon.

"We're already lost," Zoro pointed out. "It can't get any worse." They kept going.

He'd never admit it out loud, least of all to Usopp, but Zoro's senses were screaming now that something was definitely _off. _He still hadn't been able to figure out why _this _tunnel was different than all the others, but the air was so saturated with the difference now he suspected even Usopp could feel it, untrained in such things as he was. Zoro didn't think it was _dangerous, _or at least, not exactly; he sensed no malevolence, or intent to do harm, but there was definitely the _potential _for it there. He decided to remain on his guard, although he didn't let on to Usopp, who was already panicking enough as it was.

And then they hit the chamber at the end of the tunnel, and suddenly it all made sense to Zoro.

It was an enormous cave they reached at the end—not quite as cavernous as the city heart they'd passed through earlier, but definitely enough to hold the _Merry _at the very least. It was well lit from torches that seemed to stay aflame regardless of having no caretakers or fuel, even though by all logic they _should _have burned down long ago, because it was obvious no one living had been here for a long, long time to tend to them. There was more of that writing on every square inch of the walls, carved in sharply and with obvious importance, and although Zoro couldn't read so much as the smallest scribble he suddenly got the feeling that they were something vital to the people that had once lived here, like scripture.

He figured as much due to the occupants of the room. While nothing _living _had been here in a long time for sure, many _dead _things had apparently resided here for decades, or more. There were thrones stretched across the entire length of the cavern, and in each one sat an ancient-looking skeleton, withered and drooping forward in age but looking no less majestic for it. Each skeleton was adorned with treasure and rich looking clothing. The cloth had long since rotted into little more than scraps, but the crowns, necklaces, and rings were as shining and resplendent as ever, and more riches sat heaped at the foot of each throne as though in tribute to the dead.

"Wow," Usopp gasped softly, staring around at the awe-inspiring sight. "This is...this is _amazing. _These guys...I bet they're the old rulers of this underground city! That would explain why they've got so much treasure."

"And why the people worked so hard to trap this place," Zoro agreed. He had to admit, the sight was pretty impressive to him, too. But the unsettling feeling scratching at the back of his neck was growing too, and now he understood why this place was making him so tense, or why that tunnel had felt different from the others. This wasn't just a part of any old city—this was a sacred place, both the city's temple and its tomb. He could feel something very old and very strong about the place, and knew instinctively that the people that had once lived here hadn't left their regal-looking dead undefended, and there were more than simple tunnel traps in place to protect their ancient rulers. Of that much he was absolutely certain.

"Should we take some of this?" Usopp asked, a tad hesitantly, gesturing to the gold and jewelry at the feet of the old kings. "Nami'll be real mad if she hears about all this and we didn't..."

"No," Zoro ordered sharply. "Don't touch any of it." The thick potential for danger hovering just barely out of reach felt all the stronger now, wary and waiting. He gripped the back of Usopp's overalls and hauled him back, away from the skeletons and the jewels, pushing the sniper behind himself back towards the tunnel. "We saw what we came to see and got our answers."

"Zoro," Usopp said doubtfully, looking quite confused now, "_you're _the one that pointed out we might find treasure here, and we did! Don't you think we should—"

"No," Zoro interrupted, "I don't. This belongs to the dead. We don't want to cause trouble here, and we're going to be respectful of their resting place." He eyed the ancient, sitting skeletons in their thrones—they stared back at him sightlessly, blank eyes unseeing but somehow still watching—and added, "And as soon as we can find our way out, we'll leave them all alone."

Usopp frowned, but seemed to pick up on Zoro's tenseness, and said with a trembling voice, "O-okay. If you say so..."

They turned and left, with Usopp clicking his dial-torch back on again so they could see back into the depths of the dark tunnel and underground city. Zoro deliberately kept himself behind Usopp—and between the sniper and the tomb cave—just in case whatever curse or thing guarding the old kings decided to strike anyway. But _whatever _the protection for the dead was, it had apparently decided they weren't threats, because nothing attacked them from the rear and no more traps were triggered on their way out. They stepped over dozens of sharpened stake projectiles and around the neck-height blades, with Usopp trembling the whole while and remarking on how close they'd been to really dying (and cheering up slightly when he realized how good a story it would make later). Zoro just kept an eye out, and let out a mental sigh of relief when they finally made it back out of the tunnel and that ancient, sacred presence seemed to evaporate into the dusty, stale air once more. He had no intention of crossing whatever that protection was if he could help it. It was just a good thing Nami wasn't here, or she would have crossed the skeletons to steal their gold anyway, and likely triggered the final trap.

"Now what do we do?" Usopp said, sounding anxious and now more than a little tired. Zoro didn't blame him—they'd been down in the dark for at least an hour or two by now, and coupled with all the exploring they'd done earlier, it was no wonder they were starting to wear out.

"Just gotta start trying the other tunnels, I guess," Zoro began, when a a sharp clattering noise came from their left. Usopp shrieked and swung the dial-torch immediately in the direction of the noise while ducking frantically behind Zoro, who placed a hand on one of his katana reflexively as he turned to face the threat. Monsters he could care less about, but if they'd managed to trigger the curse or trap or whatever it was after all—

But there was nothing there when the dial's light flickered over where the noise had originated from; just a tunnel entrance, with a few pebbles and clumps of dirt crumbling from its ceiling. Zoro blinked in surprise. It was sort of weird for the tunnel to start falling apart now, after probably centuries of being intact without care. Why had it picked that moment to make that noise? At the same time, he had this bizarre sort of feeling that was exactly the tunnel they should pick to finally get out of here...

"Zoro," Usopp said slowly, sounding a little bewildered and _more _than a little freaked out, "This is going to sound crazy, but I've got this impression that if we go out that tunnel, we'll get above ground really fast."

Zoro blinked again. "You, too?" he said. Odd...maybe whatever it was that was guarding this place wanted them just as gone as they wanted to be, and was giving them a nudge. Or, maybe it was a trap, and the thing was leading them to their deaths. Whatever the case, there was only one way to find out. "Let's try it," he said, and strode forward resolutely, hands ready on his swords. Usopp, still looking nervous but holding the dial-torch with a surprisingly unwavering hand, followed after.

Zoro fully expected the tunnel to collapse on them at some point, or for more traps to spring out of nowhere and try to kill them. But he didn't feel that overpowering, ancient presence that he had in the tomb's tunnel, and while his senses were on keen alert it didn't feel like they were in any more danger than usual. They followed the passage for a good thirty minutes, and just as Usopp's dial-torch started to flicker weakly, finally running out of the light stored in its interior, they saw an amazingly welcome sight ahead: natural light, all in oranges and reds and golds, as the sunset filtered into the tunnel.

They burst out of the strange underground complex into the jungle above with more than a little relief, and in Usopp's case a yell of delight and many, many heartfelt praises for the Great Captain Usopp's navigational skills. Zoro was more reserved, but couldn't help but breath deeply from the fresh air. He hadn't realized how stale the air down below was, or how wide open the sky truly was either, after having a city-sized ceiling above his head for several hours. He wasn't the claustrophobic sort, but he couldn't even begin to imagine how people had managed to live down there like that.

"This way, Zoro!" Usopp called. "It's gonna be dark soon, and we want to get back to the _Sunny _before that happens, right?"

"Lead on," Zoro said. In the end they hadn't found any game, but they'd _definitely _done more than their fair share of exploring today, and that was enough for the both of them.

It took them almost an hour to get back to the ship, and they arrived just in time to head off their own search party. "Where _were _you, bros?" Franky called to them with a sob. "We were worried sick, you know?"

This was all the invitation Usopp needed to launch into a (highly embellished) recount of their explorations, as he and Zoro ate the dinners Sanji hastily prepared for them (it seemed they'd missed dinner with the rest of the crew as well, which had ended up prompting the search party to begin with). The crew listened with varying degrees of interest—Nami wanted to know more about the treasure they'd left behind, Luffy wanted to know about all the skeletons and the cool 'mystery city,' and Robin had them recount as many fine details as possible, even going so far as to bring paper in for them to sketch whatever written symbols they could remember on.

"Do you know what this place is, Robin?" Chopper finally asked excitedly. "I've never heard of an underground city before!"

Robin considered, and nodded slowly. "I can't be certain," she said eventually, "But there are some old legends and mythology concerning an ancient underground city called Grand Laccolius. It was supposedly a highly advanced civilization and fully self-supporting, but legend tells that the inhabitants all died in a single night, completely unexpectedly."

Usopp whined and said frantically, "Was it a curse? Me and Zoro aren't going to die, are we?"

Robin shrugged. "Reports are inconclusive," she said. "After all, the city is legendary, and no one has ever found its exact location. Some say the people died of fire, others of disease, or war, or poisoning. Based on your observations of the skeletons I would guess the last is the most likely, especially if they died of natural gas poisoning from an accidentally opened vent in the ground, but it would be hard to say without further study."

"Are you going to go back tomorrow then, Robin-chan?" Sanji asked delightedly. "I would be happy to accompany you in your explorations!"

"I would like to," Robin admitted, "But I suspect it might be best to let some secrets lie." And although Zoro had never spoken once about the presence he'd felt in that final tomb room, based on the look she quietly exchanged with him, she knew about it just as well as he did. He nodded quietly to her in acknowledgement—they both understood full well that the living weren't wanted there, and that it was best to leave it alone.

"That's too bad," Nami said miserably. "We can't just leave all that treasure behind. _Argh! _Zoro, this is _all your fault! _I'm raising your interest by twenty percent for not even _thinking _about taking any of that gold!"

"What?" Zoro scowled. "That's _ridiculous!_" He glared across at her, and she scowled back. Across the table, Usopp winked at him in amusement, and then nodded in understanding as well.

Zoro got the message—for all their faults, it was nice to be back amongst the living any day.

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><p>Not my best, but I suppose not every prompt can be awesome haha.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	27. Polarity

**Title: **Polarity  
><strong>Theme:<strong> #19: Negative  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>1,462  
><strong>Rating: <strong>G  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Based off the anime-verse explanations more than the manga ones, since there are slight backstory differences...other than that, nothing. o_o**  
>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own,_ One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

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><p>It took Zoro a while to figure out that he and Kuina were well and truly opposites, although he figured that instinctively he'd always known.<p>

They'd been opposing forces from the beginning, after all, ever since the day he'd set foot in that dojo. From the very moment her bamboo sword had cracked him over the head and given her the first win of thousands, they'd been diametrically opposed, set up as competitors. And the more they challenged each other and the stronger they got, the more opposites Zoro seemed to find between them; traits and forces they possessed that seemed inherently unable to mesh properly, no matter how much time they spent in the others' company, no matter how important those skills were. It was more than just the fact that she _always _won, and he _always _lost. She focused on technique and skill, while he favored stubbornness and strength. He was a man, while she was a woman, an opposition that seemed to disgust her most of all. His swords were pitch black, unnamed, a nobody like himself, while hers was a radiant white, and possessed some sort of importance to her family that he couldn't even begin to fathom.

And later too, he discovered another opposite: that no matter how many times he fell, he was willing to get back up, to keep going, while she'd finally been ready to give up when the weight of the world threatened to crush her.

It seemed strange, that with so many incompatible forces making them up they would keep returning to each other. Their opposition was too strong, their views too different, their approaches to life too varying; it seemed impossible that people of two such opposing natures could ever find a way to relate. And yet somehow, despite that inability to get along properly, to compromise, to _connect, _it seemed they were always inevitably drawn together like magnets, negative and positive forces pulling against the other despite the inherent oppositions of their very natures, their very existences.

To onlookers, it was a bewildering thing to watch. Zoro and Kuina didn't appear to be friends. They didn't even appear to _like _each other, with their constant condescending offhand remarks and bold if inaccurate boasts, and it seemed like those forces should push each other apart or kill each other. But to Zoro it made sense, because despite all the opposition, the boasts, the beatings, there was one thing they did have in common. And that was to be the _best, _to get _stronger, _to not stop for anything until they reached the final goal, and that was a more powerful tie than all the negative and positive forces in the world.

Not that it was obvious, at first—or indeed, that either of them _knew _the other shared the same dream, to become the world's greatest swordsman. At first the only reason Zoro ever went back was because he still hadn't beat her, and he was determined to prove he _could, _that he could get stronger and stronger and stronger and finally beat her in a match and declare his strength to the world.

But after a while he started to realize there was more to it than just that goal that he could never seem to reach, no matter how hard he tried. Every time he lost he learned something; every time she spat out one of her condescending observations that he didn't in the least agree with, it was a challenge to prove her wrong. And it was the fact that they _were _opposing forces, seeing and experiencing their swordsmanship and their lives in markedly different ways, that acted as a driving force to keep improving, to become stronger, to meet those challenges and defeat them soundly. The rivalry between them was more motivational than all the praise their teacher could offer, all the attention their fellow students could give.

He also began to realize how much that rivalry, that binding of negative and positive forces together, could benefit them, on the night they dueled with real blades. Until then they were nothing more than opposites, vying for superiority; two swords versus one, each one desperate to prove they were the stronger. And with yet another frustrating loss Zoro fully expected her usual conceited remarks as she proved her strength once again. Which was why he was completely caught off guard when she told him women couldn't _be_ master swordsmen, that becoming the worlds greatest would be impossible for her. It was in that moment, as he yelled at her for even thinking about such a thing, that he began to understand: they were polar opposites for a reason, completely different people because that was exactly what was needed. She cursed the strength of men, so he loaned her his, urged her to defy what other people said and become the world's best _anyway. _

It was in that moment, as they shook on their deal of becoming the world's greatest swordsmen, one way or another, that he understood why they were rivals. They were inherent opposites, negative and positive, but their goal made them stronger, allowed them to cover each others' weaknesses, play off each others' strengths, learn from each other to become stronger still. They had nothing on common but their dream, but that would just make them both even tougher, as they pushed each other for still more strength and skill, dragged every drop of ability out of the other that they could in ways that, as opposing rivals, only they could do effectively.

It was in that moment he understood. And the next day, she was dead.

It wasn't fair, for it to end up like that. Zoro had just finally come to understand their rivalry, what their opposition meant, who Kuina really _was, _when she had to be taken away so senselessly, so meaninglessly. It wasn't fair that she'd never have a chance to prove the world wrong, try to earn her goal. It wasn't fair that _he _had lost such a powerful opposing force, the strongest form of motivation, the greatest learning opportunity, that he'd ever had. Without that bond there was nothing to work for, nobody to challenge, no reason to get stronger. The world felt strangely empty and purposeless for a while, with all his energy alone, unfocused, unmatched, deprived of its polarity by something as utterly unfeeling and uncaring as fate.

For a while he threw himself into his training out of habit, but it felt just as senseless and pointless as his thoughts and feelings did, and while all the rage and determination of his training before her death was there the reason was blatantly absent. He'd trained for so long to get better than _her_. His goal had always been _her, _because beating Kuina would be his first step towards becoming the worlds greatest swordsman, and with her gone it was like that step had been violently cut away and left him stranded and lost.

That was when he saw her sword, held in the hands of his sensei, and when he spoke to his teacher suddenly everything seemed to make sense again. Before that day he'd been empty, purposeless, meaningless. But learning how much he'd motivated Kuina—learning how hard she'd struggled to _keep _staying stronger than him, to improve her own skills to be the best...it was a shameful waste, to give up after what he'd lectured her about that night, to let her improvement and his own go to waste because of her death. He begged for her sword then, and what his sensei said in that moment—_I leave her spirit and her dreams in your hands—_had only reinforced that the goal wasn't dead, and that in some strange way Kuina was still _alive, _embodied in that sword.

His polarity hadn't vanished, just shifted. He didn't have a rival in the same sense anymore, but that opposing force, negative and positive, black and white, man and woman, strength and skill, resided forever at his side in the form of his most trusted sword. He _would _be the greatest swordsman in the world, just like he promised her, and he'd carry her spirit with him to the goal as well so that she would be a part of it, just like she'd wanted, just like _she'd _promised. And it seemed she understood too, because her sword had endured of hardships that dozens of others had broken under, remained his most trustworthy weapon for his most difficult skills and techniques, survived through anything despite all the challenges thrown in their way of becoming the best.

But then, she'd always been stubborn, even back then. That was why they made such strong opposites to begin with.

* * *

><p>This was <em>the hardest <em>prompt to write, and I spent many a long hour banging my head against my desk trying to come up with an answer.

Playing with opposites and polarities seemed the best way to approach it in the end (especially considering the irony that Zoro, who is the quintessential manly man in the series, is probably the closest to _female empowerment _in terms of backstory when you really break it down haha).

~VelkynKarma


	28. Misunderstandings

**Title: **Misunderstandings  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#13: Wedding  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>3,437  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Bit of language, that's it  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Life was nice and easy for once, Zoro reflected, as he walked through the local marketplace. This island had initially seemed like it would be a problem, with frightened townsfolk and bandit overlords. But as soon as Luffy had learned the reason the restaurants refused to serve him was because of heavy food tributes to be sent to the bandits, he'd been more than willing to kick a few asses for the sake of a meaty lunch (Luffy claimed he'd never much liked bandits anyway). The bastards had been a piece of cake to defeat, and the awed townsfolk now treated them like champions and heroes, treating them to as much booze and food as they wanted for free. Zoro was <em>never<em> one to say no to a free drink or twenty.

Of course, it wasn't all good, he decided. While the perks of being raised on a pedestal as champions were definitely nice, it came with plenty of annoyances too. For starters, since they were pretty much celebrities amongst the locals now, it meant they were_ followed_ everywhere like celebrities too, and given way more attention than was normal. Some of them, like Usopp and Brook, ate it up. But for Zoro, at least, it was way too many people staring at him than he'd care for.

Which was why he was looking for another bar at the present moment. The last establishment had started getting awful crowded, and not with the usual drunkards and brawlers he was used to. Most of the people in the last tavern hadn't even been looking to get a drink; ninety percent of the people packed in the building had been there to just stare at him in awe as they discussed his various exploits on the island with not-even-remotely-concealed whispers. It was damned annoying, and he'd finally gotten tired of it, ditching the place in search of a quieter haven.

Sadly, being a celebrity also meant he couldn't move anywhere without being watched. Which meant most of the watchers from the last bar were now following him around in an ever-growing crowd as more people on the streets realized who he was and joined in. This was damned obnoxious. He didn't know how all those super stars did it on a regular basis.

He was just thinking of making a break for it and trying to get back to the _Sunny_ unseen when he heard a squeal of surprise behind him, and instinctively turned to look. Several of his loyal followers were so desperate to get a look at him they'd started knocking over stalls of merchandise set up on either side of the street, spilling food, clothing, toys and more as they tried to squeeze past. As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the vendors, a girl who looked like she'd just barely reached eighteen, had been knocked over and half-buried in some of her stock, and looked in severe danger of being trampled by his over-eager watchers as they tried to keep up with him.

"Oh for fuck's _sake,_" he growled in exasperation. It was one thing to have them in awe of him for being a champion or whatever. That was obnoxious as hell, but ultimately harmless. But it was going too far when people started getting put in danger, and he'd officially had enough.

"Out of the way," he snapped at his onlookers, and threw his best pirate-hunter glare in their general direction for added effect. They scuttled backwards like frightened puppies, thankfully before trampling all over the girl. He pulled one of the braces of her now-destroyed cart off of where it had been laying on top of her and hauled her up by one arm, and spotting something glinting not too far from where her hand had been, snatched it up as well.

"Here," he told her curtly, handing her the dropped object—what looked like a now-broken but probably valuable necklace. She didn't answer, trembling slightly, and he frowned. He gave her a quick once-over, thinking maybe she'd been injured more than he'd first guessed when the crowed had buried her in the cartload of apples she'd been selling. Other than a few scrapes and bruises, though, she didn't look particularly injured.

But she still didn't respond, and now Zoro was getting annoyed in addition to concerned. "Look," he finally said, "D'you want me to call for somebody to come get you?"

He'd really just meant calling for a doctor, or maybe for her family to close up the cart and take her home. Judging by the sudden stunned gasps that he heard from probably ever single mouth in the jostling crowd, though, he guessed whatever he'd said had some other significance. He frowned and gave the crowd a confused look, before crossing his arms and glancing back to the girl.

That was when he realized she was _blushing,_ and clutching at the necklace he'd handed back to her like it was a lifeline. He took an automatic step back, suddenly unexplainably nervous. Whatever was going on, he had an unexpected urge to turn on his heel and run as _far_ in the other direction as he could.

_"Yes,"_ she said suddenly, her voice trembling. Zoro realized rather uncomfortably that the girl was crying now, although she was smiling too, so apparently she wasn't suffering from unexpected internal injuries. He had a feeling he would have preferred those. At least it'd just be easy to take her to a doctor and be done with it.

"Yes," she repeated, more excitedly than before, and gripped one of his hands between hers, with the necklace digging sharply into his palm. "Yes, yes, _yes,_ I absolutely accept!"

Uh-oh. "Accept _what?_" he growled, yanking his hand away from hers. "Look, I just gave you your necklace back, it's not anything to get all excited over—"

But he was interrupted by the enthusiastic, excited cheering of the crowd, as the people threw up their hands in unison and leapt up and down excitedly. Zoro heard a number of congratulations thrown their way, and then several women swept forward out of the crowd to bundle up the girl and lead her away. She was still trembling and crying, and chattering excitedly with the women, and in a moment she'd been led out of sight somewhere.

Zoro figured he'd make a break for it while he had the chance, because it seemed this entire town had gone crazy overnight. But when he turned to leave he found himself surrounded by no less than ten grinning, happy-looking men, who promptly seized hold of his arms and started dragging him off in the opposite direction of the girl, patting him on the back and congratulating him more.

"Lucky bastard, we never thought any of our women would be good enough for the likes of a Champion!"

"She's a fine lass, we're so happy to know she'll be in good hands!"

"Not from around here, so you probably don't have any of the traditional garb, but it's okay, the tailors will definitely be willing to work hard to make you something!"

"You can borrow my headdress, it's authentic!"

"Aye, and my beaded necklace, make ya even more acceptable in the eyes of the gods!"

_"What the hell is going on!"_ Zoro finally managed to interject, as he tugged ineffectually to free his arms. He didn't really want to hurt any of these guys—_yet,_ anyway—but that was easier said and done, when they had iron grips on his wrists and were steering him with great enthusiasm towards a large building on the end of the street.

"Why, the wedding, of course!" one of the men offered helpfully. He laughed. "You can't be having second thoughts already! I never figured a Champion with your skills would be so _shy._"

_"What!"_ Wedding? How the hell had he gotten himself into a _wedding?_ All he'd done was dig the girl out of the rubble of her own cart and hand her that necklace back! "Look, I don't know how you people do things around here, but there's gotta be some mistake. I didn't ask to get married—"

"But you did!" another man responded, grinning. "And what a beautiful proposal it was! I know a lot of men take the flowery romantic road, but yours just took the _cake_ with that white knight approach!"

"She'll always know she'll be taken care of now," another man said with an agreeable nod. "You tied the knot saving her life and everything."

"Very solid, noble presence," a third man added. "Just perfect. Almost puts my own proposal to shame."

"What! No, I didn't—hey, stop—let go of my—look, I'm not getting married, so just—_hey, I said let go already!_"

They steered him into the building and down the halls, where a skinny-looking man with at least a dozen different-colored tape measures draped around his neck shot forward almost immediately to start taking measurements. He poked Zoro angrily with pins whenever the swordsman twisted away, attempting to escape his unexpected capture, and muttered to himself under his breath the whole time. "Broad in the shoulder, but that's workable, hrm yes, I can modify something in time, yes, yes, hrm, a touch more here..."

"So what made you pick her?" one of the kidnappers asked cheerfully, as he dutifully held Zoro's arm out against his will for more measurements.

"I _didn't,_" Zoro snapped at him, patience fast dwindling. Breaking a few heads was starting to sound like a better option more and more. "Fuck, if I knew I was gonna get signed up for _marriage_ I would've let her get stepped on—_hey, give that back!_" The measuring guy had stolen his haramaki and tossed it aside without care, muttering about 'tasteless fabrics.'

No one had listened, apparently, because one of the other men helpfully holding out his _other_ arm added cheerfully, "Well, it can't have been for personality, she's always been so shy I don't expect you've had a conversation with her. But she's a damned fine looker if I do say so myself!"

"She's good with kids, too," a third man added helpfully. "Be a great asset when she starts havin' yours."

_Fucking hell_ this could not get any worse. Face now a little red from the way the topic was turning, Zoro attempted to pull one of his arms back while growling, "I am _not_ getting married! Let me go!"

"He's a bit shy," the first man said helpfully to the others in a terrible stage whisper. They nodded sagely in understanding. Zoro seriously considered resorting to murder.

The man with the tape measures finished his work, and Zoro was bundled off unceremoniously towards the showers to freshen up. He considered making a break for it—running through the streets in nothing but a towel would be embarrassing as hell, but even that was worth getting married against his will. Unfortunately, the men had taken his swords in addition to his haramaki just before they'd shoved him in the bathroom, and there was no way in hell he was leaving without those. In the end he was forced to come out sparkling clean, and wearing some sort of traditional garb on the island—a robe thing covered in feathers and shells and who only knew what else—since they'd stolen his usual pants and shirt while he was in the shower itself.

"Look," he said, sounding and feeling thoroughly exhausted by the whole mess. "I'm _not_ getting married, okay? Give me back my swords and my clothes and I'll get out of your damned hair."

"Don't be silly," one of his kidnappers said, still with obnoxious cheer. "Absolutely you're getting married! I saw the proposal myself. And the whole village is already talking about it, it's going to be the event of the year! Lowly fruit merchant's daughter marries bandit-killing Champion!"

_"No,"_ Zoro said in exasperation. "No events, no marriages, no talking! Look, will you at least tell me how the hell this all started?"

"Of course!" the second man said excitedly. "It's only natural, you're clearly not too familiar with our culture, and why would you be? You've got to be off adventuring and killing bandits and whatnot."

"Yeah," Zoro groused. "Sure. Just explain already."

"Marriage proposals are simple," the third man of his babysitting trio dutifully chimed in. "Every family has a heirloom item they pass down to each of their children. When a man is ready to propose, he offers her his heirloom item to bind them. If she accepts it, he calls for her family to come take her for the marriage preparations and the wedding will be held within the same day. Normally the wedding garb is donated by the families, but since you're not local, the village has come together to provide for you!"

Zoro didn't even hear the last part. His mind was flashing back to when he'd picked the girl up and handed her that necklace. "That thing wasn't _hers?_" he asked with a groan. What shitty, rotten luck, that he'd picked up somebody _else's_ heirloom whatever-it-was. And that he'd attempted to be helpful in exactly the _wrong_ way. _Do you want me to call for somebody to come get you?_ Why couldn't he have just asked if she wanted to go to a doctor? Damn his stupid fucking luck!

"Look," he said, more insistently, as he looked around for his swords and tried to drive off the half-dozen people fussing with his collar and arranging the feathers and shells 'appropriately.' "There's a mistake, okay? I've never seen a wedding done like that before, and I had _no_ intention of proposing, alright? It was just an accident, a mistake."

"It's alright to be shy," the first man said to him, patting him understandingly on the shoulder. "I was very nervous myself after I proposed! But you can't get out of it now, of course. You did propose in front of six hundred witnesses after all, and you're a Champion, so it's best for you to just accept it. After all, you made a promise, and we all saw it."

Zoro grit his teeth. He was really, really going to _kill_ somebody over this.

He protested for over an hour, as they fussed over his clothing and lectured him on important points of cultural significance and things he'd need to do during the wedding itself (which he completely ignored, as he was _not getting married_). He would have gone on a rampage long ago, except he _still_ had no idea where they'd put his swords, and that was the only thing insuring his good behavior. Not that any of them knew it, as they still thought he was just nervous about his wedding day and displaying a shy side they hadn't expected in their beloved bandit-walloping Champion.

But in the end it was all pointless, and against his protests he was dragged to the center of town, where the religious ceremonies always officially took place—including weddings, apparently. The entire population had turned out for the event, it looked like, sitting on the cobbles and the rooftops and in the decorative trees; that guy hadn't been kidding earlier when he said this was the event of the year.

Even worse, to his extreme horror and absolute embarrassment, the entire Straw Hat crew had shown up as well to watch. They'd probably heard about the event from all the rumors around town, and had been granted places of honor at the ceremony by the mayor, who seemed delighted to not only be marrying off one of his people to a Champion, but had eight others as guests as well. The pirates seemed to think the whole situation was damned funny; most of them couldn't stop laughing, and even Robin had way more of a smirk than she usually did on her face, without bothering to try and hide it.

It was bad enough that they had to be here under _normal_ circumstances as it was, but with this _ridiculous_ getup it was ten times worse. In addition to the stupid robe they'd forced him into, they'd also wrestled him into a positively ugly-looking bright-red fur-and-feather-covered headdress, which even _he_ with his limited fashion sense could tell clashed horrifically with his hair. The Straw Hats started laughing all the harder when they caught sight of him in his stupid 'ceremonial garb,' and Zoro felt his face heating to a point where the color of his skin probably matched that of the headdress.

He protested several more times, but the locals would hear none of it, and for all his increasingly loud declarations that he was _not_ getting married they ignored him and began the ceremony. Zoro tried to bolt several times and was restrained by several of his oh-so-helpful kidnappers, who figured he was still just getting last-minute nerves and kept pushing him back towards the altar. The priest skillfully ignored him whenever he was asked questions about how he would treat his wife and Zoro insisted that _he wouldn't be doing any of those things because he'd be remaining perfectly fucking single, thank you very much._ Possibly the only good to come out of it was the shocked yell and furious shouting from Sanji behind him, when Zoro's so-called bride to be came out in mid-ceremony and was revealed to be an (admittedly) drop-dead gorgeous woman, and the resounding smacking noise a few seconds later that suggested Nami had probably punched him.

But the ceremony was drawing to a close, and it looked much to Zoro's horror like he was going to be married against his will, no matter how many times he protested that this was _all a mistake._ He tried to interject one last time, but the oblivious wife-to-be and priest ignored him, and the religious overseer launched into the last part of the ceremony. "If there are any who object to this marriage, speak now; or this beautiful couple will forever be tied together and to the land as they rule happily in our fair country."

"Wait," Luffy interjected suddenly from behind, "Tied to the land? You mean Zoro would have to stay here?"

"But of course," the priest explained patiently. "As a Champion marrying one of our fine women, it would be his duty to remain here and rule over us as lord, protecting us from dangers."

"Oh," Luffy said, and then a second later, "Never mind then, he can't get married. I need Zoro for adventures and stuff. This party is pretty neat though!"

Had Zoro been less of a manly man, he might have burst into tears and given his captain a hug. As it was, he thanked his lucky stars that Luffy had been clever enough to speak up _before_ the ceremony was finished, otherwise he'd be stuck here for all eternity, a prospect he did not relish in the slightest.

"That is most unfortunate," the priest said with a heavy sigh, as the would-be wife burst into tears and was promptly escorted away by a dozen women. "But alas, if another Champion speaks against it, there is little we can do." Almost immediately upon hearing these words the crowd sighed sadly and began to disperse.

Zoro immediately tore off the ridiculous headdress. He would have followed up with the robe (he'd thankfully been allowed to keep a pair of pants on), except that Sanji kicked him in the back of the head and sent him sprawling. "How _dare_ you break that poor girl's heart, marimo!" the curly-brow snarled.

"What the hell did_ I_ do!" Zoro snapped back at him furiously. "I've been saying since the _beginning_ I didn't want any damned marriage!"

They fought for a few minutes (it was blissfully routine after a day from hell), while the others questioned him about how he'd managed to get himself in such a situation to begin with. He told them about the misunderstanding before going to collect his clothes and his swords from the building they'd kept him at, with Usopp and Chopper accompanying him helpfully to ward off any more confusion. They were still snickering at the whole incident; apparently to _them_ it was hilarious.

That was it, Zoro decided. If ever in the far, _far_ future he decided to get married, none of these jerks were invited, because he was _definitely_ going to elope.

* * *

><p>'Wedding' is prime fuel for shipping, unless you're not a fan of shipping, in which case it's prime 'make Zoro's life miserable' fodder haha.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	29. Bound

Moving the schedule up just a tad, since I'd like the last fic to be out by this weekend...**  
><strong>

**Title: **Bound  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#11: Spider Web  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>2,046  
><strong>Rating: <strong>PG-13  
><strong>Warnings: <strong>Some gruesome imagery and description. Takes place during the Baratie arc.  
><strong>Disclaimer(s): <strong>I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>Usopp, Johnny and Yosaku sat back in exhaustion, surveying their handiwork as they wiped their brows and washed the blood from their hands into the ocean. It had only been an hour since they'd left the Baratie, chasing after Nami and the <em>Going Merry, <em>but in Usopp's opinion it was still one of the most frightening hours of his life. After all—Zoro's life had been on the line, and after joining the Straw Hat pirates he'd discovered nothing was a more terrifying prospect than losing a new friend.

Mihawk had insisted that Zoro would be 'fine' to Luffy, and Usopp had to admit, that final sword stroke must've been brilliant even if he could only comprehend the bare basics of it. The wounds cutting across Zoro's chest were terrible, but not as deep as it had originally looked, and that enormous black sword hadn't sliced through bone or vital organs like the sniper was all too aware it _could _have done if he'd really meant for it to. In that regard, Zoro _was _fine.

But Usopp wasn't a doctor, and neither were Johnny or Yosaku. They'd fought a battle with severe blood-loss that they'd almost lost towards the end, until they'd finally managed to stitch the wound closed with inexperienced fingers. Usopp figured the results of their handiwork would be forever branded across Zoro's chest; it had been difficult to close that massive wound without the right tools or really knowing _how, _and Usopp could fix _things_ alright, but not people so much. He'd started to get the hang of it by the time he'd taken care of the less dangerous wound cutting across Zoro's chest from right to left, but he had a feeling the gash ripping violently across his body from left shoulder to right hip was going to leave a bad scar for the rest of his life from their inadequate stitching job. He hoped Zoro wouldn't mind so much.

But they'd finally won their own little battle for Zoro's life in the end, and the wounds were taken care of and the bleeding had finally stopped, and Johnny and Yosaku were simultaneously sobbing and dancing with delight at the front of the ship now that 'big bro' was okay again. Zoro himself was still unconscious (he'd passed out again only minutes after making his vow to Luffy), but they'd laid him out flat in the middle of the boat with a blanket beneath his head to make him more comfortable, and he was already starting to snore a little, which was a great sign if there ever was one.

While the bounty hunters cheered and got back to the business of steering their ship, Usopp let himself take a short break to rest, and more importantly to make his hands stop trembling. He hadn't realized just how scared he was about the whole thing until now, after it was all over. Funny, how the heat of an intense situation did that. He tried to relax, breathed deep, let himself calm, and ten minutes later when he was sure he could handle it again he got back treating Zoro. That was when he was able, for the first time, to really _think _about what had just happened, instead of merely _acting _on it.

It started with the wounds themselves, as he dabbed away the excess blood with a clean cloth so that he'd be able to wrap the swordsman's chest in bandages. There had been so much of it, and the red liquid ran in dozens of rivulets all over the skin and onto the boards of the ship beneath them, and in a strange moment of almost artistic observation he realized the patterns resembled the cobwebs he used to clean out of his house. The vicious, lopsided 'x' across his chest looked almost like it was trying to wrap around him like a net, to seize him, and the way the edges of the wounds puckered and tore from stress and strain created a frightening network of dozens of tiny scars, like little spider-web filaments tying the whole mess together. Even the fraying mending thread from his bag that he'd been forced to use as sutures for lack of anything else seemed to add to the effect, and though they were the only things holding Zoro together at this point they still looked foreign and indescribably _wrong, _buried in his chest like that. The whole mess together created the frightening effect that Zoro had been bound in blood, painfully ensnared, like he was never going to escape that web or the violence associated with it.

Usopp knew instinctively that the look would go away in time—already as he cleaned the skin off the blood trails slithered away and the web became a little smaller. But the more he cleaned the physical web, the more he began to realize that even though the blood itself could be wiped away and the stitches removed, the snare itself would never go away, not now. Zoro had been marked, and that scar he was definitely going to have created a whole different sort of binding that he would never break out of, for the rest of his life.

Because that wound was more than just a frightening gash—it was an oath, an agreement, and now it bound him eternally to Hawk-Eye Mihawk. Thinking back on that encounter now, Usopp could see that. Mihawk had sworn to wait for Zoro at the top, no matter how many years it took; but in return Zoro would be watched by that steely gaze as the world's greatest swordsman observed him and waited, and Zoro would never, ever escape that look again. Before that encounter at the Baratie Zoro still could have backed out on his dream last minute, decided to take a different path, and no one would ever have known the difference. But he would never again have that opportunity now, with the eyes of a shichibukai on him, and the mark on his chest would tie him to that commitment now until death.

And it _would _be until death, Usopp knew, with sudden, frighteningly grim understanding. The web Mihawk had drawn Zoro into, the one he'd lashed into his opponent's skin, would accept nothing else now. Zoro's life was promised to Mihawk, one way or another; in the end the world's greatest swordsman might kill him, or Zoro might kill the shichibukai and claim his title, but the only way it would end was in death. Even if Zoro somehow died during their adventures with Luffy, it would still be in tribute to Mihawk—because each stroke of the sword while battling alongside his friends would also be made to get still stronger, still more powerful, to rip that title from the warlord and seize it for himself. It was a fate that wouldn't be escaped, not now, not with that mark to seal it, to bind him to his oath more strongly than even his own conviction.

Usopp supposed Zoro had known all of this from the beginning, even as he challenged Mihawk, or when he began to realize that he was hopelessly outmatched. His pledge to Luffy after the battle certainly suggested as such, and Usopp knew Zoro took his swordsmanship too seriously to go into such a situation without understanding the ramifications. Zoro had certainly known from the beginning that showing himself to Mihawk was a life-altering moment, and that he would never again be just Zoro of the three sword style, no matter what the outcome was. And it probably hadn't even crossed his mind to try and back down, to hide, to avoid such a binding oath in the face of death. Zoro just didn't think that way.

But to Usopp, as he cleaned the wound and began to wrap the swordsman's chest in bandages to protect it however he could, the whole encounter had made things suddenly so much more _real. _He'd heard Zoro's dream time and time again since he'd joined the crew, but those had just been _words. _Now he'd seen what that dream entailed with his own two eyes, and suddenly he understood what it _meant _to try and take the title of world's greatest, and he was in awe of the discovery he'd made.

It wasn't just that Zoro had been willing to die for his dream, either. It sounded nice in stories, all tough and scary and determined, but Usopp had heard too many _real _stories to take that entirely seriously, either. For every person like Luffy or Zoro there was inevitably somebody who died because they were foolish, pursuing something they couldn't have, and in the end it made such a final sacrifice worthless and meaningless when nothing came of it. He was impressed by Luffy's or Zoro's abilities to make such a claim with a straight face, but if Usopp was honest with himself he'd admit his own beliefs swung more towards what that cook, Sanji, had shouted at Zoro as he was going down—that it was better to give up his ambition for the sake of living. If you were alive, you could pursue your dream again another day, after all.

And that was what _did _really awe Usopp, when he began to understand, _really _understand, Zoro's dream. It wasn't the fact that he'd been willing to die for it—it was the fact that he'd been willing to _live _for it, too. Despite being brutally wounded and on the edge of death Zoro hadn't hesitated for a second; his first words hadn't been to give up or to curse his opponent, but to insist that he was going to _keep going _and _keep getting better. _Zoro was going to be eternally scarred for the rest of his life, marked by the web of promises Mihawk had cut into him, burdened with both the physical _and _mental signs of his goal, and that was far more impressive than one flashy but ultimately pointless and idiotic death. It was truly a mark that Zoro was willing to do _anything _for his dream, to risk death and to suffer living, and that sort of dedication was terrifying in its own way because Usopp had _never _seen anything quite like that before.

So Usopp felt that he could suddenly understand why Zoro had done it—why he'd stepped into the spider's web willingly, understanding he'd never get out of it again, let himself be tied up into an eternal oath that would never be forgotten until, one way or another, it brought death with it. And perhaps it was almost fitting, in a way, that the physical wound reflected the symbolic trap Zoro had accepted anyway, just like he'd willingly taken the worst of the injuries to prove his dedication.

It was still a little hazy to the sniper, he had to admit. He definitely understood his crew mate better, knew why Zoro made the decisions he did, knew now just how dedicated he was to his goal. For Zoro it made sense, but for Usopp himself he still wasn't sure if _he _could dredge up that same sort of dedication, that willingness to live _or _die for his ambition.

But then, maybe that was how he'd really know he was a great warrior of the sea, Usopp reflected. When he'd be able to see the web in front of him, and still be _that _determined and _that _willing to step into it anyway, knowing and accepting what it meant for _him, _too.

Well, he still had time to get there. For now, he just finished wrapping the last of the bandages around Zoro's torso, checking one last time to make sure the swordsman was okay (relatively speaking). For now, they just had to focus on getting Nami back and reuniting the crew. Later, they'd head for the Grand Line, and Zoro _would _fulfill that promise marked by the deep scars in his skin, and face Mihawk one day. And Usopp would definitely be there then to cheer him on, because by then he was sure he'd understand and feel the situation far better than he had today.

They'd _both _be a lot stronger by then, after all.

* * *

><p>I realized that I don't think I've ever seen a piece done on Zoro's chest scar, which is sort of...important and there throughout the entire rest of the series lol. People seem to focus on Thriller Bark more. I decided I wanted to do a piece on it and this happened.<p>

~VelkynKarma


	30. Espionage

C'mon. The theme was _Mad Scientist _and my character is _Zoro, _and we all know how horrible a person I am.I _had_ to do it! (And fulfill one final time-honored Oda tradition in the process, too...)

**Title:** Espionage  
><strong>Theme: <strong>#6: Mad Scientist  
><strong>Claim: <strong>Zoro  
><strong>(Words:) <strong>13,572  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-13  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Swearing, some blood or disturbing imagery (or references to it), mildly AU. This fic also won't make any sense at all unless you've read _Mindshattered _and _The Panaceam Report, _two other fics by me, since this references it and one particular character _a lot.  
><em>**Disclaimer(s): **I do not own, or pretend to own, _One Piece_ or any of its subsequent characters, plots or other ideas. That right belongs solely to Eiichiro Oda. I do not own the prompts either—those are assigned by 30_OnePiece.

* * *

><p>It was a relatively simple day on the Grand Line. The crew had arrived at a large island with a heavy marine presence two days ago, and discovered they were stuck there for the better part of a week while the Log Pose set itself. They'd decided to play it smart and lay low in the only pirate-safe port on the island, although some Straw Hats understood 'laying it low' better than others; Luffy needed a babysitter every time he set foot on the island or he'd inevitably draw attention to them.<p>

Not that Sanji had much to worry about, at the moment. With such a heavy marine presence, the crew had decided to keep two of their number aboard the ship at all times to guard it, and Sanji had pulled one of the short straws today. His guarding partner for the day was, most unfortunately, the marimo, but Zoro was behaving himself for the moment and sleeping out on deck. With no bickering and (thankfully) no marine attacks, Sanji had finally decided to start early on a more elaborate dinner for that night—Nami-san and Robin-chan would be so delighted!

He was barely a half hour into the preparations, however, when he heard an unexpected snarl of rage from outside on the deck that sounded suspiciously like the marimo, and seconds later the ring of steel as swords were drawn. It would be just his damned luck that the marines attacked right in the middle of his _cooking, _Sanji thought with irritation. After setting everything aside carefully he went out to give the marimo a hand.

Only his eyes weren't met with scores of marines leaping over the decks of the _Thousand Sunny _to try and capture the ship or make an arrest. Instead, Zoro was standing at the base of the mast, all three swords out, an expression of sheer _hatred_ on his face as he glared upwards. And when Sanji followed his gaze, he found his own expression quickly melding into something almost identical. Because perched far above them on the mast, staring down at them cooly, was a man in a dark longcoat and wearing a bowler hat, with a face that Sanji would never in all his days forget.

The Alchemist was on board the _Thousand Sunny _again.

"What the hell are you doing back?" Sanji yelled angrily, and tapped his leg warningly on the deck. If the bastard thought he could win a fight so easily _this _time around he had another thing coming! Sanji had been the one to beat him _last _time, and he was a hell of a lot stronger now than he'd been almost two years ago.

"Good afternoon, Black Leg Sanji," the Alchemist greeted calmly, in his usual unemotional monotone. "I should think my presence is obvious—I am merely here to talk."

"_Bullshit,_" Zoro snarled, and although the Alchemist was out of range for most of their attacks, three _pound cannon _slashes _could _reach. The compressed air slices rocketed upwards with stunning accuracy, barely missing the mast and the lines as they arrowed for the Alchemist.

Panaceam was, unfortunately, equal to that. As the attacks closed in he leapt, far higher than a normal human should have been able to, and landed easily on the roof of the crow's nest. He was probably, Sanji realized, currently under the effects of some potion or other that let him jump to ridiculous heights, or one that strengthened his legs. Damned _cheater._ Sanji wanted to beat his head in again—he _should _have killed the bastard all those months ago!—but he'd never be able to close in time to launch an attack before the man evaded.

"Certainly it is not," the Alchemist said cooly. "It would be completely and utterly pointless for me to lie about such a thing. And not to divert the subject, but that was a very impressive move, Roronoa. It is very rare for swordsmen to be able to attack outside their blade range, is it not?"

Sanji was actually inclined to think the Alchemist was being genuinely impressed, and not provoking Zoro, but the end result was still the same. Zoro snarled furiously again and slashed out with another full caliber of _pound cannon, _heedless of the target's location. The Alchemist leapt nimbly aside, back to his original position on the mast, and the compressed air slices shattered several of the boards that made up the nest's roof. Franky would _not _be pleased.

"You can't expect us to believe a piece of shit story like that," Sanji snarled up at him, for lack of anything else to do. The bastard was staying out of his range, probably on purpose. Although Sanji thought it was a bit odd, that the man hadn't actually attacked them yet. After all, last time he'd attacked them with five able-bodied members of the crew on deck; he'd probably consider just two very favorable odds for him.

Zoro sent another blast of sliced air at the Alchemist, snarling wordlessly as he tried to hit the man, or at least knock him down to their level. Panaceam skittered easily to the left to avoid the attacks, and responded cooly, "No, I do not particularly think you _will._ I informed my employers that this would be a waste of time, but they insisted that I visit you first, and I cannot very well say 'no.'"

"Employers?" Zoro spat, entering the conversation for the first time. He looked livid. Sanji had never seen him so mindlessly angry before. But then it was _infinitely _preferable to the last time Sanji had seen him react to the Alchemist; that had been mostly fear and hopelessness, two things that most certainly did _not _belong on Roronoa Zoro's face. "Did the goddamn marines send you to collect a few heads, or are you just back for revenge?"

He sent another _pound cannon _in the Alchemist's direction, and the man scuttled left again across the mast easily. "Have a care, Roronoa Zoro," the man warned cooly. "Your aim seems to be getting progressively worse the angrier you get. It would be a great shame if you damaged your own ship. It is also perhaps a weakness you should be aware of for the future."

This was entirely the wrong thing to say, and Zoro looked furious as he charged the mast, probably about to do something extremely stupid. Sanji grabbed him by the collar and hauled him back, hissing under his breath to the swordsman, "Calm the fuck down, shitty marimo! Don't let him bait you." Zoro looked furious, and Sanji could hear his teeth grinding on the hilt of his white sword from here, but he stepped back after a moment and breathed deeply, visibly calming himself. The swords did not lower, however, and Sanji didn't blame him in the least. There was no reason to be hasty, but there was no reason to drop their guards, either.

"Very good," the Alchemist said calmly from above. "That was quite impressive, Bla—"

"Shut the fuck up," Sanji shot back at him, cutting him off. "I am not on your side and never will be. You've got one minute to start explaining, or _I'm _going to get mad, and I think we both remember how that turned out for you _last _time." He gave the Alchemist a flat glare that said very clearly he was _not _kidding around on this, and after a moment the other man nodded.

"Of course. I prefer to get directly to the point, anyway. I am no longer employed by the marines, so no, I am not here to collect your bounties. I am reasonably sure my hunting license has probably been revoked by now, anyway." He gave Zoro a cool look, and then turned back to Sanji. "If you recall, I was..._transferred_...to some acquaintances of Nico Robin's. After learning about some of my techniques, they decided I would be extremely useful as an operative on the field, and I have been in their employ ever since."

"In other words," Zoro said coldly, "You cracked and sold out to them in order to save your worthless life."

The Alchemist's lips twitched just slightly in what might have been an amused quirk, if he hadn't been so otherwise emotionless. "I am not, nor have I ever been, as idealistic as you, Roronoa Zoro," he stated calmly. "Personally I find my life the only worthwhile possession I own. Naturally I will go to great lengths to keep it. This was not a particularly great length."

Zoro looked disgusted. Sanji couldn't blame him. Zoro had held out for more than a month at the Alchemist's own hands, enduring torture rather than betraying his crew. He'd been broken eventually, but against his will, and he'd never so much as considered taking the Alchemist up even once on his deals to have his own life spared. It spoke volumes about Zoro's belief in loyalty, and to see something so important to _him _so easily disregarded by another—especially the very man who had tortured him—had to be terribly offensive to him.

But Sanji wasn't especially surprised by the revelation, either. From what he'd learned of Panaceam, the man was obnoxiously practical, and out for only one thing: himself. To a man who did things by rote, not by belief, it had to be far too easy to swap sides like that. "Fine," he said curtly. "You're not with the marines. We still don't want you around, so get the fuck off our ship."

"That is very unfortunate to hear," the Alchemist said cooly, "Seeing as my current mission largely involves your captain, and my employers sent me here first to invite your crew to join it. I will inform them of your refusal in my report. Good day."

Sanji and Zoro both froze as the Alchemist turned on the mast, walking calmly down its length towards the harbor. A mission that involved Luffy? It couldn't be assassination, at least; if the Alchemist was really working for the Revolutionaries, and Sanji at least had no reason to doubt that, then there was no way Dragon would order a hit on his own son. Sanji couldn't fathom what on earth could tie the Revolutionary Army, the Alchemist, and Luffy together, but he had a sudden feeling that they had to find out—and that meant the man above couldn't be allowed to leave.

"Wait," he said sharply. The Alchemist froze on the mast, and glanced down at them with his head cocked to one side, waiting patiently. Smug bastard. He knew dropping bait like that would work. "Explain," Sanji ordered shortly.

"Of course," the Alchemist answered immediately, as if the conversation hadn't been interrupted at all. "Though it might perhaps be easier if I could speak to you at eye level."

The Alchemist stared down at Zoro as he spoke. The swordsman's grips on his katana hilts were so strong his knuckles were white, and his teeth were displayed in a snarling grimace around the white sword. He looked ready to attack the moment the man was in range, regardless of the consequences. He might have gotten over most of the problems the Alchemist had caused him months ago, but he clearly still didn't think reasonably when it came to the man, and it was evident in the violent fury he all but exuded.

But after a moment he took a deep breath again, and although his eyes never left the Alchemist's face he growled slowly, "You don't try any funny business, and I won't slice you into pieces. And if your hands go into your coat even once you're a dead man."

"A reasonable enough demand," the Alchemist said cooly. "In that case, I am coming down." And he promptly did, dropping the distance from the mast to the grassy deck with relative ease. He stood fluidly, checked his watch once, and murmured, "Just in time," before striding forward to meet them. He stopped at exactly ten feet, and looked unperturbed by the fact that both Sanji and Zoro were at the ready, prepared for combat at less than a moment's notice.

"To business, then," the Alchemist said calmly. "My employers have quite a vast intelligence network throughout the world. Recently they discovered an unusual object in development at one of the marines' research facilities. The files and information surrounding the object are heavily encrypted. However, my employers have decoded enough to know it is meant as a weapon designed specifically to be used against Straw Hat Luffy."

Zoro's eyes narrowed, and Sanji frowned. "A weapon against Luffy?" he repeated. "That's ridiculous. Most weapons don't even hurt him."

"A fact I am well aware of," the Alchemist stated calmly, with the barest flickering glance towards Zoro. The swordsman's eyes narrowed and he started to take a step forward, but Sanji intervened hastily, deliberately standing in front of him to keep him from doing something completely idiotic (if entirely justified). "However," the Alchemist continued, as though nothing had happened, "It is only true that most _conventional _weapons do not work against Straw Hat Luffy. Under normal circumstances it is safer to snipe a Devil Fruit user from afar. But Straw Hat is invulnerable to blunt-force attacks, making guns useless, and things tend to become hazardous to one's health when he is engaged at close range. Were I to offer a guess as to their plan, I would suggest they are trying to find some way to engage and kill him at range, without risking his powers."

_Shit. _If that were true, it would also work against the _haki _Luffy had started to develop when he was on Amazon Lily too—if the attack came from far enough away, Luffy probably wouldn't sense it coming. Zoro apparently saw the dilemma too—though he was still glowering at the Alchemist, he was also frowning at the thought of a threat against his captain.

"I can see you understand the situation," the Alchemist said calmly. "So do my employers. As you no doubt know, they have a...vested interest...in Straw Hat Luffy's survival, for various reasons. I've been ordered to infiltrate the research facility and destroy both the object and the research itself, to prevent such a thing from being built."

"And the facility is on this island," Sanji realized. Suddenly the heavy military presence on the island made sense—they were protecting major anti-pirate interests.

"Precisely," the Alchemist said with an approving nod. "When my employers learned your crew was also on the island, they instructed me to invite your members on the mission, since, naturally, you have your own interests in seeing it destroyed. I informed them that you would likely _not _be willing to work with me, but in the interest of time and a lack of other suitable operatives, not much could be done about that." He shrugged. "The offer still stands, should you choose to accept, but it has a very small window of opportunity. I must leave within the hour to take advantage of the codes we've uncovered before they are switched."

"And what's to stop us from taking care of you, and busting up the facility ourselves?" Sanji shot back. "It's not like we've ever needed help wreaking havoc before, and we sure as fuck don't need _you._"

"I assure you," the Alchemist answered cooly, "Should you try to attack the facility outright, you will die. This is an operation that requires a good deal of subtlety in order to achieve success."

"You seem very confident about that," Sanji growled.

The man spread his hands wide. "I will admit my information on your abilities is outdated," he stated cooly, "but I _am _still familiar with the defenses here, and I can make well estimated guesses on your rate of growth in strength since we last met. This facility is enormously important to the navy, second only to Dr. Vegapunk's own personal facilities, and will be _heavily _guarded with both manpower and high ranking technology. If you attack, even with your full crew, you will die. However, I possess the knowledge of the facility and the codes necessary to infiltrate with only limited chances of being discovered. If you desire to be a part of the mission, you will have to deal with me as well."

Sanji grit his teeth. He sure as fuck did _not _want to deal with this abhorrent _bastard_. Every time he looked at the shitty son of a bitch's face he could hear Zoro's wavering, exhausted voice explaining how he'd been starved and tortured to the point of giving away his nakama's weaknesses, and there was _no _forgiveness there. There was absolutely no way they could—

"We'll do it," Zoro said flatly, interrupting his thoughts. "Both of us."

Sanji's head whipped around, and he stared in unabashed shock at his crew mate. Of all people, the last person he expected to take the offer was _Zoro, _the one who had suffered _directly _at the hands of the Alchemist himself. And for a moment he thought he'd imagined it, because Zoro's expression was still one of cold hatred, and he glared at the Alchemist with nothing but contempt.

But Panaceam did not appear surprised in the least, and merely cocked his head as he regarded Zoro. "Of all of them, I thought you might see the most reason," he said, with remarkable calm. "But then, we know each other quite well, don't we? You've made quite a fine recovery, Roronoa Zoro. I'm impressed, since I was quite thorough with you...were my mother still alive, I expect she would inform me I did a terrible job conditioning you. There isn't even a hint of fear left."

Sanji snarled and took a step forward, and this time it was Zoro to stop _him. _Zoro's eyes narrowed dangerously at the Alchemist, but when he spoke it was with measured calm, with smoldering hatred only just barely grating at its edges. "We're not going to get anywhere like this," he told Sanji flatly. "This bastard will go one way or another, whether we're with him or not. We can't kill him here—he doesn't want to fight, so he'll run, and we can't stir up trouble on this island. And there is no way in _hell _I am letting this son of a bitch get his hands on _anything _that can kill Luffy, even if it's research. So I'm going. You can join if you want, curly-brow."

Sanji swore under his breath. It made sense—Zoro was dead set on safeguarding the crew, had been even more since that incident two months ago when the rest of the Straw Hats finally figured out what the Alchemist had done. Even if it meant working with this contemptible bastard, he'd do it, if only to keep everyone else safe. That was just how Zoro worked.

But there was no way in hell Sanji was letting him do it on his own, especially not with _this _guy. Zoro might act like he was okay now, and maybe for the most part he _was, _but with the Alchemist right _here _Sanji knew he was walking a fine line on the edge of a blade and that the wrong push could put him over the edge. What Zoro needed now was backup, and Sanji was definitely going to provide it—Zoro could look after the crew, and Sanji would make sure _he _didn't get himself killed. "Like fuck I'm letting you go on your own, shit swordsman," he scowled. "You're stuck with me. Nami-san would be furious if I let you wander around on this island on your own and you didn't come back."

"Asshole," Zoro shot back, but he smirked in Sanji's direction, and the cook knew Zoro understood as well—and might even have been grateful for it.

The Alchemist regarded their exchange with idle interest, and waited patiently for them to finish before speaking. "Very well," he agreed. "Then the two of you will accompany me for the infiltration. In that case, we are allies, so if you would put your blades away? I have no intention of attacking you."

Zoro narrowed his eyes over the white katana's hilt, but after a moment he grudgingly slipped the weapons into their sheaths—although not without glancing at Sanji, first. It was a mark of how much he trusted Sanji that he was letting a potential attack ride on the cook's reaction time—Sanji couldn't be disarmed, after all, and would have to be the one to stop the Alchemist should it all be a trick.

But Panaceam did not leap to attack them. Instead he strode forward to meet them, keeping his hands crossed unthreateningly across his chest for the moment. This close, Sanji could now see that there was an addition to the Alchemist's otherwise identical outfit from almost two years ago: a thick metal collar, dulled black to keep it from reflecting light, fit snuggly to the neck. It looked tight enough to keep it from moving around, while still giving the man enough room to move and breathe. On the right side of the collar was a small, round reinforced glass pod buried halfway into the thick metal, with what looked like a clear liquid tainted just slightly with red sloshing around in it. "What the hell is that?" he muttered, before he could stop himself.

"Insurance," the Alchemist answered him cooly. "My employers thought, and rightly so, that allowing me out on the field as an operative unsupervised might lead to disastrous results. They are not without their own technological advancements, however, and decided to fit me with this to ensure...good behavior."

Zoro was staring at the glass pod, and said abruptly, "That's fireblood serum."

"You are quite observant, Roronoa Zoro," the man answered. "And also correct. The collar is programmed with my missions and parameters. To step outside of them is..._unpleasant, _shall we say. A simple but effective use of negative punishment." He shrugged. "I believe this will act as added insurance for yourself as well—one of my programmed parameters is that I may not intentionally attack or betray Straw Hat Luffy or his crew."

An almost sadistic, unpleasant-looking grin twisted onto Zoro's face at the revelation, but Sanji couldn't blame him much. He had no pity whatsoever for the Alchemist's ironic karmic retribution, especially since he'd tortured Zoro with the same serum for almost a month to great effect. "Not so fun, is it," Zoro spat, "when you're on the receiving end of that 'potent weapon,' huh?"

The Alchemist seemed unperturbed. "I have always known it was potent," he answered cooly. "I test all of my concoctions upon myself before utilizing them on others, including fireblood when I first created it. It's how I knew it would be so effective as a questioning device." Zoro looked both enraged and disturbed at the uncaring response, and Sanji felt more than a little weirded out himself as he was reminded just how _much _of a nutcase this guy was.

"Now then," the Alchemist continued, withdrawing four vials from his coat, "I have taken the liberty of preparing a few potions designed around your own abilities as I knew them a year ago. In the event that we fall under attack, these will temporarily boost your skills in order to take on the dangers of the military base. Black Leg Sanji, these two are for you—this one will enhance the fire-based powers of your _Diable Jambe _for maximum efficiency, and this one boost your defense, since you were particularly vulnerable to some forms of damage in our battle. Roronoa Zoro, these two are—"

Zoro interrupted him as he started to hand out the vials. He calmly snatched all four of the reinforced crystal containers, and hurled them over the edge of the _Sunny's _deck into the ocean water below.

The Alchemist sighed in what might possibly have been exasperation (it was a bit hard to tell, the man was so emotionless), and said, "I wish you hadn't done that. Chimera blood is amazingly difficult to come by and extremely expensive."

"You'll deal with it, so shut the hell up and stop bitching," Zoro said coldly. "We're not drinking anything you have to offer."

"You are being unreasonable," the Alchemist said. "As I have just finished explaining to you, I am no longer a threat—"

"_Shut the fuck up,_" Zoro snarled, his voice low and deadly, "and _lead the goddamn way _already. You might not be able to attack me, but I have absolutely _no _qualms about killing _you. _And I'm sure you're _just _as aware of the irony as I am when I point out _you don't know a damned thing about Santoryu, _so when I say I can kill you, we both know I can do it without you pulling of a single counter. You never bothered to learn anything about me, and you never fought me at my peak, so piss me off and you'll regret it."

The Alchemist snorted lightly. "You are right, of course," he answered calmly. "It would have been foolish to question a starving man about his fighting style that he wouldn't employ ever again. Unhappily I did not expect that you _would _be using it again."

Zoro growled warningly under his breath, a rumbling, dangerous noise so low it was almost under range of hearing. The Alchemist seemed to pick up on it, however, and checked his watch. "We must move," he said curtly. "If you will follow me, and please do your best to remain unseen, since I doubt either of you will accept stealthing potions?"

He was met with identical glares, and with a shrug calmly headed for the rope ladder on the side of the _Sunny _to lead the way. Sanji exchanged glances with Zoro quickly, and they both seemed to ask each other simultaneously, _You still up for this? _Both of them were, it seemed, and so with a deep, reinforcing breath of determination Sanji strode forward after a rigid and stiff-backed Zoro, making a mental note that this was a shitty day of shitty days.

* * *

><p>Zoro was <em>not <em>thrilled about the situation, and made no secret of the fact. To be perfectly honest, he'd long expected a reunion with the Alchemist one day, whether he hunted the bastard down himself, or the bastard came after _him. _But he hadn't expected it to happen so soon—or under such circumstances.

Because Zoro knew instinctively that absolutely nothing the Alchemist had told them was a lie. He'd been around the bastard enough to know that Panaceam was an almost compulsive truth teller; he saw no need to hide facts or smooth them over with subtlety, preferring to be coldly blunt and to the point. Based on Zoro's own experiences, it served him enormously well with his questioning techniques, but it seemed to extend to everything else about him also. And that meant this threat to Luffy was real, and so was the danger at this facility the Alchemist was taking them to.

And there was something else, too, that grated on Zoro's mind. Panaceam had stated that he could not _willingly _cause violence towards or betray the Straw Hats, but he'd said nothing about protecting them. Not that Zoro wanted the bastard's protection, but on a deeper level it meant that Panaceam could easily step aside and watch them be slaughtered by whatever was located in the facility without triggering his own fireblood serum dose. Zoro didn't like the implications of that, and he didn't trust the Alchemist at all, no matter how helpful the bastard was trying to appear now.

And even worse, Sanji was here too, which didn't sit well with Zoro either. Curly-brow could take care of himself in most situations easily, Zoro would admit. And if he had to deal with the Alchemist with a crew mate he'd have picked Sanji anyway, just because the cook was the next closest to understanding everything that had gone down with the bastard. But the Alchemist was clever, and dangerous, and Sanji still couldn't know the guy one hundred percent, not like Zoro could. The swordsman appreciated what Sanji was trying to do here to back him up, but he didn't like putting the cook in danger like this, either. Especially when it came to the Alchemist; even if Zoro had finally been ordered to forgive himself two months ago, he'd still caused enough damage between this guy and the crew to last him a lifetime.

He'd just have to keep an eye out for the cook then. As far as Zoro was concerned, when it came to the Alchemist, the bastard was _his _responsibility, and looking after the crew fell directly on his shoulders. Panaceam wouldn't get another chance at his crew, no matter what. Zoro would be _dead _certain of that.

The two of them were following the Alchemist through the crowded industrial streets in the civilian section of the island right now. With the alleyways so choked up with people, it would be almost impossible to spot or identify them. Zoro waited for the Alchemist to get a little more of a lead ahead of them, and then fell back next to Sanji. As soon as the cook was within earshot he growled low under his breath, "Don't use anything you learned after Kamabakka."

Sanji frowned, but responded low enough for only Zoro to hear while staring ahead through the crowd. "Think we'll get in a fight?"

"It's guaranteed at least a little," Zoro said with a shrug. "If the place is really as well guarded as he said there'll be guards we have to take out. But don't use anything he doesn't already know from me. He'll catch it, and file it away for later in his head."

"You really think he's still collecting information on us?"

"He caught _Perona _just to drag out information about Moria, even though we'd already beaten him. She didn't even have a bounty. Yeah, he'll _definitely _be on the lookout for updating what he knows about us, so don't give him a fucking chance." Zoro narrowed his eyes. He'd definitely be holding a few _Santoryu _moves in reserve for sure, although he hadn't been joking in the least when he'd made his threats earlier. He still remembered, in the throes of unbelievable, burning pain that scorched him from the inside, the Alchemist cooly disregarding his attempt to report his own sword style. The bastard would regret it now. If he so much as _thought _about harming Sanji, or utilizing that weapon against Luffy, or going after one of the other Straw Hats, he was going to _wish _he was dead.

Zoro wasn't half dead this time, or wounded from Thriller Bark, or starved to a skeletal husk, or locked in his own mind. The Alchemist didn't know what he was dealing with now—he didn't know what he'd unleashed.

Zoro glared at the back of the bastard's head as they pushed through the crowded streets. It took almost an hour to reach the end of the civilian areas, and that was when stealthiness became necessary as they slipped through less crowded alleyways and over the rooftops of the more strictly guarded military sectors. The Alchemist led the way, often scouting ahead with ease, though Zoro suspected he was cheating and supplementing his own lack of experience with some potion that made everything better (he detested the thought). Sanji went next—Zoro grudgingly had to admit the cook was pretty decent at sneaking, and even more grudgingly that Sanji was better than _he _was. Zoro didn't much care for stealthing about; it seemed a bit pointless to go crawling around like a coward, when he could just win his way through with strength and skill.

But again the Alchemist's compulsive truth came to mind, and while Zoro was loath to admit it, the man _was _good at assessing a situation based on skills. If he claimed that Zoro and Sanji couldn't bust their way in, and that stealth was necessary, it was probably true. So Zoro sucked it up and did the best he could, with Sanji rudely slinging whispered insults at him whenever he got a moment, which Zoro understood to actually be encouragement. Sanji appeared to have called a truce for the duration of their dealings with the Alchemist, at least, which gave him one less thing to have to deal with.

But at last, after another forty-five minutes of sneaking about like shadows, they reached a squat, wide building that crouched like a fat toad before them, ugly and unassuming. The building was surrounded by a wide, walled-in parade ground, with marines patrolling the area, but the Alchemist did not seem particularly disturbed at the sight. He led them around the back of the building, and the three of them crouched behind a storage unit, where they proceeded to do absolutely nothing.

"What the hell are we waiting for," Zoro growled finally, glaring across at the Alchemist. He didn't want to spend a second longer than he had to in the bastard's presence, nor did he want to waste time when some Luffy-killing weapon was in the hands of the marines.

"The guard shift," the Alchemist answered curtly. He was staring down intently at his watch. "The outside his heavily fortified and carefully watched, but there is a weakness in the guards' rounds at the moment they shift. Be prepared to jump the wall at my signal."

"There's a couple surveillance den den mushi on the walls," Sanji reported with a frown, peeking around the storage unit.

"Leave those to me," the Alchemist said calmly. "I will go first to deal with them."

They waited another ten minutes in near silence, and by the end the tension was so thick Zoro almost felt like he could reach out and grab it with one hand. Which was not helped any by the fact that Sanji kept glancing at him, like he was worried or something. Zoro supposed he couldn't be entirely surprised by this; Sanji had been the one to see him at his all-out _worst _moments after all, and he was probably expecting some sort of crazy breakdown at exactly the wrong moment. But Zoro was better than that, and he didn't have time to think about himself anyway, not when his captain and crew were at risk. He'd deal later. For now, he just wanted the _damn waiting _to be over with.

But then, with a sharp, "_Now, hurry,_" from the Alchemist, they were moving. Panaceam ducked out from behind the storage unit first and sprayed something into the air as he did so; it rapidly turned into a pink-tinged smoky haze, and the surveillance den dens drooped sleepily, stalk eyes closing. Then the three of them moved for the wall, quickly, to take advantage of the bare minute of opportunity they had. The wall was a good twenty feet in height, but without even having to discuss it Sanji flung Zoro up to the top with a well placed _Power Shot _kick, and Zoro gripped his hand to pull him over all the way when he leapt after. The Alchemist leapt the wall easily, probably utilizing the same cheap trick he had earlier on the _Sunny, _and the three of them were in the parade grounds a moment later. They made a mad dash after the Alchemist as he made a beeline for a door at the back of the compound, keying in an entry code on the pad next to the door. It slid open with a _woosh, _and they ducked inside, hiding in an empty room nearby just in time as the new guards darted down the halls to take their place.

So far, so good. They were in—whatever it would mean for them.

"The guards in this facility always patrol in pairs," the Alchemist briefed them, as they waited for the noise outside the room to stop, "and at least one of them always has a baby den den mushi. In order to infiltrate successfully we must avoid detection. If we _must _fight, and it will be necessary at a few of the checkpoints, it is imperative that both guards are taken out quickly and quietly before they can call for help either aloud or on the den den mushis."

Zoro and Sanji both nodded. That part was easy enough to understand, and they could both grasp the necessity of it.

"Additionally," the Alchemist continued quietly, "There will be several checkpoints ahead in which it will take me several minutes to break the technical barriers. There are many confidential code sequences that must be punched in, and at one juncture I will need to replicate a Devil Fruit ability used for identification here. Since I now have backup, it is _vital _that I am given time to break these codes down successfully, without guard interruption."

"We get it," Zoro said curtly. "You do your work, we'll do ours. Let's get this over with already."

"Patience is a virtue, or so I am told, Roronoa Zoro," the Alchemist said, giving him a cool look. "Certainly it worked with you. Do not rush things."

Zoro bit back a loud snarl just in time when he remembered their surroundings, and growled under his breath, "Keep pushing me, jackass. You won't live much longer."

"I severely doubt that. You now know how crucial I am to this mission, and you will not risk the life of your captain so easily."

"True," Zoro conceded, "but that won't stop me from taking a few fingers. Or maybe an arm, if you _really _make me angry."

"You favor a traditionalist approach, I see," the Alchemist responded without the slightest hesitation. "Effective, if inefficient. I—"

"You're going to shut up and lead the way," Sanji said helpfully, glaring daggers. "We're wasting time."

The Alchemist inclined his head slightly to the cook, as if admitting defeat in the debate. "Come, then. We will begin."

So they did, following the Alchemist down a twisting, turning series of halls as he led them towards their objective. It was a confusing mess of lefts and rights, and all the hallways looked the same: sterile white and cold gray, and soon even Zoro had to admit privately to himself that he was totally lost. Which was not a particularly pleasant feeling, since the Alchemist seemed to know exactly where they were going, and Zoro didn't relish for a _second _having to rely on the damned bastard to get out if he had to. Fortunately, a few quick glances at Sanji told the swordsman that the cook was cataloguing the whole route in his head, making notes of turns and room numbers, and Zoro was confident that if it came to it they'd still be able to get out of the building _without _Panaceam's help.

Not that it was all just running. As Panaceam had warned them, the facility was heavily guarded, and they moved at a staggering pace. Paired guards were located practically everywhere, and had to be taken down very fast before they could sound the alarm. Fortunately, most of them seemed lax in their duties—none of them seemed to expect a covert break-in, apparently thinking their outside surveillance would warn them of an attack. Zoro and Sanji were able to take the guards down easily in their moments of surprise, and stow the unconscious bodies out of sight in closets or empty rooms to make sure they weren't discovered too early.

The Alchemist almost never helped, instead focusing on their next routes, or scouting ahead for more enemies, and the further into the facility they pushed the more Zoro realized that Panaceam didn't intend to engage in combat at all if he could avoid it. _Probably can't fight at all without knowing all his enemies' weaknesses, first, _Zoro thought in disgust. His power-enhancing alchemic potions were admittedly a powerful boon if used correctly, but the man could doubtless only carry so many, and likely couldn't afford to waste anything on trivial grunts if he could avoid it.

Not to say that the Alchemist was useless in their attack—because, much as Zoro loathed to admit it, they definitely wouldn't have gotten this far without the bastard. They had to go up four flights of stairs to reach the top of the facility, where the weapon was being stored, and at every stairwell a keypad with special required codes was located, in order to restrict access up to the next floor. The codes appeared different every time, and were extremely long and complicated; while keeping a watch with Sanji for potential guards he could hear no less than fifteen tapped keys from the pad. And the Alchemist said the codes _rotated _too. The security here was tight.

And that was just the basic codes, for general security, from what Zoro could tell. On the fourth floor itself there were no less than five different levels of increased security, with thick steel doors and increasingly more guards that had to be taken down fast and quietly. Each wing had a different method of securing access, and the Alchemist had chemical ways to circumvent all of them. One door required a fingerprint match, and Panaceam lathered his hands in a thick, oily substance from a vial in his cloak before pressing his hand to the pad, which promptly blinked green and admitted them. A second required him to produce a viscous, almost alive liquid from the depths of a much larger vial, which pressed itself into the cracks of an unusual keypad that human hands could never fit into, but a logia Fruit user's might, if melded. He did other things as well, that Zoro couldn't quite place, but the end result was that at each station the guards were quickly and quietly taken care of and the door was opened, allowing them through without detection.

Until at last, an hour into the break-in, they were nearing their goal. "The next wing of the facility is, according to my employers' information network, dedicated to the development of this weapon to be used against Straw Hat Luffy," the Alchemist told them in a low voice, as he worked on the last technical barrier. "This section of the facility is devoted to several other high-risk pirates as well, so it will take a moment to locate the research and weapon specifically for Straw Hat Luffy. There shouldn't be any guards, but a few scientists or researchers may be present." The pirates nodded quickly, relieved to finally be at the end so they could finish up this stupid mission and get the hell away from this bastard. When the door opened with a hiss they darted through it.

The first room they entered was almost disappointingly anticlimactic. It still had the cold, sterile colors of the rest of the facility, but while it was enormous it possessed little more than hundreds of filing cabinets and several drafting tables, where blueprints and scraps of paper were tacked down. Probably the planning room then, and where they stored all the information they'd researched. Hell, the marines probably had a copy of the _Panaceam Report _somewhere in here, if they were really that devoted to taking down high-risk pirates. Ironic, really.

The bastard himself gave the room one cursory glance before heading to its back, where a second wide steel door stood ajar. The Alchemist gave the open door a puzzled look—clearly it wasn't _supposed _to be open—but made for the room anyway. When he reached the doorway, he froze, and backed away smoothly to put himself out of line of sight. Zoro and Sanji, no fools, braced themselves on either side of the doorway as well with an exchange of frowns. Something wasn't right.

They'd get no answers waiting around, so Zoro took a quick peek into the inner room. _This _was more like what he was expecting. There were rows of machinery with various blinking lights and whirring noises, delicate tools were neatly arranged over dozens of surfaces, and the subtle, crackling hum of electricity could be felt just barely—the room bristled with energy. This was definitely where the weapons, whatever they were, were built—but Zoro's attention wasn't drawn to any strange guns or machinery. His eyes went straight to the three men standing in the room, loading a large wooden box onto a trolley with an air of professional boredom as they chatted to each other.

Zoro pulled his head back before any of the men could catch a glimpse of him, and hissed low enough for Sanji's and Panaceam's ears alone, "Who the hell are _they?_"

"I have no idea," the Alchemist responded immediately.

Zoro had to admit, of all the failings he could blame the Alchemist for, he definitely hadn't seen _this _one coming. The man made it his professional business to know anything and everything about a mission before he dedicated himself to it. Zoro could attest to that firsthand, since he'd _personally _been the means to the man's research before he even considered trying to claim the Straw Hat bounties. The fact that the Alchemist would go into this mission _not _knowing every single major identity in the building had never even crossed his mind.

"How the hell do you _not?_" Zoro hissed in frustration.

"That is simple," the Alchemist said, with obnoxious calm. "They aren't supposed to be here. The guards outside showed no agitation before we attacked, so it is reasonable that the military expects them to be here, but this is certainly not part of the usual schedule in this wing of the facility."

"So you don't know _anything _about these guys," Zoro growled. "Who they are, or what they do." Shit—and if they weren't normally here, it probably meant that they were better than average fighters, too. Zoro could feel that almost instinctively. It would be difficult to take them down without attracting attention; the fight would inevitably cause a ruckus somehow.

"I do not," the Alchemist confirmed. Although he sounded calm, Zoro noticed for the first time that his expression had broken from its usual unemotional coldness to something like _extreme _displeasure. Zoro recalled Sanji's battle with the man almost two years ago—the way Sanji told it, Panaceam had been defeated just as much by his shock over a lack of information as he had been by Sanji's use of his kitchen knives in a fight. The man didn't like his information being wrong, and he didn't like kinks in his intelligence—that much was painfully obvious.

The cook had been listening in on the three unknown mens' conversation, and reported suddenly, "One of them said this was a good transporter gig. Mean anything?"

The Alchemist's head cocked quizzically. "They are transporters? That answers a few questions."

"Explain," Zoro ordered.

"Transporters do exactly what their name suggests: transport things. Often things that are high-risk items, or in great danger of being stolen or destroyed, as they are capable fighters in addition to being movers. It is likely they are transporting one of the weapons developed here to a new facility, or for deployment. It may perhaps even be the weapon designed for Straw Hat Luffy."

Zoro's eyes narrowed. "We're not letting them take it anywhere," he said. "We'll have to ambush them and take them down fast before anyone catches on that we're here. Sanji, you take the guy closest to you on the right, I'll go for the center, and—"

"I would refrain from including me in your combative plans," the Alchemist stated cooly.

Zoro's eyes narrowed. "Why, can't take the heat?" he asked scathingly.

"I can, quite literally, if called to," the Alchemist said with maddening patience. "Your friend can attest to that in particular. However, without knowing the combative abilities of my opponent, I dare not employ alchemical supplements, especially for a quick encounter."

"So you're saying you're useless in a fight if you can't torment the weaknesses out of your opponents, first," Zoro snarled at him, barely keeping his voice low enough. "You only went for my injuries too, when we fought on your island."

"Out of practicality," the Alchemist said, and then sighed in exasperation, as if he were explaining a very simple subject to a particularly dense child. "My combative style allows for a lot of modification, but that flexibility comes at a price. Why do you think I spend so long _researching _my opponents? My alchemical supplements in each individual battle are specifically tailored to those I fight, requiring a great deal of preparation in advance. Without that information, I am effectively fighting blind, and anything I use could theoretically backfire. What if I used an iceblood supplement, and my enemy is a cold-based Devil Fruit user? What if I utilize a strength potion, and my opponent's fighting style circumvents an enemy's power? Make the wrong choice, and it is too late—the potions cannot be mixed without hazardous results. The minute details of alchemy are both a blessing _and _a curse; I dare not attack without studying my opponent first, even if it is in combat, and that requires time we simply do not have."

"You're useless," Zoro snapped at him coldly. "I can't believe you were ever a threat to us."

"I have you to thank for that, of course," the Alchemist riposted easily.

Despite their precarious situation Zoro's last nerve was in danger of snapping, and he was seriously considering leaping across the open doorway to slice the man's head off. Sanji interrupted sharply, giving Zoro a warning look. "Marimo, _calm the fuck down. _Look, I'll take the big guy on the right, he looks like the leader, and you take down the two goons, you're closer. On the count of three, okay?"

"Fine," Zoro said, and drew his swords slowly to keep them from making noise.

"I will ensure the sound does not leave the room, at least," the Alchemist said calmly, reaching into his coat, "but if they call for help on a den den mushi the attempt will be useless."

"Shut the hell up," Zoro growled. "You're not one to talk about useless."

The Alchemist seemed unfazed and withdrew a bottle with smoky contents from his inner coat pockets. Sanji glanced around to make sure they were all ready, and then hissed, "One...two...three..._go!_"

Zoro dashed into the room at the signal towards the first of his two opponents. With a vicious slash he took the throat of the first man, slicing into it cleanly. The man's surprised scream as he was overwhelmed too suddenly turned abruptly into a burbling moan as the blood began to foam at his neck, and he crashed to the ground, no longer a part of the battle.

Zoro ignored him, leapt over the body for the second man. This transporter was more difficult, having been forewarned in the bare few seconds it had taken Zoro to wipe out his companion, and already he'd managed to draw a baby den den mushi out of the voluminous pockets of his sweatshirt. He raised it to speak, but Zoro smacked it out of his hand with an extended sword, dazing the little creature and shattering the receiver on its back. He took a clout to his left shoulder with the transporter's mace for his trouble, and grunted in pain around Kuina's blade, but taking the hit had been worth it; they couldn't allow a call for help to occur.

The transporter seemed to realize how much danger he was in now, and started yelling frantically for help even as he swung out with the mace. He was a decent combatant compared to most people located in the New World, but it wouldn't save him, not when Zoro was determined and his captain's life was potentially on the line. He deflected the mace easily, and one powerful use of his _Oni Giri _set the man screaming as he collapsed to the laboratory's ground, bleeding out. Zoro flicked blood from his blades even as he turned, to see how Sanji was faring with the last of the opponents.

The largest of the men was on the ground, sporting several broken limbs and almost certainly unconscious thanks to Sanji's footwork. He'd clearly been the best of the transporters though, judging by the way Sanji himself was panting heavily, and bleeding from his neck where he'd probably been sliced by a blade at a very close near-miss. The cook glanced up, nodded once to Zoro in acknowledgement when he spotted the other two downed men, and stepped back from his opponent to regard the box they'd been trying to shift with mild curiosity.

The Alchemist entered the room calmly when the transporters were down, and studied the lines of numbers and letters on the side of the wooden crate with interest. Zoro gave him a dirty look for his cowardice, but he did have to (very grudgingly) admit that for all the screaming of their opponents no one had come investigating yet, so whatever he'd done to dull the noise had been effective. He glared anyway. He didn't particularly care about being fair to the bastard.

"We are extremely fortunate," the Alchemist informed them suddenly. "Based on these registration codes, the content of this box _is _in fact the weapon designed to destroy Straw Hat Luffy, along with a copy of the research. I shall have to inform my employers of this. They hadn't the slightest clue this weapon was already so far ahead in development."

"Just a copy," Zoro repeated with a frown.

"Certainly. It would do no good at all to send away the only version of the research and blueprints. Likely there is also a copy of it all in the files we passed in the other room. That way, even if—"

The Alchemist blinked once as he was unexpectedly interrupted by a gagging cough from Sanji. The cook had doubled forward suddenly, leaning heavily against the weapon crate, and had one hand pressed to the cut on his neck and an expression of confusion and pain on his face.

Zoro was almost immediately alarmed. While he wouldn't put it past Sanji to interrupt the Alchemist's long and inevitably dull explanation, he wouldn't do it like _this_—something was wrong. "Shit cook?" he growled hesitantly, taking a step forward. "What the hell are you—"

"Breath," Sanji gasped, and the hand over his neck injury was so tight now Zoro was almost afraid he was going to start ripping skin off in a minute. "Can't...air...n-not—"

He started to collapse forward. Zoro caught him quickly by the shoulders before he could hit the hard tiles of the laboratory face first, and lowered him more carefully to the ground on his side, feeling increasingly more worried. Sanji started to curl up into a tight ball almost as soon as he was on the floor, fingers twitching spasmodically as they clamped still tighter over his neck, turning the skin white. Zoro gripped his wrist and pried it back—it was surprisingly difficult to do, even with his own high levels of strength, since Sanji's muscles appeared to be seizing up—and frowned down at the single injury Sanji appeared to have taken. It wasn't a cut, like Zoro had expected when he'd seen the blood earlier. Instead the wound was a ragged, round hole, like something sharp and precise had hastily stabbed him. A throwing needle, maybe, or—

"A syringe," the Alchemist's voice said from behind him, voicing Zoro's thoughts almost at the same moment he came to the conclusion. Zoro's head whipped around immediately, but the man was several paces away, standing near Sanji's opponent. A small glass syringe, still with the dregs of some bluish liquid inside, dangled from the bastard's fingers as he held it up for display.

Zoro saw red, and stood in a rush, hand already on one of his katana. "_You _did this," he snarled, taking a step towards the bastard. He should have _known _better than to even remotely believe him—

"I did not, actually," the Alchemist said. His voice was calm, but he spoke quickly as Zoro stalked towards him. "I assure you, I would use something far more practical—if I were even allowed to attack you or your friend to begin with." He tapped the collar at his neck delicately, and then flipped back the main transporter's coat and dragged up one of his sleeves, exposing several more filled syringes strapped to the inner coat pockets and wrist-sheathes. "It seems," the Alchemist continued, now pulling a card free from one of the inner pockets and reading it, "That this wasn't just any transporting agency—this man seems to work directly for Dr. Vegapunk's research facility, which is likely where he gets such _interesting _medicinal weaponry." He plucked a loaded syringe free and studied the liquid inside with idle curiosity.

"This isn't _interesting,_" Zoro snarled at him, and glanced back worriedly at the cook, who was now curled up even tighter and struggling for breath. "What the hell is wrong with him?"

"He's been poisoned, undoubtedly," the Alchemist said with a shrug. "Probably with a drug that will preserve the bodies after death for study. You are of course familiar with the Pacifista Cyborg project, but Vegapunk's research facilities are always looking for new subjects to study for additional permanent reinforced strengths or abilities." He waved his hand absently, as if shooing away the notion. "A bit of a tasteless branch of science, if you ask me. Dead bodies don't speak of nearly so many discoveries as live ones."

Zoro cursed at him uselessly, and paced back to Sanji, who was getting worse by the minute. _Shit. _Poisoned, just to be some goddamned cadaver for a psychopath doctor who rewired humans as robots in his spare time. He shouldn't have let Sanji come with him, should have knocked the stupid shit cook out on the _Sunny _like he had at Thriller Bark and left him in his galley for the others to take care of later. He'd have been alone with the Alchemist through all this, but it would have been worth it; nothing was worth a friend _dying. _And it had been Zoro's fault _again_, it always was when this bastard came into the picture—

"I believe I can save him, if you like," the Alchemist offered abruptly, with the air of one commenting on the weather. "I recognize his current symptoms, and he still has a few minutes left."

Zoro's head whipped around in surprise, and he glared at the Alchemist in confusion. "Save him? You know Vegapunk's drugs that well?"

The Alchemist continued to study the loaded syringe he'd pilfered idly, saying, "I am an _alchemist, _Roronoa Zoro. Drugs, potions, and poisons are my forte. And in the interest of professional rivalry, I've long since developed an antidote for those serums, for my own personal safety. I never attempt a major mission regarding the navy without having them on hand, just in case." His eyes slid to Zoro's, and he said with irritating casualness, "But of course, I can only do so if you rescind your ban on accepting any concoctions from me. Science is not magic, after all—I cannot snap my fingers and make him better."

Zoro narrowed his eyes hatefully at the unforgivable bastard. Every fiber of his being _screamed _not to let the man near Sanji; Zoro knew what he was capable of with chemicals, had suffered to the point of breaking because of Panaceam's own serums. But he was out of options. Zoro could treat the _injury_ from experience, but he had no skill with poisons, and he knew instinctively there wasn't enough time to get Sanji out of the building and to find Chopper. It went against his every grain, but if Zoro wanted Sanji to live, he was going to have to let the Alchemist administer his own countermeasures.

It was not ever an option to let nakama die. Not even the shit cook, obnoxious and irritating as he could be. Gritting his teeth, Zoro growled low under his breath, "Fine. You can treat him."

The Alchemist nodded, and tossed the loaded syringe aside carelessly as he stood. Zoro almost wished the bastard would display some sort of smug superiority at having won out, in the end; at least it would be _natural. _But the man looked as emotionless as ever as he approached, already reaching into his own coat pocket for supplies.

Something about that was frighteningly familiar, and Zoro absolutely wasn't going to stand for it. Before the Alchemist could so much as blink, the swordsman had drawn Kuina's katana and slashed out, halting the blade just barely with its tip pressed lightly against the Alchemist's skin, above the collar. The man halted immediately, and regarded Zoro with watchful calm, waiting.

"I do not have much time to treat him," Panaceam said finally. "If you wish for your friend to live..." He let it hang.

"Don't misunderstand," Zoro said coldly. "I'll let you treat him, because we both know I don't have another option. But if I catch you so much as _thinking _about pulling _any _sort of trick, using _anything _that isn't this antidote..." His voice trailed off in a low growl, and the threat hung heavy in the air between them, a wisp of just barely realized potential for violence.

"I understand, Roronoa," the Alchemist responded cooly. "I am not the only one here who excels at causing pain, after all."

Zoro gestured for him to get on with it, twisting the katana blade just barely, enough to keep the Alchemist at deadly sword-point while still allowing him to approach Sanji. Panaceam did so with maddening calm, coming to kneel beside the cook, who was curled up so tightly it looked painful and struggling to take in shallow-sounding breaths, his wide eyes unseeing.

"The later stages, so quickly," the Alchemist mused absently under his breath. "Your friend is unusually weak to the drug. How interesting. Yes, I understand, Roronoa Zoro," he added, as the swordsman dug _Wadou's _point a little more insistently into his neck, and the bastard reached deep into the recesses of his longcoat, pulling a square case free.

Zoro shifted position enough to keep an eye on the proceedings while still having his katana blade against the Alchemist's throat. He watched with narrow, suspicious eyes as the man cracked the square case open, revealing three small syringes of his own, and three small vials filled with different colored liquids. With fluid, practiced ease the man filled all three syringes to capacity from different vials, tapped the first one carefully to free it of bubbles, and brought it close to the rasping cook's neck.

Then he paused, glanced up at Zoro, and said with disgusting casualness to his tone, "I expect you will not enjoy this next part. The cure is not exactly..._pleasant._"

"Things won't be pleasant for you either if you waste time and he dies," Zoro snarled back. The Alchemist merely shrugged in response, slid the first needle into the cook's neck, and depressed the plunger.

Almost as soon as he'd withdrawn the first needle Sanji seemed to recover some of his movements again, although it was uncoordinated spasms more than his usual grace and fluidity. He thrashed in pain as the ironlike grip of the poisonous drug started to recede, and a yell escaped him, sounding parched and ragged, like his throat was dry and sandpapery. Zoro grit his teeth in helpless frustration. His initial instinct was to remove the Alchemist's head from his shoulders for causing a crew mate pain like that, especially when he felt partially guilty for letting it happen to begin with. But he held the katana steady, if only barely. The fact that Sanji could move at all right now was an indication that the Alchemist was doing _something _positive, and anyway if he interrupted now there was still a good chance that Sanji would still die.

His willpower almost snapped a moment later, though. Sanji's spastic thrashing was increasing, as were the pained yells, but the Alchemist was coldly uncaring about any of it. Instead he tapped the second syringe to prepare it. Then, with disgusting calm and not a shred of mercy, he buried his fingers in the cook's hair, forced his head back to the tiles with a painful looking wrench and another agonized yell from the cook, and stabbed the second needle home in the Sanji's neck.

It was painfully, _violently _familiar to Zoro. Despite himself for one black moment he was back in that cell, feeling every pang of hurt as cold, cruelly efficient hands wrenched his head back to drink, forced pain-inducing drugs into his body; felt once again the experience of the black void in his stomach, the air smothered from his lungs to force compliance, the sensation of his entire body and mind being on fire from the inside out, burning him away. A moment, and it was over, but it felt like years. He swayed slightly on his feet, but the katana remained as steady as ever, a forceful, reassuring presence in his hand—

"Roronoa," the Alchemist said flatly, "I need my head firmly attached to my body in order to complete the procedure."

Zoro blinked, but with sheer force of will managed to keep the surprise from showing on his face. _Wadou Ichimonji _was pressed dangerously far into the Alchemist's neck, and blood was already beginning to drip in rivulets over the collar he wore. A fraction more of pressure, and his throat would split open. It would be so easy, and after that violent memory, at this man's hands no less, Zoro was so tempted to do it—

But a glance at Sanji told him the consequences were still too high. The cook wasn't thrashing anymore; whatever had been in that second syringe looked like it made his whole body heavy, and Sanji drooped unmoving like gravity was dragging him down with unrelenting force. Only his breathing, shallow and still pained sounding, indicated that he wasn't dead—or okay.

Zoro could change everything in just one moment, solve his problems, kill his last demon, and yet it wasn't worth it. And unexpectedly the swordsman came to realize, with that man that had tormented him quite literally for two months, and in spirit for more than a year, helpless at his sword-point and still not caring, that _none of it fucking mattered anymore. _This man was a waste of space, not worth his time, his effort, or even his anger, and any single _one _of his crew was infinitely more important than this bastard.

The thought was unexpectedly calming, like a weight he hadn't even been aware of had just vanished, and as he pulled back on the katana he said cooly, "Finish."

"Of course," the Alchemist said, and promptly did so, plunging the last needle deep into Sanji's neck.

The heavy rigidity seemed to melt out of the cook not too long after the final needle was removed, and a soft, relieved sigh escaped his lips a moment later. Zoro stood vigil over him, remained watchful but no longer aggressive as the Alchemist calmly packed up the vials and syringes in his square case once more. He motioned that he intended to back away, and Zoro let him for now, sheathing his sword again.

Then Sanji stirred, and Zoro glanced down at him, appraising. "You okay?" he asked after a moment, as the cook wearily lifted his head and glanced around blearily.

"Definitely been better," Sanji said slowly. He winced, and asked, "What the hell happened? One minute I was fine and then—"

"You got yourself poisoned, shit cook," Zoro said with a scowl. "How the hell did you manage to get yourself injected with a loaded syringe, dumbass?"

"It's not like I wanted to!" Sanji snarled back, and then blinked. "Wait, that was a _needle?_ He tried to pull out a den den mushi, so I had to close range fast to stop him. I figured he just cut me in the neck." He sat up dazedly.

Zoro shook his head in exasperation. "If I knew you needed this much babysitting, curly-brow, _I'd _have taken on the guy instead of you. Tch."

"Shitty marimo. As if you could have taken him down at all." The cook winced, felt his neck injuries, and frowned at his hand when four spots of blood came away. "Wait," he said slowly, "If I was poisoned, and now I'm not—"

"It's taken care of," Zoro said curtly. "Promise." Which also doubled for _Yeah, you guessed right, but I made sure he didn't try anything nasty, _and judging by Sanji's grateful look in response Zoro knew he'd picked up on it. "You gonna be okay?"

"Need to rest a bit, I think," Sanji said, "But I'm pretty sure I'll be fine by the time we leave."

He did look a little shaky still, and it probably explained why he hadn't tried to stand yet. Zoro helpfully dragged him over to the doorway to lean back against for now, and said, "That's good, love-cook, 'cause there's no way I'm carrying your sorry ass through this whole place."

"Thank fuck," Sanji shot back. "We'd never be seen again if you were directing us anyway."

Zoro was about to make a brilliant comeback, but a cracking noise behind him caused him to fall flat. Glancing over his shoulder, he was unsurprised to see the Alchemist beginning to break open the wooden box with the weapon to use against Luffy to take a peek.

Zoro shook his head, and said instead to Sanji, "Can I borrow your lighter for a minute?"

Sanji tossed him the item without question, and Zoro turned back to the box and the Alchemist, drawing all three swords. He flung out a full caliber of _pound cannon, _and the Alchemist leapt aside just in time upon sensing it. Pity, really, but he hadn't been the target; with a crash the box containing the weapon collapsed into three sliced pieces, the wood of the crate just barely revealing something metal and gleaming beneath.

The Alchemist gave him a cold look. "You will make it more difficult to confirm the notes in the package—" he began, but Zoro ignored him, and sliced into the crated mess again with another round of _pound cannon, _and again after that, and again after that. The pile of pieces rapidly began resembling a collection of scrap metal and splinters more than any sort of machine, and when Zoro was sure he'd done all he could with his swords he set fire to the pile, completely obliterating any trace of whatever it was that had been made to kill his captain.

The Alchemist actually _winced _when the remains were set alight, and gave the same tired sigh he'd emitted when Zoro had thrown his concoctions overboard on the _Sunny _earlier. "That was very risky," he said after a moment, sounding displeased. "For all we know there could have been explosive material somewhere in the device. We could all have died—"

"There wasn't," Zoro said curtly, "And we didn't." He sheathed two of his swords, and then very pointedly pressed _Wadou's _blade to the man's throat again, adding in what was very clearly a command and not a request, "Go over near Sanji and sit."

The Alchemist glanced down at the sword blade, and then up at Zoro. "This is a puzzling development," he said cooly. "What are you planning, I wonder?"

"I'm going to finish up the mission," Zoro responded, "And I don't need your help. _Sit,_" he added, pressing the blade deeply enough to add another thin slice in the man's skin. The Alchemist gave him an appraising look, but he'd stated before quite simply that all he really cared about was his life, and so he obeyed, sitting across from Sanji in the doorway.

"Cook," Zoro said next, as he stood next to Sanji and held the katana steady at Panaceam's neck. "I know you can't stand yet, but think you can handle a little guard duty?"

"Sure," Sanji said, with an air of boredom.

"Good," Zoro said, and handed him _Shuusui, _sheath and all. "I'm keeping your lighter a bit more, so you can have this for a bit. If he tries anything suspicious, feel free to gut him."

The Alchemist blinked once as he watched Sanji unsheathe the black-bladed sword across from him, and didn't flinch when Sanji laid the blade against his neck, opposite Zoro's. He did, however, observe coldly, "It seems your policy has changed since that moment we met, Black Leg Sanji."

"Not really," Sanji said, with a rather nasty smile. "I'm just always willing to make an exception when we're dealing with _you._" His grip on the sword hilt wasn't perfect, but with the blade at the Alchemist's neck it didn't have to be—if the man was anything other than perfectly still, he'd slit his own throat.

The Alchemist returned the gaze, but did not appear to be particularly pleased again. He also wasn't going anywhere, so while Sanji kept the bastard at bay, Zoro went back to work, cleaning up the remains of the mess that had brought them there to begin with.

His first stop was the filing cabinets in the outer room. He located the Straw Hat entries with relative ease—like he'd suspected, the _Panaceam Report _had a copy tucked away in the files, and there was additional information on the entire crew that hadn't come from the Alchemist's interrogations. They had an entire cabinet to themselves, and Luffy had an entire drawer devoted entirely to him. Zoro burned them all with Sanji's lighter, kicking the ashes apart once finished. He scoured the rest of the filing cabinets next with Luffy's project codes, found two other locations in which Straw Hat notes had been hidden in the back of other files, and burned those as well. Finally, he headed back into the building laboratory and destroyed every single tool, blueprint, and piece of metal with Luffy's project sequence written or etched onto it, and burned them as well for good measure.

Satisfied that no trace of the mysterious Luffy-killing weapon existed anymore, he headed back to Sanji and his prisoner and calmly tossed the cook back his lighter. Sanji looked much better by then, enough to hold _Shuusui _with one hand, and casually caught it and tucked it away in his coat pocket.

"Got it all?" he asked casually, deliberately ignoring the man he had at sword point, who still looked distinctly displeased about the information being destroyed without him getting a chance to look at it.

"Positive," Zoro said, taking _Shuusui _back. "Let's get out of here."

So they did, backtracking the way they came, and this time it was Sanji, not the Alchemist, who led. Indeed, the two Straw Hats were ignoring him now more than anything else—Sanji mostly at Zoro's lead, but the swordsman would admit that the cook at least knew how to take a hint, when it counted. The Alchemist followed them, but mostly it was only because there was one way out, and not because he considered himself a part of the group. Zoro and Sanji took care of the guards they encountered, and codes weren't necessary to leave. Only once did the Alchemist speak up, when they were at the exit to the building, to caution them to wait until the appropriate moment in the guard shift once more.

And then at last, after one more mad dash across the parade grounds and another leap over the twenty-foot perimeter wall, they were out. The three of them crouched behind the same storage unit as before, for a quick rest after everything they'd been through, and then the Alchemist spoke up curtly.

"Your assistance in this mission was most appreciated," he stated, sounding almost formal. "I will, of course, report to my employers that the mission was successful, and that you accepted the invitation. Since there is no further reason to stay, I will be on my way."

"Whatever," Zoro said. Sanji only nodded in agreement.

The Alchemist turned to leave, and then paused for a moment. "Roronoa Zoro," he said, after the tiniest hesitation, "I will be quite frank. Might I ask you one more question?"

Sanji tensed beside him, and growled angrily, "Stupid shitty bastard, you don't have the right—"

"Go ahead," Zoro said flatly, meeting the Alchemist eye to eye. He knew what the question would be, anyway. The Alchemist was right—they _did _know each other, a little too well. "I have the freedom not to answer if I don't want to."

The Alchemist nodded, accepting the subtle accusation for what it was, and said, "After I cured your friend, you had me at sword point again, and yet you did not kill me, even though at that moment my usefulness was at its end. Yet several times previously during the mission your friend had to convince you not to attack me. What stayed your hand?"

Exactly what he'd expected, and he had the answer ready. "I just realized you're lower than garbage, that's all," he answered flatly. "You're not worth it. You're not worth _anything _from me. It's just sad it took me almost two years to see it."

The Alchemist cocked his head quizzically, and for a very long moment he seemed to be studying Zoro again, like he had all those months ago. Even an hour ago Zoro would have killed him for it. Now he just didn't care anymore—the man was a soulless, empty wreck of a human, a black hole that ate away at any emotions hurled at him without any payoff. It didn't matter anymore. _He _didn't matter anymore, and never would again.

"You are a very interesting man," Panaceam said finally, after a moment. "My mother would be highly disappointed by you, I think, but I find it oddly educational to see such a miraculous turn in a human being. Goodbye."

"Don't come back again," Zoro said coldly in response. "I might not care, but I can't say the same for the rest of my crew...and I've got a captain who'd love to kill you."

"I shall not bother you with my presence again," the Alchemist answered smoothly. "I think my employers will agree." And then he was gone, vanished into the shadows of the buildings like a ghost.

Zoro and Sanji left without hesitation as well, wanting to get some distance from the research facility. It was only when they were back in the thick crowds of the civilian section of town that they bothered to speak to each other.

It was Sanji to break the silence. Zoro half expected the cook to ask about his decision to let the Alchemist go free, or to berate him about the exchanges in the facility itself, or even—gods forbid—to force him to _talk about it, _which Zoro recalled was all too frequent in his early days of recovery from that bastard. But all Sanji said was, "Hold up, marimo, I've got to detour to buy some supplies for dinner, I forgot the sea king yesterday. And don't wander off, shithead, or Nami-san will be _very _angry," and that was all it took to know that Sanji understood his decision completely and wouldn't argue it.

So he supposed that having curly-brow along wasn't as bad as he'd thought, after all.

Later that night, after the witch had reamed them out royally for abandoning the ship for several hours, and Chopper had frantically attended to Zoro's injured shoulder and Sanji's puncture wounds, the crew inquired curiously as to just what the hell happened. Zoro and Sanji exchanged glances, and came to the same silent agreement: there was no need to worry anyone, not when no one had been hurt in the process.

"Not much," Sanji said casually, lighting a cigarette.

"There was a bounty hunter," Zoro just barely elaborated, truthfully enough.

"But we took care of it," Sanji finished.

"You'd better not have attracted attention out there," Nami warned sharply. "We don't need the navy catching wind of us right now!"

"Please, woman," Zoro growled, "You think we're stupid enough to attract attention here?"

Sanji kicked him in the head, and said with a trill to Nami, "What this _ignorant lout _means to say is that we were very careful, Nami-swan! No one will ever know what we did!"

Which was definitely the truth, Zoro realized thoughtfully—not that any of them would ever know it. But it was okay. Unlike the incident two months previous, there was no shame behind this secret, and everyone was fine, and that was enough for Zoro.

* * *

><p>Okay, I think I can safely say I can put this AU to rest now, with the last loose end tied up.<p>

And that's a wrap! Thirty Zoro-centric fics for your reading pleasure :) Don't believe the site...the actual word count overall is more like 130,108.

**Tell me which piece you liked best!**

~VelkynKarma


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